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Topic : Black Sheep of the Family?

Number of Replies: 213
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Created on : Sunday, September 17, 2006, 11:44:09 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Are you the outcast in your family, the one NO one wants to talk about or even acknowledge? What makes you different or unique, and how does it affect others in your family? Share your story here.

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March 28, 2007, 4:53 am CDT

Good for you

Quote From: luckylove6571

I am the black sheep of my family.  I have been estranged from my mother, brother (and his wife and my two nephews), my sister and her son for the past year.  I was basically "kicked to the curb" because I pressed charges against my exboyfriend/father of my child for sexual assult and because he took pictures of me, without my knowledge, getting out of the shower and emailed them to everyone he knew.  I called my mother to get her support and opinion the night I pressed charges and she said she couldn't come over because she was going to eat her soup and take a nap......so began the whole downward spiral.  About 2 months after I pressed charges I went to my nephews birthday party, where I took my step-sister aside and asked her if she had been babysitting my son when he was supposed to be on weekend visitation with my ex....she blew up and proceeded to cuss me out at the top of her lungs.  She then stormed back into the building and blew up in front of the whole family, who then turned on me as if I was the one going bullistic....That was March 18 2006....the day I walked away from my family.....That was the day that I vowed to step away, focus on my court hearings and let my family have time to calm down and not be in the middle of the drama between me and my ex.....I later found out that my whole family had been in contact with this man during my court hearings and other times during the past year. They invited him to birthday parties and holiday parties later claiming that the only reason they had contact with him was to see my son.  At least 8 times during the year I had picked up the phone and spoke to my mother. All of the conversations were very "generic"....how's work, did you see such and such on the news, did you get that storm the other night......each time the conversation would last anywhere from an hour to an hour and a half, but nothing was ever mentioned about my court dealings or the birthday party blow up.....During the past year not once was I ever contacted with an invitation to birthday parties or holidays.  My nephew was even born during this time and no one called to tell me when he was born, his name, or if he was even born alive. 

Well one year to the day, Sunday March 18, 2007 I finally approached my mother and my brother to try and either move on as a family or have closure.  My mother is still bitter at me, life, my father, her father, etc etc etc.......I appologized, but that wasn't good enough for her.  I finally was able to pinpoint why she is so bitter at me......I have moved on from a disfunctional family to a functional family......all she wanted to do was point her finger at all of the wrong that I had done in my past.....(yes, I admit, I have done some pretty stupid things in my teens and early twenties) every time I attempted to tell her of my ability to move forward in the past year by getting married to my best friend, buying our home together,leaving my miserable job to go back to school and our plan to have a child in the next year, I was cut short by a smart @ssed comment like, well good for you, but do you think you can do it right this time, you're living in a fairytale world, ya know.  (see the chapter in Self Matters....sabatoge, it's like Dr Phil was standing in my mothers kitchen  the other day lol)   I basically left her house with the peace of knowing that I have done all  that is in my power to correct a bad situation, but it takes two to make it right.......my last words to my mother were "I could be 60 yrs old and you 90 yrs old, we could be standing here having this same conversation and no matter what good comes of my life, it will never be good enough to get your approval. I'm an adult and I will just have to live to the best of my ability, so think about what I have said for awhile, you may get it one day"

I then went that Monday and talked with my brother and his wife. I got to finally meet my nephew who is almost 1 now.  I appologized to them for picking the wrong time and place to speak to our step-sister.  I told him that I had no intentions of things going the way they did and I would have never thought that our step-sister would have acted the way she did.  I stayed and visited for about 3 hours. The conversation was "bland" and there was no emotional reunion after not seeing each other for a year. Before the blow up we spoke at least 2 or more times a week.  I walked away initially feeling good about being able to move on, but as I made the 1 hour drive back home and my emotions cleared, I realized that my brother was echoing my mothers words.....and I mean word for word, the doubts the bitterness, it was all there in my brother too......

I, on the otherhand am now at peace.......I have had my say, I have appologized for my actions and I made the effort to show my family that I have asked for forgivness, but not received it, I have forgiven them, and moved on to become my authentic self and live my life to its full potential...They know how to contact me, they have an invitation to be in my life, but I doubt I will ever hear from them again.  As sad as that sounds, I have closure to a pretty bizzarr and painful time of my life, but now I am able to focus on my own family and break the cycle of emotional abuse that I grew up in.

     I am always glad to hear from someone who has broken the cycle of abuse.  It is great they you are focusing on your family now.  I know what you mean about having closure to a painful time in your life.  I spent 35 years trying to get mt parents to just love me.  All I ever got out of them was how I was a whore and would never be worth anything.  They told me daily that they didn't want me and made sure they said they didn't love me.  My husband was also abused.  It is a hard cycle to break.  I wish you the best in your life.
 
March 29, 2007, 9:58 am CDT

I know how you feel

Quote From: cajunvette

I have lost the entire family I grew up in. When I parents divorced 20 years ago, I was 40yo. They both got so self absorbed in their "new" lives, that neither had much to do with me. I've been married for 18 years now, and have two daughters. Over time, it's just been easier for everyone not to acknowlege each other. My mother's family doesn't include us in anything. In fact, she remarried a few years ago, and although we were invited, we were the only ones that didn't have seating at the sit down reception. I decided that day to just let her go her way, and not keep trying to maintain any sort of relationship with her...It only leaves me hurt and angry.

My father's family is even more screwed up. My grandfather on his side passed away a week ago, they didn't even have any sort of ceremony marking his life. I'm not even sure my father knows his Dad passed away. None of us have heard from my Dad in years.

Today, this has left me feeling so lost and abandoned at the age of 40! I am trying not to let any of this bother me, for the sake of my own wife and daughters. I don't want to bring them down. I am writing this here, because I don't know where to vent. I've tried counseling, and the best we could come up with was that sometimes it's best to walk away from something that hurts so much. Every now and then something surfaces, and all the feeling of hurt and anger that I have been cheated out of my past come back to me in full force...this time, it's been the death of my Grandfather. 

   I too am the black sheep of my family.  i was the middle child.  I could never do anything good enough for them.  I graduated high school weighing 70 pounds.  I was anorexic for 8 years from 11 on to when I met my husband at 19.  He was an abused child also.  It has taken me years to get to the point that I am at now.  I finally had to tell myself that I was a good child I just had bad parents.  I had to let them go.  They were killing me.  The rude comments to me about my husband and son the times they tried to take away my son and the fact that I did not go to church.  They were "christians" or so they said and they condemned me for being alive.  I was told that I was not wanted and that they didn't love me.  I was not going to be anything but trash.  Well I am here to tell you that it is possible to get over it.  I left my family behind and told them I never wanted to see them again.  I told them I hated them for how they have treated me my son and my husband and that I hope they died.  I told them I didn't do anything to ask for their pain that they inflicted on me and that I didn't ask to be born, they brought me in to this world.  Parents don't realize that when they abuse their children they scar them for life.  I miss having parents to share the accomplishments that our precious son has made.  I miss the fact that he has no grandparents on either side but they are not dead they are alive.  You have to take it one day at a time. Turn that pain into joy love your children and husband and give them the love you never had.  Now my husband and I have been married for 17 years and are closer than ever.  We both have a painful past and always wanted just to be loved.  We found that with each other.    We tell our son everyday that we love  and miss him and that he will always have us to come to for anything.  My hubby and I are now going to school to be nurses and our son has a great mind and shows it with all his accomplishments.  Just think what we could have don had we had the love and support of our parents.  I wish you the best and I hope that you will write me if you ever need to talk.  My e-mail is in my profile.  Good luck.
 
March 29, 2007, 3:32 pm CDT

My life as a Black Sheep

I am indeed a black sheep of my family. I'm 20 years old, and I've been married for about a year and a half.

 

I got along fine with my parents. I was a good kid. I didn't drink, do drugs, have sex... I got good grades, I was in the top 50 of my class of 250. My parents expected me to want to go to college and get a great high powered job where I'd make lots of money. And then marry a guy who also had a high powered job and also made lots of money. Well, he should love me as well, but that wasn't quite as important. I mean, they didn't want me to be with someone who beat me, but the emphasis was definatly on being financially secure. So, I would nod and agree that indeed, I did want all those things, when I really didn't. I believe in love above all things, and my mom in particular didn't seem to think love between a man and a woman was anything that deep or lasting. Not that I blame her, since my biological dad took off when she was pregnant, and didn't do more than pay child support and visit me once a year til I was 13. It never bothered me, but she was always very bitter about it.

 

What I've really always wanted is to be a stay at home mom with some kids and a husband who loves me. Money would be nice, but I could get along with not very much if there's a lot of love. When I'd show little bits of my real self and my opinions and thoughts, I'd get shot down, being told "Jeni, you aren't being yourself right now, I don't like what you are doing. Be yourself again." Meaning the perfect porcelaine doll they always wanted.

 

Well, my boyfriend (at the time) and I had gone beyond kissing, which I'd never told my parents. I flat out lied, but always wanted to tell them. Well, one day my mom and Aunt were fighting, my Aunt knew that we'd done more than just kiss (but never actually had sex). Anyway, my mom brought up that my Aunt didn't like our relationship, I said she just didn't like it and lied, and my mom used that as fodder for her argument. I couldn't let my lie fuel the fire, so I told my parents. Everyone got upset, and I ended up leaving.

 

Needless to say, when my husband, that same boyfriend, and I got married, that created even more of an uproar. And when I said I didn't want to go to college, my mom said my husband was taking away my dreams.

 

My Step-Dad's whole side of the family, that I've been a part of since I was 5, didn't come to my wedding. My Step-Dad, who I consider my Dad, didn't come to my wedding. I asked him to give me away and he reacted as if I'd cussed him out. Since then, I've been estranged from that side.

 

My mom's side wasn't much better. this past Christmas I finally said forget it, and decided not to be part of that family either. They treat my husband like dirt, none of them will even talk to him.

 

In that last two weeks, I've gotten together with a cousin from my step-dad's side of the family. She and her husband are black sheep, but her husband told me that as far as that family is concerned I am black listed. It was funny, he says "People have to spit after they say your name." I just thought that was hilarious.

 

Obviously, after leaving the house, my parents and I don't have a very good realtionship either. They think my husband made me leave them, thinks he made me "sin" and turned me from good to bad.

 

So really, I don't have any family anymore. I feel bad for my future children that they will only have my husband side's aunts and uncles and grandparents. But, I did what I thought was right, and I'm living my own life. No matter what they all think. And I am much happier for it!

 
March 31, 2007, 7:42 am CDT

Black Sheep of my family

 Hello. I too am the black sheep of my family. Actually of my 8 sisters most of us have held this role  from time to time over the years.
To say I came from a dysfunctional family  would be putting it mildly.
Most of my sisters have different fathers. Mom struggled with alcoholism leading to abuse ( physical and emotional) towards most of us. She brought men into our home who sexually abused some of us. We all dealt with addictions in life, of one form or another.
I left the family at a young age and was put in foster care homes, some of which were sexually and physically abusive to me. I managed to get out, got married to (of course!) an abusive man, got out barely with my life, but not until he had prostituted me and introduced me to drugs.
When my mom saw the evidence of this abuse she told me I should be greatful that he had a job!
Eventually I dropped all contact with my family.
Years later, after I tested positive I had this mistaken belief that my illness would somehow bring our sick family together.  That only happens on tv LOL.
Around this same time, my second eldest sister was in hospital, telling the family that she had cancer and was booked for surgery. I spoke with her on the phone and she was reminiscing of how when she was a child and incontinent our mother would beat her for this force her to go to school smelling of urine where the other kids would tease her.  I knew I had to be there for her.
I returned to Canada and met our mother at a motel the night before this surgery. Another younger sister joined us.
The next day we were at the hospital early but not before she was taken to surgery ( They took her to OR early). Mom told the nurse she wanted to speak with the doctor after the surgery.
When my sister was returned to her room from Recovery, still unconscious, Mom went to find the doctor. I heard her yelling in the hallway and went out to discover that this sister had lied . THere was never any question of cancer. It was just "routine surgery" -  a D & C.
I literally had to tear my mother off my still unconscious sister in her room.
At that time, that sister was the black sheep, had been and continued to be for many years.
Over the years, one or more of my sisters  would contact me, I even helped one out on one occasion by allowing her to live with me until she once again got on her feet. She stole from me.
Over time I realized that this unhealthy family was keeping me sick. I had done too much therapy as an adult to continue to be involved in these kinds of dynamics and so I wished them all well and went about living my life. I was an embarrassment to my family that I speak openly about having AIDS, even though I do not have their surname.
My breaking point, or waking up point in my opinion, was when I was doing an  AIDS Awareness workshop and a grandmother of about 90 years of age approached  me, asked if she could hug me and told me that my mother must be so proud of me!
I let go that day. I had to in order to survive. I had no further contact with my family.
I am very open, have been in the news many times, have two websites etc so I am easily found.
In June as I was going through the obituaries online as I often do, to see if anyone in the AIDS Community has passed away, I found my  mothers obituary. She was to be buried out of town an hour and a half later! No one bothered to contact me.
I am happy I made the decision a year before this to write my mother a letter, addressing things that needed to be discussed. It was not an unkind letter.  She read this letter and for this I am greatful.
Sadly I felt no grief when she passed away. My therapist tells me this is because I grieved her loss my entire life.
No, I am not a cold heartless person. I am a deeply caring, loving, nurturing, honest and loyal person.
I knew for me that leaving this dysfunctional family was best for all. I have no regrets.
 
April 1, 2007, 4:15 am CDT

SOUNDS LIKE MY LIFE

Quote From: silksunrise

I am indeed a black sheep of my family. I'm 20 years old, and I've been married for about a year and a half.

 

I got along fine with my parents. I was a good kid. I didn't drink, do drugs, have sex... I got good grades, I was in the top 50 of my class of 250. My parents expected me to want to go to college and get a great high powered job where I'd make lots of money. And then marry a guy who also had a high powered job and also made lots of money. Well, he should love me as well, but that wasn't quite as important. I mean, they didn't want me to be with someone who beat me, but the emphasis was definatly on being financially secure. So, I would nod and agree that indeed, I did want all those things, when I really didn't. I believe in love above all things, and my mom in particular didn't seem to think love between a man and a woman was anything that deep or lasting. Not that I blame her, since my biological dad took off when she was pregnant, and didn't do more than pay child support and visit me once a year til I was 13. It never bothered me, but she was always very bitter about it.

 

What I've really always wanted is to be a stay at home mom with some kids and a husband who loves me. Money would be nice, but I could get along with not very much if there's a lot of love. When I'd show little bits of my real self and my opinions and thoughts, I'd get shot down, being told "Jeni, you aren't being yourself right now, I don't like what you are doing. Be yourself again." Meaning the perfect porcelaine doll they always wanted.

 

Well, my boyfriend (at the time) and I had gone beyond kissing, which I'd never told my parents. I flat out lied, but always wanted to tell them. Well, one day my mom and Aunt were fighting, my Aunt knew that we'd done more than just kiss (but never actually had sex). Anyway, my mom brought up that my Aunt didn't like our relationship, I said she just didn't like it and lied, and my mom used that as fodder for her argument. I couldn't let my lie fuel the fire, so I told my parents. Everyone got upset, and I ended up leaving.

 

Needless to say, when my husband, that same boyfriend, and I got married, that created even more of an uproar. And when I said I didn't want to go to college, my mom said my husband was taking away my dreams.

 

My Step-Dad's whole side of the family, that I've been a part of since I was 5, didn't come to my wedding. My Step-Dad, who I consider my Dad, didn't come to my wedding. I asked him to give me away and he reacted as if I'd cussed him out. Since then, I've been estranged from that side.

 

My mom's side wasn't much better. this past Christmas I finally said forget it, and decided not to be part of that family either. They treat my husband like dirt, none of them will even talk to him.

 

In that last two weeks, I've gotten together with a cousin from my step-dad's side of the family. She and her husband are black sheep, but her husband told me that as far as that family is concerned I am black listed. It was funny, he says "People have to spit after they say your name." I just thought that was hilarious.

 

Obviously, after leaving the house, my parents and I don't have a very good realtionship either. They think my husband made me leave them, thinks he made me "sin" and turned me from good to bad.

 

So really, I don't have any family anymore. I feel bad for my future children that they will only have my husband side's aunts and uncles and grandparents. But, I did what I thought was right, and I'm living my own life. No matter what they all think. And I am much happier for it!

   MY HUSBAND AND I WERE BOTH ABUSED BY OUR PARENTS EVEN AFTER WE GOT MARRIED.  we HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 17 YEARS NOW AND ARE AS STRONG AS EVER.  WE HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH EITHER OF OUR PARENTS OR OUR SIBLINGS, EVEN AUNTS AND UNCLES ON BOTH SIDES.  WE HAVE NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER.  FOR YEARS WE LET THEM CONTROL US BY FEAR AND LIES BUT I AM PROUD TO SAY THAT ON NOVEMBER 1,2005 WE LEFT THAT BEHIND.  OUR SON WHO IS 15 HAS NOT HAD ANY GRANDPARENTS OR AUNTS OR UNCLES OR ANY RELATIVES BUT US.  IT IS NOT GOOD FOR HIM TO BE AROUND THOSE KINDS OF PEOPLE IT ONLY BRINGS HEARTACHE.  YOU CAN  TELL AND SHOW YOUR CHILDREN EVERYDAY THAT THEY ARE LOVED AND THINGS WILL BE GREAT.  WE ARE PROOF THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE AN EXTENDED FAMILY TO SURVIVE. USE YOUR HUSBANDS RELATIVES TO SUPPLEMENT FOR YOUR SIDE.  IT WILL WORK.  ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SHOW YOUR CHILDREN THAT YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND LOVE THEM WITH ALL YOUR HEARTS AND THAT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR THEM NO MATTER WHAT.  YOU WILL COME ABOVE YOUR FAMILY.  YOU WILL BE A BETTER PERSON THAN THEY ARE.  IF YOU EVER NEED TO TALK WRITE ME  MY E-MAIL IS IN MY PROFILE.  I WILL TALK TO YOU AND I WILL LISTEN  GOOD LUCK WITH THINGS
 
April 4, 2007, 6:21 pm CDT

different types of abuse

Quote From: sarahcash37

     I hope that our story helps someone that is going through the same thing.  It is a long hard road that when parents abuse you you never really get over it you just have to move on.  Our worst problem of moving on is because we cannot understand why our parents are this way.   What ever could a child do that is that bad to make to make your parents abuse you and try to harm you in a way that will possibly ruin their life.  The effects of child abuse is life long, all the victim is left with is pain and sadness because they could not make their parents love them and they turn to whatever they can to get away from it.   Me I started being anorexic at the age of 11, for my husband it was drinking to get away from the pain that his abusive father was not only physically abusive but was also a child molester.  To all abused children, Love yourself no matter what and don't let what your parents or family tell you that you are not worth it.  If you confront them it helps, even if they dint listen.  At least you have told them that they hurt you and it is the start that you will get better.  All you can do is love your children in the way that you weren't.  Show and tell them daily that you love them.  It works.  We know. Our son is 15 and he has never doubted that we love him.  We have shown him for almost 16 years now that we will always be here for him and that no matter what we will love him.  We have never whipped him and he has always done good in school.  We praise him daily for all his accomplishments and even though we cannot give him grandparents we can give him the tools to deal with life.  Good luck to you too.  Be proud of what you have accomplished,  I'm sad to say that most of the time people that were abused do not ever get to the point where they can deal with things.  But people shouldn't give up.
hello. There are different types of abuse. mental sexual, and physical. I had to love with all three. When my dad would get mad, and spank us then he would tell us to shut up from us crying. wecould not talk to him, and most  of the time we were afraid to talk to him thinking we could get into some kind of trouble. This lead us kids to come to each other ,and there the sexual abuse started. we did not know the difference of what we were doing but it took the pain away I guess. we are still close, but not that way. we do not talk much to our dad because of thie treatment from him. The dunb thing about it is he says he does not understand why we do not talk to him much. Now that I am a father 2x's I havea 24 year old, and my little one will be 12 soon. I have not tought my kids anything close to the way I was raised. WE talk, and I listen to her. I only have to raise my voice to get her to understand that she has done wrong, and then it's over. I hug her, and we go on with life. I may be living my life feeling at times low or useless, but she has told me recently that she  thinks I am a great dad towards her. That brought a tear tomy eyes. This was her talking to me with her own feelings. All I can say is that I know I have done a great job with my girls, and that one day they both will be great with there kids. Randy from Gods country
 
April 5, 2007, 9:38 am CDT

you are a survivor

Quote From: hobart7

hello. There are different types of abuse. mental sexual, and physical. I had to love with all three. When my dad would get mad, and spank us then he would tell us to shut up from us crying. wecould not talk to him, and most  of the time we were afraid to talk to him thinking we could get into some kind of trouble. This lead us kids to come to each other ,and there the sexual abuse started. we did not know the difference of what we were doing but it took the pain away I guess. we are still close, but not that way. we do not talk much to our dad because of thie treatment from him. The dunb thing about it is he says he does not understand why we do not talk to him much. Now that I am a father 2x's I havea 24 year old, and my little one will be 12 soon. I have not tought my kids anything close to the way I was raised. WE talk, and I listen to her. I only have to raise my voice to get her to understand that she has done wrong, and then it's over. I hug her, and we go on with life. I may be living my life feeling at times low or useless, but she has told me recently that she  thinks I am a great dad towards her. That brought a tear tomy eyes. This was her talking to me with her own feelings. All I can say is that I know I have done a great job with my girls, and that one day they both will be great with there kids. Randy from Gods country
     Anyone that is abused and comes up from that level is a survivor.  I think that it is wonderful that you have a good relationship with your children.  I know that we treat our son good and he is succesful to prove it.  It doesnt matter what has happened to you in your life you can always choose to be different. Good luck
 
April 10, 2007, 6:04 am CDT

Black Sheep....definately!!

Yeah, I am the Black sheep of the family.  I have been estranged from my family, for nearly four years now, and I think I am starting to let go.  I did the god awful thing of finally standing up to my control freak of a mother, and was automatically wiped by my father, on the net, no less, because he had to choose a side and he had to live with her, so, I have not seen or spoken to them since.

My younger sister, joined in and said that it was best if she did not visit me either, as she did not want to offend my mother, as she relies on my mother for a lot of things.    I have felt a lot of self hate for so many years, not understanding why she used to say the things she said or why when I would say " I loved her" she would say back "I know".   For years I wanted love, craved it and went looking for it.   I think now that she never loved me, really, and I have accepted that.  I feel sorry for my father, and my sister, but they have made their choice in this life, not to see me or my children and I have also accepted that.

Letting go is freedom.  I don't have any feeling for my mother now, which might seem strange to some people, I mean, how can you not have any  feelings.   But to have feelings is to be hurt, and I do not want to hurt anymore.

Today, I have a loving husband of 16 years, two gorgeous girls and a wonderful home life.  I tell them all everyday that I love them.  I tell my girls how beautiful they are and praise them when they do well and when they have tried hard. 

And you know what............I am "not" the black sheep in "my" little family.

 
April 11, 2007, 6:58 am CDT

Black Sheep and Better Off That Way

I am the "black sheep" and I'm proud of it.

 

Here are the medical facts: I have Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, Chiari malformation, syringomyelia from C2-T10, arachnoiditis, DDD, and uncontrollable tonic-clonic seizures. So far, I've had two brain surgeries and one spinal cord surgery to put in a shunt at C4 that drains into my lung cavity to keep the fluid off my brainstem. (All these conditions happened because I was born with them.)

 

Here are the "other" problems: my father molested me from the time I was five years old until my menstrual cycle mercifully started. I didn't tell my mother or any adult until I was in high school and the nightmares became too much and my parents' divorce was almost final and I thought everyone was safe. My mother accused me of lying and never believed me.

 

Because she thought I was lying about the abuse, she thought I was lying about the physical problems also, and she denied me medical care and told me I was making it all up.

 

Skip ahead. I avoid being institutionalized, and fight to keep my sanity and my failing body. I know to hide everything -- from neurodeficits and headaches to incest stories -- and I try to pretend to be normal for 15 years and a college degree and marriages and jobs and life.

 

But it doesn't last. I'm screaming in the night and having panic attacks, my limbs are beginning to jerk strangely, the headaches are undescribable -- and I'm still cooking Christmas dinner for a pack of wolves that only come around on major holidays, borrow money from me and never return it, and visit the father that molested me all the time and insist on telling me how great he is.

 

Seven years ago my body fails completely. An MRI reveals brain tissue is hanging down into my neck and a lot of my spinal cord has been destroyed from the inside out by a fluid-filled cyst. That was the first surgery. It fails. The cyst continues to grow.

 

It's 2003 and the cyst is up in the brainstem and down to my heart. I have no choice. Another surgery. The shunt is put in at C4. I wake up numb from the neck down in ICU.

 

My husband leaves me. Soon after, my family leaves me. My mother says, "What did you think happens to people like you?"

 

I have gone through another brain surgery since. In August last year  the neurosurgeon had to remove three centimeters of brain tissue and the spinal cord was stuck to the brain by scar tissue. He said he'd never seen anything like the damage I had in there. It will be a year before we know if it did any good at all.

 

There is no money for any mental help -- I need to file bankrupcy just for the medical bills -- but having them gone has been the best help of all. I didn't realize how suicidal I was just being around people that didn't support me and belittled me and mocked me. I even heard from a distant relative that they even deny I've even had surgeries; they say I've carved the scars into my head and neck and back to get attention.

 

I wish people understood many child molesters live in their living rooms. They aren't greasy-haired skanks that hang out in the park and slither around in the bushes with lollipops and gummi bears and stick their hands down their pants. They're in nice suburban beds with their daughters, sons, and granddaughters.

 

Manderley

 

 

 

 
April 11, 2007, 7:43 am CDT

Black Sheep of the Family?

YES
 
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