Topic : Black Sheep of the Family?

Hi, I am 26 years old. I am the youngest of 3 kids (30, 27, and 26). I have always been told I am the black sheep of the family.  My mom died when I was 13 (94) of cancer. She was 42.  My dad & I have never had a realationship & never will.  All my life I have been told by my family, my dad especially that I was adopted (I'm not).  I've also been called the mistake by my whole family. When my mom died, my dad came home from work, saw me with a knife to my throat and started to laugh.  I've also been verbally and emotionally abused by my dad.  I was sexually harassed at work by a female employee and when I told my dad, he laughed.  It makes me sick because my brother has always been the favorite child of my grandparents, and my sister has always been my dads favorite kid.  My brothers the 30, & my sister 27.   My dad also makes fun of me because I have a learning disability.   At both my brother and sisters weddings, when they did the father-daughter dance, it was only my dad & sister.  When I get married, I don't want my dad or stepmom there.  I almost  died in 2005 and they (my dad & stepmom) never came to see me in the hospital. 

My heart goes out to you. I know how you feel. I am also the black sheep in my family. I am 36 and the oldest of 4 kids. I also grew up with a learning problem. I had severe ADHD most of my young life. My parents never came to my wedding but they did go to my sister and brothers weddings. I know how bad it hurts to feel like you just don't fit in or belong in your own family.

 

But you need to remember this...None of this your fault! You did not do anything wrong in life. They obviously have some serious issues they need counsiling for.

 

Do you have a girlfriend at the moment? Do you have true friends that you can count on? Sorry if I seem pushy but I want to hear in more detail what your life is like outside your family. 

 

I remember how bad I felt and if I can give you any advice that will help you I will certainly try...YOU ARE NOT ALONE OUT THERE...I have been where you are right now.  I hope to hear from you soon.

Hi, Thanks for your reply to my post.  I do have a boyfriend right now. We've been friends for close to 3 years and have been dating for a few months now.   He's been there for me, and I really appreciate that. He lost his parents when he was youger to, so he knows what I am going through. I do have alot of friends that are like family to me as well. 

I am 25 and the black sheep.I was raised by my step dad and his family always treated me aweful.  I walked in my Dads bedroom last September and found him dead of drug intoxication.  Now his family (the only family I have known) has shut me out . My Dad and I were really close!  His birthday is Thursday and I am afraid to even go to the grave yard for fear off seeing his mom there .  I am really hurt!  My Dad never treated me like the black sheep but my mom and I have never been close. I am lucky enough to have a very loving husband but thats about all I do have. I just filll like that I cain't do anything right for his family. Even though I wasn't his blood child he never treated me any different than my brother and sister. Now his family wants to bring up how I wasn't really his child. He raised me for 24 years how could they treat me this way?

I will try to keep you in focus and this as short as I can but its hard when you have lived over 40 years of it.

My sister and I were the second set of kids from different dads. The others a half sister (deceased) and brother.

As a child my mother pushed me away and drew close to my sister, but then my dad pulled me close and pushed my sister away. I never understood this until alot of other stuff happened in our family and I walked around like a roraring lion confronting everyone for everything they had done to hurt me or my kids (20yrs ago). It was then I got my answer...basically my mom was jealous of me (yes she said so) because dad always took me with him (even as a baby) and she had to work. So the dynamics of the family was set...unfortunately for life. Today even as a 46 yr old I am still excluded for the most part EXCEPT when someone is in trouble and dont know how to get out of it. Yes I try to help them and for it get slapped with more heart ache.

Yes they say I still talk about things from long ago but you see I wouldnt be if they wouldnt keep doing them today. Unfortunately now it has also effected  my kids and my grandkids.

This has torn our entire family apart for years and continues to do so today. Its like playing chess to try not to let them get close enough to hurt you more. 

 

I dont think the family will ever find a state of healing and closure. I just take each day as it comes and try not to let the things they do spin me into depression again. I can not control what they do but I can control what I do or do not do. Not answering the phone earlier tonight was one of them. I refuse to continue to allow the abuse that my parents started so long ago.

I know how much it hurts to be excluded or fear you will be. Just do whats in your heart on that day. As for family, you can always find new brothers and sisters out there. There are lots of us!

Just make your own family one that will love and support you right or wrong. No matter what you do be proud of yourself. You have a lot going for you with your supportive husband.

 

I am very sorry for your loss as well. I cant imagine the loss as I have had my dad my whole life. I am 46.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story and reply .  Just that makes me feel  a little better .

Thank you for your reply.  You are right I am very lucky to have my husband !

Hello!

 I was always convinced I was the black sheep. At family gatherings I was always the quit one, the loner. Recently I found out they all thought I was the smart one, the confident one. I grew up in a family with a very tight financial situation, I never went on holidays with my parents, I never got expensive birthday presents like the other kids around me.

 But, I am happy about that. I now know a lot of people who are so restless. They don't see the beauty of life, people. I love to look at the sky at night, I make my own music whenever I can. I used to have fun just looking at trees, they are so beautiful. I don't need a whole forest in the back of my garden.

 I now think I am the White sheep of the family. I would rather enjoy the little things in life than worrying about being something I will never be.

I hope I am making sense, I am Dutch and I have not written English for a while now...

          I am the black sheep of my family.  I go my own way and do what I want do.  I love my family very much ,but they don't to deal with the truth.  The truth is ,I was sexual abuse by my father ,and I come front my family.  They don't want to talk about it ,because they don't talk about it to me.  My family, really doesn't to me ,because they don't want to deal with me.

          That's alright with me ,because I write about the abuse in my poetry.  I have loving husband as well ,and so I go on with my life.