Topic : Sex

I have been married almost 9 years and when i try to talk to my husband about trying new things to help me he gets so mad.....I catch him trying to have cyber sex with other woman who are more prettier or more skinner....And i feel like i look nasty to him...I try to wearing things for him but he never payattion to me ...I just dont know what is wrong with me ....Am so inserce of my self and my body i dont even want to have sex....and when i tell him he says ur and i always tell u ...He hardly touched me.....Can anyone tell me what I did ???

 

 

 

Military wife looking for answers

Well it s my first time on a public web, may be someone can help me to understand and regroup. I am very active woman - with my husband for 16 years - one daughter - for the last decade we may have sex once a year...may be...and even if I try many times to discuss about it and find out if I am the root of the problem, with years I kind of got used to it - until I found out he goes on porn internet, and have some kind of secrets messages on his voice mail, since I can t listen to it. .

I am 45 and I feel my world is falling appart... Will take any advise!

     My husband and I haven't had sex in almost 2 years, and only once to prior year.  So I have had sex once in the past 3 years.   He had an affair which ended just over 3 years ago.  At first  the lack of sex didn't bother me bacause I was so hurt over the cheating.  I have asked him about it a couple of times and he just said "it's not you".  So what can it be? 

Now I have wen thru 5 pages of this discussion and is it just me or am I the only man here. It seems like women are having a hard time with there husbands. Its the opposite here. Maybe somebody can help me here. I have been married for 9 yrs (10 in April) and our sex life went from once a month the first year to once every other month and now.....well it was October of 2005 since the last time. Now she argues with me that "no,no we has sex in January last year". What the hell, now we are arguing over sex once a year. Here is a short story... I met her and it was really love at first sight (she is gorgeous) and a sweet woman. She was married previous to me, twice. The 2 older boys are from her first marriage and we have one together. What really gets me is that her 2nd husband abused her both verbally, mentally and phyasically, cheated on her, smoked pot all the time, yet she had sexy pictures made of her in lingerie trying to initiate sex, bought HIM flowers and even tried reading books. Now I have never abused this woman in anyway, although I have lied to her in the past and I have always admitted this. We have had our share of tough financial times and I have put on some weight. But yet I leave her small notes all the time, talk to her and be open, tell her how beautiful she is (daily) still buy her flowers, and cook all the time (I am abetter cook though,lol). So why is it that some scumbag had all the attention in the world but I get shafted. It makes me angry and so far it has killed and destroyed any self esteem I might have had. So somebody please tell me what I can do!

 

PS I tried the Dr Phil route but never heard back. I was dissappointed but I am sure there is a reason. 

  we have not had sex for 17 years  , i  am heartbroken , now we   hardly talk   we  fight , i  am so unhappy ,  but i  cant  leave  i have no money  , and the children  grown up now   think we are so happy,   can anyone please  tell me what i can do  to  bring our marriage back to  the way it was thanks

 

if love is truly there, it will last,

but no matter the age of the child, BE YOURSELF... if unhappy, don't let everyone else think otherwise...

you should ALWAYS be yourself, and have people love you  for the person you are.

if you two are not happy together, or even one of you are not happy, then so be it, DONT be together..

life is way to short to be miserable.......there is alot more fish out in the sea, who knows maybe the single life is better... or maybe once you realize what you let go is what you really wanted....

like they say, you never know what you got til it's gone... so give it a rest, and maybe either another solution could be a factor or maybe......once a little break is taken then yall will find ways to resolve your problems and get back together.

 

also... talk & trust ..... major issue's in a relationship... sex isn't everything, but does play a little bit of a factor.

BUT DONT EVER STAY B>C OF MONEY.....

there is help, family, friends, jobs, organizations, wellfare, Social security benefits, medicaid, food stamps..

NEVER EVER DEPEND ON ANYONE TO TAKE CARE OF YOU!!

(in love or not, one day that person shall pass, and what would you do?)

i've always been taught...

 

EVERY ONE DESERVES A SECOND CHANCE,

 

however,

 

I believe that if someone who cheat on your once, there is always a possibiity that they would have the temptations of doing it again......

 

not sure why the sex has decreased, but i know with me in your shoes, there is more fish out in the sea that are bigger, and lots better!!

 

    you don't have sex in your marriage it won't last. It is a type of communication between you and your husband. He needs to respect your feelings since he put you threw the cheating game. You never know it may start a healing process for the both of you if he will give a little.

Hi, this is my first time posting. I'm at my wits end and am sooooo tired. I've been married to my wife for  23 years. We haven't had sex in over 5 years and only twice since 2001. We spent a year in counseling spending over $3,000.00 to be told by the counselor that basically my wife had no desire to change and directed us elsewhere. The straw that broke the camels back was after I found out that I had Parkinson's disease my wife told me that she never really loved me nor ever found me sexually attractive. I asked her why she married me and her comment was that I looked like I would make a good father. She informed me that getting sick was not what she bargained for. We didn't start counseling until a year later because a friend of hers at church said that it wouldn't be good for her to go at the time. I finally told her that she and I needed to go to counseling or we were getting a divorce. My wife is very involved in the church so her image would be ruined if she got divorce; especially since she was married once before so we started counseling.

 

In counseling several issues were brought up that I just lived with over the last 23 years. the major items were: 1) A week after we got engaged she made a comment in front of all of her friends that she thought she was pregnant with her old boy friends baby. she ended up not being pregnant after all, but covered her tracks after all by having sex with me prior to or wedding.  My wife's comment in counseling was, "If you say it was true I guess it must have been." 2) Two months after being married I asked her if she was still in love with her old boy friend. She said, "Yes I am and alway will be and there's nothing you can do about it. I feel that he was the one God really wanted me to marry." 3) A few years later in flight school I was stuck in the barracks going through a phase of training. Where my wife worked she won 2 free tickets to a concert. She told me that her and a girl that she worked with was going to go, but after the concert was over my wife informed me that her girl friend couldn't go so her friends boy friend went with her instead. Later on after he was stationed overseas my wife got a letter from him telling her that he missed her and all of the times they spent together. My wife freaked out when she caught me reading the letter and made a big seen about me reading her mail. She never explained what was meant in the letter. In counseling she told me that they smoked a pack of cigarettes together at the concert and that was it. and 4) She informed the counselor that she never had any desires to have sex with me period.

 

A short time later tensions rose and words were said so I found myself seeking advise from our prepaid legal lawyer. They refered me to another law office stating there was a conflict of interest and they refused to explain why. That made tensions even worse and more word were said. I called back the legal office and asked them why they had a conflict of interest and they finally informed me that it was because my wife had established our account with them. That sounded strange but I lived with the explanation. Shortly after that our pastor had a talk with us and we decided to try and make it work. This infuriated my wife because sense the pastor talked to us what would the rest of the church think of her. Of course nothing was ever said to any body.

 

A week later my wife and a new girl friend of hers who went through something similar to ours sat me down and talked to me. My wife's friend told me her story; then they both had an epiphany about what was wrong. They determined that my wife married me as a rebound from a bad relationship (Of course her friend doesn't know about the pregnancy story.) She also felt pressured to marry me because her parents "love" me more that her old boy friend. She informed me that she never liked me as a friend or any thing else, but she "loved me" in churchy sense of love.  She wanted to work on the marriage so we had to start dating again. I was ok with this. They then went on to add the rest of the stipulations/rules. I am not allowed to hold her hand nor touch her, kiss her, tell her I love her, or set next to her until she first does it to me or gives me permission too. I'm not allowed to ask her how things are going or tell her how I feel toward her. She is the one who will inform me. However, I'm suppose to be the spiritual leader in the house hold. It's been 5 month's sense the rules have been put in place and I am clueless as to wear I stand. She is happy as a bug out of water sense all intimacy has been stopped. Any feeling for her I had has all faded away and to me she is just a roommate. We have 2 children 15 and 18 and I hug and kiss them everyday making sure they know how much I love them.

 

Sorry it is so long and I know it sounds pathetic as a man to bring this up but I could use some support or suggestions Thank you. 

 

Dear ‘tailspin,’
Your post brought tears to my eyes. These new rules are not normal or healthy for your marriage.
Keep in mind that you are the most powerful male role model that your children will ever have. You are modeling for them that your marriage, a marriage that has no hand-holding, no affection, no conversation, pretty much NOTHING- is fine and ‘normal.’ The result will be your precious children will grow up, they will seek out mates, get married, and they will repeat this dysfunctional cycle; what they have observed as mom and dad’s ‘normal’ relationship. So, if you can’t find it within yourself to demand drastic, positive changes ASAP, then the next best thing would be to leave. This is because it is better for your children to see their father leading a happy, healthy life without mom then for them to observe you living with no love with mom.
Please know that you can not fix this marriage all by yourself; it takes two people to create a happy, healthy and fulfilling marriage. Is it possible for you to begin therapy again? If you feel as though you didn’t benefit from your therapist in the past, seek out a new one, and let that person know how you feel about the past therapy. Therapists are not ‘one size fits all,’ their different personalities make them good or not good for different people. You are the consumer, and you can’t settle for just any therapist- it has to be the right one for you. If your wife will go with you, that would be great; but if she won’t, then please go by yourself. This is the greatest gift that you can ever give yourself. It sounds like you are truly ready for change, and I urge you to go for it. I wish you the very best- take care of yourself!