Message Boards

Topic : Safeguarding Your Kids from Internet Predators

Number of Replies: 75
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Sunday, September 17, 2006, 12:05:20 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
With more and more children accessing the internet, safety is a key issue. What should you be aware of and how do you keep your own kids safe online? Share your tips and advice here.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

November 30, 2007, 1:48 pm CST

Safeguarding Your Kids from Internet Predators

Quote From: ann_macy

My son (15) has been caught going on porn sites. First time he said it was out of curiosity. I understood.  Since then he has been caught a couple of more times. I have done several things to stop his access but he recently found a way. When he was confronted he began to cry and said he doesn't know what to do it. Although he doesn't want to do this for many reasons he says he just can't stop. He wants the internet out of the house altogether. I would be happy to do this but he has used other computers out of my home. How do I help him? What do I do? I do not want him on these sites and I am very upset that he says he is drawn to them and doesn't know how to stop.  PLEASE HELP! I don't know what to do.
Usually I don't reply to posts, but when I read this it struck a bit of a nerve.

I don't have any children myself, but as a young adult I think I might be able to spread some light on the situation as someone from the same generation as your son. I think you are over reacting. Your son is at an age when boys and girls (and from my experience, especially boys) are exploring their sexuality. When I was 15, every single boy I knew watched porn. If they said they didn't they were lying (look in the Temp file on any private computer, chances are you'll find porn).
It sounds to me that when you caught your son on porn sites again and again, he became more and more embarassed. Perhaps the reason he started crying is simply because he was BEYOND humiliated (if I were in that circumstance, I probably would have done the same). He knew you didn't approve and he obviously wants to make you proud, so it was a circumstance of extreme conflicting emotions. Kids will say anything to make their parents proud or to get out of trouble... I think this is probably why he said he wanted the internet out of the house.
It is NATURAL for him to explore those things. I understand how horrified you must have been to see him doing this, but rather than taking the normal parent reaction and tell him to stop, I think a wiser course of action would be to talk about it with him. He is obviously troubled by the fact he wants to see naked women, but *GASP* most young men do! This is just like kids stealing dirty magazines from stores back in the 50's-- it was seen as a bad thing to do back then, and watching porn is seen as a bad thing to do now. Why?
I don't agree to what ceildh1's response to your post was at all. Taking the keyboard and mouse seems like a much-too-drastic measure, unless all that your son is doing all day is sitting and watching porn. The occasional "adult content" is natural, maybe even good, to explore. Allow your son to learn about those things. Natural drive is different than addiction. If it gets to the point that he's becoming overly obsessive, (as in, watching hours of porn a day or something ridiculous along those lines), THEN I think ceildh1's advice is perfect. Your son doesn't "need professional help". He needs parents to talk to him with an open mind about things like sex. As someone with two EXREMELY conservative parents, I know how important it is to be able to talk, on some normal level, about sex with your mom or dad.

I hope this advice isn't coming too much too late as I see you posted your problem almost a year ago. Please, just calm down and talk to him. He sounds like a perfectly normal, (albeit emotionally distraught), healthy boy to me. Give him a hug :)
 
December 1, 2007, 7:54 pm CST

i agree

Quote From: cayla_snf

That seems like SO severe. Im only 14 and i know i dont know everything. But not letting your kids IM their friends or going to a chat room? Personally, I think that as long as they're talking to their friends only then whats the big deal? Alot of it is that kids just wanna fit in. Like Myspace, we just wanna have what all our friends do. Its a cool way to keep in touch with them. And truthfully, when my mom gets all mad and sets up these rules, NO this, NO that before I even do anything it makes me feel paranoid and like, almost as if she doesnt understand where im coming from. Now the webcams, I agree with that. But as long as you know the site your kid is on and you know they're talking to their friends ONLY I dont see the problem Plus dont critisize them for asking for a myspace, xanga, friendster, etc. But I do agree with the computer in the living room, checking out what they're looking at, monitoring their friend lists, and such. I just think the absolutely NO internet thing is drastic. I hope this doesnt sound like a typical 14 year old complaining and whining. Im just being honest on how some kids view it.

i mostly agree with what you say too. im also a teen, and i think that you CAN talk with other people that you don't know online... as long as you don't give out your: address (home OR email), hometown (unless you live in a BIG city like LA or New York), social security # (if the kid even KNOWS it, I know I dont), phone # (cell or home), or any other personal info. but sometimes I personally find it helpfull to find advice online from 3rd party people, and things like that. Also, online you can be a whole new person, like if you're shy in real life, you can open up more to people that you know you're never going to meet.
 
December 1, 2007, 7:58 pm CST

For those of you who are worried about your kids...

For those of you who are worried...

A while ago there was a presentation at my friend's school about internet saftey that she told me about, the officer who put it together actually found out one girl's address and such because of the information she put on her Myspace... she gave me the site and I changed a LOT of things on my profiles and such... so if any of you worried parents need it, the site is www.internetchildsafety.net . Please tell me what you think!

 
December 11, 2007, 9:37 am CST

What do you do?

My X wife has a 23 yr old self admitted drug addict, alcoholic bi-sexual girl living the house with her and my 12 yr old daughter. This 23 yr old girl has pictures of herself and other girls in sexually provocative displays. There is a picture of this girl and my 12 yr old daughter with the caption "i wanna do a b&e and i'm not talking about bacon and eggs thou that sh". I contacted several bi-sexual an lesbian women all over the united states and have been told this comment is sexual in nature. My x wife refuses to discuss this with me. I have reported it to the Dept. Of Justice Cycer Tip Hotline, the FBI, the State Police,  and even tried to reprt it directly to the local Detective that handles internet crimes in this city. For the past 2 yrs the local police dept has ignored threats on my life from my X wifes boyfriend who has an extensive criminal and domestic record. No one has done anything. I began reporting this on 11/26/07. I tried to persue this through the courts prior to reporting it. When I contacted my attornry regarding this in October I received a letter from him dismissing himself from my case. What do i do?

 
December 11, 2007, 10:39 am CST

Remove the computers!!!

 We are removing the computers from our home. You CAN live without them! And when you remobve High Speed internet,  and cable TV overload...your teen probably wont want to waste his or her time waiting for a slow download, or watching network TV, no SouthPark or 24/7 cartoons!!..   Dr Phil talks about parents doing the hard work.. I am willing to take away the problem items at least in my home.. no internet, no alchohol, no cel phone..etc.   No car!!!    Geez! It's not fun being the bad guy, but they actually start reading, drawing, playing games and talking to you wiothout Everyone glued to a screen!
    It is the parents who don't want to give up these convenoiences.. and addictions...    selfish.
I know, cuz I am talking about MYSELF!!  It is so hard to let go, but the benifits are great!  
You can always hook it back up !  Lisan
 
December 15, 2007, 3:44 pm CST

Safeguarding Your Kids from Internet Predators

Quote From: lisan3kids

 We are removing the computers from our home. You CAN live without them! And when you remobve High Speed internet,  and cable TV overload...your teen probably wont want to waste his or her time waiting for a slow download, or watching network TV, no SouthPark or 24/7 cartoons!!..   Dr Phil talks about parents doing the hard work.. I am willing to take away the problem items at least in my home.. no internet, no alchohol, no cel phone..etc.   No car!!!    Geez! It's not fun being the bad guy, but they actually start reading, drawing, playing games and talking to you wiothout Everyone glued to a screen!
    It is the parents who don't want to give up these convenoiences.. and addictions...    selfish.
I know, cuz I am talking about MYSELF!!  It is so hard to let go, but the benifits are great!  
You can always hook it back up !  Lisan

real smart removing the computer, (he) only needs it for homework... (no it can't always be done in school.)  Next to that it is a major part of teen's social network nowadays.

 

Anyways why so drastic? you can restrict use of these items! But then is more work because then you have to enforce the rules. anyways it doesn't have to be so drastic.

 
January 3, 2008, 12:05 pm CST

Need some help

I dont know what to do and I need help.  I have a brother who has one daughter of his own..and 2 stepdaughters.  We have a cousin who is male, 23 years old.  I have always had a funny feeling around him, for years.  I think he is getting ready to violate my nieces and no one will listen to me.  He started with the oldest girl.  Giving her really expensive presents, taking her to the zoo..stuff like that.  Then she got older.  And the middle sister became his attention getter.  Same thing..he is still paying alot of attention to her right now, the little one, my actual niece...is starting to get things from him too.  He volunteers to babysit for them, always around them.  He has actually moved everytime they do to the city where they are.  I have asked the girls over and over if he has done anything to them..and they all say no.  I am very close to these children.  I have told my brother and his girlfriend that I dont like what he does and I dont trust him.  But they say I am a drama queen and need to stop dreaming up things.  I know in my heart this man is evil. I did some research today on the internet about pedophiles.  I learned about the grooming process.  Buying them things, (he does), always plays with them, kids games(he does), taking them to the zoo, to get ice cream, (he does), offers to babysit all the time.  Everything...all the signs..they are there.  I need to know how to address this with the parents.  I have talked to them before and they wont listen.  And now, the girls told me he is getting ready to move in with them.  I have to stop something from happening.  How do I do it.  I have confronted him myself...on my own..and he told me I was crazy.  This man is very evil, sneaky, and vendictive(spelled wrong)...he always brags about how he can kill someone with his thumb, has guns ..things like that.  I know if I said something to the police, he would hurt my children.  I need help ....please...I know I am not blowing things out of content.  I dont think he has done anything yet...but he is getting ready too.....on a list of ten things to look for....he had done 9 of them...

Please, someone tell me what to do......

Thank you and God Bless,

Angela

 
January 4, 2008, 4:20 pm CST

Safeguarding Your Kids from Internet Predators

Quote From: angelarenee74

I dont know what to do and I need help.  I have a brother who has one daughter of his own..and 2 stepdaughters.  We have a cousin who is male, 23 years old.  I have always had a funny feeling around him, for years.  I think he is getting ready to violate my nieces and no one will listen to me.  He started with the oldest girl.  Giving her really expensive presents, taking her to the zoo..stuff like that.  Then she got older.  And the middle sister became his attention getter.  Same thing..he is still paying alot of attention to her right now, the little one, my actual niece...is starting to get things from him too.  He volunteers to babysit for them, always around them.  He has actually moved everytime they do to the city where they are.  I have asked the girls over and over if he has done anything to them..and they all say no.  I am very close to these children.  I have told my brother and his girlfriend that I dont like what he does and I dont trust him.  But they say I am a drama queen and need to stop dreaming up things.  I know in my heart this man is evil. I did some research today on the internet about pedophiles.  I learned about the grooming process.  Buying them things, (he does), always plays with them, kids games(he does), taking them to the zoo, to get ice cream, (he does), offers to babysit all the time.  Everything...all the signs..they are there.  I need to know how to address this with the parents.  I have talked to them before and they wont listen.  And now, the girls told me he is getting ready to move in with them.  I have to stop something from happening.  How do I do it.  I have confronted him myself...on my own..and he told me I was crazy.  This man is very evil, sneaky, and vendictive(spelled wrong)...he always brags about how he can kill someone with his thumb, has guns ..things like that.  I know if I said something to the police, he would hurt my children.  I need help ....please...I know I am not blowing things out of content.  I dont think he has done anything yet...but he is getting ready too.....on a list of ten things to look for....he had done 9 of them...

Please, someone tell me what to do......

Thank you and God Bless,

Angela

Well I don't really know what you should do.

Maybe keep a close eye on the children, if anything happens it will at least not drag on. He is innocent until proven guilty so no law enforcement agency can do anything. As for your brother and his girlfriend: If they don't want to listen then you can't do anything either. You could risk loosing contact with the children which would mean you can't protect them at all. Maybe you could let him read about pedophiles (acreddited source like a book from a psychologist) so he will see that pedophiles often are people you know well (and trust) and that kidnappings like Dutroux in belgium in the 90's are pretty rare.

 

but I suggest you repost in in this board http://www.drphil.com/messageboard/topic/175/ it has more posts per month on average and is watched by more people who might give better advice.

 
January 9, 2008, 12:46 pm CST

Safeguarding Your Kids from Internet Predators

Quote From: cayla_snf

That seems like SO severe. Im only 14 and i know i dont know everything. But not letting your kids IM their friends or going to a chat room? Personally, I think that as long as they're talking to their friends only then whats the big deal? Alot of it is that kids just wanna fit in. Like Myspace, we just wanna have what all our friends do. Its a cool way to keep in touch with them. And truthfully, when my mom gets all mad and sets up these rules, NO this, NO that before I even do anything it makes me feel paranoid and like, almost as if she doesnt understand where im coming from. Now the webcams, I agree with that. But as long as you know the site your kid is on and you know they're talking to their friends ONLY I dont see the problem Plus dont critisize them for asking for a myspace, xanga, friendster, etc. But I do agree with the computer in the living room, checking out what they're looking at, monitoring their friend lists, and such. I just think the absolutely NO internet thing is drastic. I hope this doesnt sound like a typical 14 year old complaining and whining. Im just being honest on how some kids view it.

Cayla, you sound like an intelligent, sensitive young lady.

 

You presented your case wonderfully and in no way did you sound like you were complaining or whining.

 

Being a mom myself, I can understand your frustration at your mother.  However, she is only concerned for you and your well being, as you already know. :)  Have you told your mother in a calm voice your feelings about her not understanding you?  I ask this because I, like all mother bears get very (and justifiably) protective where my Cubcake is concerned.

 

 

 
January 18, 2008, 5:21 pm CST

online predator myself!

Quote From: karen1961

Cayla, you sound like an intelligent, sensitive young lady.

 

You presented your case wonderfully and in no way did you sound like you were complaining or whining.

 

Being a mom myself, I can understand your frustration at your mother.  However, she is only concerned for you and your well being, as you already know. :)  Have you told your mother in a calm voice your feelings about her not understanding you?  I ask this because I, like all mother bears get very (and justifiably) protective where my Cubcake is concerned.

 

 

lol

kewl!

lol
lol

lol

 

 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Next | Last