Topic : Infidelity

My H and I have been married for 2 years, together for 8 off and on. Three months before we were married he cheated on me with his ex, she got pregnant, but i married him any way. Now that 2 years have gone by, I still can't get over the pain. I am still very much hurt by it and his daughter he had when he betrayed me. Lately things have gotten so bad between us, he almost walked out on me and our 2 boys last week, we argue atleast every other day, and at least once during the arguments he says we should just get a divorce. he works 2 jobs  so i can stay home with our children but feels that that is enough for our family. Meaning he doesn't do anything around the house and spends little time with the boys. Recently he's been accusing me of doing things I am not  and he has no proof of. He says everything I say is a lie and he has accused me of of being on crank (speed). I have NO idea where he is getting this from. I did have a problem with it when I was a teenager but haven't even been around the stuff in 8 years. I know Dr. Phil says 'The best predictor for future behavior is past behavior' so I'm wondering if he's cheating again and that's why he's blaming me for arguments and accusing me of the rediculous things.  I am just so very confused and am at the point where i dont want to try any more. has anyone gone through this before where your H suddenly acts this way? I just don't know what to do any more.

 

Yes, everyone has to get to the point that they want to leave.  There is always somewhere to go.  Hotel if nothing else. 

 

You need to be open to help from all quarters.  Hopefully you have family or friends that could help short-term.

 

Stinky credit will be fixed in time.

 

Get legal counsel especially if he is violent.  You need to think about your kids.

 

I also suggest the abuse board, because this IS abuse.

 

You are not "with" this man.  PLEASE tell me you do not sleep with him.  He is a serial cheater that needs you  to take care of his home, children, finances, provide clean sex AND bring in an income.  He comes home to leave his laundry.

 

Does hoochies husband know what has gone on?  He should be informed.  Anonymous letter is fine.

 

Anger is a good thing.  Have you ever really let him have it?  Very therapeutic.  Don't do it if he is violent though.  My H is a wuss.  Brave enough to cheat, just not brave enough to face me.

 

You will never have all the answers.  And you cannot love him enough to make him change.  That is his job.  Don't take his word for things either.  Actions speak the loudest.

 

Emotional issues are HIS to fix.  And NONE of his reasons for cheating are valid.

 

I always advocate financial protection.  Your own bank accounts which have half of joint assets AND your paycheck in them.  Get your own credit card.  Get a consult with a real shark divorce lawyer.  Should cost under $100.  Goodness knows H has spent that sum wining and dining his hoochies.  findlaw.com and nolo.com will give you some legal ideas.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hubby is a great guy.  Not only gonna ruin his child's home, but school as well.  Time for new school.  Is this school by any chance Christian as well as private?  If so, bet you could cause some trouble.  Otherwise, I do not think anyone cares about good role models, they just need bodies in the teaching slot.  New nannie may be a good idea too.  Careful about legal issues here.

 

The real question here is do you want to do this?  Do you have the money to do this?  Doing the right thing makes you the better person.  Maybe a lawyer consult would help you decide.

 

When is baby due?  I am torn between recommending you remain until then or saying get out of the stress now.  If you left, where would you go?  Would you have help with new baby and other children?  Have a plan before doing anything.

 

Acting dumb is his version of self-preservation.  Empty promises are another ploy.  Actions speak louder than any words.

 

The fact that you are pregnant and unhappy should motivate him to stay home on the weekends as per your original agreement or more.  This shows clearly that your wants and needs are a very low priority for him.  Yes, he is probably meeting her.  Something is certainly a BIG attraction.  Any unknown (to him) friends that could go check up on him?

 

Assholes like your BIL make life tough on innocent parties.

 

I CANNOT imagine that your parents find it normal that your BIL "likes" you.  How perverse.

 

You need to stay away from BIL and DO NOT go to his house to clean.  Let your Mom do it.  If you still want to help in some way keep the kids AT YOUR HOUSE a few hours a day.  Pick them up after BIL leaves for work and return them before he gets home.

 

BIL thinks you have manufactured this "cleaning" cos you have the hots for him.  Be VERY SURE you are not sending any mixed messages.  Many will disagree, but do not dress provocatively around him.  He personalizes ALL of your actions.  Not worth it.

 

Is anyone else within hearing when he comments on your clothing?  Broken arm is not your sister's real problem.

 

 

The only thing you should say to this ass is that you are not interested in his "dreams" and your husband and his wife will be fully informed if he does not back off.  Do not try to explain things to him.  He isn't listening.  You will have to be straight up with this guy.  No being nice.

 

Son can be told BIL is sick, or having to help auntie with her broken arm, or working extra or whatever. 

 

 

 

About the best you can do here is prepare the ground so to speak.  Poor little girl is trying to protect both parents.

 

I agree with you the separate room stuff is a joke, but possibly it is to your daughters protection.

Don't inquire too much about the weekends.  Keep offering counseling.  Suggest that both you and Dad will probably begin dating again and ask how she feels about it.  Keep communication open.

Don't depend on Dad to be forthcoming.

 

Accusing a spouse of things they are not doing is a classic cheating sign.  And I bet if you take a long look his actions have not suddenly shown up, but rather have evolved slowly.  Arguments get him out of the house.

 

Marrying him when you KNEW he was a cheat was not a good idea.  Now you need to decide what you are willing to put up with.  Your call.

My Partner Cheat?  Never!  The Warning Signs

new to this but going to try it out...  I don't feel like there has been an infidelity but my husband thinks so.. Back in 1984 when we started dating he had several women on his list and I just wanted to date one guy.  And I told him that, well he assumed that I wasn't seeing anyone else and about 12 years later into our marriage he finds out that during that time I slept with some men..  But I felt back then if he could do it so can I.. But I never shared with him, not that he told me all about his. So now here it is 2005 and he is still having a problem with it, we have been married 17 years and have oe child together.  He says it goes and comes in his mind or when he sees one of these men, it brings it all back to him. I didn't want to tell them there names but he hounded me and made me cry so much one night that I told him to get him to shut up and now it is like it never ends.  I feel like I haven't done anything wrong because we weren't married at the time...  But he says part of him loves me and a part of him hates me...  I have tried to get him to go to counseling but he won't.  I have gone and they told me he is the one with the problem..  Any advice out there for me..  cause I really Love hIm..

I know he is a shit, he states i drove him to her. he now has a new school, I had to leave the area and move 355 miles away. This is a montessori school in a town of 5000. my  soon to be ex-husband is a doctor  and she is a teaching assistant that teachers 2-6 year old children. my children and i have been put thru hell this last year, because of them. they are still together. the school is still going strong. I have been the better person to not say anything, but now they are making me out to be emotionally unstable, abusing my children, and have been completely cut off financially by him and he is taking care of her family instead of ours. She was divorced 1 1/2 years ago with 3 young girls, and lives on assistance. So now he is giving it to her and not us. I had to create a new life for my boys, acquire a new job, by myself, and i am abusing our children, and making me to be the bad person here. I am also a physician and it is now being talked about in the community slowing. I hope they get their just rewards. I don't need to worry about money once everything in the divorce is over, but i want to do something right in my children's eyes. I have set up appointmens with lawyers to see what i can do.