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Topic : Infidelity

Number of Replies: 4739
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Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:02:24 pm
Author : dataimport
Has your partner been unfaithful? Have you been the one to stray? Share your advice and support with others that have experienced infidelity.

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July 24, 2005, 8:52 pm CDT

Firing a teacher

i have a question for you. The person my husband had an affair with is my 4 year old's son private school teacher and my nannies sister. she continues to cause problems with me and my children. My son was removed suddenly recently to save face to the school. the lady was not reprmanded in any way. my husband won't let her go so we are now separated. My children are deeply affected. I want to know if there is anything i can do to get that girl fired. she teachers children and is a poor role model. I was informed that i could sue the school or have her removed. what do you think.? or should i be the better person and let it go
I teach college, so the rules are different for me, I'm sure. I would think, in your case, that a phone call to her superviser might result in her being fired. It is a HUGE breach of ethics for her to have an affair with the married father of one of her students, especially considering that her actions have resulted in harm to one of her students (i.e. she broke up his parents and he had to switch schools because of it). You'll have to decide for yourself, however, how important revenge it to you and whether or not it would be revenge if you were to take legal action against her. I would probably stop at the phone call and let the school handle it from there. I wouldn't want to involve myself in the ugliness of a law suit. My first husband had an affair with a woman he worked with. They had both been reprimanded for the inappropriate content of their emails back and forth to each other but neither of them was fired. I certainly considered calling their boss and letting her know just how far it had gone in hopes that one or both of them would get fired. I also considered calling her husband and telling him about her affair. I did neither of these things. Ultimately, I decided that my energies were much better spent getting MY life back on track and taking care of my daughter. Besides, foul deeds rise. I figured she would get hers some day and I didn't need to to soil my hands helping that along. So sorry to hear you have to go through this. Just know, it does get better. You will recover. Good luck. 
 
July 25, 2005, 12:13 pm CDT

What's the best thing to do?

My husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 years.  We have two children (our oldest was born before we married) and we now have a third on the way.  Having a baby is usually a happy moment in ones life, but I'm not feeling that way. 

About a month before I found out I was pregnant, we were on the verge of separation.  I believed he was having an affair (not the first he has been unfaithful) and wanted out.  We talked things out and he convinced me that things would change, more than that - he would change.  For awhile things were great!  He treated me exactly as he had before we had any issues.  What I didn't find out until later was that he was still calling the other woman.  When I asked him for the what seemed like 100th time he swore never to speak to her again.  Once again, I found out from him that he had spoken to her a few more times after that even.  I'm so bitter with him that it's really affecting our marriage and how I feel about him.  He acts so dumb and clueless about why I'm acting the way that I am.  I don't believe I deserve to be treated like this, and don't want to live with this anger any longer.  Top it all off, he is in a band (that's how he met the other woman in the first place).  Since I've caught him through his cell phone bills, he's begun playing every weekend when our agreement from day one was that he would play no more than 3 weekends/month max.  I'm thinking that now he is using his band as an excuse to meet up with her. 

Although I have no proof that he is in fact doing that, I've still told him that I'm unhappy with his schedule.  He works long hours during the week at his job then is gone for most of the weekend with his band. 

I know what I want to get out of my marriage and I am upset because I don't feel that I will ever get it.  I feel like our issues just keep building up, and nothing is getting resolved.  When and how do you call it quits when you have two children and are expecting a third?  I'm not even sure I want to put any effort into fixing our marriage, and feel it may be better just to leave. 

Hopefully this makes sense and someone can give me advice...there is so much more to my story, but I can only explain a little at a time...

 
July 25, 2005, 2:09 pm CDT

Brother-In-Law Problems

I need anyone's advice on what to do about my brother in law. It is nothing new to my parents that my brother in law likes me, and i thought that they were just saying that. but a couple of weeks ago my sister broke her arm and she couldn't clean. When he would come home from work they would fight because the house would be a mess. ( mind you she has 3 boys that are 7 years old and a 3 year old and none of them listen) Well I got tired of listening to her crying about him, so i started going over there and cleaning making him think that it was her. When he found out that it was me he thanked me and was a little touchy towards me. I didn't think anything of it, until the next day when he called me and told me that he liked me and that he has been having dreams about me. I told him that he was married to my sister and that I loved my sister very much, and that I was very happly married and that nothing would happen. Now that he has done that I feel uncomfertable around him, and the clothes I used to wear I cant anymore because he has a coment about them. Another problem that I have is that my son loves him so much and my husband ( his step father) thinks that my brother in law is just trying to make himself look better than my husband. I don't know what to tell him and if I need to tell my brother in law to back off. Please help
 
July 25, 2005, 9:01 pm CDT

ctackett01, you need to tell your sister, and not talk to your bil

Quote From: ctackett01

I need anyone's advice on what to do about my brother in law. It is nothing new to my parents that my brother in law likes me, and i thought that they were just saying that. but a couple of weeks ago my sister broke her arm and she couldn't clean. When he would come home from work they would fight because the house would be a mess. ( mind you she has 3 boys that are 7 years old and a 3 year old and none of them listen) Well I got tired of listening to her crying about him, so i started going over there and cleaning making him think that it was her. When he found out that it was me he thanked me and was a little touchy towards me. I didn't think anything of it, until the next day when he called me and told me that he liked me and that he has been having dreams about me. I told him that he was married to my sister and that I loved my sister very much, and that I was very happly married and that nothing would happen. Now that he has done that I feel uncomfertable around him, and the clothes I used to wear I cant anymore because he has a coment about them. Another problem that I have is that my son loves him so much and my husband ( his step father) thinks that my brother in law is just trying to make himself look better than my husband. I don't know what to tell him and if I need to tell my brother in law to back off. Please help

ctackett01, you need to tell your sister, and not talk to your brother-in-law (bil). You may even want to ask yourself why you have not already done so. It sounds like he is a real jerk, and the last thing you need is problems with your sister. Families are forever, husbands/wives come and go in this day and age.

You need to have a talk in person with your sister, and let her know what was said. If he is hitting on you, he is probably doing as much at work, or wherever. In this day and age of STD's and HIV, you nor your sister can take something like that back. I hope this helps, and good luck

 
July 25, 2005, 9:08 pm CDT

azimm31, not only do you not deserve this, your unborn child is none too happy when mommie is not happy

Quote From: azimm31

My husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 years. We have two children (our oldest was born before we married) and we now have a third on the way. Having a baby is usually a happy moment in ones life, but I'm not feeling that way.

About a month before I found out I was pregnant, we were on the verge of separation. I believed he was having an affair (not the first he has been unfaithful) and wanted out. We talked things out and he convinced me that things would change, more than that - he would change. For awhile things were great! He treated me exactly as he had before we had any issues. What I didn't find out until later was that he was still calling the other woman. When I asked him for the what seemed like 100th time he swore never to speak to her again. Once again, I found out from him that he had spoken to her a few more times after that even. I'm so bitter with him that it's really affecting our marriage and how I feel about him. He acts so dumb and clueless about why I'm acting the way that I am. I don't believe I deserve to be treated like this, and don't want to live with this anger any longer. Top it all off, he is in a band (that's how he met the other woman in the first place). Since I've caught him through his cell phone bills, he's begun playing every weekend when our agreement from day one was that he would play no more than 3 weekends/month max. I'm thinking that now he is using his band as an excuse to meet up with her.

Although I have no proof that he is in fact doing that, I've still told him that I'm unhappy with his schedule. He works long hours during the week at his job then is gone for most of the weekend with his band.

I know what I want to get out of my marriage and I am upset because I don't feel that I will ever get it. I feel like our issues just keep building up, and nothing is getting resolved. When and how do you call it quits when you have two children and are expecting a third? I'm not even sure I want to put any effort into fixing our marriage, and feel it may be better just to leave.

Hopefully this makes sense and someone can give me advice...there is so much more to my story, but I can only explain a little at a time...

azimm31, not only do you not deserve this, your unborn child is none too happy when Mommy is not happy! Like the good doctor says, a child would rather be from a broken home, than to live in one.

In this day and age of STD's and HIV, do you truly want to take the chance of leaving your children as orphans? Obviously your husband doesn't seem to care. Like the old saying goes, a leopard can't change his spots, and although people can change, it sounds like your husband has no desire to do so.

You need to be thinking of your children as well as yourself. I know there are studies that will agree that when a mother stays upset during the pregnancy, it effects the fetus.

People can only treat us the way we allow them to treat us. Don't put up with this. He can promise to kingdom comes, but that won't change whatever disease he brings home to you and your children. I hope this helps.

 
July 26, 2005, 6:10 am CDT

Need Help

2 months ago my husband just didn't come home???!!!  Our marriage had been in trouble for some time and I suggested marriage counselling but he wouldn't go.  He says he just wants to be left alone.  He is living with his waitress (although in a separate room)  I don't believe a word of the BS he is feeding me.  He flat out denies he is having an affair.  The problem I have is that my 15yr old daughter is now spending the weekends with him.  Although I ask how her weekend went with her dad, I don't inquire too much.  I have tried to get her to talk about the separation and have offered her counselling but she refuses.  I believe that she also knows there is someone else and is trying to hide it from me(she recently started putting her Dads things away at home)  She is telling me that she is just cleaning up.   What a terrible situation to put your child in.  Do I tell her that I believe there is someone else to ease the burden or do I wait until her father tells her the truth if ever?  I don't know what the truth is!!!  Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
 
July 26, 2005, 8:53 pm CDT

Infidelity

Quote From: juballl

ctackett01, you need to tell your sister, and not talk to your brother-in-law (bil). You may even want to ask yourself why you have not already done so. It sounds like he is a real jerk, and the last thing you need is problems with your sister. Families are forever, husbands/wives come and go in this day and age.

You need to have a talk in person with your sister, and let her know what was said. If he is hitting on you, he is probably doing as much at work, or wherever. In this day and age of STD's and HIV, you nor your sister can take something like that back. I hope this helps, and good luck

I feel I should tell my sister but, there are a lot of things that is stopping me.  First of all she is on medication for depression, and I don't want her to end up in a mental inst. Next, after I told her husband that nothing would happen their releationship all of a sudden got better.  I feel really unconfterable around him but it is not like I can keep from seeing him. My son loves him to death and I know that my sister would be really hurt, and I don't want her to take it the wrong way and be mad at me?  Does this sound reasonable or does it sound like I am making up excuses?
 
July 26, 2005, 10:09 pm CDT

I think You answered your own question

Quote From: ctackett01

I feel I should tell my sister but, there are a lot of things that is stopping me. First of all she is on medication for depression, and I don't want her to end up in a mental inst. Next, after I told her husband that nothing would happen their releationship all of a sudden got better. I feel really unconfterable around him but it is not like I can keep from seeing him. My son loves him to death and I know that my sister would be really hurt, and I don't want her to take it the wrong way and be mad at me? Does this sound reasonable or does it sound like I am making up excuses?
I think You answered your own question, now didn't you? It sounds like you are making excuses to me, but only you know for sure. I think it would drive your sister up a wall more, if she found out your bil hit on you and you didn't tell her, than if you just told her. Their relationship didn't get better, he was just worried you would tell his wife, so he began to behave. That shows you, he has the ability to behave when he "chooses" to behave. It's your life, and your decision. Yes, it will open a can of worms, but I would rather be on the side of truth than on deceit once the can is opened, and it very may open from a different direction, and you could be drug into it, if once he is caught with someone else, and tries to drag your name into it then. The acid test should probably be, if the situation were turned around, would you want your sister to tell you, or let your husband go around hitting on other women. I hope this helps
 
July 26, 2005, 10:28 pm CDT

You get em Real!!!

Quote From: realgood2u

Hello all

Well, it took an act of Congress to get in here and I am now almost sorry I succeeded. This looks a great deal like Oprah and I NEVER liked that message board. The only good thing I see is the spell check option.

Where are the archives? Why did Dr P take the boards down for TWO WEEKS with NO WARNING?

Any chance to at least get some of the most recents posts back? I have TOTALLY lost track and feel so sorry for those that posted just before the site went down. They must be really frustrated.

I took a hint from some of the first members to return and updated my profile so I hope message order will not be a problem. Best suggestion-let's return to the old format.

You get em Real!!!  Great seeing you again, and looking forward to reading your post!
 
July 27, 2005, 2:12 pm CDT

so very confused

My H and I have been married for 2 years, together for 8 off and on. Three months before we were married he cheated on me with his ex, she got pregnant, but i married him any way. Now that 2 years have gone by, I still can't get over the pain. I am still very much hurt by it and his daughter he had when he betrayed me. Lately things have gotten so bad between us, he almost walked out on me and our 2 boys last week, we argue atleast every other day, and at least once during the arguments he says we should just get a divorce. he works 2 jobs  so i can stay home with our children but feels that that is enough for our family. Meaning he doesn't do anything around the house and spends little time with the boys. Recently he's been accusing me of doing things I am not  and he has no proof of. He says everything I say is a lie and he has accused me of of being on crank (speed). I have NO idea where he is getting this from. I did have a problem with it when I was a teenager but haven't even been around the stuff in 8 years. I know Dr. Phil says 'The best predictor for future behavior is past behavior' so I'm wondering if he's cheating again and that's why he's blaming me for arguments and accusing me of the rediculous things.  I am just so very confused and am at the point where i dont want to try any more. has anyone gone through this before where your H suddenly acts this way? I just don't know what to do any more.
 
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