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Topic : Sex

Number of Replies: 1104
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:03:20 pm
Author : dataimport
Are you getting enough? Maintaining the sizzle? Or just too tired to even think about it?

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November 11, 2008, 6:33 am CST

A LITTLE BIT DISTURBED!

Me and my Fiance' have been together for 17 months and are supposed to get married within the next week. We are happy together but seem to have a problem when it come to sex. He gets mad when i dont want to but i dont understand why. Also, when i dont have sex with him for maybe 2 or three days, ther's a problem. Such as i will get blamed for something like im having sex with someone else or i got a boyfriend and i tell him everyday that i love him, but i still get the short end of the stick. So when i get blamed for these things i often cry because it's unfair and so wrong. So what am i to do to let him know that it's just him and nobody else?

 
November 12, 2008, 3:48 pm CST

I hope this helps.

Quote From: msathompson08

Me and my Fiance' have been together for 17 months and are supposed to get married within the next week. We are happy together but seem to have a problem when it come to sex. He gets mad when i dont want to but i dont understand why. Also, when i dont have sex with him for maybe 2 or three days, ther's a problem. Such as i will get blamed for something like im having sex with someone else or i got a boyfriend and i tell him everyday that i love him, but i still get the short end of the stick. So when i get blamed for these things i often cry because it's unfair and so wrong. So what am i to do to let him know that it's just him and nobody else?

After reading your post I have to wonder if it's just something women go through do to stress and other issues in our daily lives or relationship with our mates. I have the same issue of not wanting sex. I've been married for about 4 months now, but in a relationship with my husband for 3 yrs. But only until after we got married that I started to not want sex at all. I can understand you frustration with him and his not understanding. It's not that your cheating and have another man it the fact that your not giving it to him when he wants it. He has to understand that it's an emotional connection that needs to be met in order to want to have sex and if there isn't four play, kissing or touching before hand its hard for a woman to want to just preform just at the drop of a hate. If your dealing with stress it will lessen you want and desire for it. believe me I'm there and can't seem to get out of this mood. It is frustrating and them to have him not understand or want to know what might be the problem. Before your get married you need to really talk to him about this issue and go from there. There are many reasons for your lack of desire. You need to think of the reasons and tell him what they are. My lack of desire is frustration, stress, lack of good sleep and many issue that I have with him and what he doesn't do. But that's another story in itself.  I hope you to have had some counseling before you get married it can help also. I wish I'd done it before I got married.
 
November 12, 2008, 4:03 pm CST

Sex

Quote From: txgirl39

I have never been with a guy who wasn't circumcised so I can't really answer your question. I did work with a guy who wasn't. When I was pregnant with my son he told me to get him circumcised because he always felt embarrassed that he wasn't and actually got the procedure done when he was adult which he said was extremely painful.  

 

I made them do the procedure on my son before I left the hospital. I had my son on a weekend. Unfortunately my regular doctor wasn't on call but he had told me he would do the procedure at the hospital, the doctor who delivered me didn't want to do it, but I insisted and he eventually caved in. When my son came back from the procedure I could tell he had been crying, but it never seemed to bother him after that.

 

One of my friends had to take her son to the doctors office to have it done a week after he was born, she said it was awful, she could hear him crying and it killed her at the time, but she also said after it was over it didn't seem to bother her son either.

 

Circumcision certainly isn't necessary. I didn't know about the masturbation link. I always thought they initially did it to protect against infections. It's good that you are doing research. I'm sure you will make the best decision for your child.

 

Best of luck!

 

 

That was really gave me a laugh when you said he'd have to pry the baby form you cold dead hands. It's not that bad. My son had his done some after he was born. It's up to you and your husband to decide if you want to or not. I have been with someone that wasn't and it looked strange to me but I dealt with it. It's all in how the man or boy keeps himself clean.  I also know of someone that had it done later in life and it was more painful to him when he did it then if he would have as a baby and knew nothing of the pain.

As far a masturbation is concerned they will do with or without being circumcised. There's really no difference if they have it done or not. They still have the same function as someone that is circumcised.

It's really up to you and your husband. Your not in the room when they do it so you don't see them doing the procedure unless your Jewish and have a brisk.

 

                                             Good luck and I hope you do what's right for you.

 
November 12, 2008, 4:48 pm CST

Don't know what to do

I've been married for about 4 months, but in a relationship for 3 yrs. There's many reasons I've not wanted to have sex with my husband and some he knows about and the others i keep to myself. I feel that he's not going to change and things will stay the same and therefore our relationship will end in divorce. I'm stressed out, get 6 hours of sleep some due to his snoring and his need to touch me while I'm sleeping which wakes me up. I'm a light sleeper at times and hate when he does this especially when I've not gotten a good rest in days or weeks. I'm still angry about alot of things that have happened in the past few months and now that we're broke that's added stress on our relationship. He doesn't talk about what bothers him but the one thing he does tell me is how long it's been which pisses me off. That in itself makes me not want to have sex with him. His lack of romance, sensuality, and even four play is lacking. He sleeps all day from being up til the sun comes up and plays computer games and video games all day. I'm feeling like I'm not attracted to him anymore and this scares me and the next thing that will happen is use ending our marriage. His lack of motivation is a turn off and I talk to him about things and it changes for a little while and then back to what it was from the start. I feel like it's all a joke and want to just end it and struggle on my own as I did as a single mom. I've left all I had to be with him and I feel lonely and unhappy when I thought I was going to be with someone in a place to start new and be happy with him

 

I hope this all makes since and at this point I don't know what makes since anymore. I want sex but when he does or says something I don't agree with and makes me mad. I lose all desire and I feel bad because he wants it and I don't. I can't even look  at him or touch him sometimes because I'm so pissed and frustrated. I've been looking for a job and still haven't found one and we have about 100 dollars in the bank and 60 in cash. I feel he waits for life to come to him and when it doesn't he still does nothing to change things in order to make things happen or figure out what the hold up is. I have school and no work and no money and all that in itself plus him makes me not want to even think about sex let alone want anyone to touch me.

 

How do you tell someone to get off their but and do something or all you have is going to be gone. My worry is in my life as it is not the lack of sex. But I know it's a big part of relationships and worry it will be the cause of him getting online and meeting females again and going out and cheating or him just wanting out as I feel sometimes. Hopefully someone can give me some imput on what to do.

 
March 18, 2009, 1:43 pm CDT

I NEVER GIVE IT UP HE SAYS

WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER ON AN OFF FOR 5 YEARS.  WE STILL HAD SOME GROWING TO DO. IN 2008 WE  HAD OUR SON THAT VALENTINES DAY HE ASKED ME TO MARRY HIM. THAT NOVEMBER WE GOT MARRIED. HERE IT IS MARCH 2009 AND I CANT SEEM TO FIND THAT MOOD WHERE SEX MAKES ME HAPPY. HE SAYS THINGS "WELL IF YOU WOULD GIVE IT UP I MIGHT BE IN A BETTER MOOD". "I SAY WELL I'M NOT A SWITCH THAT YOU CAN TURN ON AND OFF". HE THINKS BY SAYING I'M IN THE MOOD OR DOING SOME STUPID DANCE.... THAT I'M GONNA JUMP FOR JOY FOR SEXY. I WISH HE COULD BE ME FOR A WEEK. WORK. 13 MONTH OLD DINNER TO COOK CLOTHES TO CLEAN FOLD PUT AWAY. I DO THE SAME THING EVERYDAY ALL THE TIME. WE DON'T TALK.  I  AM USE TO A CITY LIFE WHERE THERE IS LIFE THINGS GOING ON PEOPLE WALKING AROUND. WE NOW LIVE IN WHAT I CALL A SMALL TOWN IN THE MIDDLE OF NO WHERE. WHERE I FIND NOTHING FUN. I'M BORED. I'M RESTLESS. I THINK THAT IS WHY I CANT GET IN THE MOOD. WE LIVE HERE BECAUSE ITS A FREE ROOF OVER OUR HEAD. I'M GRATEFUL FOR THAT BUT ITS TAKING A TOLL ON OUR BEDROOM LIFE.   IT HURTS ME MORE AND MORE EVERY DAY BECAUSE THE COMMENTS JUST DON'T STOP AND THEY DON'T HELP MY ALREADY LACK OF DESIRE.   
 
April 12, 2009, 8:01 pm CDT

My fiance doesnt want sex

When we first got together it was simply pationate... and SO GREAT..... After just a few months so madly in love we got engaged she moved in and again everything was great... About a year into the engagment our sex life really slowed down going from 4-5 times a week to once or so every 2 weeks or so. Then we bought a house and Now our sex life has almost disappeared. We have gone on stints were we havent had sex for 2 months. I am 27 by the was and she is 21. I know your probably thinking its her way of pulling away from the relationship being that she is so young. But here about 2 months ago we were constantly fighting to the point where I caught her talking to another man. I confronted her and told her I no longer wantd to be with her. She cried and begged me to take her back. For a month she slept in another room I verbaly abused her to try and get her to leave (it was only for that reason she had hurt me so badly that I just wanted her gone and was willing to do almost anything ) That said after day in and day out of her begging for me back I thought that she really was sorry and had proved to me just how badly she loves me and wants to be with me. Soooo for about a month everything was great again the sex lovie dovie but now the sex has faded. We have only had sex once in 3 weeks and I am tired out fighting for her trying for her. I know she likes it and I know she orgasmism every time (i am not bragging I just know her and yes i know women fake it and have been with that kind of woman) I really do know that she does orgaism. She wantes to get married in 3 months so that we can finally be a married couple and she wants kids but I just keep thinking that the only way this relationship can go...is down. I dont want to marry her only to be divorced in a year and I definetly dont want to cheat on her but that is the only thing I can imagine happening if we continue this way. Also I have tried talking about it and she says that she just does need to have sex. But I think that if we want to be happy we both have to try to please each other. I just dont feel like she is trying as hard as I am. What should I do!?!?!?!?!?!?
 
April 15, 2009, 10:09 pm CDT

i just dont want it so wat!

me and ma husband had a strong conection wen it came to our sexual life. After he put me through the harsh hell he put me through my emotional connection wasnt the same. i refused every physical contact he wanted from me. I am scared and still scared to feel the attacment with him. I wish i can just make him happy to get him wat he wants but i cant. He thinks im cheating on him, but thats not the case. i dont ever think about sex it disgusts me at times, part reason is casue of him other reasons is becaue of things i experianced n my past that i cant let go. he askd me how i can control my mind of sexual desire its easy for me if i dont want it ,than i dont want it. ma brain can do wat i want it to do. Maybe n the future i will change but now i dont kare for physical emotional contact.
 
April 16, 2009, 9:38 pm CDT

The other opinion

Quote From: dravensmom143

WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER ON AN OFF FOR 5 YEARS.  WE STILL HAD SOME GROWING TO DO. IN 2008 WE  HAD OUR SON THAT VALENTINES DAY HE ASKED ME TO MARRY HIM. THAT NOVEMBER WE GOT MARRIED. HERE IT IS MARCH 2009 AND I CANT SEEM TO FIND THAT MOOD WHERE SEX MAKES ME HAPPY. HE SAYS THINGS "WELL IF YOU WOULD GIVE IT UP I MIGHT BE IN A BETTER MOOD". "I SAY WELL I'M NOT A SWITCH THAT YOU CAN TURN ON AND OFF". HE THINKS BY SAYING I'M IN THE MOOD OR DOING SOME STUPID DANCE.... THAT I'M GONNA JUMP FOR JOY FOR SEXY. I WISH HE COULD BE ME FOR A WEEK. WORK. 13 MONTH OLD DINNER TO COOK CLOTHES TO CLEAN FOLD PUT AWAY. I DO THE SAME THING EVERYDAY ALL THE TIME. WE DON'T TALK.  I  AM USE TO A CITY LIFE WHERE THERE IS LIFE THINGS GOING ON PEOPLE WALKING AROUND. WE NOW LIVE IN WHAT I CALL A SMALL TOWN IN THE MIDDLE OF NO WHERE. WHERE I FIND NOTHING FUN. I'M BORED. I'M RESTLESS. I THINK THAT IS WHY I CANT GET IN THE MOOD. WE LIVE HERE BECAUSE ITS A FREE ROOF OVER OUR HEAD. I'M GRATEFUL FOR THAT BUT ITS TAKING A TOLL ON OUR BEDROOM LIFE.   IT HURTS ME MORE AND MORE EVERY DAY BECAUSE THE COMMENTS JUST DON'T STOP AND THEY DON'T HELP MY ALREADY LACK OF DESIRE.   

I am in the exact opposite boat. I guess in your scenario I would be your husband...more or less.... Any ways since I can relate I thought I would share the other sides thoughts. I know you have a lot on your plate I can definetly understand that. But Im sure he does also. I assume he works. So while you have your hands full at home, he has his hands full at work. I dont want to sound calus but in my opinion I dont find that to be an excuse. Please keep in mind that everything I say isnt out of spite, but, a real compasion for trying to understands both sides. Im trying to do the same in my relationship. Coming from a man who absolutely loves his wife, men are defined by their women. YOU are our confidence our life our everything. So when you "are not in the mood" it directly affects our emotions. Just like women we wonder if we are good enough if we are still sexy in your eyes. By being rejected we become depressed and lash out sometimes with smug comments others by drinking. And yes, you do reject him everyday, by not being in the mood. In my situation my wife says she is not in the mood and that she rarely thinks about it, but when she does, thats when we are intimate. So i think it would be fair to say that if you open yourself a bit more and think about him that way, you may begin to see a change in your "mood". If you think about food you will eventually get hungry and crave whatever it is you were thinking about. So I say think about and crave him. Some people dont believe sex is all that important, but I, absolutley believe it is probably the most important aspect of a relationship. I know that sounds like a man. But hear me out. Sex provides a moment of intimacy that you can not get with any other experience its an emotional bond even more so than physical. When else do you look at each other truely.. deeply.. and think to yourself. "GOD I LOVE THIS MAN/WOMAN". You forget about your worries your hardships so much so that you are in an incredible mood after. The side affects are things like 1. no one cheats... cuz the fact is, both men and women alike, If they are satisfied at home they feel no need to look else where. 2. More willingness to help and forgive, its because this form of love is so powerfull people want to help each other.. do the laundry wash the dishes.... People are much less likely to be put in a bad mood over minor things. I know it may sound corny, but what have you got to lose. Your relationship is in a place where something has to change. Either by getting better or worse. If you truely love him then you have to try your absolute hardest to keep him and he has to work every bit as hard. I hope for yours and his sakes that you are willing to make that effort. If you are not then it seems to me that you may not love each other as much as you thought you did.  Its the little things that make a differnce and the big things that change your life.

 

Sincerly

Joey

 

If you have any thoughts on my situation, I would love to hear "her side"

 
June 5, 2009, 8:29 pm CDT

Please don't rush it!

Quote From: ninjaix

When we first got together it was simply pationate... and SO GREAT..... After just a few months so madly in love we got engaged she moved in and again everything was great... About a year into the engagment our sex life really slowed down going from 4-5 times a week to once or so every 2 weeks or so. Then we bought a house and Now our sex life has almost disappeared. We have gone on stints were we havent had sex for 2 months. I am 27 by the was and she is 21. I know your probably thinking its her way of pulling away from the relationship being that she is so young. But here about 2 months ago we were constantly fighting to the point where I caught her talking to another man. I confronted her and told her I no longer wantd to be with her. She cried and begged me to take her back. For a month she slept in another room I verbaly abused her to try and get her to leave (it was only for that reason she had hurt me so badly that I just wanted her gone and was willing to do almost anything ) That said after day in and day out of her begging for me back I thought that she really was sorry and had proved to me just how badly she loves me and wants to be with me. Soooo for about a month everything was great again the sex lovie dovie but now the sex has faded. We have only had sex once in 3 weeks and I am tired out fighting for her trying for her. I know she likes it and I know she orgasmism every time (i am not bragging I just know her and yes i know women fake it and have been with that kind of woman) I really do know that she does orgaism. She wantes to get married in 3 months so that we can finally be a married couple and she wants kids but I just keep thinking that the only way this relationship can go...is down. I dont want to marry her only to be divorced in a year and I definetly dont want to cheat on her but that is the only thing I can imagine happening if we continue this way. Also I have tried talking about it and she says that she just does need to have sex. But I think that if we want to be happy we both have to try to please each other. I just dont feel like she is trying as hard as I am. What should I do!?!?!?!?!?!?

 

Dear Ninjaix,

 

    I am a 44yr old woman.  I was married for seven years and have been divorced and on my own for quite a while. 

     Your situation is not uncommon.  When I was married, my sex drive decreased significantly.  I think that a big reason was because I did not feel right with my husband anymore.  We were not getting along.  I often felt like I was handling things by myself.  If a financial problem arouse, I felt like it was my problem instead of our problem.  We also disagreed on how to raise his son, among other things.  We became a source of eachother's frustrations instead of a support to eachother.  I'm not saying that your situation is exactly like mine, but I am saying that if you choose to stay together, you need to get down to the real problems that exist between you.  I'm willing to bet that her lack of interest in sex is only a symptom of the REAL problem. 

     As I read your message, a few things stood out to me:

 

     1)  You became verbally abusive to your girlfriend because you no longer wanted to be with her. 

      You have to make a choice and stick with that choice.  Either stay together and do things that nurture your relationship, or split up and make every effert to seperate yourself from her.  You may need to change your phone numbers, the locks on you door, etc.  Being abusive and staying together in a kind of "limbo existance" is only making matters worse.

 

     2)  It is not unusual for two people to break up because of their unsolved problems, then get back together with a feeling that things have changed, but soon enough the same problems will emege because they never went away.

     I see that occuring in your relationship.  When you first got back together, you were having sex more often, but then it fizzled down again because the underlying problems were still there. 

     Every so often I decide I am going to lose weight, and I begin eating better and excerising regularly.  I do well for a short time, then I fall off the wagon.  That's because I did not really make a change.

 

     3)  Your girlfriend has an unhealthy need to be with you.

     She's unhappy, you're unhappy and yet she doesn't want to lose you.  I encourage you to explore the reason(s) why?  Maybe she is the kind of person who is afraid of being alone.  Maybe she feels there is  no one else to turn to.  Would she be uncomfortable moving back in with her parents?

 

     4)  MOST IMPORTANTLY, she wants to get married in three months and start a family.

     You are right to be so apprehensive.  Marriage will only magnify your existing problems, and if you have children, your problems will increase exponentially !!!!!  Furhermore, your inocent children will suffer the consequences.  Quite likely, they will grow up to have the same inability to solve their relationship problems as well.

 

     MY ADVICE:  If you want to persue this relationship, don't be in a hurry to get in any deeper for at least a while.  Look into seeing a therapist of some kind.  Some health insurances will cover the costs while requiring only a low copay.  Your health insurance company could give you that information.  You could call some churches.  They often have a counselor available.  If you really want to give your relationship the most optimal chance for sucess and fullfillment, EDUCATE YOURSELF!!!  Go to the library and get some books on understanding relationships, and on how to please a woman sexually.  If you decide to persue this relationship, be ready to do some uncomfortable things, like reading relationship books.   What do you have to lose?  Even if your current relationship does not pan out, by educating yourself you will be more ready to handle the problems that come up in your future relationhips.  I know that reading books is not something that most guys like to do, but look at it this way....

     Look at the people around you.  Your family, your friends.  Are they truly happy in their relationships or are they struggling?  Can you see that they are settling for a lot less fullfillment in their marriages than they had origanally hoped for?  Do you hope for more than that in your relationships?  If so, get ready to WORK FOR IT.  If it was remotely easy to make a relationship/marriage work, then more people would be in happy marriages. 

     I have observed that there are many good people in unhappy marriages/long tern relationships.  You seem like a great guy, sensative, and intelligent, with some areas to work on in order to be the best man you can be.  And believe me, (this is coming from someone who is in her mid-forties), you have a lot of your life ahead of you.  The decisions you make from this moment on will greatly affect your life.  Will you be satisfied just being in the kinds of relationships that you see most of your peers in, or are you willing to work for the life that you really want?

   

     Best wishes to you.

     I hope you will keep me posted.

 

     K.D.

 

 

    

 
July 24, 2009, 12:44 pm CDT

o.O

Quote From: debbyl950

HI,  

I am married to a wonderful man, he is my best friend.  He told me when we were first married sex was over rated... that hit me like a blow in the head.  I knew his dad was warped (had him in a threesome with his girl friend and  him, guess to make a "man" out of him, he was not even 15) and your dad is usually your role model, but he is not like that, not at all.  He is the kindest man, he would not hurt a flea or be cruel to anyone.  

We have been married 7 years and I have been very patient with him.  I try to wait until he is in the mood, but I don't think he ever really is.  I think the only reason he has sex with me is out of duty.  We are able to please each other almost every time and I think we are very fortunate for that.    

This year we have had sex 6 times, less than once a month.  I would be happy with once a week, I would really be happy with twice a week but would take twice a month and be very happy.  Really, I wouldn't mind it not being so often if I felt like he truly wanted me.  Truly wanted to make that union with me.  

I try to get him to talk about it, he finally said he had things in his head but he just couldn't get them out.  I have been patient and listening (instead of talking) but he does not want to talk about it.    

He did make the statement that our relationship couldn't just be about sex.  I agree 110%.  The ceiling fan was on in our room, I said, "Do  you see that fan"?  He said, "yes".  I told him if that fan got out of balance just a little but we continue to run it after a while that fan would wobble more and more, not because it started off so off balance but because we continued to use it that way".    

Still nothing, he works very hard and is always tired.  He is over weight and so am I, he gets very little exercise puts in extra time at work and comes home and does marketing for home based bushiness he is trying to get started.  He has time for what he puts first, I just don't happen to be it.  I have told him that but try to be kind in what I say.  

We enjoy hobbies together and spend most of our time together... we love to be together.  I feel like a dog waiting for a pat on the head.  I feel like he looks at me and thinks.... "good wifey, good wifey, now lay down and be a good girl and go to sleep".  I keep a clean house and work full time out of the house.  This is not a new problem... and the fan blade is really wobbling.  I feel it is just a matter of time until we are just room mates trying to live out our lives the best we can without hurting each other, and that is very sad.  

 Isn't what his dad did illegal? No Wonder he's always 'too tired.'

I mean, If you had a threesome with you're mom, wouldn't you be traumatized? I WOULD BE. BTW, I'm 15. It's kind of disgusting to imagine the scene. With my mom.

 

I suggest a therapist....   

 
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