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Topic : Safeguarding Your Kids from Internet Predators

Number of Replies: 75
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Sunday, September 17, 2006, 12:05:20 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
With more and more children accessing the internet, safety is a key issue. What should you be aware of and how do you keep your own kids safe online? Share your tips and advice here.

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January 31, 2008, 2:42 pm CST

Online Issues

Why does everyone online look at the negative things online?  Shouldn't they do as much in

promoting the positive things like videos, forums, etc.

 

 

 
February 5, 2008, 6:27 pm CST

An easy way to stop this nonsense...

Keep them out of myspace and other sorts of chat rooms. How hard is that? You as a parent should log on the childs computer daily or yours if it is yours they use and see if they downloaded any sort of chat program or made a myspace account. All parents must watch out for a myspace account, if they make one you will need to scold them about it. They don't need it and it will only cause them problems down the road in their life, and your child is only going to be opening a door into darkness in his or her life.
 
February 9, 2008, 10:17 am CST

Safeguarding Your Kids from Internet Predators

Quote From: bajalg

I can understand your concern for your neice. She has chosen to become in a lifestyle that most people consider dangerous. Considering the fact that she has some mentally disabilities it makes it even harder. At her age though you can't stop her, but you can sit her down and talk to her and make some preparations to make things safer for her, which appears to be your ultimate concern. There is things called safe calls. Does she have a cell phone? If not make sure that she gets one. The two of you sit down together and figure out a safe word, so that you can call and she can use that word if she is okay. Tell her you need their address and phone number, not because you are checking up on her, but because of safety concerns. Then when you call her, if she doesn't use the the safe word you to come up with call the police.

I can tell that a lot of times, people who become involved in bdsm relationships ecspecially on the submissive side, feel that they were born that way. They have had that intense need to serve for as long as they can remember. But if she is only 9 months into this relationship, she isn't ready for a collar. The collar is much like a wedding ring in traditional terms. It is taken as a very serious commitment between the two parties.

I will keep you both in my thoughts.

 

 realize that this question is far too old for this advice to be of any use to the OP, but on the off chance that someone else comes here with a similar problem, I thought I would attempt to offer my advice.

Firstly, I have been on the internet the better part of a decade, from it's public inception all the way till now in an unbroken trend. I have never met a predator, and I have never spoken to anyone who HAS met a predator. I have never met anyone who had met a predator. I was 12 when I first started using the internet. I have been in chat rooms, participated very actively in message boards, and spent more time in online gaming than I care to admit. I am not aware of any method of internet based communication that I have not engaged in on a regular basis. After all that, after having spoken to easily 7500 people to one extent or another, I have never met anyone who I would even suspect of being a predator. After all that, after having spoken to easily 7500 people, I have not so much as met anyone who mentioned having met someone who they suspected even for a second of being a predator. Now, if those 7500 people talked to 250 people each in there time on the internet, we have brought our count all the way up to 1875000 people as a conservative estimate. The odds seem unlikely that Dateline and Perverted Justice have THAT much more luck in finding predators than I do, to where they can spend less than a year doing so and manage to find however many hundreds they claim. My point in all this is that these predators that have sprung up all over network news are so uncommon as to unbelievable. Just because Dateline invents people, and Perverted Justice frames them, doesn't mean that there is some great looming threat to American children.

Once we have gotten over that hurdle, and your arguement does extend well beyond the issue of internet-based sexual predators, we are faced with what is argueably a far greater issue, at least in the individual case with which we are confronted. That issue is of her age and developmental age. There is no such thing as a learning disability which will set ones developmental age back. A learning disability is simply a disability which makes ones academics, usually in a certain area, sink below their IQ and therefor their potential ability level. It seems to me that if you were given that diagnosis you should attempt to convince her to seek other testing and possibly treatment immediately. That being said, and I do not mean to offend, it is far more likely that you have simply misinterpreted information at some stage between the psychoanylyst and your current belief. It therefor stands to reason that she is probably 22 developmentally as well as physically. This means that she is an adult, in body mind and spirit.

The issue that seems to be at the core of this, and forgive me if I am wrong, is a basic distaste for BDSM. You feel that she is being taken advantage of because she is submitting to their will. You feel that her entering into their marraige is unhealthy, that she is being used as a sexual object. I will not expound the virtues of a BDSM relationship here, as that is very much a subject which one could write a book about. I am, in fact, writing a book about the subject as we speak. That being said, if I were you, or anyone, I would look in to some information gathering. Find a good book on the emotional context of BDSM.

As for the suggestion that someone who is mentally handicapped is a poor candidate for a BDSM practitioner, that is something like saying they are poor candidates for relationships in general. It may be true, although in this case I very much disagree with that basic premise, but to deny ones self is far more damaging. It is concievable, if we assume that she is developmentally delayed, that she is not yet ready. It is probably not a good idea for a 16 year old to become a slave to a pair of masters vastly her senior.

I would agree that the best thing to do would be to speak to her. Ask if she minds your speaking to her masters. (I would suggest researching first, speaking second; attempting to deal with a delicate situation like this takes tact, and tact springs directly from understanding) If she says know, then remember that no matter how old she is developmentally she is still 22 and you cannot MAKE her do anything. A wise man once said "A wise parent will seek to become a trusted advisor, so that they may continue to impart their experience to their child as their absolute power fades." Do not drive her away by going behind her back - there are hundreds of masters and mistresses, just because you can drive her away from this couple doesn't mean it will take her a full week to find another one. If you take a tactful approach to your conversation with her masters, with her blessing, I am sure that they will consider the merits of your arguement highly. As was said, BDSM is completely about SSC (Safe, Sane, and Consentual) and that means that, particularly from the perspective of a master, responsibility is key.
 
February 9, 2008, 10:27 am CST

Safeguarding Your Kids from Internet Predators

Quote From: asukavx

Keep them out of myspace and other sorts of chat rooms. How hard is that? You as a parent should log on the childs computer daily or yours if it is yours they use and see if they downloaded any sort of chat program or made a myspace account. All parents must watch out for a myspace account, if they make one you will need to scold them about it. They don't need it and it will only cause them problems down the road in their life, and your child is only going to be opening a door into darkness in his or her life.
I have been on the internet the better part of a decade, from it'spublic inception all the way till now in an unbroken trend. I havenever met a predator, and I have never spoken to anyone who HAS met apredator. I have never met anyone who had met a predator. I was 12 whenI first started using the internet. I have been in chat rooms,participated very actively in message boards, and spent more time inonline gaming than I care to admit. I am not aware of any method ofinternet based communication that I have not engaged in on a regularbasis. After all that, after having spoken to easily 7500 people to oneextent or another, I have never met anyone who I would even suspect ofbeing a predator. After all that, after having spoken to easily 7500people, I have not so much as met anyone who mentioned having met someone who they suspected even for a second of being a predator.Now, if those 7500 people talked to 250 people each in there time onthe internet, we have brought our count all the way up to 1875000people as a conservative estimate.The odds seem unlikely that Dateline and Perverted Justice have THATmuch more luck in finding predators than I do, to where they can spendless than a year doing so and manage to find however many hundreds theyclaim. My point in all this is that these predators that have sprung upall over network news are so uncommon as to unbelievable. Just becauseDateline invents people, and Perverted Justice frames them, doesn'tmean that there is some great looming threat to American children.

The idea that children "don't need [myspace accounts]" is rather humorous to me. Children don't need anything but food water oxygen and shelter. The internet is a luxury. Right now, as we speak, ther are billions of people on earth for whom the internet is every bit as tangible as fairies and pixie dust. If you are going to limit the usage of computers, then by all means try. You will, however, lose. Computers are not complicated devices, when you get right down to it. There is not a program written for civilian use that cannot be circumvented. The only way to stop it is to remove the internet entirely. That, obviously, is an unacceptable and cowardly approach to parenting, but it is your perogative; you are raising your children, not mine. The real defense against predators, and against the world as a whole, is to teach your children. You will never be able to control them completely. From the time they are old enough to go to school you will have lost the ability to stay with them all the time. Children must become independant, and the sooner the better. A child who can defend himself or herself is far more likely to succeed not just in childhood but in life. Mind you, I don't mean physically, I mean mentally and emotionally. The key to not getting into trouble is to not put oneself where trouble is. That being said, statistically predation of children and teens is still 3-fold over the internet in prevelance.

Long story short, teach your kids. Bullying them will only work so long. The only people never to rise up in the history of mankind were the helots, and that was principally because anyone who did was  brutally slaughtered. Since you cannot kill your children, you are left to come to peace with them. Irritating as it is to have to debate with a 10-yr-old, it is your only option. Do not stray away from success because you fear the route.
 
February 9, 2008, 10:28 am CST

Sorry

Sorry for the double-post there (not to mention the slew of typos - those are the bane of my existence.
 
February 9, 2008, 5:07 pm CST

Safeguarding Your Kids from Internet Predators

Quote From: exosus

Sorry for the double-post there (not to mention the slew of typos - those are the bane of my existence.

I agree largely with your statement. But I do have to say that their are internet predators out there. It is just a matter of getting on the right chatgroups. This is the way datline works, they don't just go surfing the net, they go to specific groups wich have a tendency to attract prey (young boys and girls with low selfesteem) and which there for attract predators.

 

So if you use the internet for a long time but just don't go to certain places you probably won't meet a predator. besides their are milions of people using the internet so meeting a predator is statisticly very small (as you pointed out.)

 

Now the need for internet is on one hand a luxury but on the other hand it not. Nowadays the internet has such a central role in our life that it is almost impossible not to give your children internet acces. Socially it is important but also for homework since MSN for instance gives your children an oppertunity to work together while having access to their own computer. (believe me I could not do without internet when writing essays for school)

 
February 12, 2008, 1:17 pm CST

different kind of predator

 I am not sure if this is where i  need to be and i am sure this will come out as rambling...  Ok i have a son that is 17 and for the last 6 or so months he has been sliding down this hill.  Ok he has gotten into Satanism or how ever you spell it..  Has this hero  MARLIN MANSON !!!  and i am calling him a predator because this is what i feel he is...  My son read his book and if anyone one has read it it is very very cult like and it brain washes ...  two weeks ago we found writings and in one of them it very graphically described how he was going to torture and kill his father and i. well Sunday he tried to kill his father and i had to have my son who i have loved and protected his whole life arrested and put in jail.. It was not my son that did this horrible thing it was this thing i am not sure what to call it but it was this devil like thing that took over my sons body... i never would have believed if i had not seen it with my own eyes... i need help and i am not sure how to go about getting it or even if there is any help...  i need to save my son from this man ... and this man needs to be outed for what he is...  If anyone has any advise please do so...  thank you !!!
 
February 12, 2008, 1:21 pm CST

help for parents

Quote From: exosus

I have been on the internet the better part of a decade, from it'spublic inception all the way till now in an unbroken trend. I havenever met a predator, and I have never spoken to anyone who HAS met apredator. I have never met anyone who had met a predator. I was 12 whenI first started using the internet. I have been in chat rooms,participated very actively in message boards, and spent more time inonline gaming than I care to admit. I am not aware of any method ofinternet based communication that I have not engaged in on a regularbasis. After all that, after having spoken to easily 7500 people to oneextent or another, I have never met anyone who I would even suspect ofbeing a predator. After all that, after having spoken to easily 7500people, I have not so much as met anyone who mentioned having met someone who they suspected even for a second of being a predator.Now, if those 7500 people talked to 250 people each in there time onthe internet, we have brought our count all the way up to 1875000people as a conservative estimate.The odds seem unlikely that Dateline and Perverted Justice have THATmuch more luck in finding predators than I do, to where they can spendless than a year doing so and manage to find however many hundreds theyclaim. My point in all this is that these predators that have sprung upall over network news are so uncommon as to unbelievable. Just becauseDateline invents people, and Perverted Justice frames them, doesn'tmean that there is some great looming threat to American children.

The idea that children "don't need [myspace accounts" is rather humorous to me. Children don't need anything but food water oxygen and shelter. The internet is a luxury. Right now, as we speak, ther are billions of people on earth for whom the internet is every bit as tangible as fairies and pixie dust. If you are going to limit the usage of computers, then by all means try. You will, however, lose. Computers are not complicated devices, when you get right down to it. There is not a program written for civilian use that cannot be circumvented. The only way to stop it is to remove the internet entirely. That, obviously, is an unacceptable and cowardly approach to parenting, but it is your perogative; you are raising your children, not mine. The real defense against predators, and against the world as a whole, is to teach your children. You will never be able to control them completely. From the time they are old enough to go to school you will have lost the ability to stay with them all the time. Children must become independant, and the sooner the better. A child who can defend himself or herself is far more likely to succeed not just in childhood but in life. Mind you, I don't mean physically, I mean mentally and emotionally. The key to not getting into trouble is to not put oneself where trouble is. That being said, statistically predation of children and teens is still 3-fold over the internet in prevelance.

Long story short, teach your kids. Bullying them will only work so long. The only people never to rise up in the history of mankind were the helots, and that was principally because anyone who did was  brutally slaughtered. Since you cannot kill your children, you are left to come to peace with them. Irritating as it is to have to debate with a 10-yr-old, it is your only option. Do not stray away from success because you fear the route.
 there is this great program for parents that is called eblaster...  it is a program that you put on your child's computer while they are out and it sends you emails of everything they do on-line .. every chat every key stroke every web site and the best thing is they do not know and cant find it on there computer it in invisible to them... i love and that is how i found all the horrible horrible things my son has been doing
 
February 12, 2008, 3:55 pm CST

Safeguarding Your Kids from Internet Predators

Quote From: we3kings2001

 I am not sure if this is where i  need to be and i am sure this will come out as rambling...  Ok i have a son that is 17 and for the last 6 or so months he has been sliding down this hill.  Ok he has gotten into Satanism or how ever you spell it..  Has this hero  MARLIN MANSON !!!  and i am calling him a predator because this is what i feel he is...  My son read his book and if anyone one has read it it is very very cult like and it brain washes ...  two weeks ago we found writings and in one of them it very graphically described how he was going to torture and kill his father and i. well Sunday he tried to kill his father and i had to have my son who i have loved and protected his whole life arrested and put in jail.. It was not my son that did this horrible thing it was this thing i am not sure what to call it but it was this devil like thing that took over my sons body... i never would have believed if i had not seen it with my own eyes... i need help and i am not sure how to go about getting it or even if there is any help...  i need to save my son from this man ... and this man needs to be outed for what he is...  If anyone has any advise please do so...  thank you !!!

Okay I'm sorry but I think it is highly likely that your son has psychiatric issues and is certainly not possesed by the devil.

He has as a hero marlin manson is not a reason for consern, that is a myth created by the media, just as games don't influence and movies don't either.

But in any case he need psychiatric help. As he is still underage you can force him into treatment (when he comes out of jail.)

 
February 12, 2008, 4:01 pm CST

Safeguarding Your Kids from Internet Predators

Quote From: oet_gaol

Okay I'm sorry but I think it is highly likely that your son has psychiatric issues and is certainly not possesed by the devil.

He has as a hero marlin manson is not a reason for consern, that is a myth created by the media, just as games don't influence and movies don't either.

But in any case he need psychiatric help. As he is still underage you can force him into treatment (when he comes out of jail.)

just to suppliment on that, it is more likely that it is actually the other way around. That dark thought are outed by their choice of entertaiment. (wich doensn't mean that every kid listening, reading, watching or playing dark things is evil or something...)
 
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