Topic : Infidelity

 Hey lilac- does the order of the board change on you also? Like lastnight they were last message posted showed first, this morning they were first message posted showing first however; when I signed in to post the order of the boards changed to last message first again. When it happened to me last night I had to look again to find the post of yours I wanted to reply to.

 

  Anyhow, see you lilac.

Hi! I am new at this so i hope i get things right.

My husband and I have been married for 4 years and after him "hanging" out all night for the past two summers, I just don't know if I can handle it any more.  He used to stay out all night (even weeknights) last summer and the summer before ('03 & '04) Come to find out he was hanging out alright, with another woman!  Who is also married w/ kids and lived in CO. where her husband was stationed, but returned home (GA) with her kids, no husband, each summer.  An old "one nighter" to my husband.  Summer '03 I was pregnant and trapped at home because he had my vehicle and would take the key to his truck with him (gee wonder why?)  Night after night he would leave me alone no ride, no food in the house.  I did a little investigating and found out why and even found out that her birthday was the day before I had our son and he gave her a check for $150.  Now, I know that two wrongs don't make a right, I happened to run into an old friend of mine (so weird) and we exchanged numbers.  WE talked everyday day about everything and he saved me from doing something so drastic.  He is also married with kids.  When my husband found out, he nutted up of course.  He planned a trip with his "friend" to go to Cancun and my husband didn't cover his trail too well and I found out.  He didn't go, but the fact is that he still planned a trip with another woman. 

Last summer, he did the same crap to me -out all night, not calling, not answering his phone.  The difference is that I had my car, I ended up not cooking for him anymore and quit having sex with him too.  (He says I was wrong for that).  I ended up telling him that we need to get help or I was out.  He agreed to counseling and we went.  The counselor ultimately told me I need to leave him and force him to stand on his own and stop being his crutch.  My husband changed after she went back to CO.  her husband was eventuallly stationed in Guam and she hasn't returned to Ga. this summer.  This summer, he hasn't been out everynight, but there have been a few weekends when he would go out and not return home until the following morning. 

What has me upset now, is this: we both attend college at night and while I was in the school break room waiting for my class to start, he went on break with his class.  He didn't see me and I snuck up on him while he was on the phone. I could hear enough that it was a girl he was talking too.  He acted kind of "shady" towards me, and I angrily told him where I had parked the car and walked away.  The old me would argue later about it, but this time, I didn't say a word.  I acted as if it didn't bother me. I don't care if he talks to another woman on the phone, but why hide it? Is there another woman in his life?  He has been acting kind of weird lately, but I just don't care anymore. 

I know dr. phil says turn over every stone before divorce, but I am slowly running out of stones. 

You've already run out of stones, and are now trying to turn over grains of sand !  

 

So, you've stopped having sex with him ?   Well, YEAH..........just for the sake of not getting an STD

is reason enough !  You say you don't care anymore, so WHY are you still with him ?  Is it for your son ?  Is it for financial reasons ?   Don't get me wrong, these can be very valid reasons given someone's circumstances.  However, you need to think about all of the emotional and physycological abuse this man has and is STILL putting you thru.  Even a counselor has already told you that you HAVE TO leave him.

 

Now, he's talking with another woman AND acting weird again ?  He's just uncapable of having just one woman and being FAITHFUL.   Are you willing to spend your life being cheated on ? 

 

I went thru a very hard time with my h  a while ago.  Although his problem wasn't other women, but rather booze and drugs.   I thought there was another woman becaseu he too would sometimes come home in the AM hours, until I had him investigated.  Wen I decided that was enough, I just laid it out to him that he WILL lose his family and EVERYTHING.....if he didn't take advantage of ONE and only ONE chance that I would give him. He knew I was serious as I already was speaking with an atty.   That was all it took ( so far) for him to turn his act around.  Some men so, some men don't.

It's up to you how much you can live with.

We have two children together, and financially I can handle things on my own.  IT is just hard to up and leave when there is no where to go.  He isn't willing to leave and I am afraid that if I leave he will track me down and hurt me physically.  Plus my credit stinks, mostly because of stuff together and I wouldn't be able to get much on my own.

I too have dealt with drug abuse with him and that was part of his problem in the past. 

I have not gotten to the point to leave I guess. I am afraid and I need to get over that fear.  It is coming, I can feel it.  ANd I guess when I have had enough, I will have the strength to leave. 

I know what I have to do, but I am just afraid of doing it!!!

 You can change the order that the messages display by going to your "My Profile" page.  You can change it to display Oldest messagest first, or Newest messages first.

I don't believe that's what is being referred to.   The text of the individual mssgs themselves are getting jumbled.   WE HOPE YOU ARE CONSIDERING GOING BACK TO THE OLD FORMAT....IT WAS MUCH BETTER.   THANKS.

I am so upset about my situation, and don't know what to do. We have been married for 11 years, and have two kids. My husband has always used different excuses as to why he cheated on me. The last time, he had a relationship with another woman, that was married also. He says he has stopped seeing her, and wants to work on our marriage, but I am just so hurt, and feel like a fool. Also, I don't trust that he has stopped seeing her. I still love him very much, but I also have a lot of anger and hurt. So many of my friends say just dump him, and I know I should, but I keep thinking about how hard it would be to be without him. I know he has major emotional problems, and it's not my fault that he has these affairs. No matter how I was, he would still do it, and unless he changes, will with anyone he's with in the future. Is there an easier way to get over these feelings? It's affecting my career, my children, my life. I think about it all the time, because I see her quite a bit since they live in the same town, or other things that instantly remind me of the affair. I have to say I can't imagine being without him, but I'm hurting being with him too, and wonder why I would still want to be his wife. Anyone have any answers?

I've set mine to show newest messages first (My Profiles) and so far it has been doing this consistently across all the boards I've subscribed to. maybe you have to subscribe to a board for it to retain that setting. I may change that setting for me, however, because it's confusing me a bit. I'm so disappointed in this new format. I used to always look at the posts first in outline format and then I would choose what ones i wanted to read. This format is really hard to keep up with. The susbscription feature is cool and the tool bar feature is cool, but that's about all I can say good. It also won't let me correct my birthdate in My Profile. I know no one sees this but me. I just want it to be correct. I was not born on January 1! I was born on November 8! Bitch, bitch, bitch. I know.

i have a question for you. The person my husband had an affair with is my 4 year old's son private school teacher and my nannies sister. she continues to cause problems with me and my children. My son was removed suddenly recently to save face to the school. the lady was not reprmanded in any way. my husband won't let her go so we are now separated. My children are deeply affected. I want to know if there is anything i can do to get that girl fired. she teachers children and is a poor role model . I was informed that i could sue the school or have her removed. what do you think.? or should i be the better person and let it go 

i know what you mean. i have been married for 10 years with two yound children and my husband cheated on me. and still wants this other lady in his life. He said he wants to work on it but can't handle my anger and hurt. He blames me for constantly going back to her. I hate what he is doing and can't understand what he sees in her. I live in a small town and we are both physician's in the town. I eventually had to leave, because i saw her all the time. I couldn't handle the smirk she would give me everytime i saw her. He even had a tattoo of her placed on his chest. She is concerned by most in the town and police officers know her well. she is the slut of sandpoint. So my husband gave up our family and children for a woman who is always nice to him that has 3 young girls, lives on welfare has no education and likes to wakeboard and snowboard. that is what they have in common. He feels good with her. i am so upset myself. I filed for a legal separation so i could get control of my and the children's lives and moved 350 miles away so i wouldn't have to see them.