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Topic : He/She Won't Commit!

Number of Replies: 787
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Created on : Sunday, September 17, 2006, 04:12:30 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Is your relationship on the rocks because your mate won't commit? Are you more like friends than partners? How long should you date someone before some sort of commitment is expected? Share your stories and advice here.

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September 24, 2006, 3:14 pm CDT

Confused about relationship

Quote From: jaimie1974

You said that you feel that you are pushing him to make time to be with you- my advice for you is this: the next time you are together, dont say anything about plans to see one another again, wait for him to do it! This will tell you a lot. You dont want to be too eager, you want him to want to be with you, right? So, give him the chance to step up and make plans with you. Perhaps he doesnt do it because he knows you will- so give him the chance. If he doesnt step up at that time and say something, dont worry; give him time. He has already told you to be patient with him, so you need to be patient! You can only learn how to be patient by being patient. Best wishes!
Thankyou for making me feel a little better and I will sure try your advice.  I want to be patient but I also am afraid if we don't see one other that he will just as soon forget me.  He is worth trying to wait until I know what he wants but I don't want to feel used or confused.
 
September 24, 2006, 4:29 pm CDT

What do I do?

Hi all:

     I have been in a predominantly online relationship with a wonderful woman for about seven months.  The problem is, she is married.  She says she needs to try and make it work with him because of the kids, yet, she also says she's in love with me.  I have tried to break it off before and so has she but the feelings we have for each other seem to be too strong...

At 24, I am ready to commit to something serious so what should I do?

 

 
September 25, 2006, 1:50 am CDT

He/She Won't Commit!

Quote From: drphilfan247

Hi all:

     I have been in a predominantly online relationship with a wonderful woman for about seven months.  The problem is, she is married.  She says she needs to try and make it work with him because of the kids, yet, she also says she's in love with me.  I have tried to break it off before and so has she but the feelings we have for each other seem to be too strong...

At 24, I am ready to commit to something serious so what should I do?

 

Hi... From personal experince I can tell you that firstly she is not going to leave her family for you... no matter what she says... secondly she and her husband have kids together a bond that they will share for life.... Can you deal with the extra baggage... Do you want to?

Thirdly a relationship that starts from infedility never works...if they can do it with you they can do it to you... Sorry dont mean to be hard but the truth is you have your entire life infront of you.... I believe the people we meet the relationships we get involved in are there to teach us important life lessons and help us be better people..... Good Luck

 
September 25, 2006, 2:00 am CDT

He/She Won't Commit!

Quote From: janessaluv

Hello. My name is Janessa. I'm 26 years old (almost 27). I married my high school sweetheart in 2001 and we divorced in December of last year because he cheated. So we were together a total of almost 9 years. I left him last May.

 

Istarted dating a wonderful man in September of last year. So we have been together for a year now. He is 32 and divorced his wife in Februrary of this year, also due to infidelity issues - she also cheated. They were together 11 years.

 

Here is where it gets sticky. He has a 5 year old son (almost 6 years). After they had a child, he had a vasectomy. I have no children, but have always wanted children. I have never thought of not having children at some point. He, on the other hand, only planned on having one child and now he's not sure if he 1, wants to ever get remarried and 2, if he wants to have more children.

Having babies is not something I am really worried about, because if he had a reversal and it didn't work, we would adopt, but none of that matters if he doesn't want children at all. He thinks he will get there, but it will take time. How much time?

 

So my question is, how long do you wait for someone? I really love him and I understand that we have not been together all that long, but I would like to know if this is going to work out or if it is worth my time. Why should I stay with someone who doesn't want the same things I do? What if I wait and then he decides he doesn't want to ever get married again or have children? Then I'll get hurt too. I am just at such a loss as to what to do. We have talked about breaking up, in fact, we were on the verge of it last week, but neither one of us feels good about just walking away.

 

We have been through a lot and continue to go through a lot with his ex-wife and the issues with her and his son. That's more baggage and hard on me too. I think he's worth it, but then what if my goals, hopes and dreams are never met? Any advice?

 

Thanks so much for reading.

 

 Janessa

Thats difficult.... I guess the question you have to ask yourself is.... what do you want...what do you need and what's going to make you happy... I know it sounds selfish but think of it this way if you not happy with yourself and situation how are you going to contribute to making the people in your life happy.... Life is to short for regrets be happy all the time...time lost is never gained.... Are you happy....
 
September 25, 2006, 8:33 am CDT

He/She Won't Commit!

Quote From: drphilfan247

Hi all:

     I have been in a predominantly online relationship with a wonderful woman for about seven months.  The problem is, she is married.  She says she needs to try and make it work with him because of the kids, yet, she also says she's in love with me.  I have tried to break it off before and so has she but the feelings we have for each other seem to be too strong...

At 24, I am ready to commit to something serious so what should I do?

 

What should you do?  It is obvious , dude!   SHE IS MARRIED!!!!    Move on-
 
September 25, 2006, 8:39 am CDT

Will he ever be ready to commit?

I was married for 14 years and have been divorced for 3 years.  I steered clear of men and dating.  I just needed to recover from the divorce.  Two years ago, Imet my "significant other".  When he asked me out to dinner, I was excitied, but scared, too.  Did I really want to start all over again?  I went to dinner with him and we hit it off immediately. I have a soon-to-be 16 year-old son.  My significant other and I have been commuting serveral times a week to see each other (about 30 minutes each way).  We have a great time together and we have both stated we want to share the rest of our lives together.  He has never been married and has no children.  He wants children.  I'm 38 and he's 31.  His family loves me and my son and my family feels the same.  Now, the problem:  He does not believe in marriage, per say.  There are times when he says he may consider it, and even if he does, he would never wear a ring because he doesn't hink men should wear jewelry.  He said it would feel wierd to have a ring on all the time.  We've discussed living together, but he isn't ready for that yet.  He said he's worried about how he and my son would get along.  He is very generous with us.  We go to dinner, take vacations and love spending time together.  He is, though, a workaholic.  He works 6, sometimes 7 days a week, 12-14 hours per day.  It's difficult sometimes to plan anything because there's never any certainty with him.  I'd like to think "I've been there, done that", but I sometimes feel as though I'm not good enough for him.  Why else would he not commit?  I feel like he has the best of both worlds.  I cook, clean, run errands for him, etc.  Make no mistake, he does a lot of things for me, too, but I feel like there is no incentive for him to ever marry me.  It's not that I'm in a rush to get married again, but just knowing that he desires to marry me would make me feel great.  Do I sit and wait forever?  I'm no slouch.  I have a steady, professional job, am attractive and like to think I have a good head on my shoulders.  Is he just immature?  Or is he waiting for something better to come along?
 
September 25, 2006, 11:42 am CDT

He/She Won't Commit!

Quote From: joejoe

Hi... From personal experince I can tell you that firstly she is not going to leave her family for you... no matter what she says... secondly she and her husband have kids together a bond that they will share for life.... Can you deal with the extra baggage... Do you want to?

Thirdly a relationship that starts from infedility never works...if they can do it with you they can do it to you... Sorry dont mean to be hard but the truth is you have your entire life infront of you.... I believe the people we meet the relationships we get involved in are there to teach us important life lessons and help us be better people..... Good Luck

Hi:

     Thanks for the advice, I have been leaning that way for awhile now and think it's time

 
September 25, 2006, 11:54 am CDT

He/She Won't Commit!

Quote From: hotnychick

What should you do?  It is obvious , dude!   SHE IS MARRIED!!!!    Move on-

Hi:

     I would say that you have to do what will make you happy as well.  I also understand, however, the feeling that you have about waiting on him.  At the end of the day, do what is best for you. 

Ron.

 
September 26, 2006, 6:32 am CDT

He/She Won't Commit!

Quote From: drphilfan247

Hi:

     Thanks for the advice, I have been leaning that way for awhile now and think it's time

I basically said the same thing to you-  Move on-The woman is married-  Time to move on-  

And you are welcomed for the advice I  gave you-  

 
September 27, 2006, 2:28 pm CDT

He loves me, he loves me not

I've been dating my boyfriend for 10 months.  I realized that I was in love with him when he was diagnosed with a serious illness.  He, however, does not love me.  After 10 month, he only really really likes me.   This is not good enough for me.  He claims to have been hurt before (e.g., his parent’s divorce, previous girlfriend of only 4 months, etc.).  How long do I wait?!?  I’ve never been happier so walking away is not an option BUT at the same time, I deserve more.  It’s not like we are rushing into this relationship—it’s almost been one year (my parents were married after one year!).  What should I do?  How long do I wait?

 
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