Topic : Reigniting Romance in Your Relationship

ROL-LMFAO!!!     THATS THE BEST ADVICE I'VE EVER GOTTEN ON THESE DAMN MESSAGE BOARDS LOL   BUT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS  I WAS THINKIN THAT MAYBE WHEN WE COME DOWN FOR 4TH OF JULY VACATION MAYBE WE CAN ALL GO TO LIKE CEDAR POINT OR SOMETHING   AND THEN GO WATCH THE RED WHITE AND BOOM!! HOW'S THAT SOUND???  HOLLA BACK@ ME!!!

Dear Dr. Phil and Friends:

I have been in a "going nowhere" marriage for about 6 years now. All together we have been together for alomst 8 years. My wife has a good heart, cares about me, and loves me. Frankly, I am worried about her health and weight issues. So much so, my eyes have began to dance around at other women out there. Not only do I look at those women, I also want to touch them.

My wife is terribly overweight and could look so much better. She has asked for my support which I would cheerfully give. I have told her I would go on any diet she wants for as long as it takes (as long as it takes). She eats twice and sometimes more than that than I do. She has swelling ankles, a weak heart, thin blood, and other issues. I have tried tact and deplomacy with her. Nothing seems to work.

I am at the end of my ropes and inspiration to continue down this same redundant road with her. All I want is for her to out live me (we are 13 years apart in age). Yes, I absolutely have selfish reasons for wanting her to be thinner. Yes, I want her to be as sexy as she can possibly be. Yes to all of those vain issues that men have when it comes to their women. Nonetheless, I know that if she doesn't do something dramatic about her health and weight, she will end up dying first and lose out on seeing her grandchildren even being born.

Honestly, if something doesn't happen and I don't see her taking her health and weight seriosly, I might end up straying from the marriage. Please understand, I have never ever even sometimes maybe cheated on an relationship in my entire life. So, this would be a first for me. Please give me some clear and decisive advice before I end up doing something very stupid and compromise the marriage I have with her.

Sincerely,

Spirit

my hubby and i are having that issue right now...he is angry with me right now and that means that he will not be speaking to me for at least a week and then he will finally explode and it will all be because he did not get sex when he thought was due...at least that is the impression that I get....I hate not knowing what he is thinking...but on the other hand, if he is going to act like a child and not sleep in our bed and not speak to me...I feel like that when he does not get what he wants, he just starts to whine....but I am going to act my age and just let him get over it....I know that my husbnad would like for me to do the same that  your wife does for  you, but i am not confidnet enuff in myself to do that...we have been married for almost 6 years now and have two kids...sometimes i think that he is comparing me to the women that he spends time looking at when he is online checkin out the porn!!!!  if this relates to anyone,please respond 

I am a 44 yr old who has been married to my husband for 24 years.  We have 2 children.  A boy who is 12 and the other boy who is 20 and in college.  We were high school sweethearts.  My husband is the only one I've ever been with.  Our first time was not a pleasant one.  He basically forced me to have sex with him.  I really did not want to.  When we first got married our sex life was okay.  He worked nights and I worked days.  I remember dressing up in a cute neglige and waiting for him to get home.  There were times that he wanted to have sex and I didn't and he would get really mad.  A few times he ripped my clothes because he got mad.  We have been to a couple of councelors and things get better and then we stop going and then things get bad again.  It's like riding a REAL LONG rollercoaster.  My husband suffers from depression, in which he refuses to take medicine because he saw his mother go through being on medication, going off cold turkey, and then wanting to commit suicide.  This last christmas was awful.  You could cut the tension with a knife.  We started going to counceling again and things got better again, but we stopped going and things are getting bad again.   I get to the point that I just want out!!  He has told me that he feels he has wasted 20+ years of his life with me.  That hurts!!  We don't have sex only about once a month, if that.  When we do have sex, it is literly sex and nothing else.  His idea of foreplay is me getting into bed, ready to go to sleep, and he says "let's fool around!" and then just starts putting his hands all over me.  He complains that I don't show affection, which I probably don't because if I try to give him a hug, he has to turn it into putting his hands on my chest and butt and putting his tongue down my throat.  I just want a hug, that's it!!   I have found that he looks at porn on the internet, which I hate and I have told him, but he still does it.  A year or so ago I was looking in his email and found that he asked one of his friends to use their credit card to register on a site so he could talk to this girl.  I confronted him about it and said he wasn't really going to do it and that he never would.  I do check his email frequently, but I suspious that he has an email address I don't know about.  I could be imaging it, I don't know.  I'm just so confused as to what to do!!

I am afraid that I might be losing my almost 31 year marriage.  We have wo sons, age 28 and 30 who we are very proud of.

Wehave been through a lot of things but have always come through it together.

We are both in Law Enforcement which believe me is a challenge of its own.  Marriages don't usally last in that profession and thats if just one person is in it.

I think what started the problem is that I was involved in a serious motor vehicle accident almost ten years ago.  With that accident came a head injury (which did heal), a broken back, broken femur, tibia, fibula, arm, shoulder and back.  The doctors told my family that night that I only has a slight chance of living.  At that time my husband was very concerned and when I finally got off life-support and woke up he was great. When I first came home after a month and half of hospitalization he tried to be very helpful as I still couldn't walk yet.  These injuries continue to be difficult, every time I start to walk fairly well, my leg re-breaks - I have had several surgeries on it and each time I'm pretty much out of commission for 3-4 months.  Most of my leg is now metal and screws and gives me a hard time and almost always pain.  But I hang in there and keep trying.  He get's impatient and tells me to "grow up and get over it".  There is a "uniform chaser" (thats what we in the business call people who pretend to be interested in someone of the opposite sex because it's make them feel "important") that has been after my husband for the past 5-6 months.  He says "he's has done nothing wrong" but thats just a matter of time even though its sure not to last because she is over 15 years younger and has already been through 3 other uniforms and destroyed one other marriage.  Once thats done she just moves on to another.  I need some help in figuring out what to do.  Right now I'm just miserable and in limbo.  I don't feel like losing the last 30 years or what years there are left!     If there is an answer I don't know what it is - but I'd really like to find one!!!

I am a 44 yr old who has been married to my husband for 24 years.  We have 2 children.  A boy who is 12 and the other boy who is 20 and in college.  We were high school sweethearts.  My husband is the only one I've ever been with.  Our first time was not a pleasant one.  He basically forced me to have sex with him.  I really did not want to.  When we first got married our sex life was okay.  He worked nights and I worked days.  I remember dressing up in a cute neglige and waiting for him to get home.  There were times that he wanted to have sex and I didn't and he would get really mad.  A few times he ripped my clothes because he got mad.  We have been to a couple of councelors and things get better and then we stop going and then things get bad again.  It's like riding a REAL LONG rollercoaster.  My husband suffers from depression, in which he refuses to take medicine because he saw his mother go through being on medication, going off cold turkey, and then wanting to commit suicide.  This last christmas was awful.  You could cut the tension with a knife.  We started going to counceling again and things got better again, but we stopped going and things are getting bad again.   I get to the point that I just want out!!  He has told me that he feels he has wasted 20+ years of his life with me.  That hurts!!  We don't have sex only about once a month, if that.  When we do have sex, it is literly sex and nothing else.  His idea of foreplay is me getting into bed, ready to go to sleep, and he says "let's fool around!" and then just starts putting his hands all over me.  He complains that I don't show affection, which I probably don't because if I try to give him a hug, he has to turn it into putting his hands on my chest and butt and putting his tongue down my throat.  I just want a hug, that's it!!   I have found that he looks at porn on the internet, which I hate and I have told him, but he still does it.  A year or so ago I was looking in his email and found that he asked one of his friends to use their credit card to register on a site so he could talk to this girl.  I confronted him about it and said he wasn't really going to do it and that he never would.  I do check his email frequently, but I suspious that he has an email address I don't know about.  I could be imaging it, I don't know.  I'm just so confused as to what to do!!