Quote From: ndbblessed I have had an off and on relationship with someone who is almost nine years older than me. Every time we break up, he comes back stating that this time it would be different and that he will not get 'chicken' as he put it and will stick with the relationship. It seems like the relationship goes well when I "act uninterested", he talks about living together and settling down; however, as soon as I exhibit some interest, he begins to talk about we are moving too fast and he is not ready to marry. I am soo tired of the ups and down, I don't know if I am coming or going. Both him and I agree not to have sexual relations until "he" knows what he wants. However, he states that he doesn't want me to see anyone else and he won't see anyone. He states that he wants me but he just doesn't want to be married since he has been married before and divorced due to his ex-wife cheating on him. Right now, I have been emotionally withdrawing from this relationship because I cannot deal with the pain. But to be honest, I feel so connected to him and when I see him and vice versa, you can see the chemistry, it feels like a magnet - where we get drawn to each other. Any suggestions????
So you've been seeing this guy for a few months and have broken up a few times already as he isn't ready to settle down yet. When you act iuninterested, he gets scared and wants you back. I have a few questions.
1. You've only dated less than a year, what is the rush??? Why are you moving so fast?
2. You take him back after he's told you things will be different. What has he done in his life that
makes you believe things will change? Has he been to counseling?
3. Why would you agree to not date anybody else? He can not promise you a future together,
but he doesn't want anyone else to have you.
If the roller coaster ride is more than you can handle then I suggest you cut all ties, heal from your wounds and then move on. Or you can stop putting pressure on him, let him heal from his previous marriage and then see where things go from there. You two have not been dating very long I gather since you just moved there, why can't you just casually date him and others and see what happens. Take the pressure off him, he's not ready for a committment and will continue to run whenever you bring up the subject. But at the same time, I wouldn't put all my eggs in one basket - get out there and date other people. Ask him to go to counseling for himself, he needs to get over his previous marriage and trust issues - emotional baggage can ruin all of his future relationships.
