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Topic : Relationship Myths

Number of Replies: 977
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:02:55 pm
Author : dataimport
Think there's something wrong with your marriage because it doesn't go along with one of the common relationship myths that Dr. Phil outlines in "Relationship Rescue"?

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March 17, 2009, 9:37 pm CDT

Feeling closed in

My husband and I have been married this July for two years.  We met in Georgia, got together and pretty much moved around to find better jobs.  We moved to WV where some of my family lives and friends because he was offered a job in Virginia.  While there it was hell.  We lived in a place that only a homeless person would feel blessed with.  Although the place was peace away from my mother, it was very hard living there.

Since we moved here in Kentucky, of course where he grew up and has friends, pretty much I almost feel like my existence ended.  I am here and he is pretty much the only one I talk to as a friend.  His friends have pretty much made it known I am not welcome so when he goes around them I am left at home alone with my daughter. 

In the last month he has already went out with them twice and when I mention going to visit friends in WV he acts like it is going to cost too much but he doesn't  think it is too much to pay a shooting range approx $60 a visit to hang out with his friends.

Is there something other than arguing with him that I can do peacefully to get him to understand what I am going through?  Tonight was Patty's day and here in Kentucky there are lots of Irish who celebrate it.  He had mentioned two days ago that he wanted to do something tonight small but at least do something.

Then when he saw how busy the places were he said that he did not want to be around a lot of people even though I had looked forward to this all day.  I just came home, cooked and watched him sleep in the recliner.
 
April 12, 2009, 8:08 pm CDT

two sides to every story

Quote From: bellybone73

Just humor me here... Give me your advise and opinion.

Your significant other is out of town for a week on a business trip.

She sends you a message at 4:30pm that she is headed to another town and will call you with her arrangements for the evening but you never hear back. You try calling her at 9 pm and get no answer. You leave a message but get no return phone call. You try again at 11:30 pm right before you go to sleep; still no answer and no return call. You check her phone records and see that she was talking to other people between 6 and 8 pm. She finally texts you the next morning at 6:30am but doesn't answer when you call right after you recieve her text.  Finally she calls you back but doesn't have time to talk when you ask where she has been.  Then a couple of hours later she calls and you ask about her whereabouts again and why she doesn't call you or text... She gets mad at you and has to get off the phone again.  She has told you many times that it isn't your business where she is every minute of the day and she isn't on your time schedule.  She says you AREN'T her mom and she won't be answering to you, EVER. 

Would you be angry?  Would that make you feel like you were wasting you life with this person?  Would you feel betrayed?  Wouldn't a spouse naturally want to call home and talk to their kids and significant other? 

Thanks for your input!

Christi

Did you ever stop to think that you have lost your spouse on an emotional level?  There is two sides to this because you are checking phone records, this means that you dont trust your spouse and you havent for a while.  I was in a similar situation where my wife was checking records and making accusations.  The fact of the matter was I just didnt want to talk to her because i wasnt there emotionally.  Maybe the spouse cheated maybe they didnt.  Bottom line is both behaivors are wrong and you need to fix some other issues that are going on.  For every finger we point, there are two more pointed at us. 

 
April 12, 2009, 8:18 pm CDT

find common ground

Quote From: susiecue37

My husband and I have been married this July for two years.  We met in Georgia, got together and pretty much moved around to find better jobs.  We moved to WV where some of my family lives and friends because he was offered a job in Virginia.  While there it was hell.  We lived in a place that only a homeless person would feel blessed with.  Although the place was peace away from my mother, it was very hard living there.

Since we moved here in Kentucky, of course where he grew up and has friends, pretty much I almost feel like my existence ended.  I am here and he is pretty much the only one I talk to as a friend.  His friends have pretty much made it known I am not welcome so when he goes around them I am left at home alone with my daughter. 

In the last month he has already went out with them twice and when I mention going to visit friends in WV he acts like it is going to cost too much but he doesn't  think it is too much to pay a shooting range approx $60 a visit to hang out with his friends.

Is there something other than arguing with him that I can do peacefully to get him to understand what I am going through?  Tonight was Patty's day and here in Kentucky there are lots of Irish who celebrate it.  He had mentioned two days ago that he wanted to do something tonight small but at least do something.

Then when he saw how busy the places were he said that he did not want to be around a lot of people even though I had looked forward to this all day.  I just came home, cooked and watched him sleep in the recliner.

He obviously doesnt like to spend a lot of money at once.  But doesnt mind the occasional day out with the boys.  Meet in the middle with this.  Everytime he goes out and spends $60 at the range put $60 dollars into a savings account for yourself.  After about 10 times out with the boys you will have enough money to go to West Virginia. 

 

It is tough being in a new place and feeling alone.  Try volunteering somewhere in the community and see if that helps you. 

 

I am a combat veteran and dont like crowded places either.  My wife is the social one and I am sure I make her feel like you feel a lot of times, try to make a back up plan next time. 

 
April 15, 2009, 10:09 am CDT

Free time survey

I am trying so hard to have a healthy attitude toward how much time a husband should spend outside of the house on his hobbies/avocations.  Will any of you please just post a few lines on what works in your relationships and what you feel is reasonable.  Thanks so much.  A 29 year marriage may be hinging on this.
 
April 21, 2009, 5:52 pm CDT

it depends

Quote From: tappedants

I am trying so hard to have a healthy attitude toward how much time a husband should spend outside of the house on his hobbies/avocations.  Will any of you please just post a few lines on what works in your relationships and what you feel is reasonable.  Thanks so much.  A 29 year marriage may be hinging on this.
What hobbies are they?  Is it something that you can do together?  I would say a couple of hours a week.  No sense in ending a 29 year marriage when it sounds like you just need to reconnect with each other. 
 
May 21, 2009, 9:57 am CDT

Prenumps should be required in 2nd marriages

Most women haven't experineced loosing half their assets.  So when it happends to you, ur opinions will change about marriage.  Expecially with the unstricken marriage laws in the U.S>...  Most men come up with all the money required for financially stablility in the U.S>  Statiscally men are the bread winners.  With women filing for divorce and taking half the assets is not fair especially when morally he doesn't give up.  If he cheats on you then I would say yes he deserved it....  Or commited battery on you......  Otherwise prenumps should be placed based on the circumstances.......

 

David

 
May 21, 2009, 10:48 pm CDT

When to quit

I am 26 years old and have been married for almost 4 yrs. In the past 2 years I drifted from my husband.

He is 9 yrs older than me and owns a very successful company. He has control of the money in our relationship and gives me an "allowance" I want to become more independent but with this economy it has been hard to find a job. I find myself dreading when he comes home because I know we have nothing to talk about and we rarely laugh together. Our sex life is almost nonexistent and when I bring it up he says he is stressed.

He seems to think our relationship is great but I am unhappy. I don't know if I am in Love anymore? I Feel like we are roommates and we have nothing in common. we had a short relationship before we got married and I think that is why I am unhappy. I know relationships go through rough patches but when do you know to quit?

I know this sounds bad but I am scared to leave because he made me sign a prenup the night before our wedding and I had NO idea what it entailed...I was so young and excited about my wedding.....THE NEXT DAY! I am scared I will basically be homeless but I am also afraid I will regret leaving. I don't know how to make things better. Thank GOD we have no children yet but I don't want to just give up when my feelings are so "up in the air"

Does anyone have advice or has been through this?
 
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