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Topic : Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

Number of Replies: 1032
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Created on : Sunday, September 17, 2006, 04:03:12 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Has the fire gone out in your love life? Share your ways to reignite romance in your relationship.

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September 18, 2008, 6:02 am CDT

Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

Quote From: mr_de_55

Women are telling Dr. Phil and "O, The Oprah Magazine" that they want better sex in their marriages and they want it more often. Dr. Phil has advice for putting romance and intimacy back in your relationship.

Ok first I need to say one of the ladies that was on this show is my fiance,and she talks about having more romance and sex in her relationship.
Well I guess the shoe is on the other foot now, I don't know if I'm getting the angry sum of all her relationships or if she has simply gone cold, but sex and romance is pretty much non existant in our relationship.
When we met we would see each other on weekends, taking turns going to see the other , we had an instant attraction both sexualy and emotionaly and the sex was great untill she ask me to move in with her.
Since then she has used every excuse/reason in the book to not have sex/romance from getting mad at everything i do or say to having to much stress from her job even though i was her stress relief at first.
We had more sex in the first month both morning afternoon and night than we have had now in months.
It is lucky if we have sex once a week now and I almost have to beg for that, and even getting a hug or kiss I have to initiate or ask for even at bed time.She will not intiiate sex kisses, hugs or anything else I have to start or ask or beg for everything i get even I love you seems to be hard for her
Now she says I don't trust her, and with her actions, no I don't, I know she likes sex so being pushed away constantly makes me feel as if there may be another man or men.
Even when we have sex it's wam bam thank you sir in other words 15 to 30 min is our sexual activity then she wants no more and thats once and if i'm lucky twice a week!

SO now I stay frustrated both mentaly emotionaly and sexualy!!
I realy Love this woman but i'm not feeling it from her.
I would realy like to put her on a polygraph test an see if she could pass it and tell the truth.
I know where you are coming from. My situation is exactly the same just that the gender is different.  You love them so much but you don't know if you should or if you should even trust them. When I do get sex it only lasts for 3 minutes, lights off and he don't even look at me.
 
September 22, 2008, 5:09 pm CDT

Hurt by lack of Husbands desire

I cry in the shower everyday.

As the tears of my pain wash away

down the drain, like my life,

since I became your loving wife

and took your family name,

seems like I'm always put to shame

now I'll never be the same.

My hearts been stolen by a thief

as I suffer in silent grief

for all the promises that have been broken

you make me feel like I'm your token

I'm not aloud to be outspoken.

I get disrespect, looks of glare

constant scrutiny everywhere.

You shout and scream

have broken the dream

for your anger I am the target

undeserved hostility since we've met

thinking my love for you

would make you want to love me too.

Very rarely do you show me

a smile that's full of glee

it shines a ray of hope

but it is then that I must cope

for I know I took that vow

and that God loves me even now

as I long for your loving touch

I PRAY you'll see how much

I need a loving husband who desires me

and not just his cup of tea, or the T.V.

 
September 22, 2008, 5:43 pm CDT

Lonely and Hurting

As I lie here in the darkness

in the stillness of our bed,

thoughts of a love that could be

are running through my head.

Smiles on our faces, warm embraces,

looking in each others eyes.

A sunny day that warms our souls,

nothing can break our ties.

I think about our wedding vows

and PRAY to God to help us now,

because we've travelled so far

from the promises we made.

You scream at me and I

feel our love fade.

You suffer in silence and won't let me in

to your heart that's grown cold,

resentful and solitary,

we are two that never became one.

Should I just sit by

with a tear in my eye

as you torture us both?

I cannot give up Hope

that someday you will see

my true love willl set you free,

but it must come from within

not from wallowing in sin

as you enjoy your eye candy

I sure don't feel dandy.

Please won't you treat me

like I'm the love in your life

after all I'm your beautiful wife,

not the cause of your strife,

but that's how I feel.

Let's get back to a love that is real.

My head is aching, my heart is breaking,

my hands are shaking, my nerves are quaking,

I can't even talk with you.

Don't know what to do.

I'm tired of feeling blue,

the Good Lord knows I Love You

and that I've been true.

Please don't punish me anymore.

 
September 26, 2008, 2:09 pm CDT

New to Dr.Phil, looking for advice.

hi,  I am 20 and in a relationship with a 28 yr old.  Age really isn't a big issue, though he does have 3 children with 2 different mothers.  I have learned to cope with this situation in my own way,  though they still at times make me very angry.  lately I feel like I do not love him as much as I once did.  he is the most amazing person I have ever met.  Kind, caring, funny, treats me wonderfully, but something lacks.   I have no physical attraction for him anymore.  I have been sick for the last year, so sex has been painful, but even when I am able to have sex I rarely want it.  When he is away I want him near, but I don't get the same butterflies I used to when we first started dating.  We have been together for only 8 months and I don't want to lose him.  Any ideas on how I can recliam my passion for him?
 
October 4, 2008, 5:31 am CDT

Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

Quote From: thankgod4mydog

As I lie here in the darkness

in the stillness of our bed,

thoughts of a love that could be

are running through my head.

Smiles on our faces, warm embraces,

looking in each others eyes.

A sunny day that warms our souls,

nothing can break our ties.

I think about our wedding vows

and PRAY to God to help us now,

because we've travelled so far

from the promises we made.

You scream at me and I

feel our love fade.

You suffer in silence and won't let me in

to your heart that's grown cold,

resentful and solitary,

we are two that never became one.

Should I just sit by

with a tear in my eye

as you torture us both?

I cannot give up Hope

that someday you will see

my true love willl set you free,

but it must come from within

not from wallowing in sin

as you enjoy your eye candy

I sure don't feel dandy.

Please won't you treat me

like I'm the love in your life

after all I'm your beautiful wife,

not the cause of your strife,

but that's how I feel.

Let's get back to a love that is real.

My head is aching, my heart is breaking,

my hands are shaking, my nerves are quaking,

I can't even talk with you.

Don't know what to do.

I'm tired of feeling blue,

the Good Lord knows I Love You

and that I've been true.

Please don't punish me anymore.

What a touching poem this is...right from the heart and soul.
Did you write this
poem?
if so,I could actually
feel the pain you were experiencing.
What I read was an indepth feeling of someone who wants so bad to be "LOVED" again...still hanging on that there still might be a "chance"...but knowing the chances of that are very slim....but still wanting the "LOVE"
that used to be to...and "hoping" the person will see that she is in so much "pain"....and wanting to end what they once had...but feeling so blue that she may never see the "light" again that was once on her wedding day....feeling "unsure" as to what will become of her "future" if all her "hopes" and "dreams will not come true....and she will have to "accept" the things she cannot change and the "courage" to accept what she cannot.
My message to you in your time of darkness...there is always a "LIGHT" at the end of the tunnel if you have the "courage" to seek it.
My thoughts and prayers are with you
for a "brighter" tomorrow...may you feel the warmth of the "sunlight" that will give you the "STRENGTH" to go on......
And find "PEACE" and "HAPPINESS" that you are so deserving of.

Angel :)
 
October 4, 2008, 2:31 pm CDT

Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

I am 19 and my husband is 27. We have been married a little over a year. At the beginning of our  relationship/ marriage, our sex life was great, Of course being that we are both young. In Jan. I found out I was pregnant and ever since then even a couple of months before then, our sex life has almost been non-existent. I am so shy when it comes to sex. My husband has only seen my private area one time ever since we have been together. I can talk about sex with him but when it comes down to it i get so shy. Im not really sure what to do.. anybody have advise?
 
October 4, 2008, 7:43 pm CDT

Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

Quote From: lovely08

I am 19 and my husband is 27. We have been married a little over a year. At the beginning of our  relationship/ marriage, our sex life was great, Of course being that we are both young. In Jan. I found out I was pregnant and ever since then even a couple of months before then, our sex life has almost been non-existent. I am so shy when it comes to sex. My husband has only seen my private area one time ever since we have been together. I can talk about sex with him but when it comes down to it i get so shy. Im not really sure what to do.. anybody have advise?
I suggest that you go to the Category "Sex" then go to the Topic "Differing Sex Drives".
You will, getter better reults at that messageboard.
There is probably someone who is going through the same thing that you are.
I wish you the best of luck with your situation and with a new chapter in your life "having a baby"
May all your hopes and dreams come true!

Angel ;)
 
October 6, 2008, 3:12 pm CDT

Thank You

Quote From: angel111999

What a touching poem this is...right from the heart and soul.
Did you write this
poem?
if so,I could actually
feel the pain you were experiencing.
What I read was an indepth feeling of someone who wants so bad to be "LOVED" again...still hanging on that there still might be a "chance"...but knowing the chances of that are very slim....but still wanting the "LOVE"
that used to be to...and "hoping" the person will see that she is in so much "pain"....and wanting to end what they once had...but feeling so blue that she may never see the "light" again that was once on her wedding day....feeling "unsure" as to what will become of her "future" if all her "hopes" and "dreams will not come true....and she will have to "accept" the things she cannot change and the "courage" to accept what she cannot.
My message to you in your time of darkness...there is always a "LIGHT" at the end of the tunnel if you have the "courage" to seek it.
My thoughts and prayers are with you
for a "brighter" tomorrow...may you feel the warmth of the "sunlight" that will give you the "STRENGTH" to go on......
And find "PEACE" and "HAPPINESS" that you are so deserving of.

Angel :)

To the Angel who read the poem I wrote:

Thank You for your insightful response, I appreciate your kind and caring words. I seek the light every day in every way and am learning the hardest lesson which is patience. I thought I was very patient, but realized it was in my time and not in God's. Ouch, what a solitary life it has become.

 

Me

Thankgod4mydog

 
October 7, 2008, 1:54 pm CDT

My marriage is sinking

 This is the first time for me so please bare with me even I do not speak correctly.  When I met my wife now we were very active sexually, I moved in and before we knew it we were married.  My wife pressed to get married and start a family all over as for me I wanted the same but not so fast but it happened.  We do not have any children together and I don't see it happening which is ok.  Anyway, after a while we could not sleep in the same bed so my wife went to her daughters room to watch t.v and go to sleep.  I cannot have the t.v. on all night besides we kept each other up from our loud breathing as well.  So time had passed I would suggest different things just to bring her back to our bed, 6,9 months passed so I suggested I move downstairs because she complained she wanted her bed back and since I need quit to go to sleep I moved downstairs.  This is breaking us apart.  Another issue is when we dissagree on issues my wife would bring her daughter now 12 into our arguement, she has done this on a regualr basis, I begged for my wife not to drag her daughter into our adult issues, she still involves her.  She threatens me she will file papers to get me out of her house.  I work full time and I like to pay my bills ontime and so when I pay my bills I will transfer the remaining balance over to the joint account, my wife will have no part of that I cannot afford to be late with my bills this is also a big issue.  I don't know what to do.  A part of me wants to move away the other side of me is I want to bring back the spark we once had but because of all the stuff continuing to go on it may be too late.  She refuses to go to councelling, I don't know. 
 
October 17, 2008, 11:03 am CDT

Some ideas

Quote From: breen_01

 This is the first time for me so please bare with me even I do not speak correctly.  When I met my wife now we were very active sexually, I moved in and before we knew it we were married.  My wife pressed to get married and start a family all over as for me I wanted the same but not so fast but it happened.  We do not have any children together and I don't see it happening which is ok.  Anyway, after a while we could not sleep in the same bed so my wife went to her daughters room to watch t.v and go to sleep.  I cannot have the t.v. on all night besides we kept each other up from our loud breathing as well.  So time had passed I would suggest different things just to bring her back to our bed, 6,9 months passed so I suggested I move downstairs because she complained she wanted her bed back and since I need quit to go to sleep I moved downstairs.  This is breaking us apart.  Another issue is when we dissagree on issues my wife would bring her daughter now 12 into our arguement, she has done this on a regualr basis, I begged for my wife not to drag her daughter into our adult issues, she still involves her.  She threatens me she will file papers to get me out of her house.  I work full time and I like to pay my bills ontime and so when I pay my bills I will transfer the remaining balance over to the joint account, my wife will have no part of that I cannot afford to be late with my bills this is also a big issue.  I don't know what to do.  A part of me wants to move away the other side of me is I want to bring back the spark we once had but because of all the stuff continuing to go on it may be too late.  She refuses to go to councelling, I don't know. 

 I wonder if your wife just became accostomed to being on her own?   Was she married before?  How long did she raise her child alone?  It just sounds like maybe she's having a hard time letting go, to open herself and her life back up to a man (you).  Her dragging her daughter in, threatening to throw you out of 'her' house, wanting to control the money, going to sleep w/ her daughter instead of husband....it's sounds like maybe there's a wall up.  And as a mother I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to be a single mother, you have to be self-reliant, you have to be *everything*, you have to build a new foundation w/ just you & your kid(s).   I can see how it would be hard to let that go, to let that guard down when out of necessity you've learned to be ever-vigilant.

The only advice I can offer, is first to make sure you are your family's soft place to fall, to help build that trust up that her & her daughter are safe w/ you. 

On a practical note, what if tommorrow you brought home flowers/gift for your wife and a little gift for your step-daughter (music CD, or smaller flower bouquet); hugged your wife and whispered "sweety, I will love you forever.  I miss you terribly.  I need you back in my bed tonight."  Then just kiss her, smile, and go about regular business.  At bedtime, approach her again, "I meant what I said.  Let's make this work."  Just keep your voice & face soft. 

I'm offering that because that's what would appeal to me as a wife, do you think your own wife might respond to that?  

Hopefully I've offered something helpful.  I often have to remind myself that marriage is a marathon, not a sprint.  Keep trying.

 
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