Topic : Relationship Myths

   My h is lazy He won't help me around the house he uses the excuss that it is his day off.He won't help out unless I make him or I get mad.we have three kids he says he does like to disapline cause he is not the fatherly type.When we are around frinds or his family his is the perfect fother and h.His family think he is the perfect father and give him all the credit for rasing the kids and Iam looked at as if I do nothing when I am doing it all.all he does is work, pay bill.eat. sleep and drive the kids arond if I make him. its like I am dragging him on a rope.I have on one  acation told him that if he doesn't start acting like a father and h I am going to leave him when the kids are gone.All he says is yea right you don't have the guts.not one would wont you.When I try to talk to him about his no suppert problem he make me feel like it my fault im piking on him he has done nothing wrong.and he looks at me as if he has no idea why this should upset me shrugs and says oh well.I don't understand.and tells me about his moms and dads perfect marrage even though his dad died of old age when he was a small child.He wants me  to get a full time job I want a part time on he said that he won't help I know he wont he never did before when I worked full time.just spouting off to day.furustrated.so am I right in getting just a part time one. 

    My h cought a bad cold.He sat around the house and winned.It drove me nuts.I know hew was sick but why is he such a big baby about it.He took time from work to get better.I was sick for two weeks with a cold I ran a fever sor throat caoughed.headace.nausea.I still had to take care of the house help kids do homework.go to the school run erands on foot.cook all the meals.my kids helped out some. I dont dare tell my h iam sick cause he just yells at me them makes a statement to the effect well I am never sick your sick all the time.So I never say anything to him when I am.just plug along and do things that need to be done cause he wouldn't help me out if I were diying.that fact O have been very ill a few times he never lefted a finger to help just complained about the house the kids and who was going to fix dinner and that he was suppose to do anything with the kids it was my job not his i was mom.So I nver tell him iam sick even if i can't hardly walk i just make sure kids are taken care of house is clean and the meals are cooked.Are all men such big babies or is it just mine.to day iam in pain and need to see the doctor I will make an apointment today to see if I can get in.Iam not sure what is going on.I can't tell my h though he might think he has to do something. jlust bitching today.need to air out my mad. 

A brief summary...20 plus years of marriage, 2 amazing young adult children, no infidelity, good provider, good intimacy...but for years he just hasn't been there to support me.  He left during both labors, watered trees when I begged to talk to him when my parents were ill, wanted to leave for an eye appointment as we were walking from my mom's burial site, and so much more...   We raised our kids to believe that we were virgins when we were married.  When my husband had the sex talk with our son prior to his college departure, he revealed to my (virgin) son that not only were we not virgins, but that we had been with other people.  It stunned our son and has left me with now having to also tell our daughter (older).  He just keeps saying he's sorry and then just hurting me again and again.  He just keeps saying I need to forgive and forget.  Am I wrong or is the repetition a sign of a more significant pattern of lack of concern/love/caring.  I really don't believe I'm the one for him-if I was he'd love and protect me.  Please give me some response.