Quote From: baeiouyBut that is not what you said to begin with, you stated that you dont have friends of the opposite sex, period. You dont have to give advice to be friends, you can be just friends, everyone go out with each other, go to dinner, go for a cup of coffee etc.
The thing I dont get is that it is okay to go outside of your relationship for advice if it is someone of the same sex?!?!?!? You are still going outside, you arent asking your spouse for help, but someone else, that is the samething. I am sure this comes from your past crappy relationships.
It is quite obvious that your past relationships have told you to cut everything out, which is fine, if that works for you and your relationship. Certain things that you have stated though sound like you are extremely jealous. You stated what woman would appreciate another woman calling her husband, and my response is one that is not threatened by other people or other women. I have an extremely good male friend, that I have known longer then he has known his wife and I was the second person he called when he was going to ask her to marry him. She knows me and likes me and they are coming out to visit me because we are all friends.
Also, no one says that your husband doesnt want to be with you and doesnt love you through and through. But I think your insecurity comes from your past 2 marriages and that makes sense. Once again that is wonderful that it works now in your relationship, that is great, but you can have friends that are just friends and I am guessing in your past that has never been the case for you and that is why you made this pack with your husband.
Yes, we both have friends of the opposite sex. We just do not call the opposite sex. We deal with the opposite sex at work, through business, sometimes through social activities. The difference is we just don't have close opposite sex friends, that we call. I don't know this female at all, that was calling. Yes, I guess it did bring out my jeolousies. But most of all, it floored me with her response, that my husband would go behind my back to call her. I had him call her, or at least asked him to, so she would stop calling. She did'nt get his point, when he said to her, my wife and I have an agreement that we don't call friends from the opposite sex. She seemed like she did'nt even hear what he was saying to her. It did make me mad. I knew also, from what my husband had told me about her. That she had an affair outside of her marriage, and I think her x did too. So, with all of that involved, not knowing this lady, I had certainly had reasons to not trust her. So, there you go. Maybe you understand more now. I think you are single. From a single standpoint, I don't know if you would even understand where I am comming from???? The difference in your situation, you know both of them, {the married couple}. We do know and do talk to people all the time. I guess, when I know them, it makes a huge difference, and when they know us. The people we know, will call both of us, that's another difference. Yes, I don't have a problem with my husband having friends of the same sex. Yes, he can and does ask advice, ect. ect. from them. That does'nt bother me at all. But most of the time, he is the one giving the advice to someone. He is very logical, even tempered, gentle, and caring. He too, would not like a female just calling him, I know him well, so I can say that. He always says to people, I gotta check with my wife, out of respect for me. I never have had this type of relationship ever. He put's me first in everything. I wanted that out of our marriage. We agreed and talked about alot of things before we got married. We are priority to eachother. When we took our marriage counseling before we married, we had to prioritize things that our preacher gave us. One of the things we had to prioritize was friends. We put them in about the same place on our list. If I remember right. God was first, then our spouse, family and so on, friends was not at the top. But, not to say their not important, just not at the top. So, I must say if you have a good relationship with the couple you talk about that is wonderful. I never would say it was bad. It's just I want to know the females that my husband knows, so they are not just his friends, but our friends. That is important to me. We both have large families too. It is hard to have extra time for friends when we don't feel like we spend enough time with our families. So, everyone is different. To each, his own. Good luck and Thank-you for caring enough to write. I also want to add this. I work with some beautiful girls. I thought about what you said, that I sound like a very jeolous woman. Okay, maybe. But, If the girls at work ever wanted to go out with us it would be fine, cause I know and trust them. So, maybe it's a trust thing. I totally trust my husband, but I certainly don't trust females that I don't know. I have seen too many females act crazy around males, even married ones. I could'nt handle someone touching my husband, and some girls will do this, and it does'nt matter. But if I knew them, it would make a big difference! Thanks. Djewel
