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Topic : Sex

Number of Replies: 1104
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:03:20 pm
Author : dataimport
Are you getting enough? Maintaining the sizzle? Or just too tired to even think about it?

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September 13, 2005, 5:12 am CDT

Low Sex Drive

My husband and I met each other in highschool and we were very hot and heavy. I couldn't get enough of him. A few months before we got married I became an egg donar and had to go on the pill for two weeks. Ever since than my sex drive has gone way way down.  Most of our fights are because I don't want to have sex and when we do I can't wait to get it over with. I don't know what happened????? I remember reading once about certain pills containing a drug that creates a low sex drive. But I only took it for 2 weeks and that was alomost over 2 years ago.  Sometimes I think other things add to it. My husband has gained a lot of weight over the past 2 years and it has become hard for him to get or keep an errection.  He also accuses me of not being attracted to him anymore...and he's right.  I just don't know what to do. Has anyone ever been or is in the same situation?
 
September 15, 2005, 2:23 pm CDT

I feel your pain

Quote From: bunch2

We have been only married for 1 1/2 years and we only have sex/make love once a month.  My husband says there is no time (we have no children).  When we do make love it takes about 5 minutes and is horrible, horrible and did I say horrible?  I have tried showing, telling, talking, writing to try and help him along with what I desire and still absolutely NO improvements.  He also lacks effective communication skills and when I talk to him about our relationship he looks at me like a deer in the headlights!  He does not respond, act on or try and change the direction of our relationship.  I am at a loss because he is such a kind, gentle and thoughtful soul.  He is the type of man that cleans the house, does laundry and pulls my side of the sheets down for me to go to bed! I have talked to him about our relationship for the last 6 months and our last conversation I said I am not going to renew the mortgage (due in September).

 

Is my Husband a lost cause?

  

its not a good idea to threaten not to pay the mortgage. You still need a place to live ;)  I know how you feel. My soon to be hubby never-ever-ever wants to have sex. We have been together for almost 8 years and the sex stopped about a year ago. Like you, I have tried talking to him about it, with no resolve. He is a great person and I really love him. My advice to you is, be carefull what you say and how you say it. Men take everything to heart and sometimes the wrong way.  Talk to you soon. 

 
September 17, 2005, 4:04 pm CDT

hormones

Quote From: laluna

My husband and I met each other in highschool and we were very hot and heavy. I couldn't get enough of him. A few months before we got married I became an egg donar and had to go on the pill for two weeks. Ever since than my sex drive has gone way way down.  Most of our fights are because I don't want to have sex and when we do I can't wait to get it over with. I don't know what happened????? I remember reading once about certain pills containing a drug that creates a low sex drive. But I only took it for 2 weeks and that was alomost over 2 years ago.  Sometimes I think other things add to it. My husband has gained a lot of weight over the past 2 years and it has become hard for him to get or keep an errection.  He also accuses me of not being attracted to him anymore...and he's right.  I just don't know what to do. Has anyone ever been or is in the same situation?

laluna, how old are you and do you have any children? 

  

i have been married to my husband for almost 13 yrs now.  we had mad passionate sex prior to marriage that continued on until early to mid 30's.  then a huge decline in my sex drive happened.  i had no idea why.  the only thing i could think of was post traumatic stress syndrome. i had been attacked in a department store bathroom.  thank god i was unharmed but still have lasting fears of public restrooms.  (a whole different story and msg board). haha 

  

any way my drive went down hill fast.  i tried everything including toys, testosterone cream, movies. self talk and seeing a counselor.  i did make myself say "yes" to sex even when i was not feeling like it and enjoyed it once it started. kind of like exercising... hard to get started but always feel better once finished... any way. over time and a very considerate, loving , non-judgemental husband we have returned to "our normal"  which we are both very fullfilled by. 

  

long story short.. (sorry) just wanted to get to now that i look back on it and talk to younger ( i am now 41) female friends in their 30's seems to me that i could be hormone related.  i was not on birth control pills.  tubal ligation mid 80's.   

  

hang in there and my advice say yes even when you don't feel like it.  it's not selling out. you have to (like dr. phil says) behave your way to success... 

  

good luck hope to hear from you soon 

  

  

 
September 19, 2005, 8:11 am CDT

Low testosterone

My Hubby and I have been married for four years and have little or no sex . 

I went through the first three years feeling fat, ugly, unloved, unwanted, I continually harrased him about sex, I wanted to talk about it and get to the bottom of our problem, he didn't feel comfortable about talking about it at all. 

The thought of him having someone else was not even an aoption, my husband comes home right after work, and wants to spend time with me, we are best friends, I wondered if he was gay!!! 

I was always the one trying to initiate sex, and he ALWAYS turns me down.... 

Well, I had a talk with is doctor during one of his visits and asked him to mention having a testosterone test to him, he did and My husband reluctantly agreed, and much to his suprise, his levels were extremely low! 

He even called himself a girly man, lol... so that actually made me feel better, knwoing that I was not the entire problem, he had NO DRIVE!! 

So he was given the patch totry and it did nothing,  he wore them for six months, the doc even raised his perscription to two patches and his levels only increased slightly...so he stopped wearing them... 

Now we have nothing, no intamacy at all... I am a forced celibate. 

I am head over heels in love with my husband, I adore every moment with him, we never argue, he doesn't go to bars or watch sports or hang out at his buddy's, he is home with me... 

help...what should I do now??? 

should I just be glad that I have a gerat man that loves me , or be selfish and think of my own sexual needs??? 

  

 
September 20, 2005, 12:35 pm CDT

What do I do?

Hello!  I've been married for 1 year and three months.  I have never been sexually attracted to my husband.  I told him this before we got married, but he still wanted to marry me.  I thought maybe it would get better, but it has gotten worse!  I don't even like for him to touch me like that. 

It's not that I want to have sex with any one else, because I don't (I have thought about it though). 

I really don't want him to go and cheat, but how can I stop him if I don't want to? 

 
September 20, 2005, 1:01 pm CDT

Sex

Quote From: lovebear

Hello!  I've been married for 1 year and three months.  I have never been sexually attracted to my husband.  I told him this before we got married, but he still wanted to marry me.  I thought maybe it would get better, but it has gotten worse!  I don't even like for him to touch me like that. 

It's not that I want to have sex with any one else, because I don't (I have thought about it though). 

I really don't want him to go and cheat, but how can I stop him if I don't want to? 

Do you know why you do not want to have sex with your husband? sex and marriage really does go together, and I think if a partner denies the other of sex then that is opening doors for one to cheat. Personally I could never imagine my husband not touching me or even either one of us not wanting sex, it would definetly leave a void in our relationship. Have you ever tried seeking a counsellor, some one that you can open up to to help you discover the reasons for this? Chances are if your husabnd wants to have sex and if he isn't aloud touching you then there is a great possibility he will eventually cheat on you, maybe he doesn't intend on it but like I said, sex is a part of marriage and I believe your partner has the right to it, unless of course he is controlling and abusive, that is a whole different issue. How does he respond to you when you don't want him touching you or not wanting sex? Is he ok with it or does it upset him? I personally would be upset if my partner didn't want to be with me and I can see where it could open doors to adultery, if the spouse isn't going to have sex with him, then who is there? If you don't want him cheating and if you love and care for him and want to be married to him then I would suggest you get some help.
 
September 20, 2005, 2:05 pm CDT

Very sad and frustrated

Hey everyone, 

 I have been married for almost two years and I dont know what I am supposed to do. My husband is very wonderful most in most areas. He cooks, cleans and we can talk about almost anything, almsot. My problem is our sex life/romantic life. For the past year I have been the one to do 95% of all the romatic things, and to be honest Im tired of it. This topic is the one major thing that I fight about, I say I because anytime I bring it up he just stares at me. He has said he doesnt know what to say to me about this. I have even given him a letter explaining my needs and a list of things he can do for me that I find romantic, and suprise suprise, nothing!!! I love him to death but my desire to make love to him in disappearing. I have even tried to find out if there are things I can do for him to fullfil his needs, wants and desires, but he says he doesnt even know what they are. I am so frustrated and sad, because I have no idea what to do, and at times I am starting to feel like we are just good friends, and to be honest I dont want to fall out of love with him, but I am affraid that in enought ime this may happen. Im sure that sounds shallow, but Its my secret fear!! If anyone can help I appreciate it!!! 

 
September 20, 2005, 3:39 pm CDT

Sex

Quote From: kander

laluna, how old are you and do you have any children? 

  

i have been married to my husband for almost 13 yrs now.  we had mad passionate sex prior to marriage that continued on until early to mid 30's.  then a huge decline in my sex drive happened.  i had no idea why.  the only thing i could think of was post traumatic stress syndrome. i had been attacked in a department store bathroom.  thank god i was unharmed but still have lasting fears of public restrooms.  (a whole different story and msg board). haha 

  

any way my drive went down hill fast.  i tried everything including toys, testosterone cream, movies. self talk and seeing a counselor.  i did make myself say "yes" to sex even when i was not feeling like it and enjoyed it once it started. kind of like exercising... hard to get started but always feel better once finished... any way. over time and a very considerate, loving , non-judgemental husband we have returned to "our normal"  which we are both very fullfilled by. 

  

long story short.. (sorry) just wanted to get to now that i look back on it and talk to younger ( i am now 41) female friends in their 30's seems to me that i could be hormone related.  i was not on birth control pills.  tubal ligation mid 80's.   

  

hang in there and my advice say yes even when you don't feel like it.  it's not selling out. you have to (like dr. phil says) behave your way to success... 

  

good luck hope to hear from you soon 

  

  

  

  

I am 24 and no I do not have children.  As far as I know I don't suffer from PDSS. I am extremely sensitive however on the outside as well as the inside. I don't sleep very well because I am always thinking about things or making new plans and ideas.  I am never the one to initiate sex and I wish I could. I have had my hormones tested but it was for another issue, not sex related and everything seemed to be fine.  I don't know what it is. My husband is no picnic and I think that contributes to it.  I'll let you know if thing get any better. 

  

thanks 

 
September 21, 2005, 1:39 pm CDT

in similar situation

Quote From: laluna

My husband and I met each other in highschool and we were very hot and heavy. I couldn't get enough of him. A few months before we got married I became an egg donar and had to go on the pill for two weeks. Ever since than my sex drive has gone way way down.  Most of our fights are because I don't want to have sex and when we do I can't wait to get it over with. I don't know what happened????? I remember reading once about certain pills containing a drug that creates a low sex drive. But I only took it for 2 weeks and that was alomost over 2 years ago.  Sometimes I think other things add to it. My husband has gained a lot of weight over the past 2 years and it has become hard for him to get or keep an errection.  He also accuses me of not being attracted to him anymore...and he's right.  I just don't know what to do. Has anyone ever been or is in the same situation?
 I completely understand what you are going through. Though, our situations are different, we both have the same initial problem: low sex drive. My husband and I haven't been married very long either. My sex drive practicly disappeared not long after becoming pregnant for the first time and has not returned since. He is a one year old now, and not a thing has changed with my sex drive. I still have no desire. I am on birth control pills and I am contimplating not taking them anymore and resorting  to condoms for birthcontrol to see if it makes any difference. My husband is great in practicly every area, but nothing seems to make me turned on. He wants it ALL THE TIME, and I don't ever want it. HELP!!
 
September 26, 2005, 9:22 pm CDT

I guess this can fall under sex...

Bear w/ me, as this is my first time on this site.  I'm hoping someone out there has some solid advice and maybe even been in this situation.  I am currently seperated w/ my husband and living w/ a man that I am 'seeing'.  I have been married for 5 years and have been w/ my husband for a total of six years.  The man I'm living w/ I have been w/ for a month longer than my husband and...they are related.  The man I am living w/ was always in a relationship and that is why we had an affair.  There was a total of 2 years when I did not speak to this man, but always thought of him.  I believed he was my 'true love' but married my husband because I knew he would never leave his girlfriend of 20 some years.  Well, over the summer he finally left his girlfriend.  My husband has known all along about the affair.  I always told him it would not continue, but I just couldnt control my impulses.  Outside of sex, I love my marriage w/ my husband.  However, there is absolutely no passion between us and never has been since day 1.  That is what drives me to the other man.  We have such chemistry.  I feel guilty about what I have done to my husband.  I want to know how to have a marriage where there is no passion.  I just have no sexual attraction to him.  I also dont know how to get over my feelings for the man I am seeing.  However, I would be willing to do whatever it takes to not see him anymore.  That I can handle, but I cant handle not having sexual desires for my husband.  Please note that it is not just that the passion faded, it was never there to begin w/.  I want to finally stop being so immature by having an affair and want to be the wife my husband deserves.  Is there anyone out there that can relate?   

I  

 
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