Quote From: bajalgI can understand your concern for your neice. She has chosen to become in a lifestyle that most people consider dangerous. Considering the fact that she has some mentally disabilities it makes it even harder. At her age though you can't stop her, but you can sit her down and talk to her and make some preparations to make things safer for her, which appears to be your ultimate concern. There is things called safe calls. Does she have a cell phone? If not make sure that she gets one. The two of you sit down together and figure out a safe word, so that you can call and she can use that word if she is okay. Tell her you need their address and phone number, not because you are checking up on her, but because of safety concerns. Then when you call her, if she doesn't use the the safe word you to come up with call the police.
I can tell that a lot of times, people who become involved in bdsm relationships ecspecially on the submissive side, feel that they were born that way. They have had that intense need to serve for as long as they can remember. But if she is only 9 months into this relationship, she isn't ready for a collar. The collar is much like a wedding ring in traditional terms. It is taken as a very serious commitment between the two parties.
I will keep you both in my thoughts.
realize that this question is far too old for this advice to be of any
use to the OP, but on the off chance that someone else comes here with
a similar problem, I thought I would attempt to offer my advice.
Firstly,
I have been on the internet the better part of a decade, from it's
public inception all the way till now in an unbroken trend. I have
never met a predator, and I have never spoken to anyone who HAS met a
predator. I have never met anyone who had met a predator. I was 12 when
I first started using the internet. I have been in chat rooms,
participated very actively in message boards, and spent more time in
online gaming than I care to admit. I am not aware of any method of
internet based communication that I have not engaged in on a regular
basis. After all that, after having spoken to easily 7500 people to one
extent or another, I have never met anyone who I would even suspect of
being a predator. After all that, after having spoken to easily 7500
people, I have not so much as met anyone who mentioned having met someone who they suspected even for a second of being a predator.
Now, if those 7500 people talked to 250 people each in there time on
the internet, we have brought our count all the way up to 1875000
people as a conservative estimate.
The odds seem unlikely that Dateline and Perverted Justice have THAT
much more luck in finding predators than I do, to where they can spend
less than a year doing so and manage to find however many hundreds they
claim. My point in all this is that these predators that have sprung up
all over network news are so uncommon as to unbelievable. Just because
Dateline invents people, and Perverted Justice frames them, doesn't
mean that there is some great looming threat to American children.
Once
we have gotten over that hurdle, and your arguement does extend well
beyond the issue of internet-based sexual predators, we are faced with
what is argueably a far greater issue, at least in the individual case
with which we are confronted. That issue is of her age and
developmental age. There is no such thing as a learning disability
which will set ones developmental age back. A learning disability is
simply a disability which makes ones academics, usually in a certain
area, sink below their IQ and therefor their potential ability level.
It seems to me that if you were given that diagnosis you should attempt
to convince her to seek other testing and possibly treatment
immediately. That being said, and I do not mean to offend, it is far
more likely that you have simply misinterpreted information at some
stage between the psychoanylyst and your current belief. It therefor
stands to reason that she is probably 22 developmentally as well as
physically. This means that she is an adult, in body mind and spirit.
The
issue that seems to be at the core of this, and forgive me if I am
wrong, is a basic distaste for BDSM. You feel that she is being taken
advantage of because she is submitting to their will. You feel that her
entering into their marraige is unhealthy, that she is being used as a
sexual object. I will not expound the virtues of a BDSM relationship
here, as that is very much a subject which one could write a book
about. I am, in fact, writing a book about the subject as we speak.
That being said, if I were you, or anyone, I would look in to some
information gathering. Find a good book on the emotional context of
BDSM.
As for the suggestion that someone who is mentally
handicapped is a poor candidate for a BDSM practitioner, that is
something like saying they are poor candidates for relationships in
general. It may be true, although in this case I very much disagree
with that basic premise, but to deny ones self is far more damaging. It
is concievable, if we assume that she is developmentally delayed, that
she is not yet ready. It is probably not a good idea for a 16 year old
to become a slave to a pair of masters vastly her senior.
I
would agree that the best thing to do would be to speak to her. Ask if
she minds your speaking to her masters. (I would suggest researching
first, speaking second; attempting to deal with a delicate situation
like this takes tact, and tact springs directly from understanding) If
she says know, then remember that no matter how old she is
developmentally she is still 22 and you cannot MAKE her do anything. A
wise man once said "A wise parent will seek to become a trusted
advisor, so that they may continue to impart their experience to their child as
their absolute power fades." Do not drive her away by going behind her
back - there are hundreds of masters and mistresses, just because you
can drive her away from this couple doesn't mean it will take her a
full week to find another one. If you take a tactful approach to your
conversation with her masters, with her blessing, I am sure that they
will consider the merits of your arguement highly. As was said, BDSM is
completely about SSC (Safe, Sane, and Consentual) and that means that,
particularly from the perspective of a master, responsibility is key.
