Topic : Relationship Myths

I just read a book called  For Women Only      by Shaunti Feldhahn 

I am wondering what others that have read it have felt about its content ? 

I think it should be a women beware, due to its way of poisoning our thinking that 

sapossedly the way men are programmed we are to just except that they are cheaters 

and to just learn to deal with that fact. Feed back would be deeply appreciated. 

I'm venting in anonymosity because I chose not to talk about my marriage problems with friends and relatives.  They're probably tired of my "crying wolf" when it comes to crying about my marriage.  Last year I filed for divorce because my husband was an alcoholic.  He's been sober for almost a year now.  I canceled my filing for divorce because I thought he's attitude and personality would change.  He's bipolar and was an abuse foster child. He's done very well for himself though (university professor).  However, there are still some parts of him that are "broken".  He does not want children or a child.  I do however, lately , I decided not to have children with him.  I try everyday to do things to find joy in my life but it seems starting a family has been on my mind. To get my thoughts away from such disappointment, I attend a class in a local university in the morning and go to work in the evening.  Lately, I'm getting tired with school and the thoughts of starting a family or not starting a family to be precise, has been on my mind.  I'm driving myself insane!  I'm very sad...

I have not heard of this book but it sounds like it is supporting men and for women to accept that women are to just put up with crap from men? correct me if I am wrong but no way would I reccomend a book like this to any one. There is absolutley no reason for men (or women) to cheat and no reason that the other should accept this as normal and to learn to deal with it. I personally have a wonderful husabnd who has never cheated and has no desire to cheat nor do i. marriage is about two people becoming as one meaning they are partners with love and respect for one another and if the marriage is healthy and good then there will be no need to cheat. And if one does cheat then the other deserves to get upset and and to demand answers and the one cheating most definetly needs to deal with the issue by either getting help eith his selfishness and to own up to his(her) stupidity, and it takes two to make a marriage and if one decides to cheat then there is probably a reason why therefore he/she needs to give an explanation why and the other too needs to work on themselves as there is probably something lacking from both sides. Men (women) are not programmed to cheat, for God did not create them to cheat, he created them to be partners and helpmates for one another, this author needs to get a clue and not be encourage those who are married to a cheater to accept it as the norm, it is not the norm, it is a choice.

Here is the website for this book if anyone cares. I really think us women need to speak up 

and refuse to except this type of behavior. Supposedly this book is Christian oriented I have no clue  

where in the bible it says God programmed men to be this way..  

http://www.4-womenonly.com/forum.aspx 

Hi I have a situation that is somewhat unusual. Just last november my husband cheated on me with a girl he met on the internet. she is 25 yrs younger than him. In march when me and my boys were on spring break vacation my husband went to Texas and brought this girl back. we lived with my mother-inlaw so this house was hers. He rented out a room for this girl in a house not far from us. Every night he would sneek out when the kids went to sleep and sneek back in before they woke up in the morning. I had no place to go, I had to save my money to move out, so this went on for three months. I finally moved out. My 11 yr old made a request that at the time I could'nt do. He wnted me to meet her. My boys had already met her and they love her. So I knew that I had to met her.What I did'nt count on was that we would become good friends. My sister thinks that I am making a big mistake befriending her, but my kids are very happy. They don't cry at night anymore and we all get along great. 

I have heard Dr. Phil talk about the Five Relationship Deal Breakers but I have never heard him say all five of them. Could someone please tell me what they are? 

  

Thanks 

  

I have already finished half of Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue book.  I gave a copy to my husband of 16 1/2 years and now we are separated.  So far, I have found this book to be amazingly accurate. He is with is mom but plans on gettng an apartment -- thus the urgency of giving him the book.   I posted part of this on the DIVORCED section of these boards -- but it doesn't quite apply and didn't see anywhere my topic might fit. 

   

My husband has been out of the house 2 1/2 months now. We see each alot on account fo our two young teen children and people say we don't act "seperated".   Problems came out in the open a year ago -- but although I put "bandaids" on it -- neither one of us did anything to fix it although I suggested counseling but he said no.  

   

I am in counseling now since he has left.  I am hopeful -- as I honestly believe our marriage can be fixed -- he doesn't know if he wants to fix it.  If he would read this book -- he would understand that the reasons he gave me for leaving are not abnormal!!!!  

   

How do I go about fixing areas of intimacy that I know are partly my doing when he isn't around for me to try?   I was raised hearing "If sex was all that there was to a marriage your dad and I wouldn't have one"  I understand now why it was said and I did bring sexual hang-ups into the marriage.  He has his own sexual issues as well -- but again -- how to I fix it if I have been told by others that he has to make the first move.  If I come on too strong I'll scare him away? 

   

Do I wait patiently for him to come around giving him the space he wants? I've been told that he is the one who left now I must move forward and it is up to him to make all the moves. 

   

Is  it wrong to share once again my deep feelings of love and share my part of the responsibilty in where we are at?  I have already done that once (and twice)?   Again -- I have been told to back off. 

   

Any comments -- especially from male readers would be so appreciated.  Thanks.   

   

I pray inceasingly for deliverance and full restortation of my marriage -- he is a good man.  He says I am a good woman, but ... 

I just read your post and although you wrote it back in July -- I can identify with it so much!  My husband left me the 4th of August.  In the past two half months I have seen areas that I probably contributed to our relationship issues -- but I can confidently say that he has alwasy know I loved him.  He also told me that he hasn't loved me for several years -- all we have in common is the children and my faith life.  He has however, been decent in sharing with some of the running with the kids (the go to catholic school and have no buses) and giving me money to cover 1/2 tuition, child maintenance and half the cc bills (financially even with both working it has always been week to week).  Our children are 15 & 12 1/2.  I too do not want to be divorced or a single parent.  I didn't choose that for myself and I should be allowed a say.  We see each other frequently as his family as become my family (I have none of my own living here) and everything is civil..  I like you -- am keeping the doors open and prayng for a miracle! 

  

How are you doing?  Please feel free to email. gallo100358@yahoo.com 

  

  

Good for you!  I am so impressed that you were able to rise above your hurt and jealousy and do what was best for your kids!  Bravo!

You were the one who brought the children into the fight. You could have heard him out and then told him that it was time to wake the children-maybe even agreed to discuss the issue again when the kids were off to school. 

  

You were also the one who started with unfair fight tactics.  Escalating a discussion into a threat of divorce (in front of your children!) is guaranteed to cause the discussion to degenerate into anger.  His response isn't surprising at all.  

  

This sounded to me like a discussion you really couldn't face. The fact that you involved your children to avoid it is disgusting.