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Topic : Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

Number of Replies: 1025
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Created on : Sunday, September 17, 2006, 04:03:12 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Has the fire gone out in your love life? Share your ways to reignite romance in your relationship.

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October 4, 2008, 2:31 pm CDT

Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

I am 19 and my husband is 27. We have been married a little over a year. At the beginning of our  relationship/ marriage, our sex life was great, Of course being that we are both young. In Jan. I found out I was pregnant and ever since then even a couple of months before then, our sex life has almost been non-existent. I am so shy when it comes to sex. My husband has only seen my private area one time ever since we have been together. I can talk about sex with him but when it comes down to it i get so shy. Im not really sure what to do.. anybody have advise?
 
October 4, 2008, 7:43 pm CDT

Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

Quote From: lovely08

I am 19 and my husband is 27. We have been married a little over a year. At the beginning of our  relationship/ marriage, our sex life was great, Of course being that we are both young. In Jan. I found out I was pregnant and ever since then even a couple of months before then, our sex life has almost been non-existent. I am so shy when it comes to sex. My husband has only seen my private area one time ever since we have been together. I can talk about sex with him but when it comes down to it i get so shy. Im not really sure what to do.. anybody have advise?
I suggest that you go to the Category "Sex" then go to the Topic "Differing Sex Drives".
You will, getter better reults at that messageboard.
There is probably someone who is going through the same thing that you are.
I wish you the best of luck with your situation and with a new chapter in your life "having a baby"
May all your hopes and dreams come true!

Angel ;)
 
October 6, 2008, 3:12 pm CDT

Thank You

Quote From: angel111999

What a touching poem this is...right from the heart and soul.
Did you write this
poem?
if so,I could actually
feel the pain you were experiencing.
What I read was an indepth feeling of someone who wants so bad to be "LOVED" again...still hanging on that there still might be a "chance"...but knowing the chances of that are very slim....but still wanting the "LOVE"
that used to be to...and "hoping" the person will see that she is in so much "pain"....and wanting to end what they once had...but feeling so blue that she may never see the "light" again that was once on her wedding day....feeling "unsure" as to what will become of her "future" if all her "hopes" and "dreams will not come true....and she will have to "accept" the things she cannot change and the "courage" to accept what she cannot.
My message to you in your time of darkness...there is always a "LIGHT" at the end of the tunnel if you have the "courage" to seek it.
My thoughts and prayers are with you
for a "brighter" tomorrow...may you feel the warmth of the "sunlight" that will give you the "STRENGTH" to go on......
And find "PEACE" and "HAPPINESS" that you are so deserving of.

Angel :)

To the Angel who read the poem I wrote:

Thank You for your insightful response, I appreciate your kind and caring words. I seek the light every day in every way and am learning the hardest lesson which is patience. I thought I was very patient, but realized it was in my time and not in God's. Ouch, what a solitary life it has become.

 

Me

Thankgod4mydog

 
October 7, 2008, 1:54 pm CDT

My marriage is sinking

 This is the first time for me so please bare with me even I do not speak correctly.  When I met my wife now we were very active sexually, I moved in and before we knew it we were married.  My wife pressed to get married and start a family all over as for me I wanted the same but not so fast but it happened.  We do not have any children together and I don't see it happening which is ok.  Anyway, after a while we could not sleep in the same bed so my wife went to her daughters room to watch t.v and go to sleep.  I cannot have the t.v. on all night besides we kept each other up from our loud breathing as well.  So time had passed I would suggest different things just to bring her back to our bed, 6,9 months passed so I suggested I move downstairs because she complained she wanted her bed back and since I need quit to go to sleep I moved downstairs.  This is breaking us apart.  Another issue is when we dissagree on issues my wife would bring her daughter now 12 into our arguement, she has done this on a regualr basis, I begged for my wife not to drag her daughter into our adult issues, she still involves her.  She threatens me she will file papers to get me out of her house.  I work full time and I like to pay my bills ontime and so when I pay my bills I will transfer the remaining balance over to the joint account, my wife will have no part of that I cannot afford to be late with my bills this is also a big issue.  I don't know what to do.  A part of me wants to move away the other side of me is I want to bring back the spark we once had but because of all the stuff continuing to go on it may be too late.  She refuses to go to councelling, I don't know. 
 
October 17, 2008, 11:03 am CDT

Some ideas

Quote From: breen_01

 This is the first time for me so please bare with me even I do not speak correctly.  When I met my wife now we were very active sexually, I moved in and before we knew it we were married.  My wife pressed to get married and start a family all over as for me I wanted the same but not so fast but it happened.  We do not have any children together and I don't see it happening which is ok.  Anyway, after a while we could not sleep in the same bed so my wife went to her daughters room to watch t.v and go to sleep.  I cannot have the t.v. on all night besides we kept each other up from our loud breathing as well.  So time had passed I would suggest different things just to bring her back to our bed, 6,9 months passed so I suggested I move downstairs because she complained she wanted her bed back and since I need quit to go to sleep I moved downstairs.  This is breaking us apart.  Another issue is when we dissagree on issues my wife would bring her daughter now 12 into our arguement, she has done this on a regualr basis, I begged for my wife not to drag her daughter into our adult issues, she still involves her.  She threatens me she will file papers to get me out of her house.  I work full time and I like to pay my bills ontime and so when I pay my bills I will transfer the remaining balance over to the joint account, my wife will have no part of that I cannot afford to be late with my bills this is also a big issue.  I don't know what to do.  A part of me wants to move away the other side of me is I want to bring back the spark we once had but because of all the stuff continuing to go on it may be too late.  She refuses to go to councelling, I don't know. 

 I wonder if your wife just became accostomed to being on her own?   Was she married before?  How long did she raise her child alone?  It just sounds like maybe she's having a hard time letting go, to open herself and her life back up to a man (you).  Her dragging her daughter in, threatening to throw you out of 'her' house, wanting to control the money, going to sleep w/ her daughter instead of husband....it's sounds like maybe there's a wall up.  And as a mother I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to be a single mother, you have to be self-reliant, you have to be *everything*, you have to build a new foundation w/ just you & your kid(s).   I can see how it would be hard to let that go, to let that guard down when out of necessity you've learned to be ever-vigilant.

The only advice I can offer, is first to make sure you are your family's soft place to fall, to help build that trust up that her & her daughter are safe w/ you. 

On a practical note, what if tommorrow you brought home flowers/gift for your wife and a little gift for your step-daughter (music CD, or smaller flower bouquet); hugged your wife and whispered "sweety, I will love you forever.  I miss you terribly.  I need you back in my bed tonight."  Then just kiss her, smile, and go about regular business.  At bedtime, approach her again, "I meant what I said.  Let's make this work."  Just keep your voice & face soft. 

I'm offering that because that's what would appeal to me as a wife, do you think your own wife might respond to that?  

Hopefully I've offered something helpful.  I often have to remind myself that marriage is a marathon, not a sprint.  Keep trying.

 
October 27, 2008, 4:14 pm CDT

Postponed wedding - seeking advice

I really need advice on this, please...

 

I'll try to make it short. My fiance and I have been together almost 5 years. We're both in our mid-20s. Well, we were supposed to get married this past Aug after being engaged for a year and a half. We had to call it off because 6 weeks before our wedding, he told me he wasn't sure I was "the one." You can just imagine how devasted I was...and am. This has happened before when we were just dating and living together. A few years ago, we broke up for 7 months because he said the same thing then and then begged for me back. I was so hurt and it took a little time to think, but I truly love him so we got back together. He says he loves me very much and we're still engaged (with no set marriage date now) and he says he's trying to work out his feelings. So to help things, he's moved back home and we are trying to talk less and see each other about once a week. He said that may rekindle a "spark" maybe. It hasn't yet and it's been about 2 weeks. I just don't know what to do. Of course everyone I know, including our mutual friends, say to bail but truth is I love him so much and don't want to make a decision out of anger. How long should I give it and do you think we're handling this the right way? I told him I won't "go backwards" with him, meaning being just boyfriend-girlfriend. We either fix this ASAP or move on. I am also considering seeing a couselor but unfortunately he doesn't have insurance...only I do. So only I'd be able to go, but I thought it'd be better if we went together. Any advice on this? Suggestions? I really need help. I'm hurting so bad.

 
October 30, 2008, 6:43 am CDT

My 2 cents

Quote From: georgiagirl22

I really need advice on this, please...

 

I'll try to make it short. My fiance and I have been together almost 5 years. We're both in our mid-20s. Well, we were supposed to get married this past Aug after being engaged for a year and a half. We had to call it off because 6 weeks before our wedding, he told me he wasn't sure I was "the one." You can just imagine how devasted I was...and am. This has happened before when we were just dating and living together. A few years ago, we broke up for 7 months because he said the same thing then and then begged for me back. I was so hurt and it took a little time to think, but I truly love him so we got back together. He says he loves me very much and we're still engaged (with no set marriage date now) and he says he's trying to work out his feelings. So to help things, he's moved back home and we are trying to talk less and see each other about once a week. He said that may rekindle a "spark" maybe. It hasn't yet and it's been about 2 weeks. I just don't know what to do. Of course everyone I know, including our mutual friends, say to bail but truth is I love him so much and don't want to make a decision out of anger. How long should I give it and do you think we're handling this the right way? I told him I won't "go backwards" with him, meaning being just boyfriend-girlfriend. We either fix this ASAP or move on. I am also considering seeing a couselor but unfortunately he doesn't have insurance...only I do. So only I'd be able to go, but I thought it'd be better if we went together. Any advice on this? Suggestions? I really need help. I'm hurting so bad.

He is telling you something, LISTEN.  He doesn't want to be married to you(nor maybe anyone right now).  Maybe he is unable to come right out and say it so bluntly and definately (even to himself).  But it's not right for EITHER of you to string this relationship along after this same thing has happened twice.  It's like you're both trying to force the situation to work.  And if you have to lure him back to loving you enough to marry you 2 times, (or even be expected to wait while he figures out for himself if he wants to proceed), you will be signing up to repeat this pattern the rest of your lives together.   Marriage is more of the same.  Try to look clearly at what he is offering you right now. 

 

It's not that I'm implying you're chasing him for marriage, but that you want to make sure you've exhausted all opportunity to make it work.  But he isn't fully committed to that himself (his action was to pull away); so you can't make that up for him.   You've probably invested a lot into building this relationship, and that's why I say it's so important for you both to move on.   And also I think he's done the right thing by being honest with you about what he has to offer you.  Now the ball's in your court to make a decision with both eyes open.

 
November 4, 2008, 10:00 am CST

don't know what else to do

Me and my husband been married for 1 month and on our wedding night he play madden with his cousin. He is in the military i'm a house wife. He thinks i'm cheating on him, which i'm not. I have a best friend who is a male. Any man that speak i'm having sex with. I don't have any female friends. I really dont get along with them. He knew we were friends before we got married. He has female friend i 'm not worried about them. I love him. He goes through my phone. He say who is this who is that. But I got to the point where i say dont ask me any more. He thinks he has motive because i say that. I 'am sick and tired of being accoused. I don't want to give up. He doesn't want to have sex anymore? I try everything. He say he dont feel like it. I think he is tring to see how long i gonna wait to see when i'm gonna cheat. We live in virginia. my best friend is stationed in california. What!!! I 'am a sex ahalic. I'm on the mountian about to jump. What should i do.
 
December 11, 2008, 3:06 pm CST

Affection and Attraction

I am 23 yrs old and newly engaged. I've been with my fiancée for over 4 yrs now and I love him deeply. I am so very much attracted to him and his body. Because I am not consistently affectionate towards him he feels I am not attracted to him. What can I do to please him and myself without losing my mind?
 
December 16, 2008, 9:57 pm CST

Hurt and confussed

I am a 32 yr old hairstylist that just recently is loosing her marriage of 10 yrs and a the over all relationship of 12 yrs, we just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary and went to Vegas to renew our wedding vows and three days later we had a heated arrgument I ended up at my mothers for the night the nect day my husband left, he said that he is over all of it and that he is done with it all. I then realized what I had done to make the marriage take a nose dive, I started reading the Realationship Rescue book and I found out alot about myself and what I did to cause the break up, I am now at a stand still with the book how can I work through to the end when my husband is not in the home. My son has chosen to live with his dad and I am afraid to tell my spouse how I really feel for I have the fear of rejection when we do sit down adn talk.
 
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