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Topic : He/She Won't Commit!

Number of Replies: 787
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Sunday, September 17, 2006, 04:12:30 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Is your relationship on the rocks because your mate won't commit? Are you more like friends than partners? How long should you date someone before some sort of commitment is expected? Share your stories and advice here.

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June 24, 2009, 6:02 pm CDT

should i just let go

my name is stephanie i live in palmdale & i meet this one which his name is irvin its been 2 years that we known eachother but only dated for acouple of months.but now we are both single we still talk on the phone like if were still together but the truth is i really do love this guy i cant seem to get over him he tells me he cares about he gives me advise when im upseat.but what i raelly want is to get him back into my life.ive been waiting for so long he has me thinking that we are ganna get back together some day but honestly im tired of waiting and thinking that he does care about me.when i try talking to him about this he gets mad and tells me why im i always bringing up the same thing.and i tell him well beacause my feelingf count to.and he'LL jst stop texting me intill the next day or sometimes it lastes more then a week with out him texting or calling me.and then when he decides to text or call he just pretends like nothing happen..and as much as i try to move on i cant because my mind is always on him i love this guy sooo much its just to hard for  me.

 

but my question is:

if i should keep on waiting to see where this leads to.??

or should i just forget about him even though its ganna take a while.??

 
June 25, 2009, 11:33 pm CDT

Please Help!!

I have been dating my boyfriend for five years on and off.. The first year was perfect and I fell in love completely. After a while he started having really bad commitment issues and kept wanting to take breaks.. He has broken up with me SEVERAL times, and some of them have gotten messy ( he started chatting online with a woman and was going to meet up with her and also almost had sex with another girl) We always end up getting back together and I know that I want to be with him and still love him, but he continues to have commitment issues.

 

The last time we broke up I said enough is enough and I tried to move on, but he was ver persistant on getting back together, so I gave it another try. Since getting back together, he is still unwilling to commit. For example, I "live" in a townhome with my friend, and our lease is up. I havent stayed at my own house in over 3 months and he still wont let me move in.  Every time I mention it he gets angry.

 

This relationship has really taken a toll on my self esteem I never feel good enough and I am starting to worry that I will never fully recover from this rocky relationship unless he ends up committing.

 

Please Help! I need some advise.

 

 

 
June 25, 2009, 11:36 pm CDT

He/She Won't Commit!

Quote From: lolly15

my name is stephanie i live in palmdale & i meet this one which his name is irvin its been 2 years that we known eachother but only dated for acouple of months.but now we are both single we still talk on the phone like if were still together but the truth is i really do love this guy i cant seem to get over him he tells me he cares about he gives me advise when im upseat.but what i raelly want is to get him back into my life.ive been waiting for so long he has me thinking that we are ganna get back together some day but honestly im tired of waiting and thinking that he does care about me.when i try talking to him about this he gets mad and tells me why im i always bringing up the same thing.and i tell him well beacause my feelingf count to.and he'LL jst stop texting me intill the next day or sometimes it lastes more then a week with out him texting or calling me.and then when he decides to text or call he just pretends like nothing happen..and as much as i try to move on i cant because my mind is always on him i love this guy sooo much its just to hard for  me.

 

but my question is:

if i should keep on waiting to see where this leads to.??

or should i just forget about him even though its ganna take a while.??

This sounds very similar to my situation. And I wish I could give you some good advise, but the truth is that untill we hear a clear cut YES or NO answer, I dont think we will be able to move on. I think the best thing to do is to keep bringing it up, if he would just address the issue at hand the conversation would not keep getting brought up. So stay strong because you dont want to always have that what if in your head.
 
July 3, 2009, 2:54 pm CDT

Help...?

I've never been good at dating or commiting to a relationship because I'd always have an excuse as to why the relationship won't work. I think it's partly due because I'm afraid of rejection. All humans crave to belong and be wanted and loved, yet the sometimes the fear of being hurt can keep us from even trying. I've only had one person that I wanted to have a serious relationship with that turned out to be an unrequited love. Since then, I've had relationships that last only a few months or less and I'm not sure how to break the cycle.
 
August 1, 2009, 8:40 pm CDT

Nxxt Steps

Hello, I need advice. I am in my mid 30s and am dating a man in his early 40s.  He has been divorced for a few years and hastwo kids one of which he has full custody. We have been dating for 3 months and things are good.  He is attentive, has introduced me to hisfamily, calls me daily, and treats me like his girlfriend.  Here is the problem.  I asked him what we were doing because he does treat me like his girlfriend, but I’m not. He told me that he really had not thought about it.  He further went on to explain that it was complex and that I could never imagine (1 young son that lives with ex-wife that despises him).  He told me how wonderful I was and how he enjoys spending all his time with me but hasn’t thought about it.  I left the subject alone.  Things have not changed he still acts as if I’m his girlfriend.  I am afraid that we want different things – (hes been married before 10 years and I haven't) although he assures me that he is fully aware of what  I want.  He asked me and I told him and he told me that he could give me those things in time.  The challenge is that I want a commitment that we are in a relationship and according to him he hasnt thought about it.  One clear thing I know is that he does care about me and there is not another person.   
 

 
August 4, 2009, 12:28 pm CDT

He/She Won't Commit!

Quote From: m049ur

I have been dating my boyfriend for five years on and off.. The first year was perfect and I fell in love completely. After a while he started having really bad commitment issues and kept wanting to take breaks.. He has broken up with me SEVERAL times, and some of them have gotten messy ( he started chatting online with a woman and was going to meet up with her and also almost had sex with another girl) We always end up getting back together and I know that I want to be with him and still love him, but he continues to have commitment issues.

 

The last time we broke up I said enough is enough and I tried to move on, but he was ver persistant on getting back together, so I gave it another try. Since getting back together, he is still unwilling to commit. For example, I "live" in a townhome with my friend, and our lease is up. I havent stayed at my own house in over 3 months and he still wont let me move in.  Every time I mention it he gets angry.

 

This relationship has really taken a toll on my self esteem I never feel good enough and I am starting to worry that I will never fully recover from this rocky relationship unless he ends up committing.

 

Please Help! I need some advise.

 

 

You keep going back because this has taken a toll on your self esteem and you don't think you deserve better. As hard as it may seem to let this guy go, there will be someone else out there for you that treats you the right way. I say leave this guy high and dry and move on, If it helps get out of your city for a week or weekend, this should help clear your head
 
August 5, 2009, 8:02 am CDT

help, so confused!

I have no idea what to do in my situation. I've been dating this guy for close to 4 months now. the beginning was great, then he found out he was going to get laid off from his job, because of that fact he decided that we needed to take a step back in our relationship and because I didn't want ot lose him I agreed to his fact, not knowing how hard it would become. It's not the same as it was before, some days I feel like we're f*** friends, others like we're dating, others like we're serious. It's my choice to keep puttin up with this but I am at my limit. I'm going out of town for a week and while I'm away I plan to think about what I really want, and see how things are when I get back. Any advice in this matter would be greatly appreciated.

 

I should add that I feel as though I am running out of options, the city I live in is not very big, and I'm a tall girl at 6'0, and prefer my guys to be taller than me, and preferrably older, and as I get older this seems harder and harder to find. I don't want to be alone all my life but I also don't want to be in a relationship that I'm not happy in. HELP!!!

 
August 5, 2009, 12:59 pm CDT

She likes to push guys away...


I started dating this wonderful woman about 2 weeks ago. She warned me that she likes to push guys away once she feels they are getting too close. She said it's a good sign that she's warning me and even told me what signs to look out for. She also said that if I start to see these signs to tell her to snap out of it, etc. Her reasoning is because she's been hurt real bad in the past, twice, and it's hard for her to open herself back up to somebody.

Can anybody please explain why she would do such behavior if she likes somebody so much? Also, what things can I do do make her not push me away?

Thanks in advance!
 
August 6, 2009, 11:34 pm CDT

tired of dancing alone

Not sure if Im using the right topic..but Im a 44 yr old divorced for 3yrs now been seeing a gentleman for about 2yrs I really care about him but he he treat our relationship like a relationship but say's its not ..he say that he is not my man or boyfriend ...he say's that we are good friends BFF but we do everything as if we are dating...and he say's we are not.  He claim he has feelings for me but wont express them only in bed....we are committed to each other sexually and I know he is not with any other woman and I the same but he just seem to not want to look at what we have for what it is.....and Im getting sick of it...he make little commits as if we are just friends ...I spend alot of time at his place and he at mine.  Im really starting to love him but at times I feel like im in this alone.  He only tell certain people about me and others he dont.  He consider hisself single....but how we carry on we are in a relationship...which he say's we not...he just keep telling me to be patient and let nature take its course....I would think by now a person would know what they want.  Im really thinking about ending it but dont want to jump the gun....but Im tired of feeling like Im dancing alone.

I even asked him what if a woman find interest in him and ask him out or ask him if he seeing someone..he told me he would say he is not seeing anyone but dont have time for dating.

Im so confused!!!!!!!!!!
 
August 9, 2009, 4:36 am CDT

Don't try to make too much out of this.

Quote From: walrat025


I started dating this wonderful woman about 2 weeks ago. She warned me that she likes to push guys away once she feels they are getting too close. She said it's a good sign that she's warning me and even told me what signs to look out for. She also said that if I start to see these signs to tell her to snap out of it, etc. Her reasoning is because she's been hurt real bad in the past, twice, and it's hard for her to open herself back up to somebody.

Can anybody please explain why she would do such behavior if she likes somebody so much? Also, what things can I do do make her not push me away?

Thanks in advance!

Because what she is saying is this: She has /had trust issues and people disappointed her greatly. Trust is definately going to be damaged and will need to be worked on by doing things, meeting people, and using her logic not emotions, the pick and choose who is to be trusted, and whom isn't. She is also saying she has committment fears and she is aware of her "pushing people away" . Again, this is a choice. It may be her way of using the past disappointments, and remaining victim to them. We sometimes like to attach ourselves to things that are not productive to our well being.

 

I don't think she will have a hard time opening up to you because I think she found the perfect person to try to pull her out of this. But be careful too . Because she may be also telling you she has such trust issues, that she even "does not trust herself!!!"  Remember, the mirror??????? Or do you not know about the mirror??? :)

 

Oh by the way. How do you know she is the most wonderful woman you ever met? Two weeks is all it takes to convince you of being so great???? What is your track record with relationships with other people???Do you usually have short term or long term relationships?

 
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