Topic : Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

Wow this brings back bad memories for me. I hope that your husband is telling you everything. I'm not saying that he isn't but as my mother always used to say " listen to what your heart is saying" after all you were the one who noticed the change in him. I hope that you and your husband can work things out and be happy.

I have been with my bf for 5 yrs we have lived together for 4 I have an 8 yr old son from previous relationship. My other 2 are 2yrs and 7 mnths . My bf is self employed in the construction business a few years ago I worked as and assistant manager for  5 yrs  family restaurant where I worked till 12 - 1 am he didn't like that so I quit my job. Now we have 3 kids and i stay at home most all the time with them. He works late sometimes till 8 or 9 pm when he leaves at 6 am .I'm pretty sure he isn't cheating because my dad works with him most of the time , but his cousin tells me he doesn't want to come home cuz it's to crazy at home ( kids yellin, cry etc ..) I feel we are losing the love we once had by not being able to spend quality time together doing the things we like to do. I feel guilty that he has to work so hard and I stay at home with the kids he doesn't consider that work I have the easy life he says I should live it up and basically shut up . We are not rich but our bills are paid every month and if i truly need something he does get it for me . When he comes home at night whatever time it may be he eats , sleeps . We have sex but once a week he would prefer more but when is there time but hen the kids are sleeping and by then he usually is too. plus I want more interaction then just sex I wanna feel like he wants me , admires , respects my thoughts how can that happen in just 10 min in bed . i feel like this is all for nothing that there is no future commitment  When I bring this all up to him he doesn't want to hear it it's like well if I don't like it get lost . And that's not what I want but he never sees my point of view or undestands how I feel . Anyone have any insight on this ?

my husband and i have been together for 3 years we have 2 boys 14mths and 4 mths i was pregnant for almost 18mths back to back so im in the process of losing the extra 35 pounds that ive put on and still more that i needed to lose before i got pregnant.  but back to the purpose of the message.  before i got pregnant and during my husband and i have  had a great sex life.  we have NEVER had issues in this area.  since ive had my son blake  i just dont feel up to it anymore im a stay at home mom. (thanks to dr. phils website i really feel i am on the road to weight loss.)  i feel he is  grossed out by me in the bedroom.  although he is my biggest fan and insists on telling me how beautiful he thinks i am.  i dont like doing a whole lot because he might see extra skin and all those ugly stretch marks.  and a lot of the time  i am sooo tired from dealing with the home all day, the kids, the cleaning, the laundry, etc .  i want to make him happy cause i know he would do the same for me.  im just afraid the lack of intrest in wanting to have sex will take the spark out of our relationship.  im only 22. my mom tells me that i act like a 90 yr old when it comes to that and that i should do something to get motivated about wanting to do "it"  .  my husband does help with that he tries to do romantic things to put me in the mood but its almost impossible to get me there PLEASE give me good advice to help me out. 

-brenda

this isnt much advice but my husband went through the same thing.  at the time though he was just a boyfriend but i was pregnant with his child.    after i found out i was pregnant i decided that my child deserves a better life than what i see coming out of this right now.  i left him, for a bout 5 mths and in that time he did get worse which it was good that i got out.  but he got real worse.  he wasnt paying any of his bills living in a house with no electricity, having crack heads come in and out of there.  it was unbelievable what he was doing with himself.  i was still so in love with him and the person i knew he could be.  but after 3 or 4 mths of this i grew tired of  trying to help him.  so the day i went to the doctor to see what the gender was of our unborn child  i told him he has ONE MONTH to get himself straight for our son.  we didnt have to be a couple for him to have a good healthy relationship with his child but he did have to be a good role model in order for me to allow him in his life.   i told him that if he wouldnt at least try to straighten up then he wouldnt have to worry about being around cause i wasnt going to allow my son to be exposed to a half ass father or a sorry excuse for a man.   he straightend up and is now a better father and husband than i ever imagined.  thats my story but my advice to you is that-- there are way to many men out there that will treat you A LOT better than that and you need to tell yourself that you deserve it.  and if you dont want to do this for yourself do it for your children cause you know they deserve the best.  its gonna take some time to clean up the mess he haas made cause me and my husband are still doing that and its been 2 yrs.  but igurantee that you will be a better person with out all that JUNK.  u will learn to grow a back bone and not be run over anymore  and since he told u he wont be stayin there anymore then let him go God was helping you out there i promise.  in ur message HE keeps wanting U to do something about it tell him to get off his rear end and clean up his own mess from now on. 

i hope this helps boost up ur self esteem cause u know that u are well worth it

-brenda

I don't want to have to repeat my whole story so if you like you can read my past posts to know the situation. I promise it's not boring.

Well, I couldn't keep my big mouth shut! After my last entry yesterday regarding the phone call to my wife, I decided to do something to cheer her up because she seemed down on the phone. After work i went to the store and bought her some flowers, nothing fancy just a cute arrangement. I went home and gave them to her and said that she sounded down on the phone and I wanted to do something for her. After that she seemed to cheer up. We joked around and had a good dinner. Everything seemed ok. We had church so as we were driving, about 25 min, we had good conversation, still was joking around and looking at each other and held each others hand. Once we got there, nothing changed. But, as services went on I had my arm around her and touched her shoulder and she pulled away. Then when the kids got out of class she put our youngest between us. This really hurt. Now the last time she did something like this I messed up and gave her the silent treatment. She was upset that i didn't discuss it with her. This time, after church was over I asked if I had done anything wrong. She said no, she just didn't feel like being touched. What had changed? I'm not real sure. After we got home we discussed it further. I did not get mad, I didn't Miss treat her as she has accused me of before. I wanted to know what had changed from the time I got home and we went to church to the time she started feeling this way. She said that she was depressed all day and that she didn't want to be intimate. I asked why didn't you tell me that when i got home? Then she said," well you knew that I sounded down on the phone. Well, I guess I didn't take the hint. Then she said because i always get upset when she tells me how she feels. I will admit that I have done that in the past but I wasn't doing that this time. I was confused because of the abrupt change in her reaction to me. If I would have known she was depressed I may have reacted differently. Also, in the past when she was like this and I got upset she would say that i should hug her and try to understand. I knew that she was upset, not to the extent that she was but I knew something was wrong. So i tried to give what she had requested in the past, a hug, affection and understanding. But she does not want that now.

So as hard as I am working to change how I react to her the more she changes what she wants. It seems that I am always a couple of steps behind her in trying to meet her needs.