Topic : Sex

I met my husband when I was just 16 he was turning 21and we hit if off right away....however 6months later I was pregnant, he was over the moon and I was in the middle, I had feelings of happiness and feelings of dissapointment in my self.. 

But we both have loving and supportive parents and we got through it with their help. it has been a long hard road but 2 and a half yrs down the track (yes I am only 19) we are married. 

We done it in our own time because we were in love NOT because we have a baby together.  

Our little Girl was our flower girl and 19th of march this year was the happiest day of our lives...we have been in love since we first layed eyes on one another...he is my best friend and sole mate and even though I put on a few pounds through my pregnancy (by a few I mean 60 but have lost around 20 kgs with only 10 to go) he still finds me beautiful and healthy and doesnt even comment about other women or make nasty comments about my body, I guess because of this the SEX IS GREAT!!! when our toddler is having a nap we have out special time and he trys so hard to please me that it usually ends in 1 hour of forplay and great sex after that..... 

I am truly blessed to have such an understanding and gorgeous husband that does all he can to please me and make me feel beautiful. 

Im turning 20 next month and hes going on 25..we have been together for almost 4 yrs and every day feels like the first day we met, I still get butterflys in my tummy hearing the car pull in the drive way when he gets home from work.....hes my ANGEL xox 

We are now trying for baby number 2...no luck as yet but its only the first month but hes so supportive and hey, isnt trying half the fun!!! 

Dr  Phil I have been married for almost 10 years, I am more stressed than happy, my husband drinks approx 4-6 beers a night, sometimes more, I get so disgusted when he drinks.  I have such 

resentment towards him because he drinks.  I don't want him touching me, I refuse to have sex when he drinks.  I have told him that I will not have sex with him when he is drinking and he just 

replies "whatever" and drinks anyway.  I feel like he is choosing his alcohol over being intimate with me.  We never kiss during sex and he refuses oral sex on me.  He is a great father and hard worker 

otherwise, and we don't fight (except over above problem).  We don't have anything in common.  He refuses counceling so that is out of the question.  When I tell him how I feel or what I need he takes it as a insult on his lovemaking.  I am starving emotionally and spiritually.  Do I stay like this forever or leave now, I am only 31 years old.  Can it get better.  I know you'll say if he works with me on this problem it can get better, but he won't work with me.  Not sure if I can go forever without kissing or oral sex.  Help me. 

My husband and I have been together now for 4 years and married for over 2.  I tell him everything.  I open up about things from my past with him and tell him experiences I have had and it helps him to understand me and who I am and what I feel.  I have told him about most of my past sexual experiences and sometimes even things that I would have never told anyone but they are things that I think he needs to know in order to know me and understand why I am the way I am.  I trust him with 100% of me and who I am inside.  However, he won't talk to me about ANYTHING that has to do with his past experiences.  He tells me he is uncomfortable talking to me about it at all and feels that it would just cause problems.  But he is so uptight sexually.  We have an OK sex life and everything but he isn't nearly as open as I am in bed and he doesn't talk at all (which is something I want).  I ask him what he wants, what he needs, what he would like for me to do, what he wants to do to me.... I get "anything" or "I don't know" or "I want to be with you", etc.  I have recently tried talking to him about his past with sex and other people to try to maybe be an ear and figure out maybe where he is coming from sexually and see what maybe makes him the way he is but he won't talk about it  AT ALL!  He says it doesn't define him as a person and he just doesn't feel comfortable talking about any of that stuff with me.  It really hurts me.  It makes me feel like he doesn't trust me and that I am with someone who will never be fully open with me even though I am bearing my soul to him.  What do I do?   

Most men's ego's can't handle hearing about the details of what their mate has gone through. Just the fact that you share, may make him even that more uncomfortable if your experience is greater than his. I think you are making a mistake. 

You should handle this in a different way, and get the same results. First of all, when you bring this up, you should do this when you are in a non-threatening place. In other words, not in the bedroom, and not when you are about to have sex. Discuss this over dinner, or on a drive or someplace where he doesn't feel you are going to be making demands.  

Next maybe you should be approaching this in a different manner. Instead of telling him all the details of what you have done with other men, try to talk about what turns you on, and things you would like to try. He may be more receptive to something like this, instead of trying something and in the middle of it,  thinking you have done this with other men, and it isn't something special between the two of you.  

The way men's egos are just the fact that you may be more experienced than he, might make him worry that if he tries something "new" for him, but not you, he may not perform as well as the "other" men you have slept with. Again, try talking about this with no pressure on him. If he slowly begins to open up, don't say something like okay let's hop to it now! Give him a chance to introduce the things you are looking for on his own, once you have talked about them, and he has had time to digest them. If he doesn't come around, then "gently" at some point in time, during your love making, without pressure, ask if he is wanting to try the new things you have talked about. 

Again, men's egos are fragile, and I think your boldness would scare off most men, as most aren't that secure with their abilities to begin with. I totally agree that it would be nice to be so open, most women are way too afraid of what their man may think of them to be so open, so it is a plus you are so secure with your sexuality, but you have to move slow, as his feelings are involved as well.  I would much rather a woman tell me she has fantasies of doing things than describe the things she had done with other partners. 

I hope this helps. Good luck, and great sex! 

Most men's ego's can't handle hearing about the details of what their mate has gone through. Just the fact that you share, may make him even that more uncomfortable if your experience is greater than his. I think you are making a mistake. 

You should handle this in a different way, and get the same results. First of all, when you bring this up, you should do this when you are in a non-threatening place. In other words, not in the bedroom, and not when you are about to have sex. Discuss this over dinner, or on a drive or someplace where he doesn't feel you are going to be making demands.  

Next maybe you should be approaching this in a different manner. Instead of telling him all the details of what you have done with other men, try to talk about what turns you on, and things you would like to try. He may be more receptive to something like this, instead of trying something and in the middle of it,  thinking you have done this with other men, and it isn't something special between the two of you.  

The way men's egos are just the fact that you may be more experienced than he, might make him worry that if he tries something "new" for him, but not you, he may not perform as well as the "other" men you have slept with. Again, try talking about this with no pressure on him. If he slowly begins to open up, don't say something like okay let's hop to it now! Give him a chance to introduce the things you are looking for on his own, once you have talked about them, and he has had time to digest them. If he doesn't come around, then "gently" at some point in time, during your love making, without pressure, ask if he is wanting to try the new things you have talked about. 

Again, men's egos are fragile, and I think your boldness would scare off most men, as most aren't that secure with their abilities to begin with. I totally agree that it would be nice to be so open, most women are way too afraid of what their man may think of them to be so open, so it is a plus you are so secure with your sexuality, but you have to move slow, as his feelings are involved as well.  I would much rather a woman tell me she has fantasies of doing things than describe the things she had done with other partners. 

I hope this helps. Good luck, and great sex! 

I just want to point out that generalizations are not a good way to approach some of these things. True lots of men have fragile egos, but not all men. I wanted to know all of my wife's past experiences, because like she explained, that taught me about her and who she was. I agree that in this case her husband sounds like he has a fragile ego. However, he also seems to have problems communicating and expressing himself. I think she nailed it when she said he was uptight about sex. I wonder if he has something in his past that is causing this. Maybe he was molested as a child, or a young adult. He may have more underlying issues that he is trying to hide. 

Just another perspective. 

I see absolutely nothing wrong with asking about past relationships. I would hope that a spouse would be honest and forthcoming with this type of information. It is especially important in today's day and age to discuss these things. Sexual history is important to determining the risk to health of a spouse and any children.  

Why would he lie about this relationship? I knew a couple once. The guy had dated a girl that his SO didn't like at all. She told him before and while they were married that if she found out he had slept with this person that they were through. He lied to her the whole time they dated and were married because of this. Is there anything like that here? 

Personally I would want to know this information so I don't think it is wrong to ask.