Topic : Sex

Hello.  This is my first time posting here, but feel I need someone to talk too about this and some advise. 

  

My husband and I have been married for 12 years (together total of 20 years) and lately he is getting into watching "girly" videos.  He has not actually told me about it but I have caught him watching them or he will fall asleep on the couch and it will still be on the screen when it finishes.  I go to bed before him and he will usually stay up and work out in the garage or watch tv alone.  Within the last month, I have woken up at 2AM and went down stairs and he had been watching them.  Every time he promises that he won't do it anymore and he continues to buy them and then when I "catch" him he destroys them.  AAH....I have had it!!!  I just don't understand!!  And it's not like we don't have sex and he IS a great husband, father and even washed clothes and cleans up the kitchen for me, but I feel like all he wants it those girls and not me.  

  

 He say's that he loves me and doesn't want to hurt me but I feel so hurt!!  I am SO angryf!!  THis happened last night at 2AM and I was SO ANGRY I thought I was going to blow!!  I don't know if I'm going over board with how I'm feeling and IS this normal for guys to watch naked women prance and dance around?  He say's  that he doesn't get into porn, just watching girls.. I hate it!!  I told him if this doesn't stop, I will do whatever it takes to take out two children and leave.  I feel like I can't trust him at all anymore, and for all the years that we have been together that has never been an issue. 

  

Does he have serious issues or is this type of thing normal and I should just let it be??? 

  

Please HELP me? 

  

  

He should not do that, he is married and his eyes should only be on you, not any other women.   That's NOT OK .  It will make you feel unworthy and downgraded.  If he loves you he will respect your wish and stop with that.

No, it hasn't been this bad the WHOLE marriage.  We were great up until six months into our marriage. Then I got pregnant.  Thats when our sex life came to a screeching halt.  After our son was about a year old, things started to SLOWLY improve.  Then about six months later, when our son was almost 2, I got pregnant again.  And there it went again.  I tried talking to him about it. Was it the weight gain of pregnancy? Is he scared of hurting me or the baby?  He claimed it was none of that; he was just tired.  I knew better.  But I dont think my husband would ever tell me that he didnt want me because I was fat. Im not sure thats a good thing, tho.  If my weight is a problem (Im not overly obese, but I just had a baby nine months ago), then thats something i could work on.  Icant help fix the problem if he wont tell me what the problem is. 

 

I really hope that you can talk to your husband, and solve the problem soon in your relationship, before he gets too comfortable with the current situation. Then, it will be much harder to reconcile.  Good luck to you! 

What is the problem with these men?!  I dont think its too much to ask to be treated like a desireable woman, instead of the housekeeper.  Personally, I would be a much more pleasant person if i could get kissed by my husband.  I mean, he doesnt have to make out with me for hours on end (wouldnt that be grand), but am i asking too much for a little make out session during sex? I think not!  This wasnt a problem in the beginning, Just the past couple of years or so.  Ive asked him why doesnt kiss me. He says he doesnt know.  Ive told him that I really like it when he kisses me.  Nothing has changed.  Im tempted to ask him to hire a stunt double to come and make out with me, and  my husband can just jump in when he's ready for the rest of the "show". 

Im not sure how well that would go over, tho. I guess ill just keep trying to talk to him. Maybe one day, he'll actually hear me. Know any good looking stunt men? 

 

Honey, if we could answer that question, we wouldn't be here.  My sister and I have a little joke between us.  We claim that we are men born into womens bodies, because we seem to have more manly traits than our mates. I want sex all the time, and my husband is always "tired" or "has a headache".  Her mate complains that she spends too much time watching football on TV and doesnt spend enough time with him.  Sounds odd, but its all true.  I especially feel cheated, because there is no explanation that hes willing to give for his behavior.  Hes not overweight.  In fact, hes very attractive.  I know he works hard. I just wish hed work half as hard on our marriage as he does at his job.  All the experts say u have to make time for sex, even if you are tired and dont feel in the mood.  You will eventually get in the mood.  Im all for it. But my husband doesnt seem to agree.  You know, im tired all the time, too. Im at home raising three boys. But if he wants sex, you better believe I give it to him.  Why do we put so much effort into the relationship and get nothing in return? 

 

I feel absolutely helpless.   I'm depressed, angry, resentful and so frustrated.  As unhealthy as it sounds, I have told him do me or I'm going.  I have reasoned with him.  We are married only 3 years, I'm fairly attractive, he says I'm "hot," lol.  He says he wants to but keeps putting it off.  His first turn down was, "we're going to be together forever."  B.S. 

  

I do realize he is 14 years my senior, however, there are men his age going strong and passionately with their wives, whatever.  I'm feeling so desperate.  Our sex life diminished when I moved in in 2000.  When we were dating, he couldn't keep his hands off of me.  He seems to have a tired erection and he wont get tests, he won't really talk to the doctor about it and then I thought he had a girlfriend, with all the hang ups he was getting when I moved in.  I honestly don't know what to do.  We didn't have sex on our honeymoon cause he was "tired,"  for a week!  Vacations; tired, weekends; tired, weeknights; tired.  I want to pack my bags and take a hike.  It was easier being single and dating a loser from time to time, at least I got some action.  I honestly think we;ve only had sex about 20 times since we've been married!  I'm not counting, sort of.... 

  

Everyone thinks we are the perfect couple.  Which I can see, he adores me as I adore him.  But somehow he just cant seem to get the intimacy down.  Im totally helpless.  I was told by a psychic that I would have a passionless marriage.  Well, here I am. The flame is dead, buried and doused with water.  I'm in pain with loneliness for my husband and this he knows.  I can't get a response, at all....... 

i don;t know what to do.  we have no children, work decent jobs with decent hours, have no financial worries and a wonderful family.  i think i may lose my mind.  

  

My husband was diagnosed with erectile dysfunction about 6 months ago.  He just stopped wanting to have sex & when I confronted him, he finally told me about his doctor visits & the ED. I have been patient & only asked about his progress with this problem twice. He acts like nothing is wrong & won't talk to me about it at all. The last time I  brought it up was 5 months ago. I told him that I wasn't going to ask about his progress with the problem & bring sex up again.  I told him it would be up to him to let me know what's going on. 

  

I had no response from him at all. NOTHING. So, on our anniversary two months later, I brought sex up & he couldn't perform. He still didn't say anything about his progress with the doctor or how he was feeling at all. Since October, I have not talked to him about it & I have not been touched since I initiated sex in October. He simply goes on daily like nothing is wrong. 

  

I saw a message posted from a woman with a similar problem who thinks her husband is gay. I definitely don't think this is the case because even though my husband has ED, he still requires attention from women. I've caught him cheating with other women in the past so I know that he loves women. We got past the adultery but I think it is insanely selfish & mean to act like nothing is wrong. I would be embarrassed too if I had this problem but if I cared about my mate, I would at least let him know that I care & that I am trying to get better. 

  

Is there a male perspective to this? I am through bringing it up & talking about it for now because I am just burned out. It is almost impossible reasoning with someone who has their head in the sand. I have contemplated getting counseling alone when I feel like I have the energy to do so but can anyone give me a male perspective on how to handle this? If any men are reading this, please don't do this to your mate. I read on one web site that when your spouse refuses to talk to you about a problem wiht the marriage that this is actually a form of verbal abuse. 

I have been married for 17 years to a man that wants it all the time.  I have no desire, my drive was not very high to begin with.  I work fulltime, do the house work, and when my son was not doing the yard work I was. He golfs and fish, which I can not stand either one. He is a hard hearted person with no emotions.  I feel like he really tries to control everything. He has said alot of horrible words that sometimes you just can't forget.  Besides that he is always fussing about my weight I am now 124 pounds, 4'11, when we met I was 89 pounds, I was doing alot of things that I would never think of now, young and dumb.  I have just gotten to wear I could care less about sex at all once a week.  Now he gets very angry if he does not get it at least once a night, we are both 42.  I tell him he has an issue with sex and that maybe he is not happy with himself is why he is so harsh with me.  The sex and weight are ruinning my marriage.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

     I have been married for a year, and we didn't have sex before we were married, but now I almost wish we had, because then I would have learned that his sex drive was about a third of mine. He has been into porn in the past, and he blames his low sex drive on that. I don't know quite what to do. Getting mad hasn't helped. I've tried stripping for him, dancing etc etc but he just won't give out foreplay. I've threatened to leave, and he sort of got better after that...we're still in a test stage I guess.

 Indeed, my husband gets freaked out by body fluids. He doesn't enjoy kissing (maybe it's a vietnamese thing???) but I think it's just spit that bothers him. He hates giving oral because it's too "gross" He always jumps up to shower and scrub himself after intimacy. Is that normal?