Topic : Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

I think that the time that people spend away from their spouse for anything other than work, kids or necessity, is time that should be spent for their partner.  I think that porn is OK, I am a guy though.  But porn is used for our pleasure at our house.  If your husband is looking at something else or for something else, then he is missing out on time that he should be using spending time with you.  You need to find the balance of his time to spend relaxing and venting to the time that you need him.  I hope you realize that porn is not the culprit, but that you have some communication isuues in your relationship. The time spend online is only a symptom of a real problem.  If he is acting like a child then her should not be upset when he is called one.  If there is a problem that needs to get resolved, the problem will not go away until you are both willing to deal with it like adults.  What ever the main issue is, figure it out and take care of it.  My feeling is that you are dealing with what many people have dealt with and that is that your relationship is changing.  You have kids, the fun is on hold, life is more challenging than fun, you do not like your job, he does not like his job, you do not have enough money, etc...  I can go on forever, but the fact is that you must both change with life if you want to stay together.  Ask him what is really bothering him.  If that is too difficult, have him write it down.  The you give him some time to explain his feelings openly.  If he writes it down and gives you time to think about it, you will not react.  Instead you must take it in, think about what he is trying to say, then let him talk while you listen.  Tell him that you want to do the same thing and you expect the same response.  The follow through.  When he does it, react politely and respectfully.  Then hopefully, he will do the same thing in return.  I found that in many relationships that I have talked about with friends, many married people lose the appreciation.  It only takes a simple "thank you" or "you look really nice today" to boost the mood and attitude of the other person.  When you get married, you just have to figure out how the other person is changing, express the way you feel, compromise or accept.  Then the key is "both of you need to get over it and move on"!  Looking at other woman, avoiding conflict, not spending as much time with you are not always driven from disliking you.  It may be he has an issue that you are not understanding or you have an issue that you are not either dealing with or he is afraid to tell you about.  Moral of the story:  Figure out how to fight fair!!!  Figure out how to talk and compromise fair!!!  Both parties win and before you know it, you are the sexiest woman on earth.  Hope this helps.  It has help me for 16 years.

Wow! Id this guy the next Dr. Phil or what? Great insight, why don't you follow your own advice?

With the porn thing I can see it if your a guy and single. But what about if you now have given your partner ideas about it and she is now addicted to looking at men porn? I can bet you that it could lead into other behaviors. But hey what do I know?

Find out what is going on.  You need him to open up.  Maybe he is stressed?  Maybe unhappy about something?  Read my reply about communicating a few replies ago.  Learn how to communicate and learn "how to fight".  Getting things in front of both of you and dealing with them is the best form of passion.  Plan some alone time.  Use the one response about the candles, roses, bedroom set up mentioned before.  But, as you can see by her response as well, talking about each other's needs and issues, understanding the issues, dealing with them by comprise, and then getting over it and moving on are the keys to great love and sex.  You are both missing the emotional love more than the physical.  Try something new and exciting.  Dress up, role play, change atmospheres, get a hotel room, if one of you is interested, things will work out. 

Try to stroke his intellect.  Men need ego boosts.  Our ego is very easily hurt.  Hold his hand in public out of the blue.  Give him a kiss for no reason.  Compliment him.  Tell him how thankful you are for what he provides you and the family.  Men that feel like they are real men, worry about everything (money, whether the family is happy, whether they are doing a good job at work)  You will be surprised that he will start returning compliments as well.  That makes you closer and lends to a more passionate relationship and therefore, more sex.  Hope this helps.