Topic : Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

Number of Replies: 1020
New Messages This Week: 5
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Created on : Sunday, September 17, 2006, 04:03:12 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Has the fire gone out in your love life? Share your ways to reignite romance in your relationship.

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May 9, 2007, 12:14 pm PDT

Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

Quote From: sweetlove_666

HEY EVERYONE

I STARTED DATING MY BOYFRIEND AT AGE 17 AND WE STAYED TOGETHER FOR 2 YEARS WE HAD A FALL OUT AND HE AND I WENT OUR SEPARATE WAYS AND DATED 1 OTHER PERSON, I HAVE TOLD MY EX TO GET LOST AND WHEN I HAD ASKED HIM TO TELL HIS EX TO BACK OFF BEFORE HE SAID IT WAS FOLLISH AND THAT HE WASN'T GOING TO DO IT. WE BROKE UP AGAIN BECAUSE I DIDN'T LIKE WHAT I HEARD AND WE FINALLY GOT BACK TOGETHER AND HE HAS CALLED HER AND TOLD HER TO SCREW OFF, BUT IN MY MIND I CAN'T SEEM TO GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD THAT HE WAS STUCK ON HER BEFORE, I DONT KNOW WHATS GOING ON , HES TOLD HER TO SCREW OFF BUT SHE SEEMS TO STILL BE CALLING HIM , i ALSO FOUND EMAILS FROM HIM TO HER SAYING THAT HE LOVED HER,, BUT HE SAID THAT WE WERE FIGHTING AND HE WAS JUST DOING IT AS A JOKE??? AS IN TELLING HER THIS THEN PUTTING IT IN HER FACE FOR A SELFISH GAME THAT HE DOESN;T LOVE HER.... HE SAYS HE LOVES ME AND HE WANTS A FAMILY WITH ME AND WANTS TO GET MARRIED ... I NEED TO FIGURE OUT WHAT I'M DOING BECAUSE WE ARE PLANNING ON MOVING AWAY AND IN TOGETHER SINCE I AM GOING TO SCHOOL ... PLEASE HELP ME , I KNOW ITS CONFUSING BUT I NEED ADVICE-- THANKS MAKAYLA

Makayla -

Honey - several issues scream - including your post.

It was very hard to read all the capitals - so just FYI - maybe next time tone it down.

Now - the boyfriend - is a user and this relationship does not have solid legs to stand on.

Please reconsider moving in with him. And if you were moving because of him. Don't.

Find a roommate - go to school. Make friends and don't rush into another relationship.

You knew this wasn't right before and you're trying to tell yourself you can make him love you. You can not.

Back Away and let your heart heal sweetie. You deserve to be in love and feel desired not anxious and upset.

That's my advice for what it's worth.

Lily
 
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May 10, 2007, 10:53 am PDT

what do i do now?????

I watch the show when i can....and this is only my 2nd post on the message boards...so bare with me! 

 

I am a SAHM of 2 young children my DH works a TON of hours and we've been married for 5 years this month..with that said......

my DH told me yesterday  he is done, thru with it as he put it.  I'm not confortable intitiating anything intimate, i don't know why?  Now he tells me if I do try and 'start' something with him it is too little to late.  He is being cold, rude, and at times just mean to me.  He really doesn't believe in counceling, he just feels rejected.  Should I go to counceling?  I am having my hormone levels tested this month (long story, but I have hormone issues after my kids are born) so I'm not sure if that will help or hurt us?  He really doesn't seem to care. 

 

Do I just got for it and be scared, embarressed and wing it? 

 

thanks for the ears!

 
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May 11, 2007, 8:21 am PDT

A Dr. Phil in Dallas

I'm about to give up on my marriage and finding a "doctor" like Dr. Phil here in Dallas.  Does anyone know of a good counselor here in dallas?
 
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May 11, 2007, 11:00 am PDT

What's wrong with me?

I have been married for almost 10 years, and dated him for 7 years prior to that.  The sexual drive between us is null & void.  Our sexual relationship started to slow down even before we were married. The couple of times that we did have sex  I became pregnant. During both of my pregnancies, he didn't even come close to me. I really believe that the thought of having sex with a pregnant woman, was repulsive to him..Now that's my opinion, but believe it to be true.  I am 37 years old, and my husband is almost 43.  I still find him very attractive, I tell myself when I'm a work, that I'm going to rush home and we're going to have sex.  For some reason, that I can't figure out, I back right down. I'm afraid that when he comes to bed that he's going to want to have sex, and that just scares me to no end.  I just don't understand why I fear the sexual relationship with my husband, that I so truly want.  He's always been the initiater to have sex, but that stopped a long time ago.  I feel that I'm not attractive to him anymore.  I'm just at a loss here..My girlfriend tells me to go home and just go for it. I really want to, but there is a fear that just creeps up every time.  I know that it sounds like I'm very confused about my feelings,(want to have sex, but fear it). Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
 
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May 11, 2007, 7:27 pm PDT

wing it

Quote From: detroitmum

I watch the show when i can....and this is only my 2nd post on the message boards...so bare with me! 

 

I am a SAHM of 2 young children my DH works a TON of hours and we've been married for 5 years this month..with that said......

my DH told me yesterday  he is done, thru with it as he put it.  I'm not confortable intitiating anything intimate, i don't know why?  Now he tells me if I do try and 'start' something with him it is too little to late.  He is being cold, rude, and at times just mean to me.  He really doesn't believe in counceling, he just feels rejected.  Should I go to counceling?  I am having my hormone levels tested this month (long story, but I have hormone issues after my kids are born) so I'm not sure if that will help or hurt us?  He really doesn't seem to care. 

 

Do I just got for it and be scared, embarressed and wing it? 

 

thanks for the ears!

i have never answered anyone's messages before so bare with me.  i have a husband whom i have been married to for 5 yrs now too.  he has told me that i am never romantic with him.  in a lot of ways for me initiating is never been my thing because i have self esteem issues so i don't deal with the rejection very well.  there has been times though that i tried and he did reject it so i kind of have given up.  i don't think counceling would hurt.  i don't think that he should be cold and mean to you though because that doesn't help matters.  and truth is...go for it!  i have on many occassions...and yes...i was scared, embarrased.  and yes i got rejected many times...but don't give up if u really want to over come this.  after a few times...u won't feel embarrased anymore...the times i didn't get rejected i felt pretty darn sexy. 

 

 
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May 11, 2007, 7:39 pm PDT

we're a fizzle

the love life between my husband and i is just a poof anymore.  for me it is because of all that i have been through with him.  i have been through alcoholism, drugs, on and off working, gambling.  he put us through financial ruin...more so me since he was taking my credit cards and making cash advances on them.  and recently...a criminal situation.  i keep standing behind him trying to get through each day...but it seems to get harder and harder.  he wants me to be positive and act a little bit happier but i don't know how to exactly do that.  when things begin to start going up the ladder and i'm feeling a tad bit happier...something else happens and i get further depressed then i was before.   he wants me to b more "romantic" but how can i be when i have all this other junk weighing my libido down??  is there a way to spark up the romance when all this other stuff is in place?  or should i even bother wanting to spark it up again?  we do have a young child so that is one reason why i stay.  i'm not even sure this message is going to be of much use to me anyway since he and i fought yesterday and today he told me he won't be staying here.  he left to go to a friends and said he'll b back in the morning.  but i guess i'm really trying to figure out...should i bother??  and if so...how do i do that exactly?  how do i forget so i initiate??

 
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May 14, 2007, 8:11 am PDT

Husband falling out of love

I’ve been with my husband for seven years and five months. Two years and five months out of those years we’ve been married. Like any relationship we were never perfect but we always loved each other and always were able to work out whatever problems faced us. However three weeks ago my husband started acting differently towards me. Whenever I told him that I loved him it took him longer to respond and he just wasn’t himself. We always tell each other what’s on our minds and never keep secrets from each other. My husband has always been not only my lover but my best friend and I think no matter what would happen to us we will always be best friends.

 

Saturday I found out why he was so quiet and distant from me. I was standing there feeling so vulnerable when I asked him to please tell me what was going on. He told me that telling me would not help things and that it would make things even worse. I told him that maybe that is the case but not telling me isn’t helping either. If I’m miserable either way I rather know the truth is what I said. He started to cry and told me that three weeks ago he woke up and felt different about me. He said that he was falling out of love with me. My heart dropped and I couldn’t breath. I feel like I’m walking in a nightmare right now and I can’t get out. I’ve been crying every day since he told me and it feels like my husband died.

 

The strange thing though is that he is still sexually attracted to me and still flirts but he has no  romantic feelings towards me. I don’t understand this at all. How can you fall out of love but still be flirty and sexually appealing to the other person? I always thought that when you fell out of love everything died with it including the sex. I’m just not sure what I want to do right now. He doesn’t want to give up on our marriage and wants to give it some time. I do too but I’m scared that he will never love me again and at some point I’m going to have to tell him times up. It hurts so much and this all feels so sudden to me. I know this isn’t my fault but I keep thinking that it is. I’m depressed every morning now and barely eat. When I dream I have horrible nightmares and all I really want right now is my husband to wake me up  from this nightmare and tell me  that he loves me. None of this feels real to me.

 
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May 14, 2007, 8:27 am PDT

I can't get my husband in the mood either

Quote From: lovebug8

I love sex.  That was no secret when we got married.  When we were dating he mentioned he liked it when I asked to do it or initiate sex.  Now I mention sex he roles over and tucks his privates between his legs.  Don't get me wrong we have sex, when he wants to.  About once a week...sometimes less.  It just hurts my feelings and well sex sucks.
I have the same problem. My husband can go three months without wanting to have relations with me. I do not understand it. He tells me I am sexy, I think I am sexy too. We used to have nights where we would lay in bed naked for hours and snuggle, kiss, and talk. Now he stays in the tv room until late at night after I have fallen asleep. I work full time and go to college full time and I am a full time mother and wife as well. After doing all of my chores and duties for the day, I might get 5-6 hours of sleep, but I would still like to at least have that romantic connection with my husband, whether it be laying in bed curled up next to each other or playing games. I am an affectionate person in the day and I carry that over into our bedroom. I have gained about 10 lbs after our son was born almost 6 years ago and my husband has gained 100 lbs. I tell him and show him how very attractive he is to me and how much I think about him and how lucky I am to have him. I know he feels depressed about his weight and i try to get him to get out and do things, but he stays so tired all of the time. He is now suffering from EDS and he has a prescription to help, but he won't take it. I am frustrated because I married him because I thought we would have the same sexual connection and appetite for sex. I will never cheat on him or divorce him because he is such a good man and cheating is against everything I stand for. I am just getting very frustrated and then I get depressed, but I keep the happy face on so he will not know how it hurts me to see him that way. Not really sure what I can do, it seems I have tried everything.
 
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May 14, 2007, 3:33 pm PDT

Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

Quote From: aaron0707

Ive been with my girlfriend for almost 2 years, and i want to propose but my problem is when we argue its always about me, or something to do with me and she threatens to leave me if i dont change or fix it. Ive counted about 5 times now that she has made the threat and i dont want to marry someone who threatens the relationship over every arguement. what should i do? anyone?

what does she want you to change? I do the same thing to my bf... usually over one of his female friends, his parents, or his lack of motivation.  yeah, i feel bad, but it's the only thing that gets though to him... if the things she's asking you to change are reasonable, do it, or compromise.

 

good luck!

 
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May 15, 2007, 3:53 am PDT

2 books,website

Quote From: zakuravlm

Ive been with my husband for seven years and five months. Two years and five months out of those years weve been married. Like any relationship we were never perfect but we always loved each other and always were able to work out whatever problems faced us. However three weeks ago my husband started acting differently towards me. Whenever I told him that I loved him it took him longer to respond and he just wasnt himself. We always tell each other whats on our minds and never keep secrets from each other. My husband has always been not only my lover but my best friend and I think no matter what would happen to us we will always be best friends.

 

Saturday I found out why he was so quiet and distant from me. I was standing there feeling so vulnerable when I asked him to please tell me what was going on. He told me that telling me would not help things and that it would make things even worse. I told him that maybe that is the case but not telling me isnt helping either. If Im miserable either way I rather know the truth is what I said. He started to cry and told me that three weeks ago he woke up and felt different about me. He said that he was falling out of love with me. My heart dropped and I couldnt breath. I feel like Im walking in a nightmare right now and I cant get out. Ive been crying every day since he told me and it feels like my husband died.

 

The strange thing though is that he is still sexually attracted to me and still flirts but he has no  romantic feelings towards me. I dont understand this at all. How can you fall out of love but still be flirty and sexually appealing to the other person? I always thought that when you fell out of love everything died with it including the sex. Im just not sure what I want to do right now. He doesnt want to give up on our marriage and wants to give it some time. I do too but Im scared that he will never love me again and at some point Im going to have to tell him times up. It hurts so much and this all feels so sudden to me. I know this isnt my fault but I keep thinking that it is. Im depressed every morning now and barely eat. When I dream I have horrible nightmares and all I really want right now is my husband to wake me up  from this nightmare and tell me  that he loves me. None of this feels real to me.

There are 2 really good books you need to get by Dr. W. Harley- Love Busters  and His Needs, Her Needs.   (Google them or find on Ebay, Half.com)  It's about romantic love, falling in and out of love  and would do both of you a world of good to understand what went wrong and how to fix it.  Web site www.marriagebuilders.com - start reading!
 

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