Quote From: breen_01 This is the first time for me so please bare with me even I do not speak correctly. When I met my wife now we were very active sexually, I moved in and before we knew it we were married. My wife pressed to get married and start a family all over as for me I wanted the same but not so fast but it happened. We do not have any children together and I don't see it happening which is ok. Anyway, after a while we could not sleep in the same bed so my wife went to her daughters room to watch t.v and go to sleep. I cannot have the t.v. on all night besides we kept each other up from our loud breathing as well. So time had passed I would suggest different things just to bring her back to our bed, 6,9 months passed so I suggested I move downstairs because she complained she wanted her bed back and since I need quit to go to sleep I moved downstairs. This is breaking us apart. Another issue is when we dissagree on issues my wife would bring her daughter now 12 into our arguement, she has done this on a regualr basis, I begged for my wife not to drag her daughter into our adult issues, she still involves her. She threatens me she will file papers to get me out of her house. I work full time and I like to pay my bills ontime and so when I pay my bills I will transfer the remaining balance over to the joint account, my wife will have no part of that I cannot afford to be late with my bills this is also a big issue. I don't know what to do. A part of me wants to move away the other side of me is I want to bring back the spark we once had but because of all the stuff continuing to go on it may be too late. She refuses to go to councelling, I don't know.
I wonder if your wife just became accostomed to being on her own? Was she married before? How long did she raise her child alone? It just sounds like maybe she's having a hard time letting go, to open herself and her life back up to a man (you). Her dragging her daughter in, threatening to throw you out of 'her' house, wanting to control the money, going to sleep w/ her daughter instead of husband....it's sounds like maybe there's a wall up. And as a mother I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to be a single mother, you have to be self-reliant, you have to be *everything*, you have to build a new foundation w/ just you & your kid(s). I can see how it would be hard to let that go, to let that guard down when out of necessity you've learned to be ever-vigilant.
The only advice I can offer, is first to make sure you are your family's soft place to fall, to help build that trust up that her & her daughter are safe w/ you.
On a practical note, what if tommorrow you brought home flowers/gift for your wife and a little gift for your step-daughter (music CD, or smaller flower bouquet); hugged your wife and whispered "sweety, I will love you forever. I miss you terribly. I need you back in my bed tonight." Then just kiss her, smile, and go about regular business. At bedtime, approach her again, "I meant what I said. Let's make this work." Just keep your voice & face soft.
I'm offering that because that's what would appeal to me as a wife, do you think your own wife might respond to that?
Hopefully I've offered something helpful. I often have to remind myself that marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. Keep trying.
