Topic : Relationship Myths

I find these message boards really confusting to read. Its like everything is just jumbled together and u have to read the same messages over and over. Dont mean to complain, but just thought I would say that.....Sorry

I usually post on the abuse board but was looking around the boards today.  I don't know if this will help ya', but, my h is mean, angry, not nice and doesn't smile.  I have come to realize he is controlling and emotionally, verbally, financailly & mentally abusive to me.  I am a SHM for 12 yrs and am trying to divorce my h b/c I can't live like this anymore nor do I want my two children to think that this is the way a marrriage is.  The thing with my situation is, my h being controlling and all, hasn't moved out and won't agree to anything in the divorce.  I feel like I am living a mental, emotional hell.  Well, I don't know what my point is except for you to explore all possibilities and sometimes it helps to have someone to talk to (or post to!!).   Good luck & best wishes.

Your life sounds like mine. I want him to leave, but he wont. He now threatens that I will not use his money to pay for anything. I dont get much, but I will not be able to pay for everything. Are you just so sick of looking at your husbands face?  Always mad at something. I feel the same way you do about showing my son that this is not the way life should be. He will fight me on everything, and I know he will not leave me alone. I also feel like I am living in HELL sometimes, and there is no way out.  Good Luck to you too and keep posting. Its nice to know someone feels the way I do. You take care too....

Try checking out the abuse boards, it has helped me TREMEDOUSLY!  Since I have been a SHM, the money is "HIS"-he has even charged me for a postage stamp!!  He wanted to have me commited to the psych hospital last summer b/c he found out I had a credit card behind his back.  He called both of our parents to try and help him commit me, luckily my parents didnt' buy his crap and encouraged me to talk to a lawyer.  I have been in support groups at the Domestic Violence shelter, individual counseling, and have not looked back since!  It has been very hard but I can not live like this anymore in a loveless, respectless, just plain bad marriage nor can I continue to let my children (boy age 12 & girl age 10) think that THIS is the way a marriage works.  This board, the abuse one, has also been a huge help.  Now that I know I am in an abusive marriage and I don't have to "settle" for it anymore, I am on a forward journey-tough as it may be.  Let me know how you are doing and if I can help. Livestrong...........................................

Yes, I am sick of looking at my h's face so I took down all of the pictures in the house b/c I couldn't stand walking around the house and seeing him staring at me!!! LOL

Yes, thats a good idea. I had a picture on the fridge of him and myself and I put a magnet over his face so I dont have to look at him. It sounds so terrible, but I cant help the way I feel. This is fun having someone to talk to. How old are you anyway?  Keep posting....

  

Thanks for the support!  I do feel I am hardworking but yes, I am also my worst enemy.  I doubt myself too many times and that opens me up to more stress.  The youngest child was mine but he adopted him and was thrilled.  I try to tell myself that it is inexperience that is crippling me at time, but I am also a patient person-sometimes too much so.  I am always telling him that my children are my purpose and I do hope he will feel that way someday!!!!!!!  Until then, I am going to continue to try and do what I need to do but hope that someday soon that there will be some time left for me to recharge-I just hope I don't burn out first. 

You're not suppose to ask a woman her age! LOL ! I am 40, as is my h.  We met when we were 18-so young!  I feel like I have been married for a life time already.  I am swearing off men for twenty years-this one has been too painful and devasting, I don't ever want to go through this again, I just want to raise my kids to be responsible, healthy adults.  By the way, in addition to not moving out, my  workaholic, abusive, non-involved h wants full custody of the kids whom don't want to do anything with him.  I look at him and don't know what I ever saw in him to want to marry him!  It's fun talkin' to ya' too!! Thank you!:-)

Sorry for asking your age. You guys have been together a long time. Me and my h have been together like 14 years all together. Looking back now, it seems like such a waste. The only thing that is good is that I have my son. My h this morning told me that if he leaves our home, I will not get a cent from him until I take him to court. What an idiot. I too, wonder what in the hell I was thinking when I hung myself and got married. Never again will I get married. Your kids know whats going on. My son is the same way. He doesnt even bother going around his father. Do u have msn? Talk to you later.

Newfiegirl, it's ok about asking my age-I was just joking :-)!  No, I do not have msn, why? Yeah, my children know what's going on.  My h and I have been going at this for a year in October & we have been to court 4 times already.  We were ordered to go to "co-parenting" classes, family counseling and our kids were appointed a lawyer guardian that we took them to talk to.  I feel like I am spinning my wheels right now.  He won't negotiate or agree on anything!  I just want him OUT!!  But b/c he is so controlling, he left he would have no control over me & the kids.  I can't do anything on the weekends with the kids b/c he is claiming that I am alienating them from him and over scheduling their weekends when he could have "parenting time" with them. What crap.  But go ahead and ask me what he does with them-NOTHING!  I know what you mean about feeling like it's been a waste of time, I feel like I wasted half my life with him.  The ONLY good that has come out of it my two kids (and I guess I learned a hard lesson).  Have you looked a the abuse or divorce boards here?