Topic : Infidelity

Hello all...I'll get right to it....I need some advise...

I'm not married, but we live together 4 yrs now...been together 10 (off and on in the first 3 due to him still being married and me believing he was not with her anymore...duh me). Things seem to have been going really good for the past 4 yrs or so...we even have a beautiful 10 month old daughter together...until about 9 months or so ago. He's started working alot and sometimes his job keeps him out overnite...he just doesn't seem connected with me here anymore. I've had these terrible suspisions lately and started checking up on him a little....I checked his cell phone voice mail once and heard a message from a female he's been working with now and then that she was alone and on her way up to where he works, would he like to go for lunch. I asked him then if something was going on and he denied. He said he'd been out to lunch with her before, it was a group of co-workers all having lunch together, never just the 2 of them. Well, I also found a womans t-shirt while I was folding our wash I do everyweek...asked him whose it was and he said he had no clue where it could've come from...maybe it was his male co-workers...I said it was a womans shirt...and he said he didn't know whose it was. I also found an empty pack of over the counter sexual enhancing drug in his car....confronted him with it and his excuse was that he was having problems lately...haven't I noticed? And I haven't noticed any difference at all....I don't think they were taken for my benefit. I asked him straight up if he was seeing someone else and of course he denied. I don't know what to do. The thoughts of finding out if this is true is totally consuming my every waking thought and keeping me from sleeping at night. I just don't want to be taken for a fool, but I don't want to be wrongfully accusing him either. What can I do to help ease my mind...its driving me crazy!!!!

I  have been married for 15 years, during this time my husband has cheated on me 2 times... i have been able to forgive him what happen in the past, but now i discovered that he was lying to me about something and I'm confused and  frustrated, i don't know what to think. he told me that he had a new supervisor that was helping him a lot, and he spent a lot of time with this supervisor on the phone, i was checking our phone calls and a number grabbed my attention because of the quantity and the lengths of the calls, it turns out to be this supervisor is a woman. when i confronted my husband he said he had to lie to me because he knew  i was going to make a big deal about this! he said that he only talks about work but now i don't know what to think, I'm devastated, any advise??

Warning, Warning, Alarm, Alarm - there is no such thing as a lie that has to be told to keep you from making a big deal of the situation.  You have every right to make a big deal of that, and now you have every right to make a bigger deal.  My advice is that you tell him that you will not tolerate being lied to - especially considering his past actions - and that if he values your marriage he will play by the rules - no more lying and no more after work phone calls.