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Topic : Infidelity

Number of Replies: 4739
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Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:02:24 pm
Author : dataimport
Has your partner been unfaithful? Have you been the one to stray? Share your advice and support with others that have experienced infidelity.

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August 16, 2005, 4:20 pm CDT

Cheating won't be the answer

Quote From: abruce40

i have been married 5 years now and am feeling very neglected.  years ago I dated a man who i was the one to break off the relationship, numerous reasons. About 3 weeks ago he contacted me and wanted to see me.  We met for dinner, he hasn't changed much at all.  he was surprised at well i looked, so he said.  Now he wants me back in his life, we had some great times but also some very rocky times.  Sometimes I sit and think that it would be great to be single again.  My husband is a great guy, but a selfish one.  I have 3 children from a previous marriage and 2 wonderful grandchildren, that he is so jealous of our relationship.  He has no children and just doesn't understand the relationship with my children that I have even though 2 of them are grown and out of the house.  I feel like I have to choose him or the children.  The other man never had a problem with the children and feels like that if I want to give to them that I should.  He has always said that children do not ask to come into this world and therefore we should never deny them of necessities. My husband and I do nothing together anymore, well except go to the buffet on Friday's.  I am afraid that I am going to go to the other man for comfort and do not really know how to sit down and discuss this with my husband.  Any suggestions? 

You need to decide what you want and then follow through with that decision.  If you want to make it work with your husband then you need to concentrate on that 100%.  Go to counseling.  If he won't go with you then go alone.  He is your husband and deserves your honesty and your faithfulness unless you decide to go your separate ways. 

  

If you choose to be with this other man, respect your husband enough to leave him first.  It is the correct thing to do. Make sure you are in the right place before seeing the other man. 

  

Realize that if you choose to leave that you need to be able to support yourself financially and emotionally.  You may leave and the other man may change his mind.  You won't be able to go back to your husband.   

  

Only you can make the choice but make sure you are prepared for the consequences of either way you choose to go. 

 
August 16, 2005, 5:28 pm CDT

If you think for one moment, that guy is not going to tell ever guy that was there that night, you live in a dream world

Quote From: carjoh06

This is the first time that I have ever posted.  I feel that I have no one I can share this with that is why I  am here.  I went out this weekend with some friends.  I don't get to go out very often since I am married and have 4 kids.  We went to the bar and tied a good one on.  I met some of my husbands friends who I know very well.  The one guy and I have always flirted with each other harmlessly.  Well not this time things went to far.  We ended up going outside behind the bar we kissed a few times and some hands explored.  That was it I couldn't believe what i was doing, i knew it was wrong so I stopped it.  We agreed not to tell anyone.  We went back into the bar and taht was the end of that.  Went home went to bed got up talked to my husband told him we needed to talk.  oh yeah I think the other guy phoned in the morning or it was his girlfriend don't know.  I told him that i kissed one of his friends and then I went back to bed.  I was sick and couldn't believe that I could have been so stupid.  Last night we went for supper and a movie.  He tried to ask me what all happened but I said I didn't want to talk about it in public.  My husband is taking it to well and that frightens me.  I want him to be angry with me but he has been nice.  I am scared that he will now go out and cheat on me and go further than I did.  What should I do.  I just need to tell some one.  Thank you for listening. 

If you think for one moment, that guy is not going to tell ever guy that was there that night, you live in a dream world! I could not tell if you wound up telling your husband exactly what happened, but I am sure if you did not, he would rather hear it from you, than one of the guys. 

Alcohol can do things like that, and what you did was wrong, you knew better once you saw the guy you flirt with, and still stayed. You can't unring a bell, but you can make amends with your husband.  

This should be a red flag for you to know, you can't go out  drinking without your husband to protect you, during your wildness that drinking brings out. 

Everyone makes mistakes. I once was out with come colleagues, and co-worker, while single, and wound up making out with a woman that worked for me. It was a wake-up call to make sure in the future , I didn't allow myself to get that far gone, while with certain people. You should do the same. 

First, and foremost let your husband know what has happened, and ask forgiveness. He has a right to know that his "friend" is not someone that he can trust, and  it will help his ego to be able to at least confront this guy, and let the "friend" know he knows, so this guy doesn't think he has anything on him. We do, after all, have very large egos. I hope this helps, and good luck. 

 
August 16, 2005, 5:41 pm CDT

The Grass Only Seems Greener on the Other Side!

Quote From: abruce40

i have been married 5 years now and am feeling very neglected.  years ago I dated a man who i was the one to break off the relationship, numerous reasons. About 3 weeks ago he contacted me and wanted to see me.  We met for dinner, he hasn't changed much at all.  he was surprised at well i looked, so he said.  Now he wants me back in his life, we had some great times but also some very rocky times.  Sometimes I sit and think that it would be great to be single again.  My husband is a great guy, but a selfish one.  I have 3 children from a previous marriage and 2 wonderful grandchildren, that he is so jealous of our relationship.  He has no children and just doesn't understand the relationship with my children that I have even though 2 of them are grown and out of the house.  I feel like I have to choose him or the children.  The other man never had a problem with the children and feels like that if I want to give to them that I should.  He has always said that children do not ask to come into this world and therefore we should never deny them of necessities. My husband and I do nothing together anymore, well except go to the buffet on Friday's.  I am afraid that I am going to go to the other man for comfort and do not really know how to sit down and discuss this with my husband.  Any suggestions? 

The Grass Only Seems Greener on the Other Side! The first thing you should be doing, is talking to your husband about the problems you are having in the marriage. If you have a child at home, a husband and no maid, where do you get the time and energy to go out to dinner with this other man?  

Your energies need to be either with working on your marriage, or getting a divorce. Your husband, having no children of his own is clueless, no doubt, on the matter of what it feels like having a child of your own; but you must have had some clues of this prior to the marriage. He can't be totally selfish, as you have one child living with you, and he is out providing for the three of you. 

You need to stop and think about not only your morals, but the morals of this man, that is knowingly asking out a married woman, with an entire world of women out there. I am not saying there is anything wrong with you, but you are not his only possibility, and you have made a vow to your god, or usually a person does this when becoming married. 

Forgetting the lack of morals of this man, you are not being fair to your husband of only five years. If you are not happy in this marriage, get out! Don't just go and blame your husband's selfishness for your attempt at infidelity. It would be you, and you alone. There is the option of saying no, or getting a divorce. Who is being the selfish one here? I hope this helps. 

 
August 19, 2005, 11:15 am CDT

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August 19, 2005, 2:15 pm CDT

What infidelity does to you

Quote From: abruce40

i have been married 5 years now and am feeling very neglected.  years ago I dated a man who i was the one to break off the relationship, numerous reasons. About 3 weeks ago he contacted me and wanted to see me.  We met for dinner, he hasn't changed much at all.  he was surprised at well i looked, so he said.  Now he wants me back in his life, we had some great times but also some very rocky times.  Sometimes I sit and think that it would be great to be single again.  My husband is a great guy, but a selfish one.  I have 3 children from a previous marriage and 2 wonderful grandchildren, that he is so jealous of our relationship.  He has no children and just doesn't understand the relationship with my children that I have even though 2 of them are grown and out of the house.  I feel like I have to choose him or the children.  The other man never had a problem with the children and feels like that if I want to give to them that I should.  He has always said that children do not ask to come into this world and therefore we should never deny them of necessities. My husband and I do nothing together anymore, well except go to the buffet on Friday's.  I am afraid that I am going to go to the other man for comfort and do not really know how to sit down and discuss this with my husband.  Any suggestions? 

You've been given some pretty good advice on this, so I won't repeat anything that's been said. Before you do anything you might regret later though, think about how you will feel about yourself later.
It can be flattering when somebody pays attention to you after a long dry spell. If you are feeling neglected, you are vulnerable. I was dating a guy pretty steadily when I was younger, and found out he had been unfaithful by going out with somebody else. I'm pretty sure they went as far as you can go, so being young and ignorant, I did the same thing to "get back at him." We both admitted it was stupid, and we were sorry, but the relationship was never the same again. A long story short, in the end, the thing I was most sorry about was what it did to me inside. I hated myself for being a weak, vindictive person, no matter what he did to me, it was no excuse. So think about it.
 
August 22, 2005, 8:05 am CDT

My good friend's husband

I don't know if this is the right section, but I need some help.  My good friend's husband hit on me.  This was not a something that I misunderstood, but clear and blatant hitting on me.  We all went out this weekend and while we were out he kept playing with my feet under the table.  I didn't know that to do.  I admit that we were all pretty plastered and that I was intrigued by the attention, but I didn't want the attention so I tried to be more intimate with me boyfriend to send a signal to him to stop.  He didn't until later.  When we were about to leave he told me (and this is the rated G version) that he wanted to have sex with me.  I then told him to stop it and he shunned me off.  You guys, I dont know what to do because this is not the first time he did this.  The first time he it on me was about four years ago before my boyfriend and I got together, but nothing happened. 

  

  

To make matters worse, he and my boyfriend are friends and business partners, and as you probably have assumed his wife and I are good friends.  To make matters even worse, before he started to hit on me his wife was telling me that they were having problem and that she thought he was cheating on her, but she had no proof and I told her to try and work it out.  Now, I feel stupid because if he hit on me, maybe he is cheating on her.  I told my boyfriend about the first time that his friend hit on me and he got really upset he thought that more happened, so just as things seemed to be ok this happens.  I don't know what to do.  I don't want to ruin a marriage, several friendships, a relationship, and a business with all of this.  What if I tell and noone believes me?  What if my boyfriend leaves me or harbors this and cheats on me?  I'm so afraid of the possible consequences of this.  I want to cry, but I am at work.   

  

Also, my hair stylist hit on me to the day before and he is married.  I am starting to feel bad about myself because I don't know what it is about that is attracting all of this madness.  Please help! 

 
August 22, 2005, 8:10 am CDT

Infidelity

Quote From: crobinson

I don't know if this is the right section, but I need some help.  My good friend's husband hit on me.  This was not a something that I misunderstood, but clear and blatant hitting on me.  We all went out this weekend and while we were out he kept playing with my feet under the table.  I didn't know that to do.  I admit that we were all pretty plastered and that I was intrigued by the attention, but I didn't want the attention so I tried to be more intimate with me boyfriend to send a signal to him to stop.  He didn't until later.  When we were about to leave he told me (and this is the rated G version) that he wanted to have sex with me.  I then told him to stop it and he shunned me off.  You guys, I dont know what to do because this is not the first time he did this.  The first time he it on me was about four years ago before my boyfriend and I got together, but nothing happened. 

  

  

To make matters worse, he and my boyfriend are friends and business partners, and as you probably have assumed his wife and I are good friends.  To make matters even worse, before he started to hit on me his wife was telling me that they were having problem and that she thought he was cheating on her, but she had no proof and I told her to try and work it out.  Now, I feel stupid because if he hit on me, maybe he is cheating on her.  I told my boyfriend about the first time that his friend hit on me and he got really upset he thought that more happened, so just as things seemed to be ok this happens.  I don't know what to do.  I don't want to ruin a marriage, several friendships, a relationship, and a business with all of this.  What if I tell and noone believes me?  What if my boyfriend leaves me or harbors this and cheats on me?  I'm so afraid of the possible consequences of this.  I want to cry, but I am at work.   

  

Also, my hair stylist hit on me to the day before and he is married.  I am starting to feel bad about myself because I don't know what it is about that is attracting all of this madness.  Please help! 

I forgot to mention that she caught him cheating on her before and she doesn't know that he ever hit on me at all. 
 
August 22, 2005, 8:24 am CDT

help me please somebody

 When my now husband and I were dating for only about a month when I was gone on my ship for two week he cheated on me. I thought I forgave him but now I just can't stop thinking about it and it is eating me up. We have now been together for a year and some odd months but there is never a day that I don't think about it, I feel that I am obsessing. I don't think he would do it again in my heart but I still can't trust him and I am afraid is will ruin our relationship. Please I don't know how to stop letting this small one time cheating go. One thing I don't think he understands is that since he has cheated I feel small, ugly and worthless. I can't stop thinking that if a prettier girl than myself approached him he wouldn't pass up the offer.  I am so scared that I get mad when he just looks at other females when we are together. I know that it sounds childish but I am still hurt and I don't like this feeling and I don't know how to let it go and forgive him with my whole heart. This is the root of all of our problems and if we could get past it we would be so happy. Please, please anybody help me I am going crazy.  

  

  

 
August 22, 2005, 8:44 am CDT

Infidelity

Quote From: theresa_2

 When my now husband and I were dating for only about a month when I was gone on my ship for two week he cheated on me. I thought I forgave him but now I just can't stop thinking about it and it is eating me up. We have now been together for a year and some odd months but there is never a day that I don't think about it, I feel that I am obsessing. I don't think he would do it again in my heart but I still can't trust him and I am afraid is will ruin our relationship. Please I don't know how to stop letting this small one time cheating go. One thing I don't think he understands is that since he has cheated I feel small, ugly and worthless. I can't stop thinking that if a prettier girl than myself approached him he wouldn't pass up the offer.  I am so scared that I get mad when he just looks at other females when we are together. I know that it sounds childish but I am still hurt and I don't like this feeling and I don't know how to let it go and forgive him with my whole heart. This is the root of all of our problems and if we could get past it we would be so happy. Please, please anybody help me I am going crazy.  

  

  

Maybe this a bit hypocritial because I have my own problems, but maybe you should consider talking with a professional by yourself and with your husband.  It seems like what he did was a huge blow on your self-esteem.  Maybe someone can help you realize that you a beautiful person inspite of what he did and that his actions  make no reflection on who you are as a person especiallly since you guys were a brand new unmarried couple when this happened.  Until you get yourself esteem up you will probably feel this way for a long time.  I would say that you should not leave the task of regaining your self worth to him because if he can give you your self esteem back he can probably take it away again also.   

  

Why did you think that you ever forgave him?  Did something happen after a while to trigger these emotions?  Forgivness is extremely important...not just for the person that's being forgiven, but specifically for the person doing the forgiving because it begets bitternes, anger, and resentment and those things can cripple you like arthrits as you already know.     

 
August 22, 2005, 8:46 am CDT

Infidelity

Quote From: crobinson

I forgot to mention that she caught him cheating on her before and she doesn't know that he ever hit on me at all. 
I also forgot to mention that just last week my boyfriend and I were on a rocky path because he thought I was cheating.  For the record, I am not and I never have.
 
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