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Topic : Relationship Myths

Number of Replies: 977
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:02:55 pm
Author : dataimport
Think there's something wrong with your marriage because it doesn't go along with one of the common relationship myths that Dr. Phil outlines in "Relationship Rescue"?

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September 16, 2005, 8:09 am CDT

websites

Maybe some of these sites can help (courtesy of Q) www.leavingabuse.com, www.divorcenet.com, www.womenslaw.org.
 
September 16, 2005, 10:58 am CDT

Want to Swap Email Addresses...

Quote From: gaktstoner

Newfiegirl, it's ok about asking my age-I was just joking :-)!  No, I do not have msn, why? Yeah, my children know what's going on.  My h and I have been going at this for a year in October & we have been to court 4 times already.  We were ordered to go to "co-parenting" classes, family counseling and our kids were appointed a lawyer guardian that we took them to talk to.  I feel like I am spinning my wheels right now.  He won't negotiate or agree on anything!  I just want him OUT!!  But b/c he is so controlling, he left he would have no control over me & the kids.  I can't do anything on the weekends with the kids b/c he is claiming that I am alienating them from him and over scheduling their weekends when he could have "parenting time" with them. What crap.  But go ahead and ask me what he does with them-NOTHING!  I know what you mean about feeling like it's been a waste of time, I feel like I wasted half my life with him.  The ONLY good that has come out of it my two kids (and I guess I learned a hard lesson).  Have you looked a the abuse or divorce boards here?
I was just wondering if you had msn or hotmail, so we could chat instantly online. That would be cool. There are just some things that u dont want everyone reading, you know?  If you do have hotmail or msn, we could communicate back and forth instantly. Hope everything is well with you. I havent been home much today, so I dont feel so stressed. I know how u feel. I just want mine out too, but he got a hangover now and has been laying on the couch all day. Good God....He doesnt do a thing with our 7 year old either. Just in his own self pity world...Good for Him...Talk to u soon.
 
September 19, 2005, 9:39 am CDT

Hi Newfiegirl! d

How was your weekend? Mine was busy.  saturday my daughter had a football game to cheer at and neither child wanted to ride with their dad in his car! (they never want to-especially our daughter).  On sunday I took the kids ice skating while their dad mowed the grass!!  The rest of the weekend, my h sat and watched tv or did work on his laptop.  He's just so busy, no time for kid stuff.  Yet he wants full custody!  Ask me who gets the kids showered, teeth brushed and reads to them every night??? I bet I can count on ONE hand the number of times their father has bathed them AND/OR changed their diapers (when they were in diapers ofcoarse!) and the kids are 12 & 10!!!!  I hate the weekends b/c he is here and if I do anything with the kids, he claims that I am alienating them from him or oversheduling their weekends so he can't have any parenting time.  Sorry if I'm a little ruffled today.  My e-mail does let me instant message my mom in another state and I don't have hotmail or msn-maybe it'll work for us???  Hope you had a good weekend.
 
September 19, 2005, 4:05 pm CDT

My husband

  

  

   My h is lazy He won't help me around the house he uses the excuss that it is his day off.He won't help out unless I make him or I get mad.we have three kids he says he does like to disapline cause he is not the fatherly type.When we are around frinds or his family his is the perfect fother and h.His family think he is the perfect father and give him all the credit for rasing the kids and Iam looked at as if I do nothing when I am doing it all.all he does is work, pay bill.eat. sleep and drive the kids arond if I make him. its like I am dragging him on a rope.I have on one  acation told him that if he doesn't start acting like a father and h I am going to leave him when the kids are gone.All he says is yea right you don't have the guts.not one would wont you.When I try to talk to him about his no suppert problem he make me feel like it my fault im piking on him he has done nothing wrong.and he looks at me as if he has no idea why this should upset me shrugs and says oh well.I don't understand.and tells me about his moms and dads perfect marrage even though his dad died of old age when he was a small child.He wants me  to get a full time job I want a part time on he said that he won't help I know he wont he never did before when I worked full time.just spouting off to day.furustrated.so am I right in getting just a part time one. 

 
September 19, 2005, 5:10 pm CDT

Hi, Missed You All Weekend.

Quote From: gaktstoner

How was your weekend? Mine was busy.  saturday my daughter had a football game to cheer at and neither child wanted to ride with their dad in his car! (they never want to-especially our daughter).  On sunday I took the kids ice skating while their dad mowed the grass!!  The rest of the weekend, my h sat and watched tv or did work on his laptop.  He's just so busy, no time for kid stuff.  Yet he wants full custody!  Ask me who gets the kids showered, teeth brushed and reads to them every night??? I bet I can count on ONE hand the number of times their father has bathed them AND/OR changed their diapers (when they were in diapers ofcoarse!) and the kids are 12 & 10!!!!  I hate the weekends b/c he is here and if I do anything with the kids, he claims that I am alienating them from him or oversheduling their weekends so he can't have any parenting time.  Sorry if I'm a little ruffled today.  My e-mail does let me instant message my mom in another state and I don't have hotmail or msn-maybe it'll work for us???  Hope you had a good weekend.
Hello, glad to hear that you've kept busy all weekend. Thats good. Me too. My mom babysitted for me Friday night and I went out with a friend. My h moved out this evening. I am very happy, but also nervous about the money situation now. He gets a cheque tomorrow, so I guess thats why he left - so he wont have to give me any. Jerk!!!  My email is sherilee68@msn.com if u ever want to email me. I feel so peaceful tonight.  I am looking into a job, so I can earn more money. I hope you can get so lucky soon.  When I came home this evening, he had our wedding pictures tore up on the floor. How childish. I am kind of scared now, especially when he will be drinking. I know how angry and hateful he can get. My son is here and seems happy. He always is when he is with me anyway. My h is only moved across the road with his parents, so my problems may only be beginning. Hopefully, I am wrong. Well take care. Talk to u soon...
 
September 20, 2005, 6:15 am CDT

Hey Debra

Quote From: debrasatt

  

  

   My h is lazy He won't help me around the house he uses the excuss that it is his day off.He won't help out unless I make him or I get mad.we have three kids he says he does like to disapline cause he is not the fatherly type.When we are around frinds or his family his is the perfect fother and h.His family think he is the perfect father and give him all the credit for rasing the kids and Iam looked at as if I do nothing when I am doing it all.all he does is work, pay bill.eat. sleep and drive the kids arond if I make him. its like I am dragging him on a rope.I have on one  acation told him that if he doesn't start acting like a father and h I am going to leave him when the kids are gone.All he says is yea right you don't have the guts.not one would wont you.When I try to talk to him about his no suppert problem he make me feel like it my fault im piking on him he has done nothing wrong.and he looks at me as if he has no idea why this should upset me shrugs and says oh well.I don't understand.and tells me about his moms and dads perfect marrage even though his dad died of old age when he was a small child.He wants me  to get a full time job I want a part time on he said that he won't help I know he wont he never did before when I worked full time.just spouting off to day.furustrated.so am I right in getting just a part time one. 

I am sorry to hear about your frustration w/your h.  I totally understand where you are coming from.  I am a SHM of 12 yrs and all my h did until a year ago when I filed for divorce, was work.  I can count on 1 hand how many times he had changed a diaper or bathed the kids-we have a 12 y/o boy & a 10 y/o girl.  actually, he still doesnt; do much with them!  Unfortunately, the kids are missing out on having an involved dad and he is missing out on raising and bonding with two great kids! My h is also abusive (not physical, but everything else).  Maybe some of the info on the abuse board could give you some insight on your h's behavior-it's NOT YOU!!! 
 
September 20, 2005, 6:20 am CDT

Hello again newfiegirl!

Quote From: newfiegirl

Hello, glad to hear that you've kept busy all weekend. Thats good. Me too. My mom babysitted for me Friday night and I went out with a friend. My h moved out this evening. I am very happy, but also nervous about the money situation now. He gets a cheque tomorrow, so I guess thats why he left - so he wont have to give me any. Jerk!!!  My email is sherilee68@msn.com if u ever want to email me. I feel so peaceful tonight.  I am looking into a job, so I can earn more money. I hope you can get so lucky soon.  When I came home this evening, he had our wedding pictures tore up on the floor. How childish. I am kind of scared now, especially when he will be drinking. I know how angry and hateful he can get. My son is here and seems happy. He always is when he is with me anyway. My h is only moved across the road with his parents, so my problems may only be beginning. Hopefully, I am wrong. Well take care. Talk to u soon...
Bet you had a good time out w/friends!!  Woohoo, your his out-even if it's across the street, you still have "your space" from him.  That was cruel of him to rip up your wedding pics.  What are you scared of when he drinks?  Have you talked w/a lawyer yet? He still has to provide for you and HIS son financially-you may be able to file  temp support papers that make him pay you child support while you guys are seperated.  I'll e-mail my addres to ya'.
 
September 29, 2005, 1:32 pm CDT

My H

  

  

    My h cought a bad cold.He sat around the house and winned.It drove me nuts.I know hew was sick but why is he such a big baby about it.He took time from work to get better.I was sick for two weeks with a cold I ran a fever sor throat caoughed.headace.nausea.I still had to take care of the house help kids do homework.go to the school run erands on foot.cook all the meals.my kids helped out some. I dont dare tell my h iam sick cause he just yells at me them makes a statement to the effect well I am never sick your sick all the time.So I never say anything to him when I am.just plug along and do things that need to be done cause he wouldn't help me out if I were diying.that fact O have been very ill a few times he never lefted a finger to help just complained about the house the kids and who was going to fix dinner and that he was suppose to do anything with the kids it was my job not his i was mom.So I nver tell him iam sick even if i can't hardly walk i just make sure kids are taken care of house is clean and the meals are cooked.Are all men such big babies or is it just mine.to day iam in pain and need to see the doctor I will make an apointment today to see if I can get in.Iam not sure what is going on.I can't tell my h though he might think he has to do something. jlust bitching today.need to air out my mad. 

 
September 29, 2005, 2:52 pm CDT

I s my marriage over?

A brief summary...20 plus years of marriage, 2 amazing young adult children, no infidelity, good provider, good intimacy...but for years he just hasn't been there to support me.  He left during both labors, watered trees when I begged to talk to him when my parents were ill, wanted to leave for an eye appointment as we were walking from my mom's burial site, and so much more...   We raised our kids to believe that we were virgins when we were married.  When my husband had the sex talk with our son prior to his college departure, he revealed to my (virgin) son that not only were we not virgins, but that we had been with other people.  It stunned our son and has left me with now having to also tell our daughter (older).  He just keeps saying he's sorry and then just hurting me again and again.  He just keeps saying I need to forgive and forget.  Am I wrong or is the repetition a sign of a more significant pattern of lack of concern/love/caring.  I really don't believe I'm the one for him-if I was he'd love and protect me.  Please give me some response. 

 
September 29, 2005, 10:16 pm CDT

changing yourself could change your life

For years, my husband and I, seemed to just live under the same roof.  He is a wonderful father to our 5 children and has changed hundreds of diapers.  I was diagnosed with cancer in March.  I had my last surgery in August.  5 days after my surgery my husband left me.  He said he didn't love me and wanted a divorce.  Instead of dwelling on how horrible it was for him to leave me, I took a long look at my part of our relationship.  People show love in many different ways.  My husband has always been very affectionate.  I am not at all.  In fact, when he would hug me I would just stand there.  Sex was my way of expressing love but due to his feelings of rejection, he started rejecting me in this area.  My husband seemed to always be leaving.  He would go fishing or play drums.  He used to ask me to go but I refused.  I was jealous.  I decided I couldn't change him but I could change myself.  I have learned to be more affectionate.  When my husband is going somewhere I either go or tell him to have a good time.  In return, he stays home more.  Our relationship is stronger than ever.  After all these years, I realized I am completely in love with him.  Women like to use the kids as an excuse but when they are grown and gone what you have left is your husband and we have to build strong relationships with them now so we can grow old together    
 
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