Topic : Sex

However, as someone mentioned above, my wife and I also have different time preferences. I love to make love before going to sleep at night. Then you can snuggled and feel close all night. She prefers to wait until the morning to make love. The problem is that our 2 year-old sleeps in a bed now, she got it for her 2 year-old birthday. She now gets up in the morning and comes into our room. Since my wife isn't in the mood at night, and the kid is in the room in the morning, our sex life has dropped off from barely there to non-existent in the last few weeks since we switched our daughter from a crib to her bed. 

  

We had a bad night last night. She said something that bothered me when we were going to bed and we ended up staying up until 1am talking things out. I feel better except that she has really grown weary of the relationship talk. She also let me know that it bothers her to see me not myself. I am consumed with trying to make our relationship better. Though the changes have been mostly positive she is concerned that I have lost interest in the other things that I was interested in before. 

  

So here is a question, do I need therapy to get through this? I have been trying to back off and give her some space but I am so needy right now and in constant need of reassurance. How do I give her the time and space she needs to heal because we aren't going to get better until that happens. HELP! 

Well always more to the story =) 

Is there something your wife needs from you?  Is she pulling away from reasons that you know?  it appears there is something behind it all and it is affecting the sexual and mental needs your relationship needs.  All marriages needs sex and love....which go hand in hand.  It's so nice to have a nice romantic night but both you and her have to give in.  She needs to realize that if this marriage is rocky (?) then something has to give.  Nights are the only way right now that you can be close, she needs to realize this and make an attempt to work on this marriage.  I don't think you need help?  Maybe you two need profressional help to see what the underlining issue is. 

I was wondering if it was right to ask about past relationships in a marriage? What if your spouse tells you he had nothing to do with someone before you got married, and then you find out later that he did. Well, this happened to me. We got into a arguement because I told him he had lied to me, and he was mad at me because I dug into his past. Well, this woman works at a local place that we go. I had women's intuition that something was'nt quite right, and then the truth came out that he had been with her, after lying to me that he had nothing to do with her. I found out that he did, but could'nt figure out why he lied about it the whole time. I know it does'nt matter about his  past, we all have one, but after the lie, I felt betrayed and got very upset. Now, I got myself wondering if he will lie about  other things as well. I love him, and he is very good to me, but I  won't be lied to anymore. Now, it is my hormonal issue, because I have alittle PMS the week before, and he thinks I need something for PMS? I will take something for the PMS, but can he take something for the lieing? Need some advice. Thank-you!

I see absolutely nothing wrong with asking about past relationships. I would hope that a spouse would be honest and forthcoming with this type of information. It is especially important in today's day and age to discuss these things. Sexual history is important to determining the risk to health of a spouse and any children.  

Why would he lie about this relationship? I knew a couple once. The guy had dated a girl that his SO didn't like at all. She told him before and while they were married that if she found out he had slept with this person that they were through. He lied to her the whole time they dated and were married because of this. Is there anything like that here? 

  

Personally I would want to know this information so I don't think it is wrong to ask. 

  

  

The only thing, I can figure out, is that he is embarrassed about having sex with her. I think she has a bad reputation now, but he said, when he met her she did'nt have a reputation, but he did'nt know her that well. He had just moved here, and had a few friend, from this bar where she works. I guess, she went home with him a few times. He said, he only took her out once, and then knew they had nothing in common. But still, I just feel weird now, being around this person, when we go out. We live in a small community, and this is about the only place to go local. I felt betrayed, that they both had this dirty little secret, and I knew nothing, the wife. We just got married, but it hurts that he did not tell me about this when we dated. He told me he had nothing to do with her, while we dated. He is a very sweet genuine guy, I love him very much. I feel this has hurt our relationship with trust. I am worried he will not be honest in the future either. But he wants to move past this, and so do I. But it is still there. Thanks for your advice! 

 THis is my first time posting a message on this topic.  I grew up in a strict Christian home, and was taught that sex before marriage was a huge sin.  When I met and started dating my husband, we had a sexual relationship before getting married.  I became pregnant and miscarried at 17, which caused a huge uproar in my family.  I am still a Christian, and I don't believe that pre-marital sex is OK, but I find it hard to put the past behind me.  My husband and I have a good sex life, but sometimes I feel really dirty about some of the stuff we do.  I believe that the reason I feel it is so dirty is because I was so sheltered growing up.  I just don't know how I can get past the past and know that sex with my husband is not dirty.

My wife had expressed some of the same hang-ups along these lines. I did some research and found some good information for sex amongst Chrisitian spouses. One good article can be found at: 

  

http://www.christianitytoday.com/mp/2001/001/4.34.html 

  

Another good article that is Biblically based and shows that the Bible clearly teaches us that sex between spouses is not only good and right, but expected, is: 

  

http://marriage.infomedia.com/asp/sex.asp 

  

Hope this helps. 

Each person's religious beliefs are their own, depending on what book you are placing your faith on. I personally believe sex is a wonderful gift to be shared between a husband and wife. If you are comfortable with whatever sexual acts between you and your husband, and it is not bringing a third party into it, then relax and enjoy.  

  

My opinion people that think any sex between a husband and wife is dirty, have a problem with sex, not religion. The only way you should feel dirty having sex with your husband, is if it is something that one of you is not comfortable with. One should never force something on their mate, as that is not a loving thing to do. Since you said you are of the Christan faith, if you can't find something in the Greek Scriptures that prohibits the love making between you and your husband, then relax and enjoy. Guilt about a gift from God, sounds like it is from Satan to me. 

  

I hope this helps. Good luck, and Great Sex! 

I would think it would all depend on what the revelation is as to how important it is to know the details of something that happened prior to your marriage. Yes, in a perfect world one would be honest to a fault, if that is possible, and get all the things out that happened while the two of you were together, but not married, but in your case, that did not happen. 

  

The kind of questions you should ask yourself, is if you had found this out prior, would you have married him anyway? Yes, he betrayed your trust, and that was not the thing to do. The past is what it is. You can't un-ring a bell, and he can't take it back. If you are looking for the gory details, it is wrong and it will only make you feel worse. The next thing you need to ask yourself is, is this worth your marriage? If it's not, hurt, get over the hurt, give him a chance to come clean now, as far as any others, and move on. If I were in your shoes, I would hurt, and feel betrayed as you do, but it was before the vow of marriage, and I would get over it. This means once you talk it out, never bring it up again, so if you do this, get it all out in the open and then leave it in the past. Trust me, you don't want to know the details. I have been in a similar situation, (except it was after we were married) and finding out the details, made it where I could not get over it and we divorced. I still have the memories of the details I "thought" I wanted to know, even though at this point in time, I have no feeling for the woman whatsoever. 

  

I hope this helps. good luck 

Thanks for your advice! You are right. I will work to get over the hurt, cause it's not worth ruining my marriage over it. It happened in the past, and I am not upset about the past. What I am upset about is that about he lied about it to me before we got married, and after, until I drug the truth out of him. I have forgiven him, but not forgot it. I just am totally honest with him about everything. I want him to be also. No matter if it is the past or now. I want him to be able to tell me anything. Apparently, he kept this secret, maybe cause he was embarrassed by it, I just don't know. I don't want any more lies the future, cause it can ruin a marriage. He is still the most honest, sincere guy, I have ever met. What makes me now upset, is it seems he is blaming it on my PMS. I am alittle sensitve during  the week before, and now he says maybe I should get something for that. I called my physician, and he will give me something, if I want to try it. But in all honesty, I would have gotten upset, no matter is I was PMSing or not. So, it bothers me now, that he is blaming me being upset on my PMS. But he has said he was sorry, but I get mixed feelings about the whole thing. He also told me that I get jeolous when he talks to females. That's not true. There was once situation where this female came up to him, and started putting her arms around him, a past friendship, and I did get jeolous. It was a young girl, and I know that some young girls look at older guys. I know several that do this. But the next time he saw this young girl, he held on tight to me. So I think she got the message, it relieved my fears. I do trust him, but not others, when they get too friendly. Thanks again.