Topic : Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

Hi, I'm 29 and my husband is 30. He's also a MAJOR work-a-holic. He thinks that all I should need out of him is his ability to pay the bills. He also says that for the "PAST FIVE YEARS" all I have done is complain about everything he does or doesn't do correctly. See, early on in our relationship I told him I have a head injury which makes it hard for my chemical make-up to process the same as any other normal woman. I also need absolute certaincy about everything and a structured schedule. I am flexable. I have given up my beloved home state of Maine where nearly all my family is to pursue some form of financial stability. Thing is, he ABSOLUTELY LOVES contracting. Which I have no problems with. My father used to do contracting. I've got many contractors in my family. The problem is, he's gone very early EVERY SINGLE MORNING. Even on holidays, to cater to his boss (who currently has no driver's license). And has not had a single day off in over a month. He uses my car so I can't go anywhere and when he comes back home, places are already closed so I can't run my errends. I've tried everything from complimenting him on his efforts... to giving him what he wants in bed... and supporting him in every way I can think of. But he keeps saying I condone him  and complain about everything from working too much, smoking, laziness (when at home), paying too much attention to the TV rather than spending time with our three year old daughter. I don't consider sitting in his lap while watching inappropriate shows for even teens as spending 'qualit time' with her. When he's gone, she follows me around as if I'll disappear and she won't know when I'll return. I can't even so much as use the restroom without having her in there with me. She beggs me to sit at the table while she eats because he won't. I worry like mad about him because he has a history of 'doing stupid stuff'. And most of them walk that thin gray line of being legal. He keeps claiming he has no time for incidentals and I should appreciate all he has sacrificed for this here family. Other than rambling on and on. People who don't even know him think he enjoys provoking people into getting angry then acting like he had nothing to do with it. And me being sensitive, I get sucked right in every time.

I pretty much know how that is. My man works for a contractor and has literally NO time for the family. He complains about EVERYTHING from his boss being 'brain dead' to me 'mooching off the system'. I have a head injury which makes me very absent minded a lot. Even though I have worked in the past, I 'drift off into space' and get burnt out very quickly. I am high enough functioning where I can lead a nearly normal life. His lack of time management and scheduling skills has pretty much ruined everything I've tried to do to get us back to where we were when we first met. He says I don't listen enough but he does ninety percent of the talking. And most of it has little to do with our relationship. I've asked him what bothers him and he says the same thing every time. That it's everyone else's fault he's not feeling appreciated for all the hard work he puts in on a daily basis. He doesn't realize just how hard I have to work because of my disability.
I know men don't talk about their feelings (especially the positive ones). and 'stuff' their negative ones. Ask yourself this: What does he like to do (recreationally)? Golf, tennis, camping, fishing? Now, does he have a 'man cave'? A place in the house completely devoted to him and his male family and friends? If he doesn't have a 'man cave'... get some of his friends or male family members in on a surprise for him. Pick a room in the house that he can have just for him. Save up some money and shoo him away for a few days with some friends or whoever. Then with some help of other family and friends, redo the whole room just the way he would like it. A nice LCD... a leather lounger... his favorite collectables in a display case... Anything he would like to come home to (besides you and the kids). Do not deprive yourself!!!!!!!!! Take your favorite hobbies and make a room for yourself. (and not the bedroom)
He sounds uptight and worried about everything. A 'man cave' should help him relax, surrounded by masculine things to boost his ego. And when he knows that you did this for him, hopefully he'll come around.
Men like to 'make the world go away' by either doing something they enjoy or just simply not dealing with what is bothering them. Being left alone. And women make problems go away by talking about them. If women talk about their problems to their husband, he thinks she wants it resolved ASAP. And he doesn't have all the answers he thinks she's looking for. It's hard for all of us (men and women alike) to really figure out what's appropriate to talk about and when. If you're having problems talking to anyone for whatever reason, I think it's best to write it down. Do it in a way that you're writing to an imaginary friend. You're never too old for an imagination!!!!! I believe it's what keeps us going. Good luck!

I have been married for 12 years and we have 2 kids together, we both very much love each other but we are not in love.  Sex for us it just that sex.  I feels good for the moment but thats it.  He says kissing me is like kissing a sister. We are thinking taking time apart?  maybe that will bring that special feeling that we once had back. I am wondering if we can get that special sparkling feeling that we once had???

My boyfriend of 5 1/2 years just told me that he does not know if he can see us together in the future since he has not been fully the happiest that he can possibly be. I do not know how to prove to him that I am in it for the long haul...We have lived together for a little over three years. How do I prove to him that he will be happy with me?

i am just going to lay it all out in order to get proper responses.  i had an emotional affair with someone and my wife found out.  there was no sex involved.  i know i should have told her but i was scared.  i absolutly love my wife of 6 yrs.  she claims that she could never forgive me and this all happened 2 years ago.  everytime we get into a fight she brings up divorce, and it always goes back to my infidelity.  i am truely sorry that it happened and that i hurt her.  when things are going good, we get along great.  there isn't the same spark as when we are dating, and my wife says we are more like roommates.  i was just wondering how i can get that spark back.  i want her to love me again and maybe foregive me.

I have been married for almost 3 years. No children. My husband almost never wants to have sex. I am attractive, blonde, and in great physical shape. I have talked to him about how I feel and what I need - what we need.  He says ok - but then does nothing. I don't know what to do.     

 He does have a back injury that keeps him from working for now - but he can do other things.  I try to be sexy and available and understanding  for him - nothing is working now.  What is the probloem? Any advice?

 My husband has a genetic defect in his spine so I know where you are coming from . You should really have him go to the doctor and have his testosterone levels checked . He may need testosterone therapy . My husband is 46 and acts 19 now if you get what I mean . His levels were way too low and he woould get aroused but the desire was not there to use it . It helped my husband wouldn't hurt to try .

After 5 1/2 years . What are you thinking ? It isn't going to happen dont waste any more time on him . You are not getting younger . Move on or you may miss the real Mr. Right .

Thanks for the advice. :)    How long did it take for your husband and what is involved? I want to broach the subject gently.   Did he go to his primary doctor or a specialist?   I am wondering if my husband is depressed.

Thank you for taking the time to help me.

I met my husband when I was 16 and we've been together ever since.  I am now 34.  I've really tried to think back and I don't really ever think I was totally attracted to him.   I do love him but more like a brother.  We do lots of things that are fun together but I can't ever get that spark to happen.  He is in love with me and finds me attractive.  I haven't kissed him years.  We have sex and it is good actually, but I wouldn't say intimate. 

I am desperate for some ideas on how to fix this.  I see men everywhere that I am so attracted to and hate haveing those feelings for someone else!