Topic : Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

I watch the show when i can....and this is only my 2nd post on the message boards...so bare with me! 

I am a SAHM of 2 young children my DH works a TON of hours and we've been married for 5 years this month..with that said......

my DH told me yesterday  he is done, thru with it as he put it.  I'm not confortable intitiating anything intimate, i don't know why?  Now he tells me if I do try and 'start' something with him it is too little to late.  He is being cold, rude, and at times just mean to me.  He really doesn't believe in counceling, he just feels rejected.  Should I go to counceling?  I am having my hormone levels tested this month (long story, but I have hormone issues after my kids are born) so I'm not sure if that will help or hurt us?  He really doesn't seem to care. 

Do I just got for it and be scared, embarressed and wing it? 

thanks for the ears!

i have never answered anyone's messages before so bare with me.  i have a husband whom i have been married to for 5 yrs now too.  he has told me that i am never romantic with him.  in a lot of ways for me initiating is never been my thing because i have self esteem issues so i don't deal with the rejection very well.  there has been times though that i tried and he did reject it so i kind of have given up.  i don't think counceling would hurt.  i don't think that he should be cold and mean to you though because that doesn't help matters.  and truth is...go for it!  i have on many occassions...and yes...i was scared, embarrased.  and yes i got rejected many times...but don't give up if u really want to over come this.  after a few times...u won't feel embarrased anymore...the times i didn't get rejected i felt pretty darn sexy. 

the love life between my husband and i is just a poof anymore.  for me it is because of all that i have been through with him.  i have been through alcoholism, drugs, on and off working, gambling.  he put us through financial ruin...more so me since he was taking my credit cards and making cash advances on them.  and recently...a criminal situation.  i keep standing behind him trying to get through each day...but it seems to get harder and harder.  he wants me to be positive and act a little bit happier but i don't know how to exactly do that.  when things begin to start going up the ladder and i'm feeling a tad bit happier...something else happens and i get further depressed then i was before.   he wants me to b more "romantic" but how can i be when i have all this other junk weighing my libido down??  is there a way to spark up the romance when all this other stuff is in place?  or should i even bother wanting to spark it up again?  we do have a young child so that is one reason why i stay.  i'm not even sure this message is going to be of much use to me anyway since he and i fought yesterday and today he told me he won't be staying here.  he left to go to a friends and said he'll b back in the morning.  but i guess i'm really trying to figure out...should i bother??  and if so...how do i do that exactly?  how do i forget so i initiate??

I’ve been with my husband for seven years and five months. Two years and five months out of those years we’ve been married. Like any relationship we were never perfect but we always loved each other and always were able to work out whatever problems faced us. However three weeks ago my husband started acting differently towards me. Whenever I told him that I loved him it took him longer to respond and he just wasn’t himself. We always tell each other what’s on our minds and never keep secrets from each other. My husband has always been not only my lover but my best friend and I think no matter what would happen to us we will always be best friends.

Saturday I found out why he was so quiet and distant from me. I was standing there feeling so vulnerable when I asked him to please tell me what was going on. He told me that telling me would not help things and that it would make things even worse. I told him that maybe that is the case but not telling me isn’t helping either. If I’m miserable either way I rather know the truth is what I said. He started to cry and told me that three weeks ago he woke up and felt different about me. He said that he was falling out of love with me. My heart dropped and I couldn’t breath. I feel like I’m walking in a nightmare right now and I can’t get out. I’ve been crying every day since he told me and it feels like my husband died.

The strange thing though is that he is still sexually attracted to me and still flirts but he has no  romantic feelings towards me. I don’t understand this at all. How can you fall out of love but still be flirty and sexually appealing to the other person? I always thought that when you fell out of love everything died with it including the sex. I’m just not sure what I want to do right now. He doesn’t want to give up on our marriage and wants to give it some time. I do too but I’m scared that he will never love me again and at some point I’m going to have to tell him times up. It hurts so much and this all feels so sudden to me. I know this isn’t my fault but I keep thinking that it is. I’m depressed every morning now and barely eat. When I dream I have horrible nightmares and all I really want right now is my husband to wake me up  from this nightmare and tell me  that he loves me. None of this feels real to me.

what does she want you to change? I do the same thing to my bf... usually over one of his female friends, his parents, or his lack of motivation.  yeah, i feel bad, but it's the only thing that gets though to him... if the things she's asking you to change are reasonable, do it, or compromise.

good luck!