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Topic : 12/20 Marry Me or Else!

Number of Replies: 684
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, September 22, 2006, 12:20:09 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 09/26/06) It’s do or die for the men today, as their partners tell them to either walk down the aisle or walk the highway! Tony and Mary have dated for 12 years, and have been engaged for eight. Mary wants to set a wedding date, but Tony says even after all these years, he’s not ready and still feels pressured to tie the knot. Does Tony fear getting married or getting married to Mary? Then, Rosanna has been dating her boyfriend, Dennis, for almost five years and says she’s tired of “playing house.” Dennis maintains that he told Rosanna from the start he didn’t want to get married. Should they just throw in the towel and move on? Plus, Robin shares some relationship tips, and the women finally take a stand and issue ultimatums for their men! Join the discussion.

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September 23, 2006, 2:02 pm CDT

YOU CANNOT FORCE A COMMITMENT

 

I am a very strong believer that long engagements do not make much sense. You cannot force another to want to get married. If anyone tries to force their mate into marriage it will probably be a miserable marriage for both partners. I have been with my husband for over 21 yrs. The first ten years we were not legally married. We got married in Dec 1994, in my living room. I am now happy, BUT the 10 yrs of living together caused me a great deal of anxiety and heartache(because he cheated on me several times), Looking back on this time period, I can't believe that I put up with that kind of mental abuse and embarrassment. During the 10 yrs unmarried, we had 2 sons. The children are now grown-up.  I realize that I can't go back in time, if that were possible. I would not be in this marriage now. When a man strings you along, and keeps telling you that they are going to marry you, but NEVER do,(after a resonable time period),; It is time to move on and find someone else who really will appreciate you and love you. Don't let your partner drag you along, because YOU WILL BE VERY SORRY LATER, if you do. I know from first hand experience. My husband is 70 yrs old and I just went over the 40 mark. Take advice to someone who has been there and went through it.  Think more of your self, don't allow your self-esteem to receed to a low level. Everyone deserves to be loved and have a happy marriage, Not one that was or is forced or pressured.

Lioness376-Leah

 

 
September 23, 2006, 2:36 pm CDT

09/26 Marry Me or Else!

Quote From: bettyd55

I applaud you for raising your boys, as well as being honest with your lady from the start. If she wants her own children & a marriage, she knows she can't stay with you. If she's content with you & your family, good luck to you all. My guy & I have shared 13+ yrs. now, and finished raising our kids together. We never married, & now the kids are grown and we love our grandkids. The best to you. Diane

I agree with you.  I was in a 5 year relationship he was divorced and had a child of his own, which lived with his mother.  He asked me to marry him and we had two boys 4 years later he said he was never going to marry again. 

 
September 23, 2006, 3:28 pm CDT

Just Leave it alone

Currently I am sort of in a situation like that. I have been with the guy that I love for 4 years now. We got engaged on Christmas 2004 and we have a beautiful daughter together, and he keeps telling me that we are going to get married, but every time we set a date something always happen so that that day for us to finally get hitched we never do, so I really don't know what to believe anymore so am I getting married or not.

"Confused in Florida"

 
September 23, 2006, 4:02 pm CDT

marry me or else

I think the quote "there are no victims only volunteers" applies here. If after 5 years, the question has not been popped, it probably isn't going to be. Why be foolish in this matter. If they are this selfish in a "post nuptual" relationship, it will be a guarantee they will be more so after, if only to remind you that they did you a "favor", by walking down the aisle with you. Trust me I know from experience.
 
September 23, 2006, 5:03 pm CDT

either marry or go on without each other

Marriage in my opinion is a bond between man and woman. they should either get into the relationship or go separate ways. Why buy the cow when the milk is free. Most think it is easy to just leave a relationship if not married. They do not understand the complications of property etc when not married. And kids position is iffy at best. If they want to play house then they should go ahead and play house. Get married. My wife and I knew each other for 6 weeks. Got engaged on a Wednesday evening and the next Monday got married. That was nearly 35 years ago. Still married and we are now best friends. We became committed to each other. There were some rocky roads but fair fighting (see mondays program) and we grew together not apart. Now we go everywhere and do everything together. I respect and adore her and she respects and adores me.

Larry Colin

 
September 23, 2006, 5:10 pm CDT

Marry me or Else

I told my husband now of 3 years, but my then boyfriend, that after dating him for a year if nothing happened to lead us to being married, that I would walk.  We got married after 12 month--and he and I are very happy together.  I have this friend girl who also did the same with her husband about kids and after 13 years of marriage, he decided that he did not want any.  He has 3 others by another woman and she, none.  I feel for all these cases of people hanging in there for such a long time without the committment.  GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN !!!!
 
September 23, 2006, 5:17 pm CDT

09/26 Marry Me or Else!

Quote From: housewife376

 

I am a very strong believer that long engagements do not make much sense. You cannot force another to want to get married. If anyone tries to force their mate into marriage it will probably be a miserable marriage for both partners. I have been with my husband for over 21 yrs. The first ten years we were not legally married. We got married in Dec 1994, in my living room. I am now happy, BUT the 10 yrs of living together caused me a great deal of anxiety and heartache(because he cheated on me several times), Looking back on this time period, I can't believe that I put up with that kind of mental abuse and embarrassment. During the 10 yrs unmarried, we had 2 sons. The children are now grown-up.  I realize that I can't go back in time, if that were possible. I would not be in this marriage now. When a man strings you along, and keeps telling you that they are going to marry you, but NEVER do,(after a resonable time period),; It is time to move on and find someone else who really will appreciate you and love you. Don't let your partner drag you along, because YOU WILL BE VERY SORRY LATER, if you do. I know from first hand experience. My husband is 70 yrs old and I just went over the 40 mark. Take advice to someone who has been there and went through it.  Think more of your self, don't allow your self-esteem to receed to a low level. Everyone deserves to be loved and have a happy marriage, Not one that was or is forced or pressured.

Lioness376-Leah

 

I commend you on the cheating/forgiving process you had to go through.  I know, I could not be a forgiving spirit.  How did you just forgive him for cheating???  I move on when they do that.  Am I missing something because when they cheat on me, I am so out of there quickly.  Just curious but I'd like to know an answer.
 
September 23, 2006, 5:39 pm CDT

Why?

What is the hang up about marriage?  I know that is such a guy thing to say.  Why is a relationship not taken as seriously or someones love is not official without that piece of paper?  I don't get the mentallity of someone saying to their boyfriend or girlfriend(rarely) that "if you don't marry me I will leave you"  What is that all about?  It just shows that the partnership is not about the love, but about the idea of having a person committed on paper.  I realize people will argue that marriage is a symbol of love and blah blah blah, but that just be-littles relationships that have the same love with no paper.  Marriage doesn't equal commitment.  Marriage doesn't make someone love, nor does it prevent from loving someone else.  Marriage does give you the excuse to be lazy in your committment.  People feel there is less work to be done, because you already have the person.  I'm not saying this is true of all marriages, if you make it work it will work, but any relationship is like that.  To bad for people that are not married because society tends to think their relationship is not as serious or committed.  Most marriage ends up in divorce because people use marriage as a way to gain finacially or to forfill that so-called missing piece of themselves.  People should be together not to gain something, but to give something.  My point is, marriage doesn't make love legitimate and people should never be pressured into it. Guys don't want to get married sometimes because things tend to change when they do.  Not only on the womens end but the guys end.  They get complacent and when that happens the relationships eventually fails. People also have such high expectations for their marriages and it's something alot of women dream of their whole lives.  When that happens, guy tend to feel as if anything less will be a burden on them.  Women don't realize the pressure of the marriage, but not committment, which are two different things.  When you find the one for you, what's the differnce if you are married or just in love together for the rest of your lives.  I personally like the pressure of having to keep my relationship fresh and have to work my butt off for someone to stay interested, because we don't have a paper tying us together.  We are together as long as we want it, not because we should or have too. I am not in the situation because my girlfriend of 8 years feels the same way.  Hey and if I get married in ten years then I least I know I will be with someone I truly know, love and am best friends with.   

 
September 23, 2006, 5:57 pm CDT

Marry Me or Else

With all due respect to those that have posted about being in wonderful committed but not legal relationships:  The topic of this show is NOT whether people in a long term committed relationship SHOULD get married.  If you are happily committed without a wedding ring than this show is NOT for you.  There are plenty of people that DO believe that that little piece of paper IS worth something ( especially in community property states!).  This show is for THEM, because they've been promised that little piece of paper, and time is passing , the clock is ticking, and NOTHING is happening. 

 

I believe that its morally repugnant to ask a woman to marry her or otherwise lead her to believe that an engagement is on the way....then NOT do it and enjoy all the rewards of being engaged when you have NO intention of tying the knot. 

 

If  you've had the moral courage to tell a woman that you are NOT going to marry her, and she still sticks around and denies reality, then you have your work cut out for you.  

 

My own boyfriend told me in 1989 that he loved me, but he was never going to marry me.  I thanked him for his honesty, then immediately broke up with him because it was too painful to date someone I wanted to marry who didn't want to marry me, and he didn't want to share me with anyone else  In 1990 he came round again, but found me into someone else!  In 1992 he tried for the last time, and this time everything came together as they should have.  We did marry and we almost split up after the wedding because he wasn't honest with himself or ME that he wasn't really ready to get married.  He'd figured he'd better do it or lose me.  What he did was act like a complete jerk for the first two years and we came thisclose to divorce.   Happily, we worked it out with the help of an excellent therapist who gave us the choice to stay together or part with dignity.  We stayed together and celebrated our 11th anniversary  this month.

 

 The topic of this show is How long do you WAIT for a wedding date if you've gotten a ring and he STILL won't give you a date?   The engagement ring is given with the promise of marriage.  However,  if no wedding date is set, or is set and broken many times, then you have an empty promise.  Get out, Get out, Get out.. 

 

 This is must see TV for any woman who's gotten that ring, but not the date.  Or he says that you'll get the engagement ring as soon as he pays off some bills, but then he suddenly has the money to buy himself an airplane.   Every time I've seen this happen in Real Life,  they guy didn't marry the woman because  she gave up after 10 years and leaves, ( then three months later he married the next girl that came along) or the guy doesn't marry the woman and she's withers on the vine while he is enjoying all of the benefits wiithout the commitment.   Or the guy and woman get married and it's a disaster because he was "forced" into it.   It's been my own personal experience that if you have to beg for a ring or a wedding date...then fuhgeddaboutit, he's just not that INTO you. 

 

CC

 

 

 

 

 
September 23, 2006, 6:46 pm CDT

Live in Texas

In Texas, my brother lived with his girlfriend , and after so many years, you are considered married under Texas law!!!! 
 
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