Topic : Infidelity

sorry it took me so long...   but to answer your question.. he walked away from that life like it was meaningless....  he didnt even end it.   he just wouldnt talk to her anymore.   I am not sure I want to move on any further.  I thnk anyone could understand my fear and concerns.   Why lie about that?   I dont get it al all...  I didnt bother him after the initial visit.  I didnt pursure hiom because I assumed he had moved on and was happy.    I didnt want to mess it up.  The kids wanted a relationship with him and have been able to salvage one.  I am greatful for that.  They seem to be better now tat he is back in their lives.  But mine is sinking quickly.   

TY for the reply.  your concern is appreciated so much 

This is the first time that I have ever posted.  I feel that I have no one I can share this with that is why I  am here.  I went out this weekend with some friends.  I don't get to go out very often since I am married and have 4 kids.  We went to the bar and tied a good one on.  I met some of my husbands friends who I know very well.  The one guy and I have always flirted with each other harmlessly.  Well not this time things went to far.  We ended up going outside behind the bar we kissed a few times and some hands explored.  That was it I couldn't believe what i was doing, i knew it was wrong so I stopped it.  We agreed not to tell anyone.  We went back into the bar and taht was the end of that.  Went home went to bed got up talked to my husband told him we needed to talk.  oh yeah I think the other guy phoned in the morning or it was his girlfriend don't know.  I told him that i kissed one of his friends and then I went back to bed.  I was sick and couldn't believe that I could have been so stupid.  Last night we went for supper and a movie.  He tried to ask me what all happened but I said I didn't want to talk about it in public.  My husband is taking it to well and that frightens me.  I want him to be angry with me but he has been nice.  I am scared that he will now go out and cheat on me and go further than I did.  What should I do.  I just need to tell some one.  Thank you for listening. 

Why don't you sit and talk to him.  Ask him how he is feeling about it, ask him if he is upset.  Tell him how sorry you are and you never meant to betray his trust.  Make him  understand that you have remorse and hate what happened.  Maybe there is a reason you kissed his friend, maybe you are not close with your hubby or passionate like you would like to be.  Get in his head, find out what he is thinking, but the only way to do that is ask him, in detail.  You will hate talking about it but it will open him up to how he feels.  Just because he is taking well right now - 1. doesn't mean he is going to cheat on you and - 2. doesn't mean in time he will become angry and pull away.   

You don't want either of those to happen but you have to be there for him right now.   

i have been married 5 years now and am feeling very neglected.  years ago I dated a man who i was the one to break off the relationship, numerous reasons. About 3 weeks ago he contacted me and wanted to see me.  We met for dinner, he hasn't changed much at all.  he was surprised at well i looked, so he said.  Now he wants me back in his life, we had some great times but also some very rocky times.  Sometimes I sit and think that it would be great to be single again.  My husband is a great guy, but a selfish one.  I have 3 children from a previous marriage and 2 wonderful grandchildren, that he is so jealous of our relationship.  He has no children and just doesn't understand the relationship with my children that I have even though 2 of them are grown and out of the house.  I feel like I have to choose him or the children.  The other man never had a problem with the children and feels like that if I want to give to them that I should.  He has always said that children do not ask to come into this world and therefore we should never deny them of necessities. My husband and I do nothing together anymore, well except go to the buffet on Friday's.  I am afraid that I am going to go to the other man for comfort and do not really know how to sit down and discuss this with my husband.  Any suggestions? 

You need to decide what you want and then follow through with that decision.  If you want to make it work with your husband then you need to concentrate on that 100%.  Go to counseling.  If he won't go with you then go alone.  He is your husband and deserves your honesty and your faithfulness unless you decide to go your separate ways. 

If you choose to be with this other man, respect your husband enough to leave him first.  It is the correct thing to do. Make sure you are in the right place before seeing the other man. 

Realize that if you choose to leave that you need to be able to support yourself financially and emotionally.  You may leave and the other man may change his mind.  You won't be able to go back to your husband.   

Only you can make the choice but make sure you are prepared for the consequences of either way you choose to go. 

If you think for one moment, that guy is not going to tell ever guy that was there that night, you live in a dream world! I could not tell if you wound up telling your husband exactly what happened, but I am sure if you did not, he would rather hear it from you, than one of the guys. 

Alcohol can do things like that, and what you did was wrong, you knew better once you saw the guy you flirt with, and still stayed. You can't unring a bell, but you can make amends with your husband.  

This should be a red flag for you to know, you can't go out  drinking without your husband to protect you, during your wildness that drinking brings out. 

Everyone makes mistakes. I once was out with come colleagues, and co-worker, while single, and wound up making out with a woman that worked for me. It was a wake-up call to make sure in the future , I didn't allow myself to get that far gone, while with certain people. You should do the same. 

First, and foremost let your husband know what has happened, and ask forgiveness. He has a right to know that his "friend" is not someone that he can trust, and  it will help his ego to be able to at least confront this guy, and let the "friend" know he knows, so this guy doesn't think he has anything on him. We do, after all, have very large egos. I hope this helps, and good luck. 

The Grass Only Seems Greener on the Other Side! The first thing you should be doing, is talking to your husband about the problems you are having in the marriage. If you have a child at home, a husband and no maid, where do you get the time and energy to go out to dinner with this other man?  

Your energies need to be either with working on your marriage, or getting a divorce. Your husband, having no children of his own is clueless, no doubt, on the matter of what it feels like having a child of your own; but you must have had some clues of this prior to the marriage. He can't be totally selfish, as you have one child living with you, and he is out providing for the three of you. 

You need to stop and think about not only your morals, but the morals of this man, that is knowingly asking out a married woman, with an entire world of women out there. I am not saying there is anything wrong with you, but you are not his only possibility, and you have made a vow to your god, or usually a person does this when becoming married. 

Forgetting the lack of morals of this man, you are not being fair to your husband of only five years. If you are not happy in this marriage, get out! Don't just go and blame your husband's selfishness for your attempt at infidelity. It would be you, and you alone. There is the option of saying no, or getting a divorce. Who is being the selfish one here? I hope this helps. 

  should be changed, I feel so badly for the people wasting their time trying to post and having their posts disappear etc... 

  Noone can really help or follow a post because of the way it is set up now. Also, to post a complaint they want your while life history to send it in! This is no longer a welcoming format!