Home Message Boards

Topic : Infidelity

Number of Replies: 4656
New Messages This Week: 2
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:02:24 pm
Author : dataimport
Has your partner been unfaithful? Have you been the one to stray? Share your advice and support with others that have experienced infidelity.


 
DrPhilBoard2
User Mood
Good

Message Emote
blank
August 8, 2005, 7:28 pm PDT

Magnifying glass?

Quote From: dj0000

  

Hi, 

      It's been a while since I was on the boards.  You, Realgood2U, Lilacmess, etc always give great advice!!   I DO NOT LIKE these boards either!!  The script is too small & with that blue color in the background makes it worse... I'm in my 40's but really, do I have to go & buy a magnifying glass now or what???  I'm a GM Boxtops co-ordinator for my local school and this format is similar to the one that they have & I seldom post on it.  I was just reading some of the messages & I read the same one 3 times... that's a little ridiculous and a BIG WASTE of computer space!!!  At least the old msg boards gave each msg a # so that you could always write it down & go back to it if you needed too!!  I think maybe that they had a man design this "new" forum!!  This forum is soooo unorganized! You can tell because there are hardly any messages on it!!!!  Is the "Cheated On" board the same???  Well, it was nice to read some info from some friendly names... 

You can make the text bigger by going to "My Profile" and scroll down to the "Edit Profile" selection. On the Edit Profile page you can scroll down and find an option to change the font size to LARGE.   
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
kuku4u2d
User Mood
Bored

Message Emote
confused
August 10, 2005, 2:44 am PDT

I am lost

How do we find our messages to read what people have written to us??
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
sportster5
User Mood
Cheerful

Message Emote
blank
August 11, 2005, 8:12 am PDT

back to the message board
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
sportster5
User Mood
Cheerful

Message Emote
frustrated
August 11, 2005, 8:14 am PDT

not happy with the message board

how do you go back and edit whayt you put in the message board.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
lilacmess
User Mood
Mellow

Message Emote
blank
August 11, 2005, 9:36 am PDT

sportster

Quote From: sportster5

how do you go back and edit whayt you put in the message board.
You don't. Once you've posted, you can't edit. You have to preview before you post and you can edit from there. We've all been complaining for weeks about how archaic and clumsy this new format is, but the powers that be don't seem to care. It's such a shame. This "new" format is a huge step backward.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
leettak
User Mood
Worried

Message Emote
blank
August 12, 2005, 9:53 am PDT

the "wife" is the other woman

My husband and I were separated and are trying to reconcile.  He had a relationship with someone else.  I was lead to believe, by him, that it didnt mean anything to him.  That she was there to keep him from being lonley.  I am okay with that.  I can work on that part.  Now I have found out that he bought her a diamond and ask her to marry him.  He said it was in an affort to keep her around.  She says they were in love and happy.  He says she is saying that so I wont want to be with him anymore.  That all he ever thought of was me.  She was a way for him to pretend he was still with me.    Is that possible?   It sounds crazy to me.  I cant bond with him again because of it.  Pretending that you are with someone?   How does that work?   I know it was not me he was thinking of when he walked into the jewelery store.  He said it was to show off.  I have been with the man for 18 years.   I dont want to flush this down the tubes.    I am lost and confused.  I am not sure what to ask him or what I need to know from him.  Is it possible to live that way for a year?  The questions I ask are stale and have been answered by the same words so many times that I know the answers already.  How can I break through this sale mate to start to heal again.  We were separated for four years.  Still married.  Neither ever tried to get a divorce.  We have been back together for four monthes now.  I feel like I am the other woman, not the wife.   But he maintains that he always loved me.   I want so to believe that.  I cant.  someone please take a minute to tell me my doubts are warrented at least.  I pre- thank you...
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
lilacmess
User Mood
Mellow

Message Emote
blank
August 12, 2005, 10:10 am PDT

leetak

Quote From: leettak

My husband and I were separated and are trying to reconcile.  He had a relationship with someone else.  I was lead to believe, by him, that it didnt mean anything to him.  That she was there to keep him from being lonley.  I am okay with that.  I can work on that part.  Now I have found out that he bought her a diamond and ask her to marry him.  He said it was in an affort to keep her around.  She says they were in love and happy.  He says she is saying that so I wont want to be with him anymore.  That all he ever thought of was me.  She was a way for him to pretend he was still with me.    Is that possible?   It sounds crazy to me.  I cant bond with him again because of it.  Pretending that you are with someone?   How does that work?   I know it was not me he was thinking of when he walked into the jewelery store.  He said it was to show off.  I have been with the man for 18 years.   I dont want to flush this down the tubes.    I am lost and confused.  I am not sure what to ask him or what I need to know from him.  Is it possible to live that way for a year?  The questions I ask are stale and have been answered by the same words so many times that I know the answers already.  How can I break through this sale mate to start to heal again.  We were separated for four years.  Still married.  Neither ever tried to get a divorce.  We have been back together for four monthes now.  I feel like I am the other woman, not the wife.   But he maintains that he always loved me.   I want so to believe that.  I cant.  someone please take a minute to tell me my doubts are warrented at least.  I pre- thank you...
4 years?! What brought you back together after so much time? Did you see other men while the two of you were separated? What's going on here is that he's telling you what he thinks you want to hear. And he's probably telling her what he thinks she wants to hear. Men don't buy diamond rings for and propose to women they're not in love with . . . or at least think they're in love with at the time. So your husband had a full-blown relationship with another woman while the two of you were separated. That's pretty normal. Four years is a long time to expect someone to remain single. The problem is that he's lying about it now. And that's what you need to get to the bottom of. Is he lying because he's afraid that if he tells you the truth you'll leave him? Is he lying because the relationship is actually still going on and he's trying to take the heat off? You're not asking the right questions. Begin again with him by saying upfront that you know he really did love her when he was with her, otherwise he would not have proposed. And you're okay with that. After all, the two of you had been separated for a long time and it would have been very selfish of you to expect him to live without love. See where the conversation goes from there.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
leettak
User Mood
Worried

Message Emote
blank
August 12, 2005, 10:28 am PDT

Infidelity

Quote From: lilacmess

4 years?! What brought you back together after so much time? Did you see other men while the two of you were separated? What's going on here is that he's telling you what he thinks you want to hear. And he's probably telling her what he thinks she wants to hear. Men don't buy diamond rings for and propose to women they're not in love with . . . or at least think they're in love with at the time. So your husband had a full-blown relationship with another woman while the two of you were separated. That's pretty normal. Four years is a long time to expect someone to remain single. The problem is that he's lying about it now. And that's what you need to get to the bottom of. Is he lying because he's afraid that if he tells you the truth you'll leave him? Is he lying because the relationship is actually still going on and he's trying to take the heat off? You're not asking the right questions. Begin again with him by saying upfront that you know he really did love her when he was with her, otherwise he would not have proposed. And you're okay with that. After all, the two of you had been separated for a long time and it would have been very selfish of you to expect him to live without love. See where the conversation goes from there.

I went to find him. I hired a PI to find him.  He seemd elated I had done that.  I do not expect that anyone live without love.   But why insist that you didnt love her?    Pretending that he was still with me has me freaked out.   Four years staying single isnt hard for some and impossible for others.    I have ask what you suggested.  I came here as a last resort.  I dont know what to ask.   I need help with that.  I am not sure if I have ever read anything to help me catagorize this into a help search.  I am confused.  I know I love him.  I always have.  But I can not reconnect.  Am I looking for impossible answers?    I said it is all okay.  Tell me the truth.  If this is the truth as he knows it and he did actually pretend that he was with me instead of her its crazy.   they were together for one year.  The last of our separation. I do know he was lonley.  I understand that.  but pretending she was me?  I think thats a lie.  I dont know how to open a dialog about lying.  It starts fights that I no longer have the energy to sustain.  Maybe he is pretending with me too? 

thanks for responding to me 
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
sunnynana
User Mood
Stressed

Message Emote
blank
August 12, 2005, 11:57 am PDT

where's my message???

I posted over a week ago and can't find it, I emailed and asked and got no reply.  what can I do?
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
jenoc99
User Mood
Happy

Message Emote
blank
August 12, 2005, 6:23 pm PDT

Pretending?

Quote From: leettak

I went to find him. I hired a PI to find him.  He seemd elated I had done that.  I do not expect that anyone live without love.   But why insist that you didnt love her?    Pretending that he was still with me has me freaked out.   Four years staying single isnt hard for some and impossible for others.    I have ask what you suggested.  I came here as a last resort.  I dont know what to ask.   I need help with that.  I am not sure if I have ever read anything to help me catagorize this into a help search.  I am confused.  I know I love him.  I always have.  But I can not reconnect.  Am I looking for impossible answers?    I said it is all okay.  Tell me the truth.  If this is the truth as he knows it and he did actually pretend that he was with me instead of her its crazy.   they were together for one year.  The last of our separation. I do know he was lonley.  I understand that.  but pretending she was me?  I think thats a lie.  I dont know how to open a dialog about lying.  It starts fights that I no longer have the energy to sustain.  Maybe he is pretending with me too? 

thanks for responding to me 

Your last question is exactly what I would be worried about if I were you: is he pretending with me? Good question. As the other poster already said, its understandable that he had a relationship with someone else, its even understandable that he was in love, or, thought he was in love, with another woman and bought her a diamond ring...BUT...he isn't being honest about what happened. He was in love with her and asked her to marry him. I wonder why he can't just be honest about this fact? He thinks that it sounds better to you that he says he was pretending she was you...thats very, very odd. I know that you just want this to "go away" so that you two can live happily ever after. That would be convenient, but its not realistic. Sometimes its the truth that hurts the most. But in your situation, its the lies that hurt the most. If he is lieing about this, what else would he lie about? Its really quite a silly thing to say and think that you would actually fall for it..that he pretended she was you.  

  

When you contacted him, was he with this other woman and then broke up with her to be back with you? Or had they already broken up? just curious.  
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
Post a Message

First | Prev | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | Next | Last