Topic : Infidelity

I am not quite sure what I am hoping to accomplish by posting on here and I am certain that many will disagree with my situation because of the nature of this message board BUT I am hoping that someone will be able to help me with some insight, thoughts or maybe someone has been in or was in a similar situation...   I am 25 and have been married for just over a year.  My H and I have been together for over 5 years.  A few months before we got married, he had a 'one night stand' with a women at a bar...  He begged and pleaded for me to forgive him and still marry him... which I did.  It helped being so busy with the wedding and it made getting through the tough time easier.  We never really got in to the dramatics of the whole thing... I had just made it clear that if he ever did something like that again then it would be over and that was basically it.     In the back of my mind throughout the year I thought about taking part in a similar situation - knowing that I had revenge with out putting him through the hurt.  Either way I could not bring myself to be intimate with a stranger.    Now I have gotten myself into a situation.  I have cheated on my husband.  The series of events leading to sleeping with the other man in no way shape or form pointed to the fact that I wanted to pursue anything with him... I know this is very cliché but it just happened.  Now... I don't know what to do... I really enjoy being with him.  If my situation was different I think it would be a relationship that was fun for awhile but would phase out and nothing would really develop.  It's very passionate and this point.  I am enjoying the attention from another man.  The largest problem is I have little guilt; and I am trying to determine if it's because of what my H did to me or if it's for some other reason.  I do love my H and care for him deeply and I do not want to hurt him - I think I am being incredibly shellfish but I don't feel the need to stop.  I know this all must sound ridculous

It doesn't sound ridiculous, but it would definitely be ridiculous to stay in this marriage, just as it was ridiculous for you to marry him. By marrying him, you basically said to him that you had forgiven him for his infidelity and would never betray him in the same manner. After all, he wouldn't have married you had you said to him, "Okay, I'll let you get away with this one infidelity but you should know that some day after we're married I'm going to do the same thing to you," right? It doesn't sound to me like the two of you have any business being married to each other or to anyone for that matter. You've both behaved in an incredibly immature fashion. I say get a divorce and don't marry again until you're certain you can take the committment seriously.

This is my first time on the message board in about 6 months or more and I can say that I find this format confusing and hard to read/follow.  Grant it, I'm no rocket scientist . . .

How do we find our messages to read what people have written to us??

how do you go back and edit whayt you put in the message board.

You don't. Once you've posted, you can't edit. You have to preview before you post and you can edit from there. We've all been complaining for weeks about how archaic and clumsy this new format is, but the powers that be don't seem to care. It's such a shame. This "new" format is a huge step backward.

My husband and I were separated and are trying to reconcile.  He had a relationship with someone else.  I was lead to believe, by him, that it didnt mean anything to him.  That she was there to keep him from being lonley.  I am okay with that.  I can work on that part.  Now I have found out that he bought her a diamond and ask her to marry him.  He said it was in an affort to keep her around.  She says they were in love and happy.  He says she is saying that so I wont want to be with him anymore.  That all he ever thought of was me.  She was a way for him to pretend he was still with me.    Is that possible?   It sounds crazy to me.  I cant bond with him again because of it.  Pretending that you are with someone?   How does that work?   I know it was not me he was thinking of when he walked into the jewelery store.  He said it was to show off.  I have been with the man for 18 years.   I dont want to flush this down the tubes.    I am lost and confused.  I am not sure what to ask him or what I need to know from him.  Is it possible to live that way for a year?  The questions I ask are stale and have been answered by the same words so many times that I know the answers already.  How can I break through this sale mate to start to heal again.  We were separated for four years.  Still married.  Neither ever tried to get a divorce.  We have been back together for four monthes now.  I feel like I am the other woman, not the wife.   But he maintains that he always loved me.   I want so to believe that.  I cant.  someone please take a minute to tell me my doubts are warrented at least.  I pre- thank you...