Topic : Asperger's Syndrome

My 16 year old son has high functioning AS. After years of being diagnosed with ADD in the 2nd grade the school psychologist realized this was a misdiagnosis in 7th grade. Much to our relief we know what the issues are.

 My son not one to be around social settings and talking to others was persuaded to play J.V football, soccer and track. He is not the best athlete and the reason for us to have him join was to learn social skills and earn peer acceptance. The coaches were told of his AS and were very accommodating. Even though he didn't play a down of football he earned the respect of all the players by giving 110%. Much like the movie "Rudy".

The past two years he has blossomed and can handle himself in a group setting even though he still prefers to be alone and draw. He can greet people fairly well.

We are very happy at his progress. I would encourge your childern to play sports to keep them in social interactions with others.

My (adult) child does not have AS, but had a myriad of other problems that challenged him physically, educationally and emotionally.  I am also a mental health nurse who has dealt with many children with AS and other challenging disorders.

First, let me address you as mom and human.  Know your needs - plan to get those needs met!  Don't feel guilty when you think that one more outburst will drive you crazy.  Take the time you need to adjust to your situation and then act.  If you are a single parent, partner with others who can give you a break from some of the chaos our children bring us.  Oh, and loose the guilt trip.  For years I wondered if missing one day of prenatal vitamins made the difference - how ridiculous is that?

Research your child's disorder, but know that research only reviews a limited number of cases and opinions are just that - opinions.  When your child begins to ask why he is the way he is, answer his questions honestly in a language he can understand.  When my son asked why his hands did not work well and writing was so hard I told him that the 'printer was not hooked up to the computer in his head', and this was why his hands shook badly when he tried to write.  The family had recently gotten a computer and we all understood what happened when the parts were not hooked up correctly!  Prior to a new school year, prepare a packet of information on AS for all of your child's teachers with suggestions on communication and how to best work with your child - they will bow down and kiss your feet!!!

Be the expert.  You mentioned that the teachers could not attend workshops on the problem.  Remember that you are the expert on your child.  Offer to teach a workshop on this problem.  Teachers must receive a number of continuing education training hours each school year.  This could be one of them.  What better way to be an advocate for your child!  Remember also that the school is obligated BY LAW to provide your child with an education that meets his needs.  There are child advocacy groups that will work with the school to help them develop individualized education plans and monitor that these plans are actually being used.

You owe no one an apology or excuse.  If your child's behavior is disruptive in a quiet setting (i.e. church), explain his situation to your pastor or priest and see what can be done to better help your child to join in at his level.  Plan 'practice trips' to the store when behaviors are out of line - believe me, this works!  When the behavior occurs, remind your child that s/he is not allowed to act in such a manner and that shopping at a store is a privilege.  When necessary, leave while reminding the child that you will return to the store when the behaviors stop.  This takes a lot of time and patience, but is worth the investment. 

Plan your intervention.  One of the biggest problems I have seen with parents who get 'stuck' in their child's problems is that they react to behaviors - they do not plan to address them.  Give your child limits - your child needs limits - your child craves limits.  Make the limits reasonable for their age and developmental skills.  Telling a 5 year old s/he is grounded is no more appropriate than telling a 14 year old to take a time out.  I have found that by appealing to the developmental needs of a child you can get them to comply with more appropriate social behaviors.  Set a goal for behavior and a reward together - children are more likely to work toward a goal THEY want.  Because of childhood obesity right now, I would suggest that you do not use food as a reward.  However, a reward that includes food (i.e. pizza party for child and two friends) is OK because it focuses on the social reward of the party.  Use the word 'when' instead of 'if' (i.e. when you finish cleaning your room you can watch TV); I have found that the word 'if' gives the child an option of refusing. 

When he was 15, my son went through a period of time when he just refused to bathe - the water on his skin was a tactile experience he could not tolerate.  He would scream and cry in the shower and a tub bath was no better.  In spite of this, he had to bathe.  We did what we could to encourage him and changed the head on the shower, but he refused to try a shower again.  The solution?  When the smell got so bad I moved him on the deck.  I told him he would live there until he decided to take his shower - he decided he liked the air conditioning at night more than the discomfort of the shower.  It took a few days for him to adapt, but adapt he did.  The shower was no longer a problem.

Hang in there, Mom.  You have been entrusted with a child with special gifts.  Find those gifts and celebrate them. 

Another mom

My son was diagnosed with PDD-NOS at the age of 5. He is 11 now. Your son sounds alot like mine. He was very obsessed with many things(staring at his reflection in mirrors and glass for hours,lining up his toy cars in order over and over again, we couldn't leave the house without him either wearing his batman costume, or carrying a dump truck). Sensory overload so bad, that he would literally lay down on the floor at the grocery store or Walmart. He can memorize the complete dialouge of a television program. He has been in special education since kindergarten, and is doing quite well. He still has a one to one aide at school, is in regular class rooms, but needs to take the special bus because of his inability to control himself on the bus.(Too much noise).

He was late in walking, late in speaking sentences, and wasn't toilet trained until he was 4. I was convinced that he had a hearing problem. He would not answer me or acknowledge me unless I put my face in front of his to get his attention. After a hearing test(which proved he could hear), his pediatrician said it was "selective hearing." My concerns about my son's delays were not taken seriously by his doctor. I was always told he would grow out of it. Being my only child, I had nothing to compare him to, so I just thought that everything was fine,and I must be an overly concerned parent.

He has the gross motor skills of a child half his age, but his fine motor skills are only 2 years behind his peers. He has always made alot of odd sounds(chirpping,squeaking,excessive throat clearing), but when he was 9 he started making odd movements too(placing his chin on his shoulder,throwing his arm out to one side extremely fast,and wanting to walk on his toes).When he was 10, he was diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome too.

He is very awkward in social situations. He still receives speech therapy 3x a week. Communiction is still a big hurdle for him. He says inappropriate things, and often talks about things that are not the topic of his conversations. He is very rude, but he doesn't know it. He will make eye contact now, but he will not wear any shirts that have collars or buttons.

My son is a delightful child. He has come along way since we first heard about the Autistic Spectrum. The few behaviors that you said your son exhibits,sounds an awful lot like autism to me.What you said about his coordination is a big red flag. I hope your son will be able to get the diagnosis soon. I wish my son was daignosed when he first started showing the signs(about 2 1/2). Talk to everybody that works with your son, especially his school. Has he been evaluated by the school district?

I have an aunt who is about a year o lder than I. Her only child, a son, fits the description of this syndrome to a T. He learned to read almost as soon as he could talk. As a young boy he would quote a page he had been reading word-for-word, including "see figure 2" and the like. He developed an obsessive interest in demographics at an early age. His mother managed his eccentiricities very well; his father died when he was a young teen. Since graduating college he has been employed in Washington DC in the Bureau of Statistics.

SD