Topic : Sex

Hi, this is my first time posting. I'm at my wits end and am sooooo tired. I've been married to my wife for  23 years. We haven't had sex in over 5 years and only twice since 2001. We spent a year in counseling spending over $3,000.00 to be told by the counselor that basically my wife had no desire to change and directed us elsewhere. The straw that broke the camels back was after I found out that I had Parkinson's disease my wife told me that she never really loved me nor ever found me sexually attractive. I asked her why she married me and her comment was that I looked like I would make a good father. She informed me that getting sick was not what she bargained for. We didn't start counseling until a year later because a friend of hers at church said that it wouldn't be good for her to go at the time. I finally told her that she and I needed to go to counseling or we were getting a divorce. My wife is very involved in the church so her image would be ruined if she got divorce; especially since she was married once before so we started counseling.

In counseling several issues were brought up that I just lived with over the last 23 years. the major items were: 1) A week after we got engaged she made a comment in front of all of her friends that she thought she was pregnant with her old boy friends baby. she ended up not being pregnant after all, but covered her tracks after all by having sex with me prior to or wedding.  My wife's comment in counseling was, "If you say it was true I guess it must have been." 2) Two months after being married I asked her if she was still in love with her old boy friend. She said, "Yes I am and alway will be and there's nothing you can do about it. I feel that he was the one God really wanted me to marry." 3) A few years later in flight school I was stuck in the barracks going through a phase of training. Where my wife worked she won 2 free tickets to a concert. She told me that her and a girl that she worked with was going to go, but after the concert was over my wife informed me that her girl friend couldn't go so her friends boy friend went with her instead. Later on after he was stationed overseas my wife got a letter from him telling her that he missed her and all of the times they spent together. My wife freaked out when she caught me reading the letter and made a big seen about me reading her mail. She never explained what was meant in the letter. In counseling she told me that they smoked a pack of cigarettes together at the concert and that was it. and 4) She informed the counselor that she never had any desires to have sex with me period.

A short time later tensions rose and words were said so I found myself seeking advise from our prepaid legal lawyer. They refered me to another law office stating there was a conflict of interest and they refused to explain why. That made tensions even worse and more word were said. I called back the legal office and asked them why they had a conflict of interest and they finally informed me that it was because my wife had established our account with them. That sounded strange but I lived with the explanation. Shortly after that our pastor had a talk with us and we decided to try and make it work. This infuriated my wife because sense the pastor talked to us what would the rest of the church think of her. Of course nothing was ever said to any body.

A week later my wife and a new girl friend of hers who went through something similar to ours sat me down and talked to me. My wife's friend told me her story; then they both had an epiphany about what was wrong. They determined that my wife married me as a rebound from a bad relationship (Of course her friend doesn't know about the pregnancy story.) She also felt pressured to marry me because her parents "love" me more that her old boy friend. She informed me that she never liked me as a friend or any thing else, but she "loved me" in churchy sense of love.  She wanted to work on the marriage so we had to start dating again. I was ok with this. They then went on to add the rest of the stipulations/rules. I am not allowed to hold her hand nor touch her, kiss her, tell her I love her, or set next to her until she first does it to me or gives me permission too. I'm not allowed to ask her how things are going or tell her how I feel toward her. She is the one who will inform me. However, I'm suppose to be the spiritual leader in the house hold. It's been 5 month's sense the rules have been put in place and I am clueless as to wear I stand. She is happy as a bug out of water sense all intimacy has been stopped. Any feeling for her I had has all faded away and to me she is just a roommate. We have 2 children 15 and 18 and I hug and kiss them everyday making sure they know how much I love them.

Sorry it is so long and I know it sounds pathetic as a man to bring this up but I could use some support or suggestions Thank you.