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Topic : Safeguarding Your Kids from Internet Predators

Number of Replies: 75
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Sunday, September 17, 2006, 12:05:20 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
With more and more children accessing the internet, safety is a key issue. What should you be aware of and how do you keep your own kids safe online? Share your tips and advice here.

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February 7, 2007, 1:47 pm CST

Safeguarding Your Kids from Internet Predators

Quote From: luvmylife2k

no webcams PERIOD! They are only used to see outward apperence.

 

Put computer in a room where you, the parent, can walk by at any time.  This will keep kids from being places they shouldn't be.  which brings me to..

 

No Chatrooms PERIOD!  Your kids had friends before internet. (If your kids are laking in the friend department, try to find organizations in your community with potential of meeting new friends)  You still have a telephone, tell your kids to call thier friends.

 

Ask your kids-friends-parents to monitor the internet in THIER homes as well.  If they dont see the "problem"  ask them not to let your child use the internet at their house.

 

Remember your children can go to the library to use the internet.  They really DONT need it at home.

 

Parents need to use thier natural radar systems.  If something seems wrong, it probably is.  I hope my advice seems helpful, and doesn't sound too much like I took it straight from an episode of Dr. Phil (which some of it probably did)..:)

 

 

That seems like SO severe. Im only 14 and i know i dont know everything. But not letting your kids IM their friends or going to a chat room? Personally, I think that as long as they're talking to their friends only then whats the big deal? Alot of it is that kids just wanna fit in. Like Myspace, we just wanna have what all our friends do. Its a cool way to keep in touch with them. And truthfully, when my mom gets all mad and sets up these rules, NO this, NO that before I even do anything it makes me feel paranoid and like, almost as if she doesnt understand where im coming from. Now the webcams, I agree with that. But as long as you know the site your kid is on and you know they're talking to their friends ONLY I dont see the problem Plus dont critisize them for asking for a myspace, xanga, friendster, etc. But I do agree with the computer in the living room, checking out what they're looking at, monitoring their friend lists, and such. I just think the absolutely NO internet thing is drastic. I hope this doesnt sound like a typical 14 year old complaining and whining. Im just being honest on how some kids view it.

 
February 20, 2007, 9:08 pm CST

Safeguarding Your Kids from Internet Predators

Quote From: cayla_snf

That seems like SO severe. Im only 14 and i know i dont know everything. But not letting your kids IM their friends or going to a chat room? Personally, I think that as long as they're talking to their friends only then whats the big deal? Alot of it is that kids just wanna fit in. Like Myspace, we just wanna have what all our friends do. Its a cool way to keep in touch with them. And truthfully, when my mom gets all mad and sets up these rules, NO this, NO that before I even do anything it makes me feel paranoid and like, almost as if she doesnt understand where im coming from. Now the webcams, I agree with that. But as long as you know the site your kid is on and you know they're talking to their friends ONLY I dont see the problem Plus dont critisize them for asking for a myspace, xanga, friendster, etc. But I do agree with the computer in the living room, checking out what they're looking at, monitoring their friend lists, and such. I just think the absolutely NO internet thing is drastic. I hope this doesnt sound like a typical 14 year old complaining and whining. Im just being honest on how some kids view it.

I agree with you, kid. But I guess technology just scares some people.
 
February 22, 2007, 4:34 pm CST

Myspace Accounts

I have a question for all of you out there young & old alike. I created a fake profile on myspace to see how far I could get with my stepdaughter and her friends. (both profiles are "private) I request to be "friends" with my stepdaughter's friend & she let me in. After reading all of her comments from way back in September to present, I found out some disturbing things she said about myself & her dad. A few days into this they both figured out (from the Trakor thats on her friend's site) that it was me. My stepdaughter was so pissed that she e mailed her father to "handle this".  I then deleted the account. But as he put it, if I could get that far, how far would a "bad person" get?  Now mind you they are 17 yrs old, but I think they are very naive. She said she never wants to see me again-now mind you we are going to visit them in March for her brother's graduation from college.  What do you think?  Was I wrong? I admit, maybe the way I went about it was deceitful, but it worked.

 

Thanks

 
February 28, 2007, 6:44 am CST

Safeguarding Your Kids from Internet Predators

Quote From: cupcake42

I have a question for all of you out there young & old alike. I created a fake profile on myspace to see how far I could get with my stepdaughter and her friends. (both profiles are "private) I request to be "friends" with my stepdaughter's friend & she let me in. After reading all of her comments from way back in September to present, I found out some disturbing things she said about myself & her dad. A few days into this they both figured out (from the Trakor thats on her friend's site) that it was me. My stepdaughter was so pissed that she e mailed her father to "handle this".  I then deleted the account. But as he put it, if I could get that far, how far would a "bad person" get?  Now mind you they are 17 yrs old, but I think they are very naive. She said she never wants to see me again-now mind you we are going to visit them in March for her brother's graduation from college.  What do you think?  Was I wrong? I admit, maybe the way I went about it was deceitful, but it worked.

 

Thanks

I can understand that it is hard. I am not a mother, but I am a twenty year old girl who had some friends who chatted people up on the internet. And believe me, it is not safe. The thiong is, young people love to talk about the things they don't like to people they don't know. The whole idea is that the people you are talking about will never read it. I am not saying that what she did was right, not at all. But for the 'bad person' on the internet... The only thing you can do is raise your daughter the best way you can. If you worry about her, talk to her and do not let her send you away. A friend of mine went on a date when she was 16 with someone she did not know, and she still regrets it.

 But about you making a fake profile... That never works. Two years I had a boyfriend who I really loved and because I made a fake identity to find out what he was doing ( I had the feeling he was cheating on me) I found out a lot of things I did not want to know about him. It totally broke my heart. So I would advice people not to make fake accounts... Honesty is the way to go. Just ask, respect the other person. Everyone does things they regret later. You should base your relationship with her on honesty. But, of course this is just my opinion...

 
March 28, 2007, 9:20 pm CDT

mother of teen daughter

Quote From: ellenvonk

I can understand that it is hard. I am not a mother, but I am a twenty year old girl who had some friends who chatted people up on the internet. And believe me, it is not safe. The thiong is, young people love to talk about the things they don't like to people they don't know. The whole idea is that the people you are talking about will never read it. I am not saying that what she did was right, not at all. But for the 'bad person' on the internet... The only thing you can do is raise your daughter the best way you can. If you worry about her, talk to her and do not let her send you away. A friend of mine went on a date when she was 16 with someone she did not know, and she still regrets it.

 But about you making a fake profile... That never works. Two years I had a boyfriend who I really loved and because I made a fake identity to find out what he was doing ( I had the feeling he was cheating on me) I found out a lot of things I did not want to know about him. It totally broke my heart. So I would advice people not to make fake accounts... Honesty is the way to go. Just ask, respect the other person. Everyone does things they regret later. You should base your relationship with her on honesty. But, of course this is just my opinion...

My daughter is 13 almost 14. This MySpace is horrible, there are hackers that can get your info from your computer with every keystroke, proven fact. My daughter has chatted and tried to meet people from this place. And she believes every word some one writes to her. She lies about (well she did) she no longer has access to computer, her age, maked arrangements to meet strange people female as well as male, and I could go on forever. The use of the computer for teens need to be monitered AT ALL TIMES. Especially no chat rooms, the time spent on the computer except for research or homework, can be used for more constructive things, spending time with real people, walking exercise, time with family friends anything except what is going on with the computer. Parents take the time to know what your children are doing, I thought I was and she was doing these right under my nose. I have put a stop to it, making sure she has other more important things to keep her occupied. Reading is a great past time, anything but the computer, it causes lots of problems
 
April 10, 2007, 10:32 am CDT

Safeguarding Your Kids from Internet Predators

Quote From: bajalg

I can understand your concern for your neice. She has chosen to become in a lifestyle that most people consider dangerous. Considering the fact that she has some mentally disabilities it makes it even harder. At her age though you can't stop her, but you can sit her down and talk to her and make some preparations to make things safer for her, which appears to be your ultimate concern. There is things called safe calls. Does she have a cell phone? If not make sure that she gets one. The two of you sit down together and figure out a safe word, so that you can call and she can use that word if she is okay. Tell her you need their address and phone number, not because you are checking up on her, but because of safety concerns. Then when you call her, if she doesn't use the the safe word you to come up with call the police.

I can tell that a lot of times, people who become involved in bdsm relationships ecspecially on the submissive side, feel that they were born that way. They have had that intense need to serve for as long as they can remember. But if she is only 9 months into this relationship, she isn't ready for a collar. The collar is much like a wedding ring in traditional terms. It is taken as a very serious commitment between the two parties.

I will keep you both in my thoughts.

 

I know that this was posted a while ago but I thought I would share something. I myself am a Sub in the BDSM community. What is going on with your niece is not uncommon. Her "masters" are not allowing her to call at all hours of the night because they want her to trust them but because that's the way it works, slaves do NOTHING without speaking to their masters. Any responsible Master however will not take advantage of your niece. I have worked with children and adults with mental disabilities, and in MY opinion, this lifestyle isn't really well suited for some with mental disablities. The thing is you are part of the family, but you SERVE them, and you are punished when you disobey. Mentally this takes some inner strength and of course it takes understanding. I've even talked to people with ADHD who say they have trouble in the BDSM community, who say they tend to have a lot of trouble because they can't focus, i couldn't imagine doing it with a mental disability. Also I just want to mention that while some people feel we are "born this way" others realize we were "made this way" out of abuse in the past, or rape, or other things. For consenting adults sometimes it can be a good thing, however I would be concerned about your neice. Many Masters don't work with "safe words" or "safe calls" (which the 'safe call' I've never even heard of). I know that you can't do anything about it, because she's 22 years old, but if it were me, I would ask her if you could speak to her Masters. Another thing is that she's gotten herself in with a couple. That's hard on anyone. Having two masters is HARD. I agree with the person who said have an HONEST conversation with her. In general it isn't a dangerous relationship, however; I believe in this case any responsible subs and masters would advise against it. I hope that helps. Please feel free to contact me if you have any specific questions.
 
April 19, 2007, 10:53 pm CDT

The Internet is a dangerous place.... BEWARE

 

I have read these posts and the message I seem to be getting from the youngsters is that the web is not a bad place. The oldsters are clueless to the "thrill" these kids achieve when online.

 

I can not stress enough to parents that they MUST place restrictions (ban is better) on the kids using this tool. The software "nannies" are a bandaid fix to a hemorrhage, the web is dangerous to childrens safety. I realize parents may be intimidating  to the oldsters, but even someone with 25 plus years in the industry, I have have encouraged my kids from an early age to become adept at its use, however, the web is worse than allowing your kids to walk down a street in the redlight district with a sign on them saying "Hey I'm here and I want a friend". The scum will swarm.

 

For those oldsters who really want to know and track their kids, activity recorders will let you see EVERYTHING they do. Then it is in black and white. EVERY parent needs to see where and what their kids are doing, and not expect a software nanny to do their job.

 

I believe that PARENTS who provide COMPUTERS and access to the web to minors (under 18) without verifying exactly what they are doing is setting that kid up for pain. Kids will protest, but see, I am an oldster who has been in the industry for 25 years, and with two mid teen kids, and I  rue the day I introduced them to the web. I may have lost my kids because within the last three months we have been embroiled in biiter fight over their "right" to privacy and what they are doing on the web. I explained to my kids that myspace is off limits because the dangers are too high. I caught my kids with pages, and they agreed to delete. I checked and found that I was vilified to their friends... so I did not care. Their lives were more important to me than their anger. But they didn't delete, they posted pictures of themselves......in front of my cars with the license plate clearly visible. and the sign said " Here I am, a 13 year old beautiful young women, and here is where I live"

 

Don't let your friends drive drunk, and don't let your kids on the web without knowing  EXACTLY what they are doing..... and the nice thing about activity recorders... they will never know it's there.... makes you look like all knowing and all seeing.... but you end up being their Guardian Angel........

 
May 10, 2007, 1:32 am CDT

Meetings

 Hello, I am 15 years old and I have been using the computer since around the age of seven years old. I have been taught well what not to say online and know the dangers of meeting people online. Me and my family were huge on internet gaming but not so much anymore. I will admit that I have met two people in the past two years from gaming online and one from myspace ALL with parent consent. My parents talked to the ones I was about to meet that were from out of town for a couple of months and knew that I knew both of them for a couple of years. The key to meeting people online is NEVER letting your guard down, do not tell them where you live under any circumstances. The first kid I met was 14 at the time and flew down from Texas since I met him around ten years of age and he seemed like a good friend. I got him and a personal friend I knew to start a long distance relationship. Although nothing went wrong, her parents made a huge mistake of telling him where they lived instead of meeting him somewhere in a public place first.
The second guy I met was around the age of 23 also from online gaming, I met him earlier this year, he flew down from Canada and we saw a concert and went to Disneyland with my parents. For two years online, he didn't even know what city I lived in. I made sure he didn't know my adress. Me and my dad met him at a bus stop and got to know him to see if he wasn't a fake. He was real shy but expressed his opinions just like online. We then took him to his hotel and spent the week together, but never alone.

I was in a long distance relationship with a 19 year old from Pennsylvania for about a year and I was ready to meet him. He wanted to move down here if he liked me as well as he thought he did and also go to college. I didn't think I was worth all of that and considering I was 14 at the time I felt as if I shouldn't make any huge choices like that and decided to cancel.

I have in fact met one kid from myspace at a local mall with a group of people but only after talking to him for a few months. That went great and we still talk today. Everyone I have met online will continue to be friends.

Parents do NOT let your guards down. If your child wants to meet someone online make sure you are with them at least in eye site and in a public place preferably inside. If you do not allow them to meet, they will do it behind your back. I'm sure you would rather know who your child is really going to meet. Just approach anything having to do with the internet with caution.

Teach your kids the proper use of internet safety and show them things that can happen.  You need to show them that these dangers are real.

Here are links of clips from the series Dateline. Decoys pose as 13 year old and get grown men to drive to a house many hours away from them and get caught.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHlKlWCQemY&mode=related&search=
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5OZzp7HSKs&mode=related&search=
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_kADup_wZw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dq0sspghVi8&mode=related&search=


Monitor what your kids are saying online as best as you can. As long as they are living in your house, you have a right to know.




-Angela



clownvixen@hotmail.com
 
June 19, 2007, 2:21 am CDT

hallo a little reminder from denmark

i am a 14yo girl from Denmark and in denmark its hard to find out who is Real and who is out to get in to bed whit you  the law do not try to protact us at all  thay havea thing thay call safe Chat but it doest work alot og older men Try to talk to me

and its hard to try to find out who is who becouse alot of the lier about thay ages

i have one older friend thay trys to protact me and my Sted dad trys to protact me also but it doest work to good becouse of how many thay are  Jubii Chat Arto Chat and other Chat plases thay are for us Teens got alot of problems whit older ppl and thay do not do anything to keep them awey from us and i need a advise what to do thanks.

 

from mette from Denmark

 
July 5, 2007, 8:59 am CDT

Please all parents with teens read!

Quote From: oet_gaol

well just walking by every now and then isn't enough you will need to educate yourself on using a computer aswell. I as a teen can do anything I want if I wanted to. The computer is in a common room but I know the computer better as my parents and am therefor able to allude my parrents if I wanted to.

 

As for chat rooms I agree don't allow them untill they are wise enough not to do stupid things. but you should allow teens to use messenger programs like MSN messenger or ICQ there are others but these I've used and therefor now risks are relativly low (if they don't give their email addresses they won't be added by someone. Why should you allow this? It is an important part of teen culture and a teens social network now a days also for making homework for instance.

 

Just make sure to check over their shoulder every once and a while.

 

For the webcam part it isn't all that helpfull anymore most children carry around mobile phones with camera's aswell and they'll still be able to post pictures on the net if you aren't carefull. Often these pictures or video's have higher resolution aswell.

 

Also most of you own a digital (video) camera which is easily connected to your pc aswell and most digital foto camera's have an option to video aswell nowadays. So instead of forbidding it just make sure they wont do anything stupid by teaching them the dangers of the internet and how they should use it safely (again this involves educating yourself aswell.)  B.T.W. I do think you shouldn't let your twelve year old have a webcam for instance but a proper educated 15 year old will be able to use it without much danger.

 

Oet Gäöl

Please parents understand no matter who your child is they are at risk of these predators. I am 16 I know this so please listen. Under no circumstances is it wrong for you to walk by as often as you want to check on your kids when they are on the internet. Nothing they do on that internet should be PRIVATE! They can flirt they can have fun but for no reason should they be allowed to have a web cam! That is crazy! If they want to talk to friends they know what they look like already, that cam is only for bad. I personally know this. I go on these chat sites, I used to have many pen pals in the past. Now when I go one the first thing they ask is age, location, and gender. It's not hello anymore parents. Then they start asking if you could send them pictures and things like that. Watch your teens. The nicest children get caught into these things I know this. The sweetest kids are still in danger. You might think that your kid knows better but as a teen I know sometimes kids do things to spite you and it is hard to understand but try parents. A child should be on the internet for chatting with friends, homework, and games. Please as a teen I know, please watch your teens. I have seen my friends go out and find people they see on the internet and date them. My frind was 15 he was 45. She was an -A student she was nice and smart. I asked her why she did it and she said because her parents always said it was bad, but they ticked her off so they don't understand her so they can't possibly know him! WHAT!!! Please parents know what is best for your teens you don't have to be their friend please keep a close eye on them, it is hard sometimes for us to grasp the fact that parents know what's best. So please every parent out their, if you love your kids, keep a close eye on them. 
 
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