I've been married for just over 1 year now. And pretty much ever since the honeymoon was over, so was our marriage!
We rarely have sex. It can be 3 months before something will happen and when it does, it's for HIS pleasure only. 2 min max. No consideration for me whatsoever. It's not like I've not tired to turn him on, but he looks at me like I'm an idiot. We finally got a "reason" for his no-sex-drive - very low testosterone levels. So 9 months ago, my husband started hormone treatment (which consists of a testoterone shot every 2 weeks). Doctor said it would take a good 6 months for his hormones to level out.
Alot of damage has been done already. It's been 9 months, and still the sex is pretty much void. I've given up on trying, I'm so tired of being turned down. My self-esteem has gone out the window. I've talked to my husband mulitple times about my concerns and wishes. He says he'll work harder. He never does. The last time I heard "I love you" was about 3 months ago when I talked to him yet again... and he said "I know I don't tell you how much I really do love you enough.... I'll try to let you know more". Still nothing. I've told him that I'm willing to work with this hormone therapy, but I've gotta have something else to fill it's place, like love notes, flowers, a hug, kisses, cuddling... something! But, still, yet, I have received nothing.
I try to be loving and cheerful. I Work part time at our family run Heating & A/C business. I do the office work, while my husband does the service. We live in a very small town, so my husband really isn't extremely busy. He spends most of his time at home on the computer. If it's not the computer, he's watching tv. I consider him lazy and selfish. Meanwhile, I do all laundry, dishes, cleaning, shopping, and other things to keep the house in order.
I have a 8 year old son that I had from a previous relationship. My husband pays no attention to him either. My son is very respectful of my husband, obeys and pretty much stays out of his way (kinda like walking on egg shells around him). It hurts me to see this neglect so vivid. It's one thing me, but my son... that really hurts. Mostly when he really is such a loving boy!
I've just come to a place where I have given myself dry. I've tried to be patient with my husband, but when I get NOTHING in return (minus a warm home, clothes, and food) I find myself becoming very angry with him. I've come to a point where every thing that I used to love about him, annoys me. I can't stand to look at him, or even lay in bed next to him. I'm dead inside. I can't see myself going on like this for much longer. I am tired of talking cause nothing changes. I've shown him some good avenues (Keys to Loving Relationships by Gary Smalley videos) that could REALLY help our marriage. I've watched some of them and really enjoy his down-to-earth approach. However, when ever I have mentioned taking some time to watch a video, or do the workbook... he whines. I finally set them aside and said that whe HE was ready to work on our relationship... we would be waiting. I don't want to force him to want to help our marriage. It won't work.
I can easily say I've lost that "loving feeling". I feel nothing but resentment towards him now. I don't love him. Yet all of this still makes me cry. I don't understand how someone can be so cold. I've been so good to him! I don't whine and bitch, I don't nag. But when I do tell him how I feel he gets defensive or just says what I want to hear to shut me up.
So, I've come to a point where I don't know what else to do besides move out until he's ready to work on our marriage. I really seriously don't want to get a divorce cause I know I married him for a good reason! I'm just so sick of empty promises. But maybe I'm missing something! Maybe he REALLY doesn't know how to love? But I don't understand why he wouldn't want to want to learn! What do you think?
Oh, I must mention, my husband is on anti-depressants also since he had some sort of anxiety attack several years ago. He's only 36. I am 28. We live in a small town and are about 1.5 hours from a good marriage counselor - that is why I chose those trusted videos/workbook.
Please, I know there are always 2 sides to every story, and I wish I knew his side - Trust me I've asked! So... just from what I've told you... what are your thoughts? I love him, but I'm not in love anymore.
