Topic : Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

For the first time in my relationship I feel scared and unsure of the future. I cry myself to sleep almost every day. My husband of 6 years has really unplugged from our relationship, we live like roomates, he's distant and I feel he doesn't even like me anymore. I feel invisible, ignored and taken for granted. I am a good wife -I work a full time job, I cook, clean, do laundry ,all the groceries and take care of our 12 year old. . he does nothing. doesn't even ask me if I need anything. I questioned him about the sudden change - he admitted that he feels the distance between us as well.- He said that he's been feeling smothered lately and that he always thought that he'd be a bachelor. (not really sure where that came from), What should I make of this? Do people just loose interest in each other? It's hurts so much- all I want to do is put my arms around him and go back to normal. Am I losing him?

 One of the biggest problems I have with my husband is his medications,  he won't take the anti depressant and he takes his other medication way to much.  I have even tried talking to his Doctor about this,  and that has done no good.  As for me buying his meds. and then have him take them,  you really do not understand my situation.  I'm not on his checking account and since I do not work outside of the home I have no money unless he writes me a check and he only does that, when it's time for me to go grocery shopping. Then I have to show him the receipt.

As for church counseling,  I don't think that would go over to good with my husband.  He is one of those people that thinks he is always right,  as Dr. Phill calls them " a right fighter" LOL he has even made the comment that he could shut Dr. Phill down.  That one made me laugh.  He is one of those people that always has advise for everyone else and he is VERY judgmental, but if someone tries to talk to him you can't get a word in.  He constantly cuts you off and will not listen to the whole conversation.  So that makes it really hard to talk to him about anything,  that's why I usually end up caving in to him. Just to stop the argument, even if I don't agree I have found it easier to just let him rant and rave, while I sit there like a child being scolded.

The sex between my boyfriend of three years and I is in one word wondeful and everyday that's not really the issuse, the issuse is that we have gotten to were we do nothing with each other in public. If i ask then he tells me I'm being pushy and i need to back off, do it with someone else, or that I'm be a "B" and I can forget asking him to do anything with my kids!!!! If his friends call he is up and gone, but when my dad had a heart attack then a triple bypass and i called him crying he told me to trying to get attention and if I was that worried call a friend. He want me home to cook, clean and be in bed for sex when he get ready.

Last week he ended his friendship with a guy that ways always trying to break us up and we have been talking more and he now understands what a slap in the face it was for me when he wasn't here for me to lean on when I needed him the most. Got any idea of how to make things better for us and my kids?

I think all relationships have their ups and downs...maybe it's time for some counseling...there is an infinite number of things that can spouses to drift apart...job, kids, medical issues, depression, stress, "middle age"...it's hard to say.  Counseling would help you both evaluate the situation.  Obviously, you are not both on the "same page" romantically. 

Counseling can be as a couple, but individual counseling might be helpful in addition to the couple's counseling.

In the mean time, try doing little extra things for him...put a note in his lunch box, or on his pillow...just a little note saying that you love him...we have been married for 27 years, and I still do that for my husband...he really appreciates it.

Maybe you need some "alone" time with him...schedule a "date night", where you go out to dinner and a movie, or a walk in the park...something alone together...

Maybe your husband is taking a look at his life and realizing that he isn't getting any younger...there may be some things on his mental "list" that he feels he has lost the opportunity to do because he is married...the only way to get at the heart of it is by talking...if he won't talk about it with you, then counseling may very well be the answer.

My husband's "mid-life crises" was helped with a motor cycle (and helmet!)...I hate the danger involved in his riding...but that is his "thing" to do by himself...he feels better after a ride...out on the road...freedom...he also has his own hobbies...woodworking...and I have my own hobbies...painting and crafts...

I realize that almost every one of my posts involves counseling...I highly recommend it...even if a marriage isn't in big trouble.

Becky

Men and women are "wired" so differently, and values vary greatly.  Your boyfriend might not even realize that you would like some time with him outside your home.  He really needs a wake-up call about the responsibilities of being a father...he really DOES need to be doing things with his kids....and he needs to be there for you.

Here I go again...couples counseling might be very helpful for you...it can open the lines of communication and help you both see the other's point of view.

Not knowing your whole situation (hard to get down in a few paragraphs), I can't really say a whole lot about it, but your boyfriend really needs to be more involved in his family, and less involved in himself...sounds rather self-centered to me...but, again, I can't really make that assumption based on a few paragraphs...

Becky

There isn't much you can do if your husband refuses to take his meds...if he is taking one of his meds too much, that constitutes drug abuse...but until HE sees the problem for himself, you can't help him a whole lot.  It is up to him...

In my own opinion (not an expert), "right fighters" have little confidence in themselves, and they over-compensate by forcing their opinions on others without really listening.  And they tend to take every comment made by others as critisism.  In order to prevent comments by others (that they don't want to hear), they dominate the conversation.  It's easy to offer advice...harder to take it.

Be supportive, but don't put up with abuse.  If your husband won't go to counseling, go by yourself.  I've had lots of individual counseling, and it has helped me become more assertive, and has helped me learn to deal with life's situations.  Maybe, eventually, you can talk your husband into going to some counseling with you...but until he wants to, you can't force him.

Becky

my husband and i have been married a little over a year, he works in the coal mines, he works nightshift. we have 3 kids, (2 are mine from a previous relationship and one is his from a previous relationship)  my daughter goes to school but i have the other 2 all the time, so it is really hard for us to spend time together and even have sex.   when we got married i moved 2&1/2 hours away from all of my family and friends so we dont have anyone to watch the kids for us while we spend some time together. 

anyone have any advice plz reply

ROL-LMFAO!!!     THATS THE BEST ADVICE I'VE EVER GOTTEN ON THESE DAMN MESSAGE BOARDS LOL   BUT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS  I WAS THINKIN THAT MAYBE WHEN WE COME DOWN FOR 4TH OF JULY VACATION MAYBE WE CAN ALL GO TO LIKE CEDAR POINT OR SOMETHING   AND THEN GO WATCH THE RED WHITE AND BOOM!! HOW'S THAT SOUND???  HOLLA BACK@ ME!!!