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Topic : Infidelity

Number of Replies: 4739
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:02:24 pm
Author : dataimport
Has your partner been unfaithful? Have you been the one to stray? Share your advice and support with others that have experienced infidelity.

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May 7, 2009, 3:53 pm CDT

Red,

Quote From: redneon

Not that its ANY of your business, but I suggest we go off the board because he was writing stuff to me and I to him as friends...and I didn't want someone putting in their lousy two cents worth to something that was written to me(had my name at the top) or to him (had his name at the top)... which is exactly what YOU did.
We were sharing thoughts and our experiences.. not having a relationship.. we don't even live in the same country so what do you think our motive was!  Its his kind and gentle side that I liked, not that he was a man and I was a woman... grow up.

Its common for friends to share emails when they meet on the boards... you obviously haven't made any here or you would of known that.  I have been on the DrP board for 7yrs and I haven't had but a couple of people rub me the wrong way in all that time... your one of them.  Mainly because you are making assumptions about me, about my life, stuff you don't know about and that isn't any of your business because I never asked for your opinion or I would of directed it to you (your name at the top) and a question for you to respond to in the post... board protocol...

You seem to like to come on here and piss me off and run the board...you haven't touch any nerve because you don't know diddly squat about me.. and as for your being my "friend" here, not likely.. a friend doesn't try to put someone down,, that isn't the quality I would like for a friend.

 You don't need to quote me, I wrote it I know what I feel and think when I write it.. so what was your purpose in that? What do you want me to put it in a legal document that I am thru with men?... Never mind don't answer,, I don't care what your trying to do... I'm so done,,,, write what you want... but I will no long respond,, you have nothing worth while to say to me and I have enough going on in my life without reading your posts... stick to writing to people who ask you for their help,,, I never have...

Does it feel good to vent, even if it's to some faceless person on a message board?

 

If so, then vent away, I fully understand.

 
May 10, 2009, 10:39 am CDT

Thank you

Quote From: redneon

before your kids take the worst of it by seeing this as Mommy and Daddy getting back together and then having it fall apart down the road.  He hasn't changed, and probably won't.  Do you want to continue to feel this way time after time.  Do you want to have the bottom of your heart fall out, feel stressed, worry about where he is, what he is doing and with whom?  This is what it is, he is what he is... is he right for you, only if you can live with a liar and a cheater and not have it affect you or your kids life.  It takes a desperate woman to want to live with someone who has so little regard for your happiness and your childrens well being.  What is it that Dr P says, "the only thing worse than being unhappy for10 years is being unhappy for 10yrs and a day"!  or this one "kids would rather be from a broken home than live in a broken home".....

 

You had him out of your life for 2yrs... he didn't learn a thing from why you broke up...obviously.... you just taught him that he can sweet talk you into taking him back and you will put up with this behaviour.  No woman who has any selfworth will live with a man like this... toss him back honey... yhour better than that!  Good luck... really....

Thanks for the advice.
 
May 10, 2009, 6:40 pm CDT

i need help

hi i am new to this ,just a quick run down on my life . I am part of a blended family and i believe my husband is cheating on me yet again. approximatly 4 yeasr ago i caught him cheating on me i confrounted him at the OW house he cryed and said he was sorry and he only did it cause he thought i was cheating on him. At the time i was pregnant with our second child . Then aproximatly two years ago i caught him again this time i only spoke with the woman and when she sent me things of his from her house he admitted it but said it only happened once and agian he was sorry ,then about a year ago i intersepted a message on his mobile from someone claiming to be a friend of his . they went on to tell me all kinds of things that my husband had been claiming to be doing , or at lest he would tell his friends at work . I tryed to ignore it and had been  doing quite nicly untill about 4 weeks ago i got a message on facebook from  someone asking did i know a person named A**x . now keep in mind thats not my husbands real name it is however the name his ex girlfriend knew him as . since then i have learnt some very disturbing things from this person and i dont know what to do . She claims to be the friend of my husbands ex who has 2 kids to him .......she also claims that my husband tryed to hurt this ex and that A**x also is wanted by the police in relation to anothe case . I dont know what to do !!!!!!!!!my husband has never hurt me ......what do i do !!!!!!!!!!
 
May 11, 2009, 3:23 pm CDT

piggymac78

Quote From: piggymac78

hi i am new to this ,just a quick run down on my life . I am part of a blended family and i believe my husband is cheating on me yet again. approximatly 4 yeasr ago i caught him cheating on me i confrounted him at the OW house he cryed and said he was sorry and he only did it cause he thought i was cheating on him. At the time i was pregnant with our second child . Then aproximatly two years ago i caught him again this time i only spoke with the woman and when she sent me things of his from her house he admitted it but said it only happened once and agian he was sorry ,then about a year ago i intersepted a message on his mobile from someone claiming to be a friend of his . they went on to tell me all kinds of things that my husband had been claiming to be doing , or at lest he would tell his friends at work . I tryed to ignore it and had been  doing quite nicly untill about 4 weeks ago i got a message on facebook from  someone asking did i know a person named A**x . now keep in mind thats not my husbands real name it is however the name his ex girlfriend knew him as . since then i have learnt some very disturbing things from this person and i dont know what to do . She claims to be the friend of my husbands ex who has 2 kids to him .......she also claims that my husband tryed to hurt this ex and that A**x also is wanted by the police in relation to anothe case . I dont know what to do !!!!!!!!!my husband has never hurt me ......what do i do !!!!!!!!!!

You have quite a lot on your plate... Everyone has their "final straw" moment... when is yours?  He cheats, lies about it, you stay with him. He cheats, lies about it when you catch him, you stay with him. He cheats, lies about it... well do you see where I'm going with this right?

 

He knows from your history together, that regardless of what he does or what he tells you, you aren't going to leave him...so he will always cheat and always lie to you or anyone else for that matter from what you have relayed in your post.   You aren't important to him.. cheaters think that woman are nothing more than objects to have sex with...so your very replaceable in his eyes. He doesn't respect you, or the family you have together.  He has a separate life from you and the kids, and he will continue to do so, his behavior tells you that,,,you can't be surprised by that,seriously... 

 

If this is the way you want to live, then more power to you... but the police thing should be a big red flag, like waving in front of your eyes so you can't ignore it red flag... If you want to know, go to a pay phone call the police dept and ask if A**X is a person of interest to them and what the charges are.  Good gawd, if he is a psychopath on top of being a pathological lier you should know so you can protect your children from him.

 

If your support network does not live handy, there are women shelters all over the place now a days so you can go there and get help and get out before its too late...I don't think you deserve what your getting from him...and you shouldn't either!  Good luck and let us know how you make out...we care ~Red

 
May 17, 2009, 2:20 pm CDT

It's Happened Again

After barley surviving an affair I caught my husband in back in 2005, I have now found out he is doing it again!

And to make matters worse, our son is due to be born in 30 days....

I just want to die.  He's been seeing her for over a year and he claims they recently just started having sex about 4 months ago.  That bastard!

What do I do.  I have been with him since I was 19 and now I am 38.  Even now, I can't imagine my life without him.  Please help me
 
May 18, 2009, 4:53 pm CDT

yme2005

Quote From: yme2005

After barley surviving an affair I caught my husband in back in 2005, I have now found out he is doing it again!

And to make matters worse, our son is due to be born in 30 days....

I just want to die.  He's been seeing her for over a year and he claims they recently just started having sex about 4 months ago.  That bastard!

What do I do.  I have been with him since I was 19 and now I am 38.  Even now, I can't imagine my life without him.  Please help me

I'm sorry your going thru this at what should be a happy time in your life..the birth of your child...

 

You need to decide if you want to continue to live with him... he will cheat again, or continue too with the woman he is sleeping with now... men just do that.  Their brains are hot wired differently than a woman's,,, they can have sex with someone and not be in love with them... they want sex,, could be with a goat...they wouldn't care... as long as its sex.  They fall in lust with their eyes, which are connected to their pe*is and they just act on it.

 

You can stay with him and go for counseling for yourself, so you can get thru the emotions your feeling.. you know, the anger, the hate, the betrayal... see we as woman, think that when we marry, the man will be faithful.. its our fairytale.. the happily ever after one that we are lead to believe as we are young girls.. well the reality is, its not true. 

 

If you can come to terms that women fall in love differently than men, that your husband probably has some good attributes that you may like (maybe he will be a good father, maybe he is a good provider) but that he will never be "just yours", that he will stray again... that you have to leave your emotions out of it and just take him for what he is... a man.  Then your marriage will stay intact... if you can't then you may just find yourself a single parent..  Make the decision carefully, cause the next man won't be any better at being faithful and he might be a worse husband than what you have.  Hope you have a healthy baby and keep in touch if you need to vent...I've been in your shoes...((hugs))~Red

 
May 19, 2009, 3:32 am CDT

I feel your pain and sorrow.

Quote From: yme2005

After barley surviving an affair I caught my husband in back in 2005, I have now found out he is doing it again!

And to make matters worse, our son is due to be born in 30 days....

I just want to die.  He's been seeing her for over a year and he claims they recently just started having sex about 4 months ago.  That bastard!

What do I do.  I have been with him since I was 19 and now I am 38.  Even now, I can't imagine my life without him.  Please help me

It seems for the most part, we have all be inflicted with the pain of the reality that we can not be everything to someone. It is also crucial to healthy relationships that we acknowledge that someone else is neve going to everything to us as well!

 

A committment is another thing. I do not believe we should accept bad behavior if it is abusive and when we are committed we are expected to do the best we can to remain faithful. Cheating is the last straw, the final affirmation that the committment is very near danger of ending. I believe if we cannot commit, then we should be honest in that so that the person knows weaknesses of one another. It won't make the truth more emotionally easier but at least there is a lower stress level when it does occur. We can still love someone that is cheater but we shouldn't be too disappointed or take it personally when they stray.

 

I believe we need to learn how to forgive one another, over and over and over again.  I don't think running is the answer either. But sometimes running is taking care of ourselves and living with morals that we are strong in.  Some people do not see cheating as totally wrong. Men and women cheat with each other. I am discovering the most people have sex are married couples............only not to each other but to eachothers husb ands and wives!!!!!  It is like a club. A secret honor society. Being married is attractive to another married person. Why? Because they believe in the constitution of family but not committment.

 

If you are having a really hard time imagining your life without him then you are not living in reality. Either he is going to leave you or you are going to leave him one day. Its just a matter of when.

 

And when that day does arrive, you will be ok because you will know deep in your heart, that everything is temporary. Even our lovers. Good luck and know that you do not suffer alone and suffering is a universal hinderance to happiness. But happiness is a hinderance to suffering and when we base too much emphasis on either one, we are sure to feel like we are spinning, chasing. Kimi

 
May 19, 2009, 9:48 am CDT

relationship trouble

first time to do this so bear with me...... I cheated on my husband bout 11 years ago.  The last 10 years have been so hard to deal with but I try to hang on for us.  I know that I hurt him in the worst way ever.  I told him numerous time over and over that I am sorry and ask him to forgive me but only a temperary bandage is placed on our relationship then its like someone pulls is off and oach!!! I try so manytimes to show him that I am sorry and that I want to mend the problem.  I suggest diffrent things to do to help us out and find the happy us we were 15 years ago.  Let me tell you a little bout the past. 

When we got together I was 16 and he was 21.  Needless to say I grew up fast.  I didnt live a teenage life I was grown.  I didnt want to act like a kid around him or his freinds.  I had only one friend and I spent lots of my time with him.  As we dated he went out with his friend and I was left at home.  Wish I knew then what I know now, I would of went out and had alot more friends.  We lived with each other for 5 year before we got married.  I got a job and found I liked having friend but still only did things with him.  5 year after that I found another job and that when the affair happend.  I found a intrest in this other guys, who was also marreid, and the converstation was great and we had so much in comand. One thing lead to another and thats when I created the worst sin ever in a relationship. His sister was well worked with me and was doing the some thing as me.  Her husband had a friend that worked up there and he told on her.  about a month later his friend told her husband that he thought I was cheating to. My husband showed up at the job and long story short I told him I was.

He tried really hard to take things in stride but  I knew it was always going to be on his mind.

 

With that said 11 years later he found out I was talking to another guy at my present job.  He as well is married and we had a great conversation. we had so much in command and come to find out his wife cheat on him.  continue on new board

 
May 19, 2009, 9:54 am CDT

continue trouble relationship

with this said I texted and called him alot on my cell phone.  my husband was very upset with me and who wouldnt be if their spouse as talking to someone more than them.  he told me to stop and to quite talking to him.  I have stoped the cell calling and texting and say very little to him at work knowing this will hurt my husband alot/  He wanted me to quite my job but the way the econemy is I cant exspecially when he decided to quite paying for the house.  I am not having our children live in an apartment ( we have two children 14 & 11). He said he will not get hurt anymore.  We were on the verg of a divorce and then as we went to councling he didnt like what the counceler had to say to him so we quite going. 

 

I need some help on mending this or should I just call it quits?  Help!

 
May 20, 2009, 8:40 am CDT

Counseling-

Quote From: ortiztinker

with this said I texted and called him alot on my cell phone.  my husband was very upset with me and who wouldnt be if their spouse as talking to someone more than them.  he told me to stop and to quite talking to him.  I have stoped the cell calling and texting and say very little to him at work knowing this will hurt my husband alot/  He wanted me to quite my job but the way the econemy is I cant exspecially when he decided to quite paying for the house.  I am not having our children live in an apartment ( we have two children 14 & 11). He said he will not get hurt anymore.  We were on the verg of a divorce and then as we went to councling he didnt like what the counceler had to say to him so we quite going. 

 

I need some help on mending this or should I just call it quits?  Help!

I think that YOU should continue with the counceling even if your husband refuses to go. At a guess, I would say that your husband didn't like what the counselor had to say because it involved your husband having to work at this too, not just "fixing" you. Am I right?

This is a common reaction for the spouse that has been cheated on. However, if you keep on going you may learn some things about yourself. In this way, you might learn how to communicate your emotions and desires to your husband in a better way, instead of looking for attention, support, or whatever it is you lack, in another.

Hopefully, when your husband sees a change in you, he will be more open to counseling and join you.

 
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