Topic : Sex

It sounds like you want your cake and eat it too!   You can't have it both ways. Maybe you can train him to be the Dom you need him to be. Role playing games such as that can be fun in a relationship, and I can see where if you are having to train him, it may not feel him such the Dom, but maybe you can allow him to read the stories or get some Dom/sub dvd's for him to get his own ideas. It is worth a try. If you are not willing to do this, then you need to get a divorce. It is not fair to your husband or your children to stay married and go off looking for others to take care of your sexual needs. 

  

These boards are full of women and men whose mate tried that and caused havoc in many lives not only in their homes, but other family members outside the house as well. There is nothing wrong with having these feelings, in my opinion, and even acting them out can be fun, but you need to either keep it in the marriage or get out of it. People can be introduced into this type of behavior, and awaken something in them to act out in this way. You should be patient with him if he is willing to try. Who knows? 

  

I hope this helps. Good luck, and great sex! 

 My hubby and I have been married for 8 yrs now.  In these 8 years I have been constantly nagged for anal sex. (excuse my fowardness)  Personally I think its nasty and degrating, but to try to please my hubby, I gave in and tried.  Needless  to say I didn't enjoy and didn't let him finish.  He is frustrated that he can't do it anymore, but I can't get him to understand that I am not comfortable doing this.  I don't know if he just doesn't understand what my feelings are towards this, or if he doesn't care.  Afterall, a man really only wants to satisfy himself, right?  Well, anyhow, I know I can't be the only person facing this delimma, so if anyone male or female has any input on the subject I would appreciate it.  I would really like to know from a mans point of veiw of why some men want this, and what the feeling that is about it that goes with it. 

 

Frustrated & Confused. 

.........this might get the point across: 

Tell him that before you try that again you want to get a strap-on and penetrate him anally with it. When he balks because it is out his comfort zone then you can tell him that is exactly how you feel. 

Men sometimes want variety and they look to these things to "spice things up". You should point out to him that many men would kill for a sex life PERIOD. So he doesn't have it quite as bad as he thinks he does. Also, Wednesday's episode of Dr. Phil really spoke to this type of thing. There was a couple on there, the wife was uncomfortable with oral sex. Dr. Phil really told it like it is. Read the transcript on this site and try to get your husband to read/watch it. 

 I am going to have to sit down and talk to him again.  What he doesn't realize (I'm assuming) is his groping of me makes me physcially steer away from him.  Sometimes, even when he reaches towards me, I tense up wondering if I am going to have to move his hands.  When I spoke to him prior, his response was "your so attractive to me...I just can't keep my hands off you".  Well, I'm flattered BUT he needs to get it under control.

............but it feels like 2 weeks. So much has happened in the last two days I don't even know where to begin. 

  

I guess I should start by telling you all how I found out about my wife IMing with this guy she knew in high school. After I came to my senses and started trying to make things better, I started getting suspicious that something was going on. She was spending a lot of time on the computer, and would switch windows when I came into the office. I started suspecting something so I installed a trial spy program. About the only thing it got me was her password for email, which I had always known but that she had changed because I had gone into her account. So I started monitoring her emails without her knowledge. It also gave me access to her address book, and I was able to glean all of the aol.com addresses of it and start looking into whom she might be chatting with. 

  

There was only a couple of names that really made me wonder. I quickly was able to weed one out, so that left one suspicious address. To make matters worse my wife forget her AIM password and set-up a new screen name. I logged on as her new name, which she had only had a day, and there on her buddy list was me, and this other guy. :( I was no really suspicious. A new screen name and within hours she had him added to her buddy list. So I bought a spy program this time, and installed it and bam, found some very intimate IM exchanges, THE SECOND DAY!!! I was not happy, but we discussed things and as I said she ended communication. 

  

Things were good for two weeks afterward, though I could tell she was sad and she admitted that she missed this guy. Well, I started getting the inkling that she might be emailing him so I installed another spy program, the first one just captured IMs. This was two days ago. So yesterday I monitored her outgoing emails for the first time and she typed a longggggggg email to some friends of hers about how she had these deep feelings for this guy, a guy she chatted in IMs with for 5 weeks. And how she was attracted to me. And other stuff, but you get the gist. She then emailed him asking how he felt and to be honest. 

The whole time (even in the emails to these people) she maintains that the marriage is important to her and she doesn't want to leave and that she doesn't understand her attraction to this guy she barely knows (they hadn't talked in over 20 years). She said in her email to her friends that she SO wants to want to be in love with me, but she thinks of this guy from songs, and wants to be at places we go together with him. 

  

I was pretty shaken up. She could tell I was privy to some stuff and was suspicious and started poking around her PC to try to find the spy program (the spy program showed me all of that!).  

  

So last night I went home (in her email she mentioned to this guy that if he was more comfortable talking on the phone instead of email and IM because of what I might see she would do that), and I disabled the software. I told her she was free to do what she wanted because obviously if I kept escalating measures to cut her off from this guy she would escalate measures to get around them. She assures me she isn't going any where and just wants to let this thing with him diminsh. She thinks that will happen this way (though I'm not so sure). 

  

Anyway, here is the darndest part: our marriage is better than it has been in months! My being shaken scared her into thinking I was giving up on my changes (which I have not). She was so affectionate last night. She held my hand and not just limply like in the last few weeks, but squeezed my hand and stroked my fingers with hers. She hugged me like someone that is saying goodbye to the love of their life! It was amazing. And her kisses were passionate and deep and literally knocked my socks off. 

And we made love last night and this morning. It was incredible. She says she is committed to making this work for us and that she still isn't 100% but that Dr. Phil says you have to act your way to success, so she is trying to do that. She loves me so much, and so wants to find that attraction for me again.  

  

I wrote the guy an email today. I basically told him that I didn't blame him or her, that i blame myself. She told me early on that if things were good between us she would never have chatted with this guy. I told him that I had disabled the spy software and that he and her were free to chat. I told him that I thought there would be boundaries that neither would cross and that I'd hope he'd chat to her the way he'd want me to chat to his wife. So I am stepping out on faith here. This morning I left for work and I felt naked because I didn't have the security of the spy program to keep tabs on things. But I guess this is part of healing and rebuilding trust. 

What do you guys think? Am I doing the right thing? What would you do in my situation? 

  

Anyway, since this is the sex board, 3 times in the last two days! And 4 times since Saturday. :) Now if I could only recapture her heart. :( 

  

Oh and she came out here and read all of my posts! :) I think that is a good sign that she is ready to start opening back up to make our marriage the best it can be. I LOVE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Last post should say: NOT attracted to me instead of how she was attracted to me.

Well first I think it is wonderful that you have been getting along great these past two days!! That is really, really a great thing. I think that sometimes, people get a bit "lazy" and tend to not be as attentive or passionate or even responsive to their mates, and when someone else "tickles their fancy"  or gives them a bit of affection, they perk up and suck up the attention because they have been feeling starved of that kind of attention. Perhaps this is how your wife has felt? And maybe its how you have felt, too?  

Regarding you emailing the other guy, just curious, why did you email him? Why did you tell your wife and him that it was okay with you for them to communicate? Are you really truly okay with it, or just saying that you are? Because honestly if I were you, I wouldn't be okay with it!! I would have asked her to allow you to read her emails before she sends them, things like that- or if she was going to be friendly with him, to do it in a way that includes her partner and his. Like, to communicate as two couples.. not as two single people. I would be wary of this other person, thats all, you know? Its really not okay that he was flirty with your wife. Thats disrespectful. But of course it was her fault, not yours.. why would you say it was yours? That is also confusing to me. That is like letting them both of the hook, like saying, 'hey, cheat on me, its my fault'.. but as dr. phil would say, its the cheater's fault! 

I hope you continue to be like newlyweds. I know its a good feeling! BUt its also a bad feeling to feel like your wife is hiding something. I hope that goes away and you stay close. 

Part of the excitement of kinky sex is the fact that it is taboo! There are actually women that prefer anal to vaginal or oral sex. No matter what kind of act or play you do when it comes to sex, the main thing is sex is something to be shared, and BOTH have to be in to it or it is no longer love making, but a kind of rape. Rape may be too harsh a word, but by definition, it is forcing one to engage in a sex act that they are not willing participants. 

  

Just the fact that you were willing to try it, should show your husband you are a willing partner as far as pleasing your partner. Anal sex is not something that is easy to just jump in and do; especially if you are uptight to begin with. IT is a slow process that if your husband were truly interested in ensuring your pleasure as well as his, he would be gentle and it takes time.  

  

If you are not able to relax due to fear of pain, then it is not going to work. I know women that claim to have orgasms they say are stronger than vaginal/clitoral orgasms. If you find anal sex repulsive, the DON'T do it. Anal sex, like any kind of sexual pleasure between partners, is something to be shared. Both parties should be focusing on pleasing their partners, not themselves. If you find no pleasure in even the thought of it, and don't want to do it, again don't. 

  

I hope this helps. Good luck and great sex! 

The history leading up to this post is on previous pages. Not really sure why I emailed him. I think maybe it was because: 

  

a) I wanted him to see me as another human-being that has thoughts and feelings. 

b) To let him know that I had really done what I said I would do (not spy). 

c) To let him know how I felt regarding the whole situation. 

  

Anyway, in a nutshell, I pushed her into this by being an unplugged, detached, lack of love and affection jerk. You can go back and read the specifics in previous postings. 

 My husband and I have a great sex life.  We have sex at least once a day.  I could do it more, I have a higher sex drive then my husband but all in all I am sexually pleased.  We do run into some problems though.  Like how we never have any foreplay, and after sex he gets up and leaves the room.  Or how when we are having sex he voices that he wants anal sex.  And we have had anal sex before and it was good, but he wants it more then vaginal sex.  And I tend to not want it that much.  And he drives me nuts because he always asks for it, He never pressures me he respects me when I say no.  But it annoys me like crazy when he wants it so much.  Ok other things I have isssues with is that he prefers me dressed up, during sex.  I love to dress up for him sometimes and get a little kinky, but all the time?  That just gets annoying.  Anyone else have this issue?