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Topic : Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

Number of Replies: 1025
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Created on : Sunday, September 17, 2006, 04:03:12 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Has the fire gone out in your love life? Share your ways to reignite romance in your relationship.

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December 18, 2008, 7:54 am CST

Go for it

Quote From: minniemouse528

I am a 32 yr old hairstylist that just recently is loosing her marriage of 10 yrs and a the over all relationship of 12 yrs, we just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary and went to Vegas to renew our wedding vows and three days later we had a heated arrgument I ended up at my mothers for the night the nect day my husband left, he said that he is over all of it and that he is done with it all. I then realized what I had done to make the marriage take a nose dive, I started reading the Realationship Rescue book and I found out alot about myself and what I did to cause the break up, I am now at a stand still with the book how can I work through to the end when my husband is not in the home. My son has chosen to live with his dad and I am afraid to tell my spouse how I really feel for I have the fear of rejection when we do sit down adn talk.

Don't let the fear stop you from the one thing that may help you.

Look at it this way, he has ALREADY rejected you, what more can he say or do? If he's not living in your home then what have you got to be afraid of? He can only say he's not interested, but he can't move out again can he?

What I suggest is that if you can get him to talk with you, tell him that you've been examining yourself and your actions, and apologize for whatever it is you have done. Don't fish for his own self examination or his apologies, make this about you coming clean about your role in things. If he still loves you, he will know if it's coming from your heart.

I pray that he hears you with forgiveness.

 
December 23, 2008, 2:07 pm CST

Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

Quote From: ritehere

Don't let the fear stop you from the one thing that may help you.

Look at it this way, he has ALREADY rejected you, what more can he say or do? If he's not living in your home then what have you got to be afraid of? He can only say he's not interested, but he can't move out again can he?

What I suggest is that if you can get him to talk with you, tell him that you've been examining yourself and your actions, and apologize for whatever it is you have done. Don't fish for his own self examination or his apologies, make this about you coming clean about your role in things. If he still loves you, he will know if it's coming from your heart.

I pray that he hears you with forgiveness.

I have spoken to him and i got now where he is going to remove the rest of his things from our home. I don't have the strength to go on anymore. I have said how sorry I am for all of the wrong doing that I have done to reuine this marriage and I got from him was " I like my freedom" "I had a huge weight lifted off of me when I left" " I don't know if I want to save our marriage" I can't go on without him and I am ready to end it all so that all of the pain can once and for all leave.
 
December 30, 2008, 11:51 am CST

Sorry to hear that

Quote From: minniemouse528

I have spoken to him and i got now where he is going to remove the rest of his things from our home. I don't have the strength to go on anymore. I have said how sorry I am for all of the wrong doing that I have done to reuine this marriage and I got from him was " I like my freedom" "I had a huge weight lifted off of me when I left" " I don't know if I want to save our marriage" I can't go on without him and I am ready to end it all so that all of the pain can once and for all leave.

I'm so sorry to hear that he is done with you and the marriage. Sometimes it happens that way.

The re-enactment of the marriage vows may have been his last ditch effort for the marriage, and the knock down drag out fight you two had may have been the last straw for him. Had you known this, you may have taken other steps to avoid what happened. But you didn't know.

Now is the time to pick yourself up and dust yourself off. Instead of wallowing in self pity and saying things like "I can't go on without him!" you need to get yourself into a different mind-set.

I know you are in pain, and I know it feels like the end of the world right now, but life goes on. Seek out those that can help you and don't isolate yourself in a cocoon of pain and self-pity. Admit to yourself that you made mistakes and stop agonizing over what is gone. Learn from your mistakes and move on from it. Take what small comfort you can from the knowledge that others have been where you are and have triumphed over the anguish of loss.

Make a commitment to yourself today and start being kind to yourself.

 
January 5, 2009, 4:09 pm CST

What do I do

I am 23 years old have been married for 3 years been with my husband for 8 years. We have 3 children and 1 on the way. Even though we have a few children we are not intimate very often. I have tried to romance shall we say but on his behalf he don't get it. He thinks if he grabs a breast or slaps my butt or tries to touch me other places that should make me want to jump all over him. I don't know if I am just tired and worn out taking care of the kids but I am afraid that he might step out and find somebody else. He has not shown any signs or ever stepped out. He is a great father and husband he takes care of all of us, I love dearly. Please any advice?
 
January 22, 2009, 10:32 am CST

Fire is out and no ambers remain

This is not going to be a positive message. Being married for the second time for only three years. It started out wonderful then as years go by I noticed not only in the bedroom, but just trying to talk to her that her life/friends were more important then me. I took her out to dinner, bought flowers asked how her day was. But everyday it was something differant. Being married for three years isn't a long time but when there isn't no affection or feeling of love then it's time to save your self before she drags you down with bad feelings about yourself. So I say if you try to save something for awhile you have to finally say enough and let the one sided fire die. Sorry so negative but that's the way I feel. 
 
February 20, 2009, 3:53 pm CST

Different views

Quote From: dnthvclue23

I am 23 years old have been married for 3 years been with my husband for 8 years. We have 3 children and 1 on the way. Even though we have a few children we are not intimate very often. I have tried to romance shall we say but on his behalf he don't get it. He thinks if he grabs a breast or slaps my butt or tries to touch me other places that should make me want to jump all over him. I don't know if I am just tired and worn out taking care of the kids but I am afraid that he might step out and find somebody else. He has not shown any signs or ever stepped out. He is a great father and husband he takes care of all of us, I love dearly. Please any advice?
First of all I understand that with three kids underfoot and one on the way it's difficult to find time for just the two of you.  But trust me, the time and effort you and your husband put into keeping that couple-ness is an investment for the future.

OK, you've heard it before but it's the truth.  Generally men and women approach intimacy from opposite directions.  To a woman romance is him helping out around the house, sharing feelings, talking, a nice card, flowers, etc.  To a man it's lingerie and seduction.  Ideally you're both doing what the other wants to bring you together.  Get the book "Sex Begins in the Kitchen".  Read it first with an highlighter in hand to note the parts that really call out to you.  Then have him do the same.  Finally sit down and go over what you've read together.  The put it into practice.
 
February 20, 2009, 4:12 pm CST

Mixed messages

Quote From: butterfly1703

I am 23 yrs old and newly engaged. I've been with my fiancée for over 4 yrs now and I love him deeply. I am so very much attracted to him and his body. Because I am not consistently affectionate towards him he feels I am not attracted to him. What can I do to please him and myself without losing my mind?
You said you're "...very much attracted to him and his body".  So what do you mean when you say that you are not consistently affectionate toward him?  Are you saying that sometimes you say and do things to show your desire for him and other times you're cold and distant?  Being hit and miss sends a mixed message to the other person.  He may be wondering ... so why is she this way now when last night it was just the opposite?  Did I do or say something?  If this is the case your actions may be driving him crazy as well. 

Or did you mean when you're not constantly affectionate he feels you're not attracted to him?  Then it may be more a matter of lack of self esteem on his part.  I think we all want to be told that we're loved and desired by our mate.  But if it's a need that can't be filled no matter how hard you try thae he needs to address that with a counselor.

One thing to remember is that very few people can read minds.  While you may think/feel love and affection toward your husband he can't hear or see those thoughts/feelings.  And yes, this of course goes both ways.  Guys also need to say and express their love for their wives as well. 
 
March 3, 2009, 5:49 pm CST

Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR ALMOST FOUR YEARS NOW, WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR ABOUT 24 YEARS DATED FOR 8.
OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS HAD SOME VERY HARD TIMES AND WHEN I SAY HARD TIMES I MEAN HARD FOR ME. I WAS CONSTANTLY CHEATED ON WITH NUMEROUS WOMEN, BUT I HUNG IN THERE. ABOUT A YEAR AFTER WE GOT MARRIED MY HUSBAND CHOSE TO TAKE A JOB THAT KEEPS HIM OUT OF TOWN FOR WEEKS MAYBE MONTHS AT A TIME......LONG STORY SHORT, I AM ALONE ALL THE TIME AND OUR SEX LIFE IS SUFFERING BECAUSE OF IT. MY HUSBAND THINKS THAT WHEN HE COMES HOME AFTER MONTHS OF BEING AWAY THAT I'M SUPPOSE TO JUMP AT THE CHANCE OF HAVING SEX..THE THING IS THAT I'M ALONE SO MUCH I STAY IN THAT MODE WHEN HE'S HOME...WHAT CAN I DO TO GET OUT OF THAT RUNT?
 
March 6, 2009, 12:17 pm CST

Looking for a solution for us

I've been with my partner (not married) for almost four years.  We have two amazing children (ages 1 and 3).  I love her and my boys more than anything. 

 

In short she moved out on two days notice at the beginning of the year and took the boys with her to live near her family (2 to 2 and half hours away on a weeknight, which happens to be far enough away where I can't see them every day before they go to be).  Now she is just minutes from her family/friends, etc and has all the support in the world. However she doesn't have me and my kids don't have me to the level I feel they need me.     

 

We are going to counseling weekly. Major issues have been my family, meaning I have appeased/tolerated parents behavior in the past things that I should not have (like teasing our kids, etc).  Basically not putting my kids and partner first when I should have, when I've felt stuck in the middle.   This has drove a huge wedge in our relationship.  

 

Past experiences and relationships have been carried forward into the relationship as well and have cause major trust issues and I don't know how to fix them.    Ex boyfriends and a fiance have lied about doing drugs and I on multiple accounts have been accused.  Last session she accused me again and I took it upon myself to get tested again (Hair folicle 100% accurate for 12 months past) and will be bringing the results to her to show that I am clean and don't do drugs.

 

I see glimpes in her where I think she may let me, but then its as if the switch turns on and she is back into full distances mode that wants absolutely nothing to do with me.  I personally feel things are fixable and more than that, that things can be great if we work on our communication, build our trust.   It is just difficult when we rarely spend time together and never alone (I see her 2-3 times a week while I'm visiting my boys).   I also don't want to have to put the boys in a situation where they are spending every other weekend at one of our places but that is the reality of it if we can't be happy together.  It is better to be apart for them if we'd be miserable, the kids would know and suffer for it..

 

So basically I'm running out of ideas as to how to break down the shield and not just get a chance but move on to being a happy family that I know we can be..

 
March 8, 2009, 1:00 pm CDT

Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

I have been in a relationship with my fiance for almost 8 years. We became engaged two years into our relationship and we have lived together for the past 7 years. When we met and for the first several years I thought I had met  a really great guy.  We were good friends and were seemingly happy. We are both divorced,  and this is the first long term relationship for us both since our respective divorces. For the past year and a half, he has consistently avoided having any intimacy with me.  On almost a nightly basis he tells me he is tired and he needs to get up early for work...i work too, get up earlier and would never dream of using that or any other excuse to avoid sex and certainly not on a nightly basis and for this period of time.  I love him and he says he loves me, but i so crave the intimacy and the emotional connection that comes with a healthy physical relationship.  Our sex life was great until a year and a half ago and i have told him often how i feel, how much i miss and crave to have a sex life with him and what i need from him..he makes promises that he will put more effort into me and our relationship but he never follows through. I even showed him the recent episode of dr phil that discussed this issue and bought the book the Kosher sutra in the hopes it would help, but so far he hasn't read the book and listening to the advise on the dr phil show didn't seem to make much of an impression either.  any suggestions? I long to get back to where we were..he was my best friend my lover and my partner...
 
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