Topic : Sex

Hello

This is my frist time to post here.I have been married 33years.For the last 10-12 years I have lost my feelings for him.I have keep try to hold it all together but the last 3 years have been so bad.He is going thought a depresson because of a job change.He has just given up on everything.We have not had sex in I say 4 years.We are not close at all.He saids he loves me but I dont feel it.One night we were talking and he said he loved me even thoe I am fat.This is not the frist time hes brought up my weight.I just dont know what to do.I dont feel anything for him but scared to walk away. Is it better to stay and not rock the boat?If theres anyone that could talk to me I would really be thankful.Could you please us my email address  dessur@yahoo.com  thank you so much

This is the first time of posting here...so am nervous..My situation is, I married a man who doesn't like any type of touching,,,he is an over the road truck driver gone 2-4 weeks at a time,,,when he comes home i get a quick peck on the lips and when he leaves,,i get a 2 second hug (Not joking)..that is it,,,he says he hates sex. or making love,,,but looks at dvd porns and i've found magazines, lots, in the past,,,when i confronted him, he said he didn't care throw them out,,,so i did,,,he says he just looks at them,,,doesn't do anything for him,,,i ask why look at them then,,,,we have been married 1.4 years and together 4..he has a 8 year old he took away from her mother due to neglect,,,,after we got together, i feel i am just the nanny so to speak,,,a marriage of convenience...i was in 1st marriage 18 years=it ended to to his infidelity,,But i will say until the last 2 years, we had an awesome relationship in every way,,,am i comparing? yes & no,,,I know what works for me,,,,not the man (other) the setup if you will,,,was all i wanted,,,,the way i was treated,,,,the way i could freely treat him,,,,i can't touch my husband,,,doesn't like being touched,,,sometimes he will put his hand on my hip for  a few minutes in bed and then roll over thats it...well, too hard to say more now,,,,had to get off my chest,,thanks for any info..and just to listen to me,,,

I know how you feel I feel like I have roommate andI sometimes think about having an affair but is it really worth it? There has got to be a better way. I am going to try to be kinder to myself and get my confidence back maybe that will help him notice. Remember you are important and you matter to.

 I have been married 37 years and have not had sex in about 5 years and probably 3 years before that.   We are pals and I don't like it, but no amount of me talking about it makes any difference.  I go for some time, I bring it up, he swears he will do better then nothing. Last time I was not upset and crying , just accepting and told him not to lie to himself or me. Promises promises.  I get so depressed with my life as it is.  No nothing.   I feel like I am the walking dead. We are like brother and sister and I don't think I can divorce him. He is not abusive, just dead I guess like me.  He died first, medical issues that he does not face or deal with.  He could but doesn't choose to. 

By reading this post above, I see its not only me living this passive friendly life.   I feel sad that I have to and depressed.

Have you asked him if 'there's another woman' in his life. This may sound awfully forward but if he cannot repond to your physical needs there may be other issues. You must be feeling so emotinally  un-attended to aswell.

 

The mere fact that he looks at porno shows that he does need some sort of 'sexual'  outlet.   Pornograghy is  a false sort of perception that men get. Degrading to woman,as most of the photo's are woman with perfect bodies etc. (media and movies depict perfection).

 

You need some sort of physical contact with your husband its important for a woman to feel wanted. Have you tried the romancing stance or other tip's from Dr Phil. Flirting with your husband again or some sort of counselling will be effective.

 

Be attractive inside and that confidence may exude sensualitly that will attract your husband.

 

Thumberlina. 

This sounds like a extremely lonely and sad situation.

 

Twid be marvelous if you could try and shake up your life with a recipe of romance and re-invent yourself.  Sometimes woman get into a rut and look back on their lives and cannot believe how they got there. Once your idea's and ideals start getting fired up there is this magical broom that appears and things start to look clearer.

 

Fear is not a good foundation.There must be faith and hope for happiness. Once there is hope, faith seems to kick in and your future will be brighter!

 

If YOU feel that your weight is a problem to you and your health, maybe...... take a few weeks and detox your body.(ofcourse your plan must be healthy and make sure your physician gives you the go ahead) This is ofcourse up to you and your feelings about your body.

 

What you feel you are !

 

Take care

Thumbelina.

yes, i have tried flirting,,,and he says there isn't another woman but i'm still unsure of that one, given his profession,,,and just things don't add up that he tells me, and not being able to reach him at times he'll say he was out of range (phone) and i know for a fact it is an area where we get signals,,,and no he will not go to counseling,,,says i am the problem,,,i have issues,,that he thinks are marriage is perfect....when i try to bring up anything re: this,,,he gets angry,,,says its been resolved,,i tell him he may think so,,but not to me it hasn't....he leads me on sometimes,,refers to me getting it later,,then nothing happens,,,thanks for reply...

Hi.  I am pretty much where you are only to top it off my husband has been disabled for the last 3 years and he is the one who has the weight problem.  DOWN to about 600 lbs. now from about 750 2 months ago when I told him I wanted to leave.  We've been married 22 years and have a 6 year old. 

I don't know what to do either.  I want out hoping that I can be happy.  I'm tired of this and don't know how to get the feelings back.  I also have tried to fall back in love for the last at least 10 years, probably more, and I can't seem to do it. 

I guess I had to rock the boat because I have the slight hope for a chance for happiness.  Like you, I am scared to death of being on my own.  I'm not sure I can do it.  I went from mom to him.  I work and think I could do it, but there is always this fear and doubt in the back of my mind.  He knows all of this as we have been talking a lot since June when I told him how I felt.  He's changing daily for the better but I don't feel like I am.  My feelings for him haven't changed.  I will always love him as a friend, worry about him and be there as much as I can.  But not in the way of a wife.  We are living together in seperate rooms until he can lose weight to be able to take care of himself.  I can't/won't leave him until he's stable.  It's really hard though to do this.

Good luck in what you decide to do.  I hope things work out for you.  And me.  Take care.

 

This is my first time to post here.  I need some help.I am 25 years old. My husband and I will be married 2 years in October.  We have a 2 year old daughter.  Before our daughter was born we had a great sex life.  When I was 38 weeks pregnant, I suffered from a SECOND stroke.  I lost all the feeling in my right side and am not able to do anything with my right side other than walk.  It makes it hard to do every day things including take care of my daughter, the house work and in the bedroom, I lack everything.  My husband told me last night that I act like a lazy old house maid.  I thought it was right on the money because thats how I feel.  I am on disability, I can not work, I stay home all day and take care of our daughter and clean what I can of the house.  I feel like a maid and a baby sitter.  I am not comfortable in the bedroom because of my disabilities, and that causing problems.  What am I supposed to do to not feel like a disabled lazy house maid? How can I get comfortable in the bedroom again?

Krissy

Well first of all, your husband is very rude and should not be talking to you like that. He should be loving and encouraging and helping you.I sure the heck wouldn't be encouraged to even sleep with my husband if he would to treat me like that, he's your husband and he married you and therefore he is suppose to love and respect you for better and for worse ,in sickness and in health. I would be having a talk with my husband if this were happening to me.

Communicate with him and tell him exactly how you feel and what it is that you need from him to help you through this. Taking care of a home and children has it's ups and downs as it is and you have an extra strike against you. I can bet that one reason that you do not feel comfortable in the bedroom is because of his attitude and remark to you. One thing that helps me in my everyday life is to journal( I actually have a blog) and I list 5 positive things on a regular basis about myself and my day. Do this and see what happens. Let your husband know that you do not need the negative comments for you are already experinceing those, you need to hear the positive ones so that you can think more clearly and deal with your issues with a positive attitude, believe me, it works.

You are not a maid nor are you a babysitter, you are a mother and a wife and you need to make this clear to your husband as well as start thinking this for yourself. Be kind to your self and if need to, seek out some help for your self to help you over come these negative feelings about your self, Hopefully, your husband will step up to the plate and be your safe haven as a husband but what ever the case, you owe it to yourself and your child to believe in yourself and to get on the right track with your life. You deserve to be happy and your child deserves a happy mommy and with you and your husabnd working as a team it is possible to be a good wife, for it does take two to make a marriage loving and lasting but it may take just one to get the ball rolling, go to your husband and communicate with him and hopefully he will stop ridiculing you and you need to quit ridiculing yourself as well......................