Topic : Infidelity

Ive been married for 12 years to my husband, we have two children ages 11 and 5.  I am working full-time and I travel for work frequently. Two days after my 35th birthday, I found out he has been seeing another woman who is married as well. They have known each other for 4 years when the other woman was still single and it got serious in the last two years, with the woman being married and have two little children at the same time.  

He has been seeing this other woman only once in a while because she lives in another city. Even though he has only been seeing her for quite some time they exchange e-mails, calls each other on the phone or mobile, sends SMS and chats over the internet - so there is communciation goinng on, with this he said he is in love with her and not in love with me. He said it has nothing to do with methat its him. He said I he loves me but does not want to hurt me anymore.  As far as the other woman, it seems like she wants out of her marriage as well as my husband tells me that other woman is out filling for a divorce and showed him the papers.

The day of dicovery, I asked him to go home to his mother while we think things thru but the next thing I knew on that very same day he went with other woman looking for an apartment together and that they will be living together. The other woman's husband is not in the country and their two children are living in the country in a house together with the other woman's parents.

Its been two and a half months now and my husband does not call, he does not even call to check our children. He had emotionally shut himself off even from his brother, sister , parents, cousins and even friends - he just doesn't want to talk. I take the initiave to call him, i take it in stride showing a very postive outlook - but i can feel that we is still very distant so its been three weeks now and i have not communicated with him.  The last time we talked he even asked to whom have it told it already - after this time he still expects it to be a secret.

As for myself, i have started focusing on myself and my two children. I have gone back to the gym and working on my physical strength. I continue to do best at work, though i have let my office know what i am going through at the moment and I have been getting great support.  It is very very tough trying to plan our lives without my husband in the picture. I sulk in everynow and then but i know i need to be strong.  We are moving to another state this November. I am currently looking for a house and i just can't help but think about him, hence this message board - i am in one of those days =(

Part of the roller-coster ride is going back to being confused and uncertainty. I love my husband more than anything in the world and I tell myself that as long as i still feel strongly about him I would continually to do my part on trying to save the marriage, keep the communication lines open but as he is not responsive to any of this, i feel so down about what is happening.

I am totally stressed out. Please help.

I dont think he will go because he says they just be in his bussiness.

I'm glad that you have come to your senses ad realied that this affair needs to end.  Not only are you short changing yourself by being with a man who is already taken, but think of what his wife will go through should she ever find out.  Put yourself in her place, would you want your husband sleeping around on you? 

He was your professor and broke that code of ethics which shows  his lack of morals, character and values.  Any man who would cheat on his wife will cheat on his GF as well.   I'm not sure why you are so confused as to how you will break this off... Pretty simply.  He's married, it should have never happened in the first place and you need to find a man who is available.  Learn a lesson from this, stay away from the married ones, there are plenty of single guys out there.