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Topic : Black Sheep of the Family?

Number of Replies: 213
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Sunday, September 17, 2006, 11:44:09 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Are you the outcast in your family, the one NO one wants to talk about or even acknowledge? What makes you different or unique, and how does it affect others in your family? Share your story here.

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March 8, 2007, 2:11 pm CST

same here

Quote From: ekanze

          I am the black sheep of my family.  I go my own way and do what I want do.  I love my family very much ,but they don't to deal with the truth.  The truth is ,I was sexual abuse by my father ,and I come front my family.  They don't want to talk about it ,because they don't talk about it to me.  My family, really doesn't to me ,because they don't want to deal with me.

          That's alright with me ,because I write about the abuse in my poetry.  I have loving husband as well ,and so I go on with my life.

I have the same situation like you. I was abused as a child, and my family has never talked about it. The thing is to get past the hurt this needs to be talked about. I have gone to counceling, and that has made a big change in my life. I do not feel talking with my family will make it better or make us closer. I do not talk with our parents much, but I do with my siblings some. The same thing happened with them to so we have a unwritten understanding about things. We do not talk, but we all have grown past this, and have lead strong healthy lifes as adults.  Maybe your needing counceling to understand things in your life more, and to bring a more happier living to your own family. I recommend it fo anyone.
 
March 15, 2007, 11:23 am CDT

16 and my family already dislikes me.

OK so i have depression and anxiety. I take meds for both.  Because of my so called "illnesses" I couldn't go to school for the longest time. I also had agoraphobia. (fear of leaving home) I missed half of 8th grade, most of freshman and sophomore year. I finally deiced to get my G.E.D. I try ed to go to a community college but it didn't go to great. And i feel like the black sheep of my mothers side of the family. All of my cousins seem perfect, they have no problems, if they do they don't talk about them and it doesn't effect them. We asked them for help with me. (since there kids turned out just so great) Remind you that my consoler i was seeing at the time told me and my parents that if i didn't get out of the house my depression and anxiety would get way worse. So we asked my god parents (my aunt and uncle that parent my cousins) And they practically told my parents that they don't want to deal with me. At all. It hurts so much knowing that your family wont help you through ruff times, i mean isn't that what family is for?? It seems like my uncle hates me now and i don't talk to any of them. I miss them honestly but i don't at the same time. Just because my family isn't perfect why do they have to treat us like this??
 
March 16, 2007, 9:09 am CDT

Experience life on your own terms

Quote From: beecharm3r7

I'm the youngest of three children. 27, 26, and 25.  My sister is 1 yr older than me and growing up we were really close.  My brother and I fought constantly. He always picked on me. I hated him when we were kids but now we're on good terms.

 

I am pretty close to my mom but she treats me different than my siblings. when we all lived away from home, my mom would clean the house when my brother or sister visited, but never when i did (and it'd be just as often).  I brushed it aside but part of me felt like this was a way mom saying it didn't matter that i was visiting.  And in a weird way, my mom tries to be cool for my sister, and now, my brother's fiance. if we see a movie together or i happen to see a tv show we both like, we'll talk about it comfortably. But when my sister or my brother's fiance mention it, she trashes the show or movie calling it stupid. I can never quite figure out why she does this...but it's an obvious sign that she seems to care more about what they think of her...not sure if that's good or bad.

 

I have always, since before I could remember, felt like a blacksheep of the family.  My brother and sister were always athletic, and I wasn't so much.  I used to swim until my chronic ear infections just got to the point i needed surgery...then i stopped because my ears were even more sensitive after that. I got into tennis but since I was the only one in the family to like it, my parents didn't see the point in paying for the lessons since it was expensive...i tried other things but they didn't last. I just didn't LOVE sports.  I know this was probably where my dad and I started to disconnect...if we ever had been close to start with. He always helped my brother with his baseball and my sister with her soccer.   My interests were on the more artistic side. I was put into a class once, during the weekend but after that, nothing happened.  I asked my dad once to teach me Kung Fu since he taught it but he said no...don't know why.

 

I always remember being dragged to baseball and soccer games, where both parents would show up.  I was on the basketball team in gr. 5 and only remember 2 games my dad showed up, and about 5 or 6 where my mom did. In gr. 8 i was on the baseball team (I always did want to learn but no one wanted to teach me, including my dad).  One of the big games was a double-header (two games back to back) and i came right out and asked my parents to come.  They were working but mom made it to the last game but missed me playing, and dad didn't come at all. Said he forgot.  Our team got to the semi-finals and we played in the city's stadium. It was really important to me but neither parent showed up.  I was the second last batter, and i got two people on my team to land on home plate. The next batter came up and we won the game, and got medals and everything. I was crushed my parents weren't there.

 

I thought i got over all of this, but the past few years I've seen more and more of my parents favouring my brother and sister and it just brings back memories.  In high school, then again a couple years ago, my sister became seriously ill (she's healthy now).  For most of the year when i was 15, it was me and my brother home alone, taking care of ourselves while my parents were at the hospital with her. I didn't feel jealous about that but i had a lot of friends helping me through it.  but every time after all of that, my sister could do no wrong...which i suppose is understandable for a little while...i just didn't think it'd last the rest of her life.

 

Two years ago when my sis got sick, I was just out of college and dealing with a lot of problems finding work.  I had a degree, and some experience but no one wanted to hire me. I was living with some room mates, away from home, and now that I look back on it I think I was depressed (only after I found out she was sick...which was 4 days b/4 xmas).  My dad started getting on my case, getting mad and acting like i purposely wasn't looking for work...he didn't let up and didn't understand that it was like kicking me while i was down.  So I eventually got a job but it wasn't great pay...still i saved every penny.  3 days after I was on the job, my dad started grilling me about finding a 'better' job.  Apparently it didn't matter that my pay was only 2 dollars less than what my brother was making. My dad was 'proud' of him.

 

I worked at that job for several months, then it went bust. the whole company when out of business without any notice...again, right before xmas of last year.  I was living at home at the time, preparing to move into an apartment (setting money aside and all that) when I lost my job.  I came home and told my dad what happened. The first thing he says is "I knew that would happen."  I was sooo angry after that. I mentioned it at one point to my mom and she lectured my dad. He apologized but I knew him better than that. He was only doing it because my mom was  bugging him...because I was obviously upset when i talked to him.  Ever since, I get the feeling my dad has resented me.

 

I've worked odd jobs to make some money, I don't pay rent but I clean around the house all the time, shovel when it snows, etc. If I go out, I do something that doesn't require money, like hanging out at a friend's...i STILL have money from working last year while I search for a more permanent job. My dad's always on my case about a job and all of that...he's told me he's 'disappointed' in me and so on.

 

My dad's a good guy but he's very critical. None of me, my brother, or my sister want to disappoint him but he's an overachiever and he constantly says things like "I did this, and this, and this, and i still managed to work 9 hours a day."

 

There are many other ways I'm the blacksheep. Firstly, I hit puberty at age 11 and the first thing it did was make my weight fluctuate like crazy even if i didn't eat any junk food.  during one of the 'heavy' times my dad actually told me no one would like me unless i lost weight.  I was crying and everything...he never apologized.  When my sis got sick the first time, even though I was so out of it i skipped meals occasionally, the stress caused me to gain weight...once she got better my weight stayed but i never gained anymore weight. First year of university, i lost some weight, then when my sis got sick again, i gained a LOT more. I spent a lot of the tiem in the hospital with her, where the only food served was pizza (gee can you guess why I gained weight?).   After that, my dad constantly talks of me being 'healthy' and eating properly.   I do eat healthy...all the time but since I'm not jogging six miles a day, if i lose weight, its only a pound here or there and he can't see that.

 

Growing up, I've always had good grades, B's or A's. I hit high school and I kept that relatively the same (with the exception of math and French classes). Get to university and my grades were about C+ average straight through...even though I tried my best, pulled back to back all nighters, etc.  It never seemed to be enough for my dad. Sometimes he'd talk about taking courses over again.

 

My brother and sister were generally C's-B's for their grades from elementary (grammar) school through college. They rarely got any slack from my dad.  I know he didn't expect as much academically from them, which i feel bad for, but he shouldn't have put all that pressure on me.  I nearly had a breakdown during my third year at college because I hadn't slept in 3 months, trying to pull my grades up. After that, I just stopped fussing so much. I'd try my best but didn't obsess.  This was around the time my dad started to adopt the idea that I didn't care about anything.  he saw me having fun and thought I should be working more.  He has never ever treated my brother or sister this way.

 

Also, my dad is one of those people that have to see something to believe it. I lived right by my high school and i'd hang out with friends after school for a few hours, come home around six or seven, and turn on the tv. Ten minutes later, dad would get in and accuse me of watching tv since school let out...and he'd tell me (in a 'nice' way) to make more friends. he never listened when i told him i had just been out.  Of course to him, it had to be a lie since my brother and sister were still out with their friends.  He also used to accuse me of being anti-social, which just wasn't true. I had a few large group of friends but I just never went out every night like my brother or sister did, and some of my friends had strict traditional Asian families that refused to let them go out during the school week...they had to study.

 

I've always been the one to end a relationship if it was toxic, to stand up for myself, and to take things in stride.  I never (unless you count this post) dwell on the past but lately I feel as though I'm trapped. My finances aren't good enough to move out on my own so i'm stuck here with the parents.

 

My dad has always had double standards for my brother since he's the boy, and he could never go wrong. Even when my brother was on pot and smoking, my dad was working so much he never noticed...but to him, my brother was a saint.  my mom is more like that with my sister. Lately I've noticed all of this still going on...probably because it's family time I just notice it more...anyways, even the little things are noticeable...like when my dad lectures me about dropping food on the couch (which i didn't) so i had to eat over the table...my sister, the very next day eats the same thing, an xmas cookie, on the couch, with no plate, and my dad looks right at her but says nothing.  I know it sounds petty and like i'm whining, but I was just wondering how much of this stuff had gone on since we were little. We probably picked up on all of this long ago...

 

 

As of the past few months, my brother got engaged, and so did my sister. They had both been dating their finaces for 7 years.  This is another thing because I haven't had any 'serious' relationships. I'm still young but my dad actually has made comments like "so when are you going to find someone?"  My sister was insulted by that just hearing it...we tried to laugh about it.

 

Because of all of this, I am really starting to resent my father.  My mom hasn't been nearly as bad but sometimes I wonder why she treats me differently. 

 

 

I just read your post and I hope things are going better for you since you posted in Dec. It sounds like you've had a rough time. Yes, its a rude awaking to realize that some parents play favorites. Most parents don't realize the profound effect their actions have on us, but they can be very hurtful at times. I hope you can get counseling or something to be able to see how strong you are and that you have a lot to offer outside the walls of your parents' home. Just because they can't see your worth doesn't mean you are not worthy of better things. I would suggest trying to become more independant from them, and less dependant on their acceptance and approval of you. You are a grown adult and you need to be out from under their roof so you can experience life on your own terms. It's fantastic and exciting to have the power and freedom to do what you want without having to worry about them micromanaging your life. I wish you all the best. Keep life on your terms not theirs.
 
March 16, 2007, 10:42 am CDT

having hard time with trust

I am a 31 yr old married father of a 10 month old.  I have been married 3yrs and have a good job, dont drink, smoke, hit my wife or kid. Was never abused by my mom or dad, but I have been have a problem talking to men my own age, and talking to my dad and not thinking he is judging me. I dont have very many friends outside work, and I know it becasue I dont want to trust them other then at work. I dont know what to do I think that the reason I dont have many male friends outside of work is becasue I dont trust them not to judge me the way that rightly or wrongly I feel my father dose.  How can I get over this for to reason it not a role model for my son for how to be a man with other men and trust other men, and I want to be able to trust man again with feeling like there judging me, and I want to know that they just want to be friends with me with string attacted, like I feel like I get from my dad, what I feel from my dad is not true, but it what I think and maybe I just need to man up and get over it and trust. well it could be that I am projecting my own feeling of inaddiquice on to how I thing other men see me. So anyone out there help me to get over my bad self that is projecting self inposed guilt on to and back at myself from other men and trust again.
 
March 22, 2007, 3:55 am CDT

I am not a man but I do have a husband that has

Quote From: jackdaddy

I am a 31 yr old married father of a 10 month old.  I have been married 3yrs and have a good job, dont drink, smoke, hit my wife or kid. Was never abused by my mom or dad, but I have been have a problem talking to men my own age, and talking to my dad and not thinking he is judging me. I dont have very many friends outside work, and I know it becasue I dont want to trust them other then at work. I dont know what to do I think that the reason I dont have many male friends outside of work is becasue I dont trust them not to judge me the way that rightly or wrongly I feel my father dose.  How can I get over this for to reason it not a role model for my son for how to be a man with other men and trust other men, and I want to be able to trust man again with feeling like there judging me, and I want to know that they just want to be friends with me with string attacted, like I feel like I get from my dad, what I feel from my dad is not true, but it what I think and maybe I just need to man up and get over it and trust. well it could be that I am projecting my own feeling of inaddiquice on to how I thing other men see me. So anyone out there help me to get over my bad self that is projecting self inposed guilt on to and back at myself from other men and trust again.
     suffered abuse at the hands of his father.  It has taken him years to get over the effects of the abuse.  He still does not to this day trust anyone. He has been through all kinds of things.  His father took away his confidence and his ability to trust.  After his father was arrested for being a child molester, he started drinking to get away from all the pain and suffering that he was feeling.  This happened for years and now because of a new start he has a positive outlook on life. One thing that helped him was to write letters to his father and mother telling them how he hated what they have done to his life.  He let all the pain and heartache out that they had caused him.  It took him about 7 years of constant writing and cussing them before he could get it out of his system.  I think that you should either sit your father down and tell him how you feel or you should write him.  It is very admirable that you are trying to be better for your son.  You have to live for your self and your family, just your immediate family, your wife son and yourself.  I suffered abuse also at the hands of my parents and the only way that I can deal with them was to tell them that I never wanted to see them again.  We had to make a choice for us and our son.  We have been married 17 years and have a 15 year old son.  Don't give up. You can succeed in your goals.  We know.  Try what I said I don't know what kind of relationship that you have with your parents but you have to think about yourself and your wife and child.  You can e-mail me if you need to talk my e-mail is in my profile.  Good Luck!
 
March 22, 2007, 4:28 am CDT

I know what you mean.

Quote From: nascarjunkie

OK so i have depression and anxiety. I take meds for both.  Because of my so called "illnesses" I couldn't go to school for the longest time. I also had agoraphobia. (fear of leaving home) I missed half of 8th grade, most of freshman and sophomore year. I finally deiced to get my G.E.D. I try ed to go to a community college but it didn't go to great. And i feel like the black sheep of my mothers side of the family. All of my cousins seem perfect, they have no problems, if they do they don't talk about them and it doesn't effect them. We asked them for help with me. (since there kids turned out just so great) Remind you that my consoler i was seeing at the time told me and my parents that if i didn't get out of the house my depression and anxiety would get way worse. So we asked my god parents (my aunt and uncle that parent my cousins) And they practically told my parents that they don't want to deal with me. At all. It hurts so much knowing that your family wont help you through ruff times, i mean isn't that what family is for?? It seems like my uncle hates me now and i don't talk to any of them. I miss them honestly but i don't at the same time. Just because my family isn't perfect why do they have to treat us like this??
     Please don't let your parents make you feel like you are not worth saving.  I have suffered depression, anorexia, bulimia, and the effects of the stress are over whelming.  I let my parents run my life even after I was married.  i turned away from the one person who has been there for me since 1989.  Finally after my parents telling me that they were praying that my son would die, and that I was going to die, and them trying to take away my son whom they have never had anything to do with in his almost 16 years of life.  My husband also has suffered abuse at the hands of his parents.  Now we are going to school and focusing on our son and our new life.  We don't need an extended family we have each other.  If you have a friend that you can talk to it would help you.  Alsop my husband has spent years writing his parents and letting them know what they did to him and how it has effected his life.  That helped him tremendously.  Maybe you should write your parents and family a long letter detailing their abuse of you.   It id not right to do this to children and the only way that we can fight back is to let them know that you wont take it anymore that you don't need them There are people out there that will talk with you and help you through things.  I will you can write me anytime.  I hope with all my heart that you find the peace that we have and can get on with your life.  We show our son everyday that we love him and he knows that he can always come to us.  If you have kids let them know that you love them everyday and that you will always be there for them.  You can make it and it will get better. Don't give up.
 
March 24, 2007, 3:36 pm CDT

same feelings here

Quote From: sarahcash37

     suffered abuse at the hands of his father.  It has taken him years to get over the effects of the abuse.  He still does not to this day trust anyone. He has been through all kinds of things.  His father took away his confidence and his ability to trust.  After his father was arrested for being a child molester, he started drinking to get away from all the pain and suffering that he was feeling.  This happened for years and now because of a new start he has a positive outlook on life. One thing that helped him was to write letters to his father and mother telling them how he hated what they have done to his life.  He let all the pain and heartache out that they had caused him.  It took him about 7 years of constant writing and cussing them before he could get it out of his system.  I think that you should either sit your father down and tell him how you feel or you should write him.  It is very admirable that you are trying to be better for your son.  You have to live for your self and your family, just your immediate family, your wife son and yourself.  I suffered abuse also at the hands of my parents and the only way that I can deal with them was to tell them that I never wanted to see them again.  We had to make a choice for us and our son.  We have been married 17 years and have a 15 year old son.  Don't give up. You can succeed in your goals.  We know.  Try what I said I don't know what kind of relationship that you have with your parents but you have to think about yourself and your wife and child.  You can e-mail me if you need to talk my e-mail is in my profile.  Good Luck!
Hey I have to reply to this. I had abuse as a child, but it was my cousins that were doing the wrong, but my dad did nothing to stop it. It ha made my life a complete hell. I have done some things that have made me  mad at myself, but there is nothing I can doto change it now. The thing Ican do with these things is relise it wa not me, and that if my dad had wanted to show  care he would have taken the right steps to show his proper parenting towards me. I am in my 40"s now, and Ihave come to the fact that I need to change these things to show I am a good person, and that I have not tried to hurt anyone. I give respect to others until they do wrong ,and then just not talk to them any more. I have made great efforts to better my life. I have after two divorces found a women that loves me for me, and we have done all the right things in a relationship to show care, and love for each other. we met on here lol, and things just happened to where they are now. I have made changes to be more tentive towards her, and this is my (our) new life together. So I guess what Ia m saying do not let anyone influence you in any way your not comfortable with, and keep high self esteem. WE have come a long way in our learning ,and growing to be better adult, and this will bring a better life for us from here on. God bless
 
March 24, 2007, 4:01 pm CDT

my dad is the same

Quote From: hi2day

I just read your post and I hope things are going better for you since you posted in Dec. It sounds like you've had a rough time. Yes, its a rude awaking to realize that some parents play favorites. Most parents don't realize the profound effect their actions have on us, but they can be very hurtful at times. I hope you can get counseling or something to be able to see how strong you are and that you have a lot to offer outside the walls of your parents' home. Just because they can't see your worth doesn't mean you are not worthy of better things. I would suggest trying to become more independant from them, and less dependant on their acceptance and approval of you. You are a grown adult and you need to be out from under their roof so you can experience life on your own terms. It's fantastic and exciting to have the power and freedom to do what you want without having to worry about them micromanaging your life. I wish you all the best. Keep life on your terms not theirs.
Hey Just read your post. I have had the same experience with my dad. He has not been the dad he needed to be. Like once he told me that he thought I was going to be the one to drop out of school. Made me feel less worthy towards him. I am an adult now, and after my divorce Ihave had a hard time with finances also. The things is that he made me feel like I was not capable so then I was responding like he made me feel to show him he was righ. Now I think differently about things. I feel that I am a great person, and I have taught my daughter completly different from his teachings. I think she feels I am a great dad towards her ,and I will always support her in anything. I always tell her I love her, and we show affection all the time. She will know that I except her for whom she is, and not what she can be. I will never let him tell me anythig to bring me down. it is his insecuritys that he needs to work on. The thing is also he thinks he has done a great job with us 5 kids, but I have told him differently. I have been woring hard to better my life, and my daughters to. ( I have one from each marrige one is 24, and my little one will be 12 soon) Anyway do not let him make you feel less then perfect. You know what your capable of so go out, and make  the life your waiting to have, and hold your head up high. If they will not be supportive with you then know that they have issues they need to work on, and your not going to let them break you down ok. Go, and BE proud!!! Randy from Gods country
 
March 26, 2007, 9:45 pm CDT

Black sheep for becoming my authentic self

I am the black sheep of my family.  I have been estranged from my mother, brother (and his wife and my two nephews), my sister and her son for the past year.  I was basically "kicked to the curb" because I pressed charges against my exboyfriend/father of my child for sexual assult and because he took pictures of me, without my knowledge, getting out of the shower and emailed them to everyone he knew.  I called my mother to get her support and opinion the night I pressed charges and she said she couldn't come over because she was going to eat her soup and take a nap......so began the whole downward spiral.  About 2 months after I pressed charges I went to my nephews birthday party, where I took my step-sister aside and asked her if she had been babysitting my son when he was supposed to be on weekend visitation with my ex....she blew up and proceeded to cuss me out at the top of her lungs.  She then stormed back into the building and blew up in front of the whole family, who then turned on me as if I was the one going bullistic....That was March 18 2006....the day I walked away from my family.....That was the day that I vowed to step away, focus on my court hearings and let my family have time to calm down and not be in the middle of the drama between me and my ex.....I later found out that my whole family had been in contact with this man during my court hearings and other times during the past year. They invited him to birthday parties and holiday parties later claiming that the only reason they had contact with him was to see my son.  At least 8 times during the year I had picked up the phone and spoke to my mother. All of the conversations were very "generic"....how's work, did you see such and such on the news, did you get that storm the other night......each time the conversation would last anywhere from an hour to an hour and a half, but nothing was ever mentioned about my court dealings or the birthday party blow up.....During the past year not once was I ever contacted with an invitation to birthday parties or holidays.  My nephew was even born during this time and no one called to tell me when he was born, his name, or if he was even born alive. 

Well one year to the day, Sunday March 18, 2007 I finally approached my mother and my brother to try and either move on as a family or have closure.  My mother is still bitter at me, life, my father, her father, etc etc etc.......I appologized, but that wasn't good enough for her.  I finally was able to pinpoint why she is so bitter at me......I have moved on from a disfunctional family to a functional family......all she wanted to do was point her finger at all of the wrong that I had done in my past.....(yes, I admit, I have done some pretty stupid things in my teens and early twenties) every time I attempted to tell her of my ability to move forward in the past year by getting married to my best friend, buying our home together,leaving my miserable job to go back to school and our plan to have a child in the next year, I was cut short by a smart @ssed comment like, well good for you, but do you think you can do it right this time, you're living in a fairytale world, ya know.  (see the chapter in Self Matters....sabatoge, it's like Dr Phil was standing in my mothers kitchen  the other day lol)   I basically left her house with the peace of knowing that I have done all  that is in my power to correct a bad situation, but it takes two to make it right.......my last words to my mother were "I could be 60 yrs old and you 90 yrs old, we could be standing here having this same conversation and no matter what good comes of my life, it will never be good enough to get your approval. I'm an adult and I will just have to live to the best of my ability, so think about what I have said for awhile, you may get it one day"

I then went that Monday and talked with my brother and his wife. I got to finally meet my nephew who is almost 1 now.  I appologized to them for picking the wrong time and place to speak to our step-sister.  I told him that I had no intentions of things going the way they did and I would have never thought that our step-sister would have acted the way she did.  I stayed and visited for about 3 hours. The conversation was "bland" and there was no emotional reunion after not seeing each other for a year. Before the blow up we spoke at least 2 or more times a week.  I walked away initially feeling good about being able to move on, but as I made the 1 hour drive back home and my emotions cleared, I realized that my brother was echoing my mothers words.....and I mean word for word, the doubts the bitterness, it was all there in my brother too......

I, on the otherhand am now at peace.......I have had my say, I have appologized for my actions and I made the effort to show my family that I have asked for forgivness, but not received it, I have forgiven them, and moved on to become my authentic self and live my life to its full potential...They know how to contact me, they have an invitation to be in my life, but I doubt I will ever hear from them again.  As sad as that sounds, I have closure to a pretty bizzarr and painful time of my life, but now I am able to focus on my own family and break the cycle of emotional abuse that I grew up in.

 
March 28, 2007, 4:39 am CDT

good luck too

Quote From: hobart7

Hey I have to reply to this. I had abuse as a child, but it was my cousins that were doing the wrong, but my dad did nothing to stop it. It ha made my life a complete hell. I have done some things that have made me  mad at myself, but there is nothing I can doto change it now. The thing Ican do with these things is relise it wa not me, and that if my dad had wanted to show  care he would have taken the right steps to show his proper parenting towards me. I am in my 40"s now, and Ihave come to the fact that I need to change these things to show I am a good person, and that I have not tried to hurt anyone. I give respect to others until they do wrong ,and then just not talk to them any more. I have made great efforts to better my life. I have after two divorces found a women that loves me for me, and we have done all the right things in a relationship to show care, and love for each other. we met on here lol, and things just happened to where they are now. I have made changes to be more tentive towards her, and this is my (our) new life together. So I guess what Ia m saying do not let anyone influence you in any way your not comfortable with, and keep high self esteem. WE have come a long way in our learning ,and growing to be better adult, and this will bring a better life for us from here on. God bless
     I hope that our story helps someone that is going through the same thing.  It is a long hard road that when parents abuse you you never really get over it you just have to move on.  Our worst problem of moving on is because we cannot understand why our parents are this way.   What ever could a child do that is that bad to make to make your parents abuse you and try to harm you in a way that will possibly ruin their life.  The effects of child abuse is life long, all the victim is left with is pain and sadness because they could not make their parents love them and they turn to whatever they can to get away from it.   Me I started being anorexic at the age of 11, for my husband it was drinking to get away from the pain that his abusive father was not only physically abusive but was also a child molester.  To all abused children, Love yourself no matter what and don't let what your parents or family tell you that you are not worth it.  If you confront them it helps, even if they dint listen.  At least you have told them that they hurt you and it is the start that you will get better.  All you can do is love your children in the way that you weren't.  Show and tell them daily that you love them.  It works.  We know. Our son is 15 and he has never doubted that we love him.  We have shown him for almost 16 years now that we will always be here for him and that no matter what we will love him.  We have never whipped him and he has always done good in school.  We praise him daily for all his accomplishments and even though we cannot give him grandparents we can give him the tools to deal with life.  Good luck to you too.  Be proud of what you have accomplished,  I'm sad to say that most of the time people that were abused do not ever get to the point where they can deal with things.  But people shouldn't give up.
 
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