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Topic : Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

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Created on : Sunday, September 17, 2006, 04:03:12 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Has the fire gone out in your love life? Share your ways to reignite romance in your relationship.

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sadykat82
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December 18, 2006, 4:48 pm PST

I Don't Like Kissing Anymore?

 How is it that though I've grown to respect my husband more, and adore him and value him a million times more than I did when we were merely friends or dating that now I feel so cold about what is often cited as THE most romantic form of intimacy?

Kissing used to be all the rage, and it was even enjoyable at the onset of my marriage. Now here we are, a whopping 3.5 years later, albeit with 2 kids, and I can really do without it.
I feel disconnected and passionless when being approached for anything more than a quick peck. This of course makes me feel self concious, worried my husband will see my false interest.


Does anyone have any ideas on this?
 
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sadykat82
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December 18, 2006, 5:51 pm PST

Hrm

Quote From: alielsirrom

My husband and I have been married for 33 years. We have not had sex in over 5 years. Before this our sex life was very good. I do not have any body image problems and he looks fine to me. I have always been in love with him and see him the same way he looked when we were married. I am a very attractive women and usually turn heads when we are out. I am  5'10" tall with blonde hair and a nice body for my age. Now his side of the story is that he is visual and is turned on by breast. He says since my (DD) breast have drooped, he is not visually attracted to me and is never turned visually and this makes sex impossiible.

 

I know sex is physical to men and emotional to women but I just think this is a little far fetched. If it is true, how do I keep from feeling unloved? How do I keep from seeing him as a person that just sees women physically and unable to have a loving  sexual relationship/ Or is he just a nut case that I get along wonderfully with outside of the bedroom.

 

Now that our children have left home I would like to have a sexual relationship that is fun and free of anxiety... a form of adult fun and plan. Am I being unreasonable?

 

Aliel

On one hand - If I were in your shoes I'd say something like "well sweetie, anytime you want to pay for a lift so I can undo the aging process, I'm willing to take it." and then go out and buy myself a swanky new toy.

On the other hand I do think that when someone has a fetish (which I believe is what your husbands words essentially dwindle down to) you have to work with it. Maybe a breast lift is in order. 1 - It will give you some added confidence and cater even stronger to your sex appeal in that way and 2 - It will be a welcome joy for him. Something to think on and discuss together for sure.
 
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katwil4
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December 20, 2006, 6:01 pm PST

10th Anniversary

My husband and I will be married for 10 years in Oct. 2007 and I am trying to figure out what to do for our ann.  We have been thru alot of hardships thru these years and we have made it thru all of them.  I would like to do something very special for him but can figure out what to do.  We dont have alot of money to do alot and we dont have anyone to help watch our 4 children.  I want to show him how much i appriciate him and love him.  Im just not sure how to go about this since we dont have alot of money and no babysitter. We were not able to go on a honeymoon when we got married because he could no take off work.  WE have not been able to do anything for our ann. since our 1st one because we did not have a anyone to help with the kids.  I really want to do something for him he has supported me when I wanted to stay home with the kids.  I just would like some ideas on how to make this day special for the both of us.  We go married young i was 17 and he was 18 and many people did not think we would make it as far as we have and i plan on being married to the love of my life for the rest of my life!!!!  Any suggestions would be greatly appriciated.  Thanks
 
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purplepenny
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December 21, 2006, 12:37 am PST

Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

Quote From: katwil4

My husband and I will be married for 10 years in Oct. 2007 and I am trying to figure out what to do for our ann.  We have been thru alot of hardships thru these years and we have made it thru all of them.  I would like to do something very special for him but can figure out what to do.  We dont have alot of money to do alot and we dont have anyone to help watch our 4 children.  I want to show him how much i appriciate him and love him.  Im just not sure how to go about this since we dont have alot of money and no babysitter. We were not able to go on a honeymoon when we got married because he could no take off work.  WE have not been able to do anything for our ann. since our 1st one because we did not have a anyone to help with the kids.  I really want to do something for him he has supported me when I wanted to stay home with the kids.  I just would like some ideas on how to make this day special for the both of us.  We go married young i was 17 and he was 18 and many people did not think we would make it as far as we have and i plan on being married to the love of my life for the rest of my life!!!!  Any suggestions would be greatly appriciated.  Thanks
Well...your anniversary is 9 months away. I'm sure you can come up with something between now and then. How old are your kids?  Would the parents of one of the older ones look after the two younger ones for a night?

You could also make your husband a scrapbook of the 10 years you've been together. Start now and then by the time October rolls around you will have done little by little and you could have a whole book of pictures, quotes, thoughts, scriptures (if you are religious) all mixed and arranged in a photo album.

You could also go to Walmart and have your family photo taken. That is a great anniversary gift and Walmart does this for cheap.

Writing long love letters is alway s a very romantic gesture for your spouse.

You could revisit where you were married, maybe even just recite your vows back to each other....even if you are alone.

If I think of any other ideas I will let you know, but in 9 months I am SURE you can find someone who will watch your kids for the night. And I won't presume to know about your finances, but even if you put away $25 a month, in 9 months you could have $250. That is enough to pay for a professional babysitter for a couple hours and have a nice dinner at a restaurant and then some...probably even enough for each of you to buy each other a small gift.
 
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jettav
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December 21, 2006, 6:49 am PST

Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

Quote From: katwil4

My husband and I will be married for 10 years in Oct. 2007 and I am trying to figure out what to do for our ann.  We have been thru alot of hardships thru these years and we have made it thru all of them.  I would like to do something very special for him but can figure out what to do.  We dont have alot of money to do alot and we dont have anyone to help watch our 4 children.  I want to show him how much i appriciate him and love him.  Im just not sure how to go about this since we dont have alot of money and no babysitter. We were not able to go on a honeymoon when we got married because he could no take off work.  WE have not been able to do anything for our ann. since our 1st one because we did not have a anyone to help with the kids.  I really want to do something for him he has supported me when I wanted to stay home with the kids.  I just would like some ideas on how to make this day special for the both of us.  We go married young i was 17 and he was 18 and many people did not think we would make it as far as we have and i plan on being married to the love of my life for the rest of my life!!!!  Any suggestions would be greatly appriciated.  Thanks
My favorite thing to do for my hubby on accasions is to cook up a favorite  dinner, with candlelight. Let your husband know that you have something special planned for later in the evening but the kids need to be in bed sound to sleep. after they are sleeping, allow your husband to go sit in his favorite chair with his favorite show on, whatever he likes to fo and then you go into the kitchen area and start preparing. Already have the food prepared, it doesn't have to be anything fancy, something simple can be made into something special with candles lit, place a little card with a love poem or your thoghts beside his plate and while eating, ask him what he would like to do the rest of the evening and go with it, even if he just wants to go to bed and sleep, do it, get all snuggly warm beside him, and enoy his presense.

One thing that amazes me is how quickly change can add up to, we save all our change, it goes intoa  container and when that container is full, I take it and get it made into dollar bills, and we go have fun with it, you can do this, save all your loose change and when your anniversary comes up, take it and cash it in, I can bet you will have more money then you think you do. :), Do you  have afriend or two who you could swap babysitting with, you take care of her kids and then she takes care of yours, no money involved, this could be one way to get a sitter. You can even use the money from the change to pay for a sitter and come up with some romance ideas within your home, you could just plan a quiet, funfilled evening witht he two of you.

The scrapbook idea is awesome, I love to scrapbook and I am in the process of doing this, think I am going to save it for our anniversary as well. You can buy scrapbook sets, not a whole lot ot plan really, use your imagination and  you don't even have to be all that creative to show your love.

If you do happen to come up with a babysitter, a nice walk int he park ir even the mall is great, myhusabnd and I love to walk and take drives, when we were dating it was nothing for us to get int he car and drvie for a couple of hours, stop to eat and turn around and go home, Um, haven't done that in a very long time, LOL. I think that is going to be our first date night of the new year,LOLLL.

Any way, hope these ideas helped some, just remember, that it doesn't have to take a lot of money to have fun together, and though it may be a challenge, even with having kids, we can light the flame within our marriages, it just takes some thought and creatvity.

Congratulations on your lasting and loving marriage, it's good to hear about good    loving marriages.  :)
 
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katwil4
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December 21, 2006, 2:25 pm PST

Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

Quote From: jettav

My favorite thing to do for my hubby on accasions is to cook up a favorite  dinner, with candlelight. Let your husband know that you have something special planned for later in the evening but the kids need to be in bed sound to sleep. after they are sleeping, allow your husband to go sit in his favorite chair with his favorite show on, whatever he likes to fo and then you go into the kitchen area and start preparing. Already have the food prepared, it doesn't have to be anything fancy, something simple can be made into something special with candles lit, place a little card with a love poem or your thoghts beside his plate and while eating, ask him what he would like to do the rest of the evening and go with it, even if he just wants to go to bed and sleep, do it, get all snuggly warm beside him, and enoy his presense.

One thing that amazes me is how quickly change can add up to, we save all our change, it goes intoa  container and when that container is full, I take it and get it made into dollar bills, and we go have fun with it, you can do this, save all your loose change and when your anniversary comes up, take it and cash it in, I can bet you will have more money then you think you do. :), Do you  have afriend or two who you could swap babysitting with, you take care of her kids and then she takes care of yours, no money involved, this could be one way to get a sitter. You can even use the money from the change to pay for a sitter and come up with some romance ideas within your home, you could just plan a quiet, funfilled evening witht he two of you.

The scrapbook idea is awesome, I love to scrapbook and I am in the process of doing this, think I am going to save it for our anniversary as well. You can buy scrapbook sets, not a whole lot ot plan really, use your imagination and  you don't even have to be all that creative to show your love.

If you do happen to come up with a babysitter, a nice walk int he park ir even the mall is great, myhusabnd and I love to walk and take drives, when we were dating it was nothing for us to get int he car and drvie for a couple of hours, stop to eat and turn around and go home, Um, haven't done that in a very long time, LOL. I think that is going to be our first date night of the new year,LOLLL.

Any way, hope these ideas helped some, just remember, that it doesn't have to take a lot of money to have fun together, and though it may be a challenge, even with having kids, we can light the flame within our marriages, it just takes some thought and creatvity.

Congratulations on your lasting and loving marriage, it's good to hear about good    loving marriages.  :)


Thanks for the advice i have started a picture movie of us and the kids from the time we got married to preasent.  I have put songs on it that was in our wedding.  I will difinatly do the change thing.  I dont know about swapping babysittin i usually babysit and then when it is time for me needing one everyone is busy.  But I will try and find some one.  Thank you so much
 
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katwil4
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December 21, 2006, 2:29 pm PST

Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

Quote From: purplepenny

Well...your anniversary is 9 months away. I'm sure you can come up with something between now and then. How old are your kids?  Would the parents of one of the older ones look after the two younger ones for a night?

You could also make your husband a scrapbook of the 10 years you've been together. Start now and then by the time October rolls around you will have done little by little and you could have a whole book of pictures, quotes, thoughts, scriptures (if you are religious) all mixed and arranged in a photo album.

You could also go to Walmart and have your family photo taken. That is a great anniversary gift and Walmart does this for cheap.

Writing long love letters is alway s a very romantic gesture for your spouse.

You could revisit where you were married, maybe even just recite your vows back to each other....even if you are alone.

If I think of any other ideas I will let you know, but in 9 months I am SURE you can find someone who will watch your kids for the night. And I won't presume to know about your finances, but even if you put away $25 a month, in 9 months you could have $250. That is enough to pay for a professional babysitter for a couple hours and have a nice dinner at a restaurant and then some...probably even enough for each of you to buy each other a small gift.
Thanks for the help I will keep these suggustions in mind.  Not sure what you thought but all 4 of the kids are ours.  I have a made a picture video for the time we got married to preasant.  It also has the songs that was in our wedding.  I know this will be one good thing todo.  Thanks for the help
 
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purplepenny
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December 21, 2006, 9:00 pm PST

Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

Quote From: katwil4

Thanks for the help I will keep these suggustions in mind.  Not sure what you thought but all 4 of the kids are ours.  I have a made a picture video for the time we got married to preasant.  It also has the songs that was in our wedding.  I know this will be one good thing todo.  Thanks for the help
Oh sorry, for some reason in my in my insomnia I counted 3...LOL
 
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December 23, 2006, 2:43 pm PST

Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

Quote From: katwil4

Thanks for the advice i have started a picture movie of us and the kids from the time we got married to preasent.  I have put songs on it that was in our wedding.  I will difinatly do the change thing.  I dont know about swapping babysittin i usually babysit and then when it is time for me needing one everyone is busy.  But I will try and find some one.  Thank you so much
Just enjoy your time with him and whatever you do, let it come from the heart, take advantage of the alone times you do have and rnjoy your family. :)

Merry Christmas everyone and I Wish you all a HAppy New year as well.....................
 
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December 25, 2006, 9:09 pm PST

Maybe this is my answer!!

Quote From: richard_woods

This is not meant to be a contentious post...I know I am going to get killed by the militant fascist faction here...

 

Are you drastically more overweight than before your pregnancy that ended over 2 years ago? If it is just a few lbs. then disregard what I am about to say...I don't know so I am going to speak hypothetically here...general terms...

 

When either spouse "lets themselves go" physically, it tells their partner that they are not important enough to make the effort for. Not just weight, but how someone dresses, their personal hygeine, or even the sloth that can come with settling in. I understand that wieght from pregnancy doesn't come off easily. But let me ask you ask question...If your childs life depended on you getting back to your pre-birth weight, could you do it then? I bet you could. Yes it is difficult. It is not impossible, and chances are that you already posses the knowledge you need to lose the weight. What is your excersize routine? Do you have one? Many people buy diet books as an excuse to stay fat, not to really lose the wieght.

 

Men and women both need to feel that they are worth their partners effort.

 

My detractors will spout the cliche'd quotes like "If he truly loved you, your weight wouldn't matter" But the reality is, He could easily say that if YOU really loved HIM, you wouldn't take him for granted. Chances are he does still love you, and want you, but he has every right to be with the woman he married, and if that is not who you are now, then you have to address that. He can't be a totally shallow jerk either, but two years is a long time.

 

Lastly I will say this, When *either* spouse takes thier other half for granted, it is as much infidelity than if they had flirted with intention......some people "cheat" with the hostess in the diner, others cheat with hostess twinkies.

Hey everyone.  I am new to these boards.  I have really been racking my brain to figure out what is going on with my relationship.  My live-in boyfriend of 2 1/2 yrs. are experiencing some technical difficulties.  Our relationship is good except for lack of sex.  I have tried and tried to figure this out.  It started about 6 mos. into our relationship.. things started going downhill.  Our sex life slowly started declining and now I'm lucky if I get it 1 time a month.  He works alot and so do I.  But in reference to this quote.. I started gaining weight after all of this started.  And I totally agree with the fact that I shouldn't have let myself go.  Thank you for writing this.  I am going to put losing weight to the forefront of my mind.  I am willing to try anything at this point. 
 
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