Topic : Relationship Myths

Think this is just a habit he has developed and does so without even thinking about it. The only way to change a habit is to bring it to his attention when he does it; try a simple word - grunting - when he does it.

 

Have you thought of doing the same thing when he is watching TV to see his reaction; he needs to know how it feels.

 

Hope you can work on it together as this must be very annoying and irritating to you.

Actually, remember, when it comes to others, you can't MAKE them do or stop doing anything. They have to want to stop. It's their decision.

 

You have already objected often, yet he doesn't stop....

 

You now have to ask yourself if this is something you can live with or without....

 

You can make suggestions like theraphy and try to get to the heart of why he does this, but I think, based on your comments that you already know why he does it and why he doesn't stop. Be honest with yourself.

 

If I were to guess, I would say, clearly he likes what he sees on TV, in the Magazines etc... and they apparently in his mind look better than you and he is wishing for time with such women...

 

This would denote the fact that if he hasn't already... he is getting ready to cheat and spend time with his dream woman...one that fits the discriptions of what he is grunting about...

 

By the way.... the grunting is the same as when a man whistle at a pretty woman, gets a hard on for another woman as that's when many men grunt, same as when a man pats a woman on the bottom and fantasize about one... It is not good...

 

It's not about maturity and him needing to grow up as you state... It's about him growing away from you that you should be more concerned about, because I believe that's where its headed.

 

Hope this helps....

Your story or the other guys story doesn't sound like you have marriage problems cause of the age. I mean 25 year old men that are married to 25 year old are dealing with that same stuff, starting a career and starting a family that is sooo normal. Some people just arent ready for that and its not age its mental, there is nothing wrong with not being mentally ready for marriage.

 

I'm got married at 18 and my husband was 19 we are having our 7th wedding ann. tomorrow and we are going on a pinic with our 6 month old son. He is about to start a new career which he just got out of the military 3 months ago. We both are basically happy with everything and always have been. We had and have our fights worse the first 3 years of our relationship when we were still learning how to deal with each other and what the other one wouldn't allow. But as the years pass we now know each other so well we usually dont upset each other too the point of having crazy fights, its usually debates and not in angry. I think some need to give it time or realize they married the wrong person for themselves, which happens ALOT.

 

I will tell you one thing, I have never understood this whole do wild stuff so you have good stories to tell when your old and cant have those wild times anymore. Some people really don't need them. I sure dont need them. I'm happy living my days with having friends over drinking some beers, spending my day with my son and husband, going over to my bestfriends house to have dinner there and her get happy to spend time with her god son (my son).

 

Its not a age problem more like a are you ready for all of this, and that isn't a problem its a fact of life, its okay if your not ready, life isn't a game there are no rules and you don't have a short time limit. True we don't live for ever but while your living do what makes you happy and doesn't harm others TOO MUCH.

 

JMO

 

I feel for you and your kids! My husband has kinda done the same to me and our children too! I don't understand how a man just quits being a father/husband because he's tired of the responsibility and all the kids aren't even raised yet. I think it's one of the most selfish things a man can do to his children and wife. I am like you in the respect that I will con't to be a mom and raise my last child on my own if that's what it takes and I don't need a man to do that. But how unfair to the child! I hope you can work things out and hope your husband either comes to his senses or gets help. If he's like my husband he doesn't need help so HE thinks. That must be a man thing that they don't want to tell their problems to a stranger. What a coward! No, he just doesn't want to have to be accountable for his share of the problems and put in any effort to fix the family. I'm frustrated and I know you must be too. I've decided to move out of town effective tomorrow and when my husband wants to work on fixing this family then he knows where we are. I have always told my husband,"Be careful what you wish for." Maybe you should tell your husband the same. Because they need to realize that they don't have the final say about how YOUR life is going to be ONLY YOU DO. Sometimes spouses find that life isn't greener and taller on the other side and want to come back and then they find out that YOU mowed the grass while they were gone and replanted new grass! I wish you and your family the best and god will make the best happen even though what we thought was the best isn't. Good luck and be strong! And remember to take care of YOU! 

Hi lessatam,

Thank you for your input on my diaries. Sorry I didn't get back sooner. If you are still on here write me back. I'm interested in your perspective on all of this.

iguy

I have been with the same man for 9 years, have two children with him, thought that I loved him

 dearly and married him only to find out that I can't sleep at night because I have such a dreaded

 

 feeling of mistake. We've been married for two weeks and already I feel this way!! I communicate my feelings to him only to have us end up in such a heated argument that I end up sleeping in our guest room. We are quite boring people and never go out and drink or be by ourselves. He would never cheat on me and I know that it makes me physically ill to think about cheating on him. How do you look at somebody with love when you don't know what is right? He works for the city and I am a preschool teacher. We had our children very young (16 and 14) so could there be a possibility that we just need to experience life apart for a minute? But if that's the case, why was I completely happy until we got married? Is this just some sort of marriage shock that we'll get through or is this the beginning of the end? Any thoughts, please.

 

The proper care and feeding of husbands is one of the best books I have ever read.  She also has it on CD so you could listen to it while you drive to work or when you children are napping or anytime.  It is such a honest, cut throat, in your face, way to view your marrage.  We live in a socieity where when we reach the slightest little bump in the road we deem ourselves "unhappy" and instantly search out the "happieness" that we "deserve".  This book is ment to be read with a open mind and a open heart.  Your perspective while reading it should be one of wanting to make your marrage the best it can be.  It saved my marrage and my life.  I have a wonderful husband and he has always been wonderful, I just needed some reminding of the fact that he was a human who had feelings, wants, goals and dreams too.  As women we sometimes get so caught up in ourselves we forget to take care of the men who take care of us.  I would just recommend it very highly.  It truly changed my life.  Read it!!

You may just be experiencing a fear of the long-haul committment you have made.  Give it some time; it takes adjustment. What makes you feel as though you have made a mistake? Look for that answer and let us know; perhaps we can give some insight then.

You can get cold feet after the "I Do's" just like you can get them before. I'm sure you have heard so much about how marriages end and so on, that you're just worried that you might end up like them. Its easy to tell you just let your fears go and be happy, but that is easier said then done. Try this if you dont already, everytime you get scared or start to feel like this was a mistake, stop look at your husband and list all the things why you love him. If I'm right about how you are feeling scared cause of all what you have heard, seen, read about marriages failing then tell him that not that you feel this is going to end, but your scared it will end.

 

I hope I have helped a little.

My husband and I have been married less than 2 years and already I am wondering if our marriage will last.  I have recently learned that he is belittling me to his co-workers and friends behind my back.  He told one co-worker that he "put me on a diet", following a previous night's verbal fight whereby he told me to USE my treadmill.  I have put on a few pounds since we have been together, but I am comfortable in my skin and have the yo-yo weight issue.  He says really mean things to me at times and it hurts.  He has no remorse, never apologizing, just actsl like we never had words.  Also, there is an issue about his hairstylist.  He had been going to his ex-girlfriend to get his haircut at the time that we met.  I know there is nothing between them, but he is a "stand by your hairstylist til death do you part" kind of man.  I don't understand this when there is a hairstylist on every corner.  This woman has gone in the military full time and is stationed close to her home.  She no longer cuts hair for a living, but will keep some appointment for her loyal customers when she can, even if it means her lunch break.  I tolerated this for the first year of our marriage, and then I tried reasoning with him on finding another stylist.  He seemed to resent that I ask him to make that small sacrifice and when his hair got to be more than he could stand, he announced to me that he wanted DONNA to cut his hair.  So, I gave him an ultimatum.  I told him that I am NOT playing second fiddle to an ex-lover and that if he insists on defying me on that subject, he can pack his stuff and get out.  Eventually he gave in to letting ME cut his hair, which turned out as well as her haircuts do.  I have cut his hair twice since then although when he is in his "mood" he tells me that he got a "hacked up" haircut from me.  So this past week he requests a haircut from me.  I gave him his haircut but made no conversation with him while I did so, although he continually tried to get me to laugh at something he said or entice responses from me.  I was tight lipped while I performed the task at hand.  After completing the task, he asks me what is wrong with me.  I explained to him that he was giving me mixed signals about the "hacked up haircut" and then his request that I cut his hair.  He immediately BLEW UP saying that he "makes BIG BUCKS" and brings it into this household and he should be able to get his haircut by whoever he pleases.  And that I am making a big deal out of it.  He's the one yelling...and I am making the big deal?  I don't really have a problem with WHO cuts his hair, but the fact remains that he is inconveniencing himself and the ex-lover by setting appointments with her to squeeze him in her busy schedule with a worklife that does not include cutting hair full-time.  Not to mention that he is always having to re-schedule the haircut.  It is RIDICULOUS!  I know there is nothng going on between them, but he feels that I am asking too much since he is the MAN making the BIG BUCKS.  I could go on and on, but I have MY real job to go to now.  I have a career and can retire in 7 years.  He has had his job for 3 years, often changing jobs.  I will have a retirement - he won't.  I feell that he is intimidated by my intelligence and is butting heads with me.  His ex-wife was illiterate and "needed" him to take care of the business end of their relationship.  But now, I supercede him in knowledge of computers and handle all the bill-paying, and the homefront, etc.  I am more than he's ever had, yet, I am a fat-ass and need to lose weight.  Whatever happened to unconditional love.  BTW, I am 5' tall, weighing 160, size 14 or Large clothes.  I dress up everyday for my job and take pride in my appearance.  Also I have built a website promoting HIM and us....you can check it out:  www.flintstoneandbonecreations.com.

 

Any advice is appreciated.

 

Sincerely,

Becky