Topic : Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

Yep, go after what you want! Don't wait on him to please you, that may never happen. Figure out what he likes, do something super special for him, do something to lead up to what it is that you are wanting, He can't read your mind and becuase men and women are so different in their thinking process, he might be thinking something along the same lines as you are, who knows. Try reading John Grays, "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, good book

well i would like some honest advice ive been with my husband going on 7 years and the last 3 months we havnt spoken a word to eachother we also hadnt been intamate eighter except for recently but it just feels like were only having sex out of pleaser not love matter of fact i dont even feel like there is any love involved any more i dont know what to do ledt alone think

 

Well, you haven't spoke for 3 months and without communcation, your marriage will most definetly die and with no intimacy, how can you have fullfilling sex? Sounds to me like if you want a marriage that is loving and intimate, you have to communicate and also get some help on your marriage.

It has to start some where so it might as well start with you, even if you have to write him a letter, and tell him how you feel and why you feel the way you do, explain that you feel as if you are in a loveless marriage and you feel that something needs to be sone about it, and if yoiu are willing, let him know thatyou are willing to go for counseling and to start mending your marriage and you would like for him to particiapate with you.

You can't make him want to get help or whateveer, but you can start by doing your part, maybe even get Dr. Phils book, relationship rescue and start reading it, maybe if he sees you reading it and getting some counseling, he will begin to want to do something as well, depending on how bad you wan tyour marriage to be revived, youhave to put a lot of work and effort into it, do your part and go from there.

You can also start by having his favorite diner cooked when he gets home, have the table set and maybe a candle lit in the middle of the table, it doesn't take much to make something look nice and even if we don't feel like it at times, we  have to make an effort to make things work but of course that's if you want it to work.

THE ONLY REASON WHY HE CONFESSED TO DOING IT IS BECAUSE OF WHAT I TOLD HIM DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS WHICH WAS I'VE BEEN FEELING LOWER ABDOMINAL PAIN AND ENDED THAT COMMENT WITH "HEY HAVE YOU BEEN FOOLING AROUND?" AND WHEN HE DIDN'T RESPOND AND HAD A SERIOUS LOOK ON HIS FACE I KNEW SOMETHING HAD HAPPENED.  I JUST CONTINUED BUGGING HIM ABOUT IT THE NEXT MORNING UNTIL HE FESSED UP WHICH SURPRISINGLY ENOUGH I WASN'T SHOCKED.  WE'VE BEEN HAVING PROBLEMS FOR SOME TIME AND OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS TAKEN THE BACK SEAT BUT HE CHOSE TO IGNORE OUR PROBLEMS WHICH I THINK MADE THE DISTANCE BETWEEN US GREATER.  IT HAPPENED ABOUT TWO MONTHS AGO, MIND YOU A  MONTH BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY.  WHICH EXPLAINS WHY HE OPTED MANY NIGHTS TO SLEEP DOWNSTAIRS ON THE COUCH.  I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY HE DID IT.  I'M NOT A BITCH BUT I GUESS I ACT LIKE ONE WHEN FRUSTRATED AND UPSET DURING  OUR ARGUEMENTS.  WE'RE TRYING TO WORK THINGS OUT AND HE SWEARS UP AND DOWN THAT HE WILL NEVER DO IT AGAIN AS HE REALIZED HE REALLY WANTS TO BE WITH ME AND NOW EVEN TALKING AGAIN ABOUT MARRIAGE.  DON'T KNOW IF I TRULY BELIEVE HIM BUT I HAVE TO IF I WANT OUR RELATIONSHIP TO WORK OUT.  WE'RE THINKING ABOUT COUPLES COUNSELING AS WELL. NOT SURE HOW MUCH LONGER I WILL BE ABLE TO PRETEND IT  NEVER HAPPENED AND TRYING TO CONVINCE MYSELF THAT I CAN FORGIVE LET ALONE FORGET...BUT WE HAVE TWO KIDS AND MY DAUGHTER FROM A PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP HAS GOTTEN CLOSE TO HIM,NOT SURE WHAT I NEED TO DO.  ALL OF MY FRIENDS AND COWORKERS HAVE SUGGESTED LEAVING HIM BUT IT'S EASIER SAID THAN DONE.THEY'RE NOT IN MY SHOES AND GRANTED THAT I SHOULD BE ABLE TO GET UP AND LEAVE AS I DON'T THINK ANYONE DESERVES TO BE DECEIVED, I CAN'T BEAR TO SEPARATE MY KIDS FROM THEIR FATHER.  IT HURTS BUT I'M HOPING IN DUE TIME I'LL GET OVER IT AND HE WILL STAY TRUE.OH WELL...GOOD LUCK W/ YOUR RELATIONSHIP.   

 I have a couple of friends who have gone through this and they are now happy in their marriages, it tooka lot of work and trust had to be built, tehy worked together and it didn't get fixed over night. You have to work together, communicate and listent ot one another, do things together, be honest and open and hold yourselves accountable to  one another, If you don't do these things, then your marriage will most definetly fail.

I can see how it would be hard to believe that he isn't gonna do it again which in all honesty chances are it might regrdless of how he feels, he may not want to do it again, but sometimes our emotions, our stresses, whatever works against us, he has to be willing to go to counseling and work on himself every singels day and hold himself accontable to you and the counselor, that when he is feeling down, stressed, upset, wahtever, he needs to know that you are going to be there to listen to him and what he is thinking and you need to be willing to be there for him, be honest with him and tell him that you WANT to believe him and that you WANT toknow that it isn't goingt o happen again but that it something that he has to work on to prove to you that he is sincere and honest and wanting to help. Reassure him that you want your marriage to work and that you want to work together, don't expect an over night fix but with love and support it is possible to over come this,at least in the end, no matter what hte out come is, you will know that you did every thing in your power to do what was right for your marriage and you are teh only one who can decide what that is.

AS far as the kids go, they too shouldn;'t have to suffer in an unloved marriage, they deserve a happy home, a mom and dad who can love nad work together on their issues and regardless of what happens with your arriage, they can still have their father, you don't have to seperate them, they might not always live in the same home but they can still have a good oving relationship with him and of course that too would be up to you and him to make sure it happens.

 

 I am responding to your message in part because you said you were new to this message board, and I hope I looked at the date before typing this because that may; have been a year ago. I REALLY am new to message boards and websites. I am responding to this message because it was the closest topic I could relate to. My response was "be glad", and that meant to at least be glad he makes an effort to make love to you. I know that didn't help much, but I guess I'm a little jealous that your husband at least makes an effort.

Actually, you were responding toanotehrt poster, that I responded to. If you want to reply to   a particular poster, then you click in reply to quote under their postings.

"Reply with quote"  is what you want to click on, just make sure you click under the postin that you want to reply to

I am a 32 year old wife & mother of 2.  My hubby & I are currently separated and I am at my wits end becaue I truly want my marriage to work.  We have together for 12 years and married for 8.  We had a lot of emotional ups & downs over the past 4 years, but nothing I thought couldnt be fixed.  As a result, my husband has come and gone a total of 3 times in the past 4 years.  His reason being is that he just doesnt feel the same way he used to about me.  I keep trying to encourage him to remember the good times and why he wanted to be with me and all the positives and wipe the slate clean.  My main problem was him learning to communicate better w/me and spend more time w/ME.  Just try to get US back and I think it will all fall into place IF we BOTH give it 100%  Am I wrong for wanting my marriage to work?  Should I just accept that it's over???